Girlfriend Duties?

[Menina Preta]

I was having this discussion with a friend of mine. She said her boyfriend (who has never had a girlfriend before her) stated that he thought that having a girlfriend meant that she would "tidy" up his place and cook more often. Mind you, this guy is very messy (clothes everywhere, dirty dinner plates on the floor, mail everywhere, empty juice cartons on the counter, etc.) AND he has close to no food in his refrigerator (eggs, old tomatoes, and random marinades).

My thing is...how can he expect her to do this when the place looks like a hurricane and they're not even engaged or going down this road at the moment? Where do you even start "tidying" up a place that needs a massive cleaning? I asked her if she told him that if she's doing all that, that he needs to be providing...She said yes, and he countered with "Well, I pay when we go out to eat and for cabs." Mind you...they go out about 2-3x month and usually mid-level to cheap places. To me, if I'm cooking and cleaning, I need to hear "Hey babe, here's 40 bucks...go treat yourself to a mani and pedi"...but perhaps I'm in the wrong.

This is the same guy who has told her that he knows b/c he's in his mid-20s that the relationship won't last blah blah, b/c he's nowhere near ready to get married. How can he expect these perks when he "knows" things inevitably will end?

These men, I tell ya...Just wondered what your opinion and your experience has been...

 

[ThickHair]

Cleaning and cooking are duties of a wife. All that noise she is talking is straight wife duties. She better run, because once they get married she is just going to be the maid, cook, butler and baby chute. Plus he seems like the type that will want a 50\50 split on everything, even if he made a lot more than her. God forbid she makes more than him then she surely will pay more.

ETA: The prefect set up for him would be a maid and a hooker. He doesnt have to take either out 2-3xs per month.

 

[Dragone]

Well, there's the reason why he was single until now

 

[cocosweet]

A lot of men really don't want girlfriends or wives, they want maids w/ f*** privileges.

 

[Menina Preta]

Cleaning and cooking are duties of a wife. All that noise she is talking is straight wife duties. She better run, because once they get married she is just going to be the maid, cook, butler and baby chute. Plus he seems like the type that will want a 50\50 split on everything, even if he made a lot more than her. God forbid she makes more than him then she surely will pay more.

That's what I was thinking...However, talking to my guy friends, quite a few of them expect their girlfriend to do some light cleaning every now and again and to cook as well. They say they want to know what they're getting in a wife.

IMO, though, you know what you're getting when you go to her place and see how she keeps it and see the type of food that she cooks for herself and offers you when you're by her apt. Why should she go to your apt and do these things for you?

The guy in question was raised by a single mom, and I can't help but to think that some of his ideas are influenced by his relationship with his mother, who apparently did everything for him and still cleans his apt when she comes by to visit.

 

[MissMasala5]

She is well within her rights as a girlfriend to give him a couple of numbers to a good rent-a-maid. As for her domestic capability as a future wife, he can get a good grasp on that by noticing how well she keeps her own living space

 

[cocosweet]

Since he has all these expectations, what is he going to do in exchange? Probably nothing more than sit up and scratch.

 

[HauteHippie]

The prefect set up for him would be a maid and a hooker. He doesnt have to take either out 2-3xs per month.

Yep... What she said.

 

[locabouthair]

Cleaning and cooking are duties of a wife. All that noise she is talking is straight wife duties. She better run, because once they get married she is just going to be the maid, cook, butler and baby chute. Plus he seems like the type that will want a 50\50 split on everything, even if he made a lot more than her. God forbid she makes more than him then she surely will pay more.

ETA: The prefect set up for him would be a maid and a hooker. He doesnt have to take either out 2-3xs per month.

Exactly. After he said he wanted her to cook and clean, she should have asked him where her ring was.

 

[Menina Preta]

Since he has all these expectations, what is he going to do in exchange? Probably nothing more than sit up and scratch.

She said that he thinks the fact he pays for all the dates means that he is "providing."

I have another friend, who's boyfriend asked her to make him blueberry pancakes when she was sick with a nasty cold. She gave him a death eyestare and he apologized begrudgingly, but the fact he even thought this request was an appropriate one just boggles my mind. Dudes are trippin !

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

I was having this discussion with a friend of mine. She said her boyfriend (who has never had a girlfriend before her) stated that he thought that having a girlfriend meant that she would "tidy" up his place and cook more often. Mind you, this guy is very messy (clothes everywhere, dirty dinner plates on the floor, mail everywhere, empty juice cartons on the counter, etc.) AND he has close to no food in his refrigerator (eggs, old tomatoes, and random marinades).

My thing is...how can he expect her to do this when the place looks like a hurricane and they're not even engaged or going down this road at the moment? Where do you even start "tidying" up a place that needs a massive cleaning? I asked her if she told him that if she's doing all that, that he needs to be providing...She said yes, and he countered with "Well, I pay when we go out to eat and for cabs." Mind you...they go out about 2-3x month and usually mid-level to cheap places. To me, if I'm cooking and cleaning, I need to hear "Hey babe, here's 40 bucks...go treat yourself to a mani and pedi"...but perhaps I'm in the wrong.

This is the same guy who has told her that he knows b/c he's in his mid-20s that the relationship won't last blah blah, b/c he's nowhere near ready to get married. How can he expect these perks when he "knows" things inevitably will end?

These men, I tell ya...Just wondered what your opinion and your experience has been...

what a joke

 

[cocosweet]

She said that he thinks the fact he pays for all the dates means that he is "providing."

I have another friend, who's boyfriend asked her to make him blueberry pancakes when she was sick with a nasty cold. She gave him a death eyestare and he apologized begrudgingly, but the fact he even thought this request was an appropriate one just boggles my mind. Dudes are trippin !

He got jokes.

 

[ThickHair]

I have another friend, who's boyfriend asked her to make him blueberry pancakes when she was sick with a nasty cold. She gave him a death eyestare and he apologized begrudgingly, but the fact he even thought this request was an appropriate one just boggles my mind. Dudes are trippin !

It is a shame that some woman would have gotten up and made him some blueberry pancakes and done it out of love. Thinking that is what she has to do to keep her man happy at home or he will go somewhere else to get some blueberry pancakes. His behind should have been making her blueberry pancakes.

 

[HappilyLiberal]

I was having this discussion with a friend of mine. She said her boyfriend (who has never had a girlfriend before her) stated that he thought that having a girlfriend meant that she would "tidy" up his place and cook more often. Mind you, this guy is very messy (clothes everywhere, dirty dinner plates on the floor, mail everywhere, empty juice cartons on the counter, etc.) AND he has close to no food in his refrigerator (eggs, old tomatoes, and random marinades).

My thing is...how can he expect her to do this when the place looks like a hurricane and they're not even engaged or going down this road at the moment? Where do you even start "tidying" up a place that needs a massive cleaning? I asked her if she told him that if she's doing all that, that he needs to be providing...She said yes, and he countered with "Well, I pay when we go out to eat and for cabs." Mind you...they go out about 2-3x month and usually mid-level to cheap places. To me, if I'm cooking and cleaning, I need to hear "Hey babe, here's 40 bucks...go treat yourself to a mani and pedi"...but perhaps I'm in the wrong.

This is the same guy who has told her that he knows b/c he's in his mid-20s that the relationship won't last blah blah, b/c he's nowhere near ready to get married. How can he expect these perks when he "knows" things inevitably will end?

These men, I tell ya...Just wondered what your opinion and your experience has been...

He has a GIRLFRIEND confused with a WIFE! The problem is that too many women are playing house BEFORE they get the ring. Therefore, these Negroes have a skewed sense of what a girlfriend relationship is supposed to be!

 

[MD_Lady]

If he expects a girlfriend to clean his home so he can see what type of wife she'll be, I think it's only fair for her to expect him to pay half of her bills (as her boyfriend) so she can see how he will manage finances as a husband.

 

[Menina Preta]

He has a GIRLFRIEND confused with a WIFE! The problem is that too many women are playing house BEFORE they get the ring. Therefore, these Negroes have a skewed sense of what a girlfriend relationship is supposed to be!

So true...Some of my male classmates once was going on and on how they love it when they come home and their "girl" has cleaned up their place and has done their laundry. I was flummoxed that a girlfriend would be cleaning up after a man like that. I can understand if he's sick or has had a chaotic work schedule for the past week, but just for no reason, you cleaning? I hate to clean, and do so b/c I have to and can't tolerate too much mess or stinky things. I'd be damned that after cleaning my spot, I have to clean yours too!

If he expects a girlfriend to clean his home so he can see what type of wife she'll be, I think it's only fair for her to expect him to pay half of her bills (as her boyfriend) so she can see how he will manage finances as a husband.

Right...LOL. Mind you, he expects her to clean his crazy messy apt, not just the standard, somewhat untidy place. I saw the apt once and I was embarrassed that he wasn't embarrassed enough to clean that ish before other people saw it.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

If he expects a girlfriend to clean his home so he can see what type of wife she'll be, I think it's only fair for her to expect him to pay half of her bills (as her boyfriend) so she can see how he will manage finances as a husband.

You better PREACH!

 

[Thiends]

"Girlfriend duties" is an oxymoron. He must have been trying to be funny. How would a woman to whom no commitment has been made and who has taken no vows have any duties to a man who is just a friend she is having sex with? This "wifey" culture has many people confused.

If he expects a girlfriend to clean his home so he can see what type of wife she'll be, I think it's only fair for her to expect him to pay half of her bills (as her boyfriend) so she can see how he will manage finances as a husband.

I would actually say he should pay all of her bills, give her an allowance, and bring her family gifts too. If he wants to experiment with doing things the traditional way, then he has to get it right.

 

[ThickHair]

"Girlfriend duties" is an oxymoron. He must have been trying to be funny. How would a woman to whom no commitment has been made and who has taken no vows have any duties to a man who is just a friend she is having sex with? This "wifey" culture has many people confused.I would actually say he should pay all of her bills, give her an allowance, and bring her family gifts too. If he wants to experiment with doing things the traditional way, then he has to get it right.

I so hate the term "WIFEY".

 

[Tolle]

I am little torn on this one. I don't really see a problem with the girlfriend doing some lightweight cooking and cleaning at the guys house. I fully expect my SO to do things fix things around my house, (car if he can), fill my tank up if he is around, occasionally pay for my groceries, etc. It's a give and take.

 

[DarkVictory]

This is the same guy who has told her that he knows b/c he's in his mid-20s that the relationship won't last blah blah, b/c he's nowhere near ready to get married.

He's 100% correct right there.

 

[curlycoquette]

If he expects a girlfriend to clean his home so he can see what type of wife she'll be, I think it's only fair for her to expect him to pay half of her bills (as her boyfriend) so she can see how he will manage finances as a husband.

"Girlfriend duties" is an oxymoron. He must have been trying to be funny. How would a woman to whom no commitment has been made and who has taken no vows have any duties to a man who is just a friend she is having sex with? This "wifey" culture has many people confused.I would actually say he should pay all of her bills, give her an allowance, and bring her family gifts too. If he wants to experiment with doing things the traditional way, then he has to get it right.

There is nothing else to say.

 

[Menina Preta]

I am little torn on this one. I don't really see a problem with the girlfriend doing some lightweight cooking and cleaning at the guys house. I fully expect my SO to do things fix things around my house, (car if he can), fill my tank up if he is around, occasionally pay for my groceries, etc. It's a give and take.

What do you define as lightweight cleaning though?

 

[Nixx22jam]

So what exactly is a girlfriends job; should she start cooking and cleaning on the wedding night? What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife except the ring?

 

[Menina Preta]

"Girlfriend duties" is an oxymoron. He must have been trying to be funny. How would a woman to whom no commitment has been made and who has taken no vows have any duties to a man who is just a friend she is having sex with? This "wifey" culture has many people confused.I would actually say he should pay all of her bills, give her an allowance, and bring her family gifts too. If he wants to experiment with doing things the traditional way, then he has to get it right.

LOL...ya, I think he does ascribe to "wifey" culture. Also, he said that he thought his gf would be so turned off by the messiness that she would just be compelled to clean for "just because" sakes. LMAO.

 

[Menina Preta]

So what exactly is a girlfriends job; should she start cooking and cleaning on the wedding night? What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife except the ring?

IMO, a girlfriend's job is to be supportive. To be your friend...emotional support...a sounding board...someone to spend time with...and if you two decide that you want to, to be your lover. Girlfriend's job is not to be a wife without a ring. I think too many of us don't know that and fall for the okey doke and start cleaning and cooking and raw-dogging these Negroes b/c we're the "girlfriend." Bump that ish. If I'm giving all that, where is the incentive to put a ring on it?

 

[nappystorm]

So what exactly is a girlfriends job; should she start cooking and cleaning on the wedding night? What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife except the ring?

 

[Kimgirl50]

I am little torn on this one. I don't really see a problem with the girlfriend doing some lightweight cooking and cleaning at the guys house. I fully expect my SO to do things fix things around my house, (car if he can), fill my tank up if he is around, occasionally pay for my groceries, etc. It's a give and take.

ita,

So what are girlfriends suppose to do lol

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Whew. I'm ready to use up ALL my thanks in this thread.

SMDH. Look, I AM a wife and I don't run behind my husband cooking and cleaning. He's a grown man, he took care of himself before we met and he takes care of all of us (me and our kids) now.

I'm so glad I came up watching my step-dad do the cooking and half the cleaning... or I could have ended up with some knuckle-head fool like the one described here.

 

[Kimgirl50]

IMO, a girlfriend's job is to be supportive. To be your friend...emotional support...a sounding board...someone to spend time with...and if you two decide that you want to, to be your lover. Girlfriend's job is not to be a wife without a ring. I think too many of us don't know that and fall for the okey doke and start cleaning and cooking and raw-dogging these Negroes b/c we're the "girlfriend." Bump that ish. If I'm giving all that, where is the incentive to put a ring on it?

If a guy loves you do they really need, incentive, to marry you.