Gender Racism and Black women.

[StarScream35]

I was reading an article last night about gender racism. Mind you I had never heard the term so of course it sparked my interest. Basically it was about gender racism in online dating. The article states that black women are often excluded in online dating preferences and though some argue that they are just preferences, the article delved into the fact that it could be very well be rooted in racism. There were lots of comments mainly from whites who found the article to be quite offensive and argured heavily that a preference is a preference and nobody should be called a racist for it. I certainly agree but the more I thought about it, the more I had to question it. I mean think of the mental process a person is going through as they check off every single race they would date and get to black and skip over it. What are they thinking? Are they concocting negative images of black women? Simultaneously one white guy argued that the preference that white guys and Asian ladies have for each other is steeped in racism. I personlly am not attracted to certain races but I would never exclude them because shoot, for all I know Mr. Right could come from that race. The article went on to say that often black men exclude black women as well.

 

[mischka]

have you seen this

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/

it discusses racism in online dating in depth

 

[hopeful]

I think we have discussed this quite a bit. It can be disheartening to read these articles. But honestly IMO it serves black women better to focus on the positive and on the men who do want them. I have said this before, but unless you plan on writing a book or dissertation on dating preferences, some of this information is best left alone. Have you checked out the wedding forum? Black women date and get married all the time. Many of us are loved, adored, spoiled, and treated very well. If I were you I'd focus on that reality and expect the very best for my life. And not saying you aren't expecting the best. I just find that threads like these lead to a lot of negativity and unnecessary fear.

 

[StarScream35]

have you seen this

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/

it discusses racism in online dating in depth

It was really awful to read how being a black woman lowers your chances of getting responses. We are suppose to be a post racial society but yet America is full of racism. This is just really sad and awful. We are told to open up our options since and when we open up our options we are rejected!

 

[Love Always]

Yes it does and thank you for saying that.

If I were you I'd focus on that reality and expect the very best for my life. And not saying you aren't expecting the best. I just find that threads like these lead to a lot of negativity and unnecessary fear.

 

[StarScream35]

I think we have discussed this quite a bit. It can be disheartening to read these articles. But honestly IMO it serves black women better to focus on the positive and on the men who do want them. I have said this before, but unless you plan on writing a book or dissertation on dating preferences, some of this information is best left alone. Have you checked out the wedding forum? Black women date and get married all the time. Many of us are loved, adored, spoiled, and treated very well. If I were you I'd focus on that reality and expect the very best for my life. And not saying you aren't expecting the best. I just find that threads like these lead to a lot of negativity and unnecessary fear.

I hear you sista and thank you for being positive. But I do think its hard to leave that info alone when you look around and see so many beautiful, educated, single black women. Sure I know many married black women but I also know many MORE single black women. It bothers me that there are so many beautiful black women out there who would make great wives but are sitting at home alone because men of all races have preconceived ideas about black women. It really is sad!

 

[mischka]

It was really awful to read how being a black woman lowers your chances of getting responses. We are suppose to be a post racial society but yet America is full of racism. This is just really sad and awful. We are told to open up our options since and when we open up our options we are rejected!

Don't feel so discouraged. I mean, racism exists. Period. That's something that we all just have to cope with and work around. It's the same as hearing any other negative comment about yourself and choosing whether or not to internalize it, right? You can't let an irrational concept like racism get rooted in your rational understanding and experiences of life, which is to say accepting racism as valid.

At the end of the day, you wouldnt want to be with a guy who secretly or indirectly harbors racist tendencies anyway so it's all for the best if you choose to look at it like that.

On related note I got an im a couple days ago from a middle eastern dude who complained how he was encountering racism on the site because he is muslim and arab. I don't like when guys do that (I have had indian and asian men do that as well) because it indirectly implies they are talking to you because there is less a chance of rejection there. Anyway, it probably wasn't racism... it might have had something to do with the fact that he was boring and tried to use money to lure me in and had a goofy haircut (like in that axe hair gel commercial when the guy goes swimming and comes back with fish stuck in his hair). I mean I'm sure there are some people who are ignorant enough to be racist with terrorist bs, but individuality is a factor sometimes too.

 

[Windsy]

why is it not a preference?

 

[Windsy]

It was really awful to read how being a black woman lowers your chances of getting responses. We are suppose to be a post racial society but yet America is full of racism. This is just really sad and awful. We are told to open up our options since and when we open up our options we are rejected!

You know,
I read an article where white men were begging for black women to give them a chance. They were literally saying HEY, Look at us!!!

Its just depends on who you ask as to what response you'll get.

In my opinion, it all comes down to preference. I myself prefer NOT to date outside of my race and have plenty of Black men to choose from....notice I said Black men, not African American men.....I find that a lot of my AA women refuse to date Black men of other culture.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I have also observed more men stating "NO Preference" for race.

On another note.

This thread is going to go no where good...fast....

 

[StarScream35]

On related note I got an im a couple days ago from a middle eastern dude who complained how he was encountering racism on the site because he is muslim and arab. I don't like when guys do that (I have had indian and asian men do that as well) because it indirectly implies they are talking to you because there is less a chance of rejection there.

This is interesting and almost funny. Sorry to laugh at your expense but what tickled me is that I have a friend who said something similar to you. If I recall she was on Match or Yahoo personals and she said she would get the bottom of the barrel guys responding to her ad but could never get any of the cream of the crop guys to reply back to her.

 

[mischka]

Yep. You really have to watch out for those.

 

[londontresses]

I've done online dating. I ticked my preference for black men aged 30-40. I dont understand the problem or why its a racist thing. We can find a whole load of reasons if we try hard enough, however like someone said earlier there are loads of black women getting married, and there are plenty of interracial marriages (as we discuss regularly on this very board).

To me the fact that a white man thats not attracted to black women doesnt tick the box to say he's interested in meeting black women makes perfect sense. This is a non issue.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I've done online dating. I ticked my preference for black men aged 30-40. I dont understand the problem or why its a racist thing. We can find a whole load of reasons if we try hard enough, however like someone said earlier there are loads of black women getting married, and there are plenty of interracial marriages (as we discuss regularly on this very board).

To me the fact that a white man thats not attracted to black women doesnt tick the box to say he's interested in meeting black women makes perfect sense. This is a non issue.

Exactly...should black women be considered racist if we only checked our preference for black, black and white, or white and not include others? Of course not. Its a preference. Some have specific types and others have no preference at all.

 

[mischka]

Tbh, I think some of you are in denial.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

I guess I need a break from boards today... Not in denial but darn do I need to see crzp like this everywhere I turn...

 

[Jada]

I work for a dating service that manages newspaper personals and most of the black men who advertise have a preference for for white, Hispanic, and Asian women. Sometimes when placing their ad with me, they ask, "where is your ad" jokingly. I tell them you aren't even looking for a woman like me. Then they want to know what am I, I tell them and then all of a sudden they love black women! lol men

 

[Etherealsmile]

You know,
I read an article where white men were begging for black women to give them a chance. They were literally saying HEY, Look at us!!!

Its just depends on who you ask as to what response you'll get.

In my opinion, it all comes down to preference. I myself prefer NOT to date outside of my race and have plenty of Black men to choose from....notice I said Black men, not African American men.....I find that a lot of my AA women refuse to date Black men of other culture.

The highlighted is something i'll never understanderplexed. Why would someone narrow their dating pool so restrictively? It makes no sense to me. Black is black, cultural differences can be worked on but if a black woman desires a black husband, I always say her best option is to be open to ALL black men from different cultural backgrounds

 

[mischka]

I guess I need a break from boards today... Not in denial but darn do I need to see crzp like this everywhere I turn...

Not about some alleged idea that black women are undesirable, but about the fact that racism certainly dictates these "preferences" most of the time.

 

[Etherealsmile]

Not about some alleged idea that black women are undesirable, but about the fact that racism certainly dictates these "preferences" most of the time.

I very much agree with you

 

[StarScream35]

Not about some alleged idea that black women are undesirable, but about the fact that racism certainly dictates these "preferences" most of the time.

THANKYOU!! I was beginning to wonder if people were missing the point!

 

[StarScream35]

I work for a dating service that manages newspaper personals and most of the black men who advertise have a preference for for white, Hispanic, and Asian women. Sometimes when placing their ad with me, they ask, "where is your ad" jokingly. I tell them you aren't even looking for a woman like me. Then they want to know what am I, I tell them and then all of a sudden they love black women! lol men

Now that's ashamed but very believable!

 

[RossBoss]

Well, reading the threads about online dating on here makes it seem like there are so many losers on the dating sites so even if this is true, it just means that the losers don't want Black women. A good thing, no?

 

[Syrah]

I guess I need a break from boards today... Not in denial but darn do I need to see crzp like this everywhere I turn...

LHCF is PMS'ing...

 

[Syrah]

Why are we spending time dissecting the motivations of those who aren't into you?!

 

[Windsy]

THANKYOU!! I was beginning to wonder if people were missing the point!

Brighteyes35 we aren't missing the point; some of us have accepted the fact that racism exists and preferences are based on racism; this goes for jobs, service, etc. and not only dating.

Its like, ok we know this. Let them have their preference and you date whom ever want to date you and keep it moving.

 

[StarScream35]

@Brighteyes35 we aren't missing the point; some of us have accepted the fact that racism exists and preferences are based on racism; this goes for jobs, service, etc. and not only dating.

Its like, ok we know this. Let them have their preference and you date whom ever want to date you and keep it moving.

I couldn't tell by the posts

 

[londontresses]

I'm not in denial.

A white man that doesnt want me because I'm black clearly doesnt want me because of my race. SO?

For me there is no power in it because I dont want to marry a white man. (mutual racism?) Hence in my view, unlike an employer that doesnt like black people, or an educator that doesnt like black people, these particular men are not denying me ANYTHING!!! So I am not offended.

I can now see that if you are open to marrying a white man, it is personal. But respect that if someone doesnt have this view or experience, it doesnt mean they are in denial.

 

[Windsy]

I'm not in denial.

A white man that doesnt want me because I'm black clearly doesnt want me because of my race. SO?

For me there is no power in it because I dont want to marry a white man. (mutual racism?) Hence in my view, unlike an employer that doesnt like black people, or an educator that doesnt like black people, these particular men are not denying me ANYTHING!!! So I am not offended.

I can now see that if you are open to marrying a white man, it is personal. But respect that if someone doesnt have this view or experience, it doesnt mean they are in denial.

I could not have said this better myself.

 

[mischka]

Hey my issue is with racism, not with anyone's dating preferences. Don't care who people do and don't want to date. As long as we all have our eyes open concerning racism. My comments were in response to the comments that said "what does this have to do with racism/it's just a preference."