Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationships?

[fluffylocks]

What do you think keeps men and women that are just friends from turning into relationships?

The only thing I can think of is- You arent attracted to each other physically/personality ect, are commited to other people, or something to do with the other persons lifestyle-different schedules, place they live, how they live ect.



Thoughts?

 

[southerncitygirl]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

distance....some of my male friends live in other states
lack of physical attraction, but i think they are friend material

 

[sugarbelle]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

Usually they are not my type or if they are then I know way too much about them personally to become involved with them in a romantic way.

 

[VioletWylde]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

Sometimes you grow up together more like siblings which makes moving toward a romantic thing feel weird.

I pick friends to be exactly that and typically what I want in a friend differs from what I want in my SO.

A big one for me is that usually I've had a chance to really observe their behaviors in romantic relationships and quite frankly it leaves a lot to be desired. They might not be doing wrong, but they aren't exactly doing right either.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

Yes and No. I have had tons of guy friends all my life. And most are just that friends. I think that the ones that develop into more do so organically. Like you're friends and then one of you realizes there's interest (or both) and then a move is made, and you decide if you are interested in taking it further. For instance after breaking up with my former boyfriend, my fiance made his move. I had no idea he liked me, and though he is a cutie, I just thought of him as one of my best friends and had to think long and hard before going into a relationship (once he presented his interest) because I didn't want to ruin an excellent friendship if it didn't work out.

 

[SouthernStunner]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

I have been married for 15 yrs now and my best friend is a male and he is married. We even have kids the same age. We only became friends about 2.5 years ago. He knows my hubby and I use to work with his wife. The thing that keeps us just friends is 1. we are both married 2. we are in different states 3. I respect his wife and he respect my hubby 4. we know too much about the other and he thinks I am high maintenance and I think he is cheap 5. We would probably kill each other.

Ummmm yeah that sums it up!

 

[lesedi]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

I have never been the type to have lots of guy friends so I'm in the dark on this one. Interesting thread though OP.

 

[Theo]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

i don't know... for me i think its usually the fact that i'm dating someone else, or we're not compatible in that way

i tend to have a lot of male friends, and most of them have let me know in some way or other that they find me attractive.... but that doesn't really have to mean anything, you know.

 

[Arcadian]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

My bestfriend is male and I do love him to death...but um.. he's not my type romantically at all and I'm not his type either. We had a VERY candid conversation about that early on which was a relief for both of us. Some of his past girlfriends would always think I was after him which um...no. I know who he's been with before you, so nothanksgirl!

We used to live in the same state until I moved 7 years ago, but we're still tight as ever (he was my man of honor at my wedding)

-A

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

What do you think keeps men and women that are just friends from turning into relationships?

The only thing I can think of is- You arent attracted to each other physically/personality ect, are commited to other people, or something to do with the other persons lifestyle-different schedules, place they live, how they live ect.



Thoughts?

Usually they are not my type or if they are then I know way too much about them personally to become involved with them in a romantic way.

Yea, those are usually the reasons.

-No attraction to each other
-Known each other since childhood so you're more like siblings instead of "lovers"
-Know WAAAY too much about them, and it's not good.... :-/
-NO ATTRACTION to the guy (need I say it again?? lol)
-Either party is in a relationship already
-Or in MY case (not sure if this is true for other women)....I've told the guy "friend" so much about my concerns/anxieties/problems with OTHER dudes that I was interested in, that trying to go from "friend" to "romantic relationship" with the guy just seems weird. I feel almost "exposed" so to speak.... :-/

However usually, I would say that the BIGGEST reason is either one of you is "taken" already, OR there just isn't any physical attraction. Plain and simple. Because honestly, all those other things can be overcome, but if there's no attraction there, then you can pretty much bet that a romantic relationship is NOT going to take place.

In fact, IMO the only difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship is the PHYSICAL attraction each person feels for the other. That's it in a nutshell folks!

Come to think of it, I don't know about any of you other ladies here, but I find it really HARD to be "just friends" w/ a guy that I'm actually attracted to (esp. if I sense that he might be attracted to me also). Idk....I just feel weird! I'm more shy, and I'm not really being "myself" since I'm more cautious or guarded lol. Oh gosh! How do you overcome that??

Also, how can a woman ensure that she's not "friendzoned" or seen as "just a girl pal" by a guy friend that she *might* be interested in? What are the "signs" that a guy just sees you as a sister or as his "pal"??

 

[song_of_serenity]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

I'd say distance. My bestie lives in Australia. We're pretty disgustingly compatible, we literally know the ins and outs of each other...but honestly, being apart really does keep the balance.

As the years have gone on I guess we've settled into a "brother sister" type thing (when we first met, he'd broken up with his ex and I was still in my troubled relationship with my ex and we did develop "feelings" but neither admitted to it...plus he's very respectful of relationships)

There is innocent flirting that goes on. Compliments. Nothing past surface level though.

He's told me "If we ever dated and broke up I think we could eventually remain friends, we're just too close not to be in each other's world."
I told him I don't know if I could do it on the level we are now. So because of that fear, it probably won't ever, ever happen.

 

[asubeauty]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

One of my best guy friends calls me "Little Sis" and used to date my best friend (and they still care about each other... the drama!! )

The other is one of the best people I know, knows my SO, and is Muslim, which keeps us in the friend zone. He wants a Muslim woman, and I want a Christian man. I am constantly trying to set him up with any cute Muslim girls I can find...

But they are guys that I could not ever EVER date...

 

[lea86111]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

i'd say that even if you are attracted to each other physically it could be that you are not each other's relationship ideal. Been there. Also as others have said you know too much about the other's previous relationships and them girls will cut you if they come to find out that the bestie who was always there and dude spent time convincing them was ONLY a friend is now dating him

 

[NYAmicas]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

Usually lack of attraction and I just dont see them in a romantic way. I used to have a crush on my best male friend back in HS and its been over 10 years that I've known him. We've shared many secrets and candid discussions; enough that I know that we wouldnt work out.

 

[daydreem2876]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

For me... it is the fear of losing my friend if it does not work out.

 

[ebonylocs]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

Hmm, the question is kind of puzzling because it makes it seem like such friendships *should* develop into relationships. Which is not my perspective. If you are friends with a guy, it's usually because you want to be friends with him. I.e. you met him and there was no physical / romantic attraction, but you are compatible in platonic ways, can have good conversations and / or have fun together, so you became friends.

If you're asking why relationships do not develop out of such friendships even where there is attraction on one side or the other, then the reasons are:
1) the attraction isn't mutual
2) the attraction is mutual but they don't know that it is.
3) one or both are in relationships
4) they are comfortable with the friendship and don't want to "spoil" it with a relationship that won't last, because they know that despite the attraction this person isn't "the ONE"
5) they know too much about each other - there is no mystery, they feel like siblings, familiarity breeds contempt, they know all of each other's bad points.

 

[intergalacticartist]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

I have a male friend that I just made a couple months ago and he is the first one I have ever made. I am starting to get the sense that he likes me but I do not like him AT ALL. NO PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. NONE. It has nothing to do with him physically or anything but I just don't think he's attractive. Nothing draws me to him. I now know what women say when they have strictly platonic friends. It actually makes me uncomfortable when I think he tries to flirt with me

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

I have a male friend that I just made a couple months ago and he is the first one I have ever made. I am starting to get the sense that he likes me but I do not like him AT ALL. NO PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. NONE. It has nothing to do with him physically or anything but I just don't think he's attractive. Nothing draws me to him. I now know what women say when they have strictly platonic friends. It actually makes me uncomfortable when I think he tries to flirt with me

Why is it always the ones we DON'T want that can't seem to get enough of us???

Lol....I will never understand that for as long as I live smh...

 

[kismettt]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

one of us doesn't find the other attractive
as a friend, i know how he is and i know he is not dating material
one or both of us are in a satisfying relationship

 

[alundra]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

I've had guy friends before. For me, it's more a "feeling" that I get from them -- like they are my cousin or brother or something instead of someone I'm in love with. I assume they feel the same way.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

What keeps me from forming romantic relationships with my male friends is me not having sex with them. All of them have tried to get with me but I am not attracted to them. I care for them very much but I need more than attraction. One I am attracted to but as a man I don't find him a suitable mate for me but he is better as a friend. One had a steady girlfriend who came from out of state and he was all over me talking about I was the prototype, once I went to his town without telling him til I got there and the next thing I knew he was engaged to this woman. LOL Since I changed my cell phone situation we rarely talk. They are now married. He's another one I was never really interested in becoming romantic with. Even when we were going out, I was on the rebound.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

Why is it always the ones we DON'T want that can't seem to get enough of us???

Lol....I will never understand that for as long as I live smh...

Men want women whom have their own lives and aren't clingy. When you aren't interested in them you aren't desiring to be in their presence all the time so that is appealing to them. Yet they don't know that it's because you aren't interested till it's too late.

 

[Thiends]

Re: Friendships between men/women, what all keeps them from turning into relationship

One person's not attracted to the other.

In my case, I am not attracted to a single one of my male friends. Not one. With some, there was physical attraction initially, but various personality traits and value clashes quickly destroyed my physical attraction to them, leaving only friendship. With most, there was never any kind of physical attraction at all. Anyway, those who try to take things to "the next level" find that the only level available leads out of my life because I am not interested.