Friends with the Ex-BF

LadyPaniolo

LadyPaniolo

New Member
Would your DH/SO be okay with it if you were to rekindle a friendship with an old boyfriend? Should he be okay with it? Let's say it's just talking on the phone and emails, no physical proximity.

Would you be ok with him being friends with an old girlfriend this way?

Discuss.
 
nah son, I don't think they really have anything to talk about other than an occassional "hey how you doin, okay... bye."


Nope, nope. nope. I'm a strong believer than men & women can't be friends. I've never seen it happen,someone is always interested in the other even if it's unsaid.
 
I'm cool with all of my ex boyfriends.
SO doesn't have a problem with it. I don't hang out with them, but if I run into one of them, we'll talk and catch up.

He's the same way with most of his exes. I don't have a problem with it.

Phone calls and emails....it would depend on what the situation was. He sent his first girlfriend ever (they were in the 2nd grade :lol: ) an email with our holiday picture. I don't see anything wrong with that. They "went out" in the 2nd grade, "broke up," and continued to go to school together. She's also engaged to his cousin. Maybe I don't have a problem with it because she wasn't a real girlfriend. lol
 
No. He wouldn't be okay with it and neither would I. IMO it's a dumb move and a disrespectful move.
 
OK I see some of you are cool with just casual speaking. What about a flurry of emails every day? Even when there is a huge geographical distance?
 
Sure you bump into someone and say hello, that's cool. Send a Christmas card/e-mail to a second grade gf, that's fine. A flurry of e-mails? Heck no, out of order, and again, disrespectful.
 
Does it matter what they discuss in the emails? Obviously it's worse to be talking nasty and sharing sexual fantasies than to be hashing over the day's news headlines.
 
^^ i just think that borders on the line of emotional cheating.... he needs to find a homeboy to talk to about this stuff if it weren't me.

eta:to me if my so/dh were talking to a chick that much even if it were just via email, I would feel that he was allowing her to fill a role she is no longer in. If he likes talking to her that much, maybe he needs to be with her instead of me.
 
I don't have a problem with ex's if you met on the street or wherever and was chatting, however, I would have a problem with prolong contact via emails, text and calls etc.
 
hopeful said:
No. He wouldn't be okay with it and neither would I. IMO it's a dumb move and a disrespectful move.
Click to expand...

I agree.

Also, I wouldn't want him to rekindle any type of relationship with someone he had a previous physical/intimate relationship with. Obviously there was some chemistry there--I think it's a dangerous thing to play around with. But to each his/her own.
 
I am friends with most of my ex's.
I've had them over for dinner and/or drinks, I've also gone out on the town with then, there has never been a problem. because my SO can plainly see that they're just friends like the rest.

That said I have had an SO who was still "close" to his ex. She lives in a different country. She also worked in his company in her country.
I was cool and, of course, wanted to meet her.

She did NOT want to meet me.
She wasn't "ready".
Yet she texted him constantly, would call crying about her problems (she had a ton of them), asked him to send beauty products not available in her country, etc.

I was not cool with it for long.

So he had to choose. This was pretty early on in our relationship but he chose wisely. Which let lead to her texting me about suicide and.. oh, the poop hit the fan and when on a bit. yeah, she was/os crazy but as far as I know she's alive and poisoning somebody elses life.
 
So when is it just a good friendship between people who used to be in a relationship... and when is it an emotional affair? Where is the line?
 
LadyPaniolo said:
So when is it just a good friendship between people who used to be in a relationship... and when is it an emotional affair? Where is the line?
Click to expand...

When DH and I was "SO's" we both had friends of the opposite sex, I didn't have any that were ex's, and he may have had ex's, but that was fine....until we became married, and all friends of the opposite sex had to go on both sides.

When I speak, I speak from a married woman's perspective, so I can see how if you're not married and just "SO's" the circumstances can be different.


But to answer your question......I think an emotional affair exists when a spouse secretly keeps a friend of the opposite sex froom the other spouse. Or they say or do things with the friend that they wouldn't do around the spouse. Also IF, DH and I were to have friends of the opposite sex, I wouldn't want them calling the cell phone or emailing at all. Most opposite sex friends are not even bold enough to call the home phone so the relationship, imo, wouldn't have an opportunity to get deep.
 
I believe cell phones and computers have made it so much easier to have emotional affairs. When folks had to just rely on the housephones and payphones, it made it a lot more difficult to develop such relationships.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
So secrecy is the line?
Click to expand...

I think the line is drawn per relationship. If the couple is alright with the other having friends of the opposite sex, it's not a problem.

My sister & her fiance are both friends were their ex's & are cool with it because they trust each other just that much, ( i personally think it's just a time bomb waiting to go off sooner or later.:look:)

that wouldn't fly with me... that's because I'm just an avid believer that it's very difficult to just be "friends" especially after they've been lovers before. It's usually no more contact or if they do keep in touch, one or the other has feelings for the other & being that there had been chemisty in the past, it would be difficult for me to be comfortable with my dh having that kind of relationship with an ex.

the only way I can see this is if they had kids together & even then all they really need to be "friendly" about is it the kids.

just IMHO.
 
An emotional affair is when a person invests emotional energy outside their marriage, but also receives emotional support and companionship from the new relationship.

emotional affairs lead to physical ones.

Obviously there's some level of attraction between exe's, or else they would have never gotten together in the first place, just to risky to me.
 
Ladybelle said:
An emotional affair is when a person invests emotional energy outside their marriage, but also receives emotional support and companionship from the new relationship.

emotional affairs lead to physical ones.

Obviously there's some level of attraction between exe's, or else they would have never gotten together in the first place, just to risky to me.
Click to expand...

Isn't the bolded the definition of friendship? And people always say not to make your spouse the sole source of friendship/whole social world.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
Isn't the bolded the definition of friendship? And people always say not to make your spouse the sole source of friendship/whole social world.
Click to expand...

Friendship is a personal relationship shared between each friend for the welfare of other, in other words, it is the relationship of trust, faith and concern for each other feelings.

an ex that is truly concerned about my welfare (including the state of a my marriage/relationship) would not impede on that via excessive emails, phone calls and the like unless my so/dh was completely comfortable with that and I don't think the majority of us would be comfortable with that type of "friendship" because it defeats the purpose of the bigger friendship with said spouse or boyfriend.
 
No need to be careful... he lives in another state. He's married, I'm married. We are just enjoying one another's e-company.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
:look: He doesn't exactly know about it. :look:
Click to expand...

This is where problems usually happen, IMO. Why doesn't he know about it? Do you think that he wouldn't be okay with it?

IMO, exes are exes for a reason. I know that all relationships don't end because two people start to hate each other, but still.....

When it's over, it should be OVER.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
:look: He doesn't exactly know about it. :look:
Click to expand...


girl, now you already know the deal. Why you playing?? I'm sure you don't want to be lectured to, so I won't do that. But like I said before, be careful.

You know what's right & wrong for your marriage & either way, be willing to deal with the consequences when that time arises.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

zzirvingj
We can't be friends
2
Replies
31
Views
629
ellebelle88
ellebelle88
rainbowknots
  • Poll
Friends with the ex?
2 3
Replies
65
Views
2K
ashessehsa
ashessehsa
varaneka
Friends with the ex
Replies
25
Views
482
C(squared)
C(squared)
Teja
Am I out of line? Ex bf drama PART 2 my 2 cents
Replies
4
Views
344
Teja
Teja
Anacaona
Friends With The Ex
2
Replies
39
Views
917
BlackRinse
BlackRinse
Back
Top