For The Unmarrieds: What Do You Want In Your Marriage?

[CaraWalker]

this is a spinoff of the successful marriage thread. made me think about what i want in my marriage: from the dynamics to quirks to activities to routines. what would you like in yours?

 

[C@ssandr@]

True partnership: I am naturally loyal. So he would need to match that.

Unadulterated fun: One time an ex and I looked to see if we had enough sheets to create a fort in the living room. We never did make that fort, but still, I need a partner like that.

 

[ackee walk]

peace.

i could come up with a whole list of specific things i'd want but that's all it really boils down to for me.

 

[ElegantPearl17]

Loyalty and unconditional love.

 

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

I want someone whose always on my Team. And someone who I feel I can support.
Loyalty
A commitment to understand each other and put each other first.
I want someone to spoil and be spoilt by

 

[Phoenixsky13]

I want a partner in crime someone to share life adventures with. Someone who wants the best for me. I want to feel confident that if I mess up or make a mistake that he's got my back so we will be okay. I want passion and love and romance and I want to be valued.

 

[caribeandiva]

True freedom. I want a man who is truly confident and like who he is a person. That way he'll be truly able to love me for who I am. He won't try to control me or criticize me or judge me or belittle me. He will love me because of the way I am right now. We won't try to change each other. We will be each other's biggest supporters! We have to be best friends, able to tell each other anything. No secrets between us. We stay playful like kids. We are each other's safe haven. Oh and I want a bomb sex life too!! Super important to me.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

True freedom. I want a man who is truly confident and like who he is a person. That way he'll be truly able to love me for who I am. He won't try to control me or criticize me or judge me or belittle me. He will love me because of the way I am right now. We won't try to change each other. We will be each other's biggest supporters! We have to be best friends, able to tell each other anything. No secrets between us. We stay playful like kids. We are each other's safe haven. Oh and I want a bomb sex life too!! Super important to me.

Saving this.

 

[lavaflow99]

A true partner.
Someone I can be myself 100% with no filters.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

flexibility, acceptance, true partnership

 

[ladysaraii]

All the stuff listed above and add in good coloring. Someone whose rhythm matches my own. And isn't trying to put stuff in places I don't want it to go.

 

[caribeandiva]

All the stuff listed above and add in good coloring. Someone whose rhythm matches my own. And isn't trying to put stuff in places I don't want it to go.

 

[KimPossibli]

good sex
an intellectual but not a snob about it..
an exerciser, willing to exercise with me occasionally
a cuddler
willing to pay for as much home and child help as we can afford
solidly middle class, not a social climber, neither from middle class up nor lower class up
back rubber
with a decent set of friends/family beyond mine that provide emotional support for him
emotionally intelleigent or willing to invest in increasing his emotional intelligence
willing to drive 85% of the time since I hate to drive
not so over the top romantic that he is offended if I don't get he romantic gestures.. I'm pretty practical
likes to give head..
not uber traditional on marriage roles
not invested in 50-11 activties for children
woke
secure but not arrogant.



I'll be back with more...

 

[bajandoc86]

I want:

that my spouse is my 'safe space' - I can tell him my fears, my dreams etc without judgement or dismissiveness. I aim to provide the same for him
a husband who will pray for me, our marriage and our kids
emotional maturity
my intellectual match who is able to have a discussion about practically anything
honest and clear communication
kindess
loyalty
travel partner
bomb a$$ sex
great sense of humor
provider - not cheap, but responsible with finances
willing to adopt

There's more. But at the core of it I am a practical girl, I don't expect to always 'feel the love'.

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

^^What they said. Especially about the pure unadulterated fun. People take themselves so seriously nowadays, that they forget to just be. Also I want some one who can sense when I need space, and not because I always have to tell them. In short, I want them to pay attention.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Freedom and no pressure to change my mind on things that we've previously discussed and agreed to. My mind is made up.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Synergy

 

[barbiesocialite]

Security, loyalty and validation.

Loyalty and reliability are everything to me. I need to feel safe and protected.

 

[movingforward13]

If I could get what I have now- except we live together and share bills (we don't do that now), I would be COMPLETELY happy.

First and foremost, we have a friendship and we have verbally expressed to one another that we want to continue building the friendship. I think a lot of the relationship pressures went away when we both decided to work on our friendship foundation. That is where I went wrong in my prior relationships. We didn't build a friendship so of course I loved the person but I didn't LIKE the person. Liking the person is crucial to help when there are disagreements. You will really try to understand someone you like to come to a solution.
Next- he and I have done a lot of research on relationships and we DISCUSS them. It is like a weekly topic with us. Love languages, relationship cycles, personal reflections, etc. I am very happy that he is open to all of this. I want to take it up a notch in due time and attend relationship retreats together. They are couples building workshops along with a nice vacation and he sounds on board.
Lastly, partnership with the household. Finances, chores, kids, etc. I don't know how he is in that area first hand because we don't live together but based on what I have seen so far, I think it would work out with adjustments (like putting down the toilet lid).
I feel secure, loved, and wanted. I feel a strong connection with him and he has just about everything I "check" my boxes for.

 

[bajandoc86]

Security, loyalty and validation.

Loyalty and reliability are everything to me. I need to feel safe and protected.

ALL of THIS.

 

[sweetvi]

True freedom. I want a man who is truly confident and like who he is a person. That way he'll be truly able to love me for who I am. He won't try to control me or criticize me or judge me or belittle me. He will love me because of the way I am right now. We won't try to change each other. We will be each other's biggest supporters! We have to be best friends, able to tell each other anything. No secrets between us. We stay playful like kids. We are each other's safe haven. Oh and I want a bomb sex life too!! Super important to me.

You described it perfectly for me. I also want to add , someone who also is my protector and loyal to me. He knows how to put his wife before family and friends. Also who is able to check others who try to disrespect me..

 

[caribeandiva]

You described it perfectly for me. I also want to add , someone who also is my protector and loyal to me. He knows how to put his wife before family and friends. Also who is able to check others who try to disrespect me..

Amen sister!

 

[DarkJoy]

EMOTIONAL STABILITY!!! No narcissistic men, no insecure men, no men with depression or anxiety disorders! !!!

FINANCIAL STABILITY!!! ON HIS PART!

To feel valued and appreciated (ie, not taken for granted)

To be able to have peace and to rest (ie not have to work like a dog)

Yes I shouted those first two. Sorry.

 

[caribeandiva]

EMOTIONAL STABILITY!!! No narcissistic men, no insecure men, no men with depression or anxiety disorders! !!!

FINANCIAL STABILITY!!! ON HIS PART!

To feel valued and appreciated (ie, not taken for granted)

To be able to have peace and to rest (ie not have to work like a dog)

Yes I shouted those first two. Sorry.

They needed to be shouted hon. They are that important!

 

[ElegantPearl17]

I don't feel like I can asked for a spouse with no anxiety and depression disorder since I have them myself..lol

EMOTIONAL STABILITY!!! No narcissistic men, no insecure men, no men with depression or anxiety disorders! !!!

FINANCIAL STABILITY!!! ON HIS PART!

To feel valued and appreciated (ie, not taken for granted)

To be able to have peace and to rest (ie not have to work like a dog)

Yes I shouted those first two. Sorry.

 

[DarkJoy]

I don't feel like I can asked for a spouse with no anxiety and depression disorder since I have them myself..lol

I can! I got anxiety. i need a rock, not a moody man. We both cant be freaking out! As someone who was married to a man with these disorders plus personality disorder that were paralyzing to him (and by proxy ME) I can easily say NEVER AGAIN.

N. E. V. E. R!

 

[LiftedUp]

I'm still bouncing between soulmate and life partner.

My heart says soulmate, my head says life partner.

 

[movingforward]

everything yall said

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I can! I got anxiety. i need a rock, not a moody man. We both cant be freaking out! As someone who was married to a man with these disorders plus personality disorder that were paralyzing to him (and by proxy ME) I can easily say NEVER AGAIN.

N. E. V. E. R!

Yeah I have anxiety-depression and both my parents struggle with depression. One the one hand, they don't have to explain anything to each other but it can definitely get paralyzing. They've been married 30+ years but it's exhausting to watch sometimes, and I'm an outsider. Not. For. Me.

 

[DarkJoy]

Yeah I have anxiety-depression and both my parents struggle with depression. One the one hand, they don't have to explain anything to each other but it can definitely get paralyzing. They've been married 30+ years but it's exhausting to watch sometimes, and I'm an outsider. Not. For. Me.

Thank you.

Yea.. see... did that for 20 years with xhusband. Im doner than done with that. My forever last husband cant be a repeat