Finding Your Hair Comfort Zone

[CocoaCure]

Lately I've been reading posts about Natural hair vs. Relaxed hair and what problems you encountered with your relaxer, etc. I just want everyone on this forum to know that whatever your hair type (relaxed/natural/texturized), you should not feel any pressure from anyone to change it! I'm natural and that's great and wonderful FOR ME! But not everyone feels they look their best or feel their best natural and that's great too to relax, for them! Also, there seems to be this big misconception among some people that the only way to have healthy hair is to be natural. THIS IS SOOOO FALSE!!!! Or that if you have a relaxer you're going to have all this breaking, burning scalp, shedding, etc. THIS IS ALSO FALSE!!!! I was relaxed a very long time and I never experienced all this stuff. I have at times had shedding from doing stupid things like relaxing and colouring within a day of each other, and even then I quickly did a series of deep conditionings and my hair was back healthy and growing in no time!

Also, not everyone who goes natural is doing so because they experienced problems with the chemicals. My hair was 2 inches from brastrap when I did the big chop! It was healthy, long, and the ends were nice and thick. I went natural simply because I like my natural hair (I like it relaxed and texturized too) luckily it's always grown fast, but I've never been a past shoulder length natural and so this is what I'm now going for.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this because there seems to be some who "have a hard time believing" that so many relaxed ladies can have no or few problems with their hair relaxed and continually mentioning how awful relaxers are. Well, relaxers are awful for everybody. So to all the relaxed heads out there - if you're comfortable, stay relaxed and don't let anyone pressure you into believing that your bonds are so broken down and therefore your hair isn't healthy and that eventually it's going to all break off because it's not! Just keep caring for it greatly with all the wonderful tips we learn here and it will grow down to your brastrap or waist before you know it!

As for me, I'll stay natural for a good while - at least long enough to be a brastrap natural! Then whatever I'm going to next I'll do it when the whim strikes me. So here's to everybody doing what's best FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY!! Naturals, enjoy being natural, Texturizers enjoy being Texturized and relaxed enjoy being relaxed!!!

 

[CocoaCure]

Ooops...........I meant to say "Relaxers AREN'T awful for everybody!!! Sorry for the typo!

 

[Nay]

Yeah, what Coco said!

It's all good if you're comfortable.

 

[Crysdon]

Well said CocoaCure.

You have the same unbiased attitude that I had when I was natural. I never bashed anyone and I continued to give my mother and friends touch-ups. I never gave unsolicited advice about relaxers or try to guilt anyone into giving up a relaxer.

What bugs me the most about "militant naturals" is this: if they made the choice to wear their natural hair, more power to them, but they sound like they have to be reassured about their decision when they're telling others with relaxers that their hair bonds are broken and Nair is made from the same ingredients as a relaxer. I just don't get it.

 

[CocoaCure]

Thanks Nay!!! I love you hair by the way!! I just feel bad because it seems like there are a couple of naturals that are somewhat intent on making the relaxed heads feel bad and that's not right. I was relaxed a very long time and this is my second time being natural. But I would be somewhat offended if someone kept coming saying how "the chemical breaks down the bonds, blah blah blah......" DUH!! Every relaxed person on this board already knows this and WANTS this because this is what they need to achieve their look! That coupled with the fact that not everyone who relaxes has all these awful things happening to their scalps, so maybe relaxing is great for some peopld and bad for others. Period. I just hate when people try to be sly with downgrading other people's choices. Thanks for your kind words!!

 

[CocoaCure]

Thanks Nay!!! I love you hair by the way!! I just feel bad because it seems like there are a couple of naturals that are somewhat intent on making the relaxed heads feel bad and that's not right. I was relaxed a very long time and this is my second time being natural. But I would be somewhat offended if someone kept coming saying how "the chemical breaks down the bonds, blah blah blah......" DUH!! Every relaxed person on this board already knows this and WANTS this because this is what they need to achieve their look! That coupled with the fact that not everyone who relaxes has all these awful things happening to their scalps, so maybe relaxing is great for some people and bad for others. Period. I just hate when people try to be sly with downgrading other people's choices. Thanks for your kind words!!

 

[adrienne0914]

i've been feeling a vibe here lately. so i appreciate this post, cocoapure!!

 

[LittleMissScientist]

Thank you for starting this thread, CocoaCure! I was logging on to post almost the exact same thing (I even had the title ready

).

I don't know if I was being overly sensitive, but I definitely felt like a lot of "anti-relaxer" threads popped up after I posted about my decision to relax. You definitely cover all the relevant points, with the most critical one being the importance of each woman doing what is best for HER hair, taking into consideration her goals, preferences, lifestyle and hair care knowledge.

I think the ONLY sweeping generalization that can be made about hair is that if it looks fabulous, it is probably well-loved and well taken care of

 

[EXSQUISIT]

great post! thanks!

 

[CocoaCure]

Thanks Adrienne!! I've been feeling this vibe too! But it's done so "sweetly"...........like oh, I'm just trying to see........but come on! Once you start in with the peptide bonds and all the dramatic stories of scalp burnings and picking scabs and all those histrionics, it just gets rather plain. It's like a nice way to degrade someone's choices...........but it's still the same old thing.

I'm natural and I enjoy.........why can't more naturals just be natural and enjoy it without thinking they have to preach to everybody else about "the horror of relaxers" and the like. I had gorgeous long relaxed hair, no excessive breaking, shedding, scalp burning and scabbing none of that! I think some naturals are only that way as a last resort, then it's like "Oh the freedom of being natural - no more chemicals, burning, etc. Well, NEWSFLASH..........not every relaxed head has all these problems!!! Perhaps your problems are unique to you and maybe the people you know who also have these problems. I happen to know quite a few people who are relaxed, close friends included, who have gorgeous healthy hair and never endure all that kind of drama! Sure, I also see some awful looking relaxed heads too - I think it's one of two things, and perhaps both - 1. User error and 2. Chemical sensitivity/allergic reaction.

Anyhoo, I just had to vent on this! I can't stand when anyone pushes what their doing on anyone else (no matter how slyly it's done) as though it's the right way for everyone! There is NO RIGHT THING FOR EVERYONE - WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!!!

 

[CocoaCure]

Thanks OshunCurls! You're so right..........when you see a fabulous looking head of hair, regardless of natural, relaxed, texturized, then you know it's being cared for and/or the person doesn't have a high sensitivity to chemicals. When you see a rough, dry, ***** head of hair, then you know the person hasn't got a clue as to how to nourish it, and/or the person probably has a high sensitivity to chemicals that is preventing them from wearing a relaxer successfully. I was successful as a relaxed head and I'll be successful as a Natural. Period! AND...............if I may say this............(this statement could get me kicked off of some boards)........but............I reserve the right to continually throughout the rest of my life change back and forth whenever I wish! I'm natural now and my goal is achieve brastrap as a natural. Then I may texturize it, I may do it well before then, then one day a few years from now I may choose to relax again! I like change and I'll always do whatever I choose, but one thing will always be the same..............I'm going to be looking RIGHT!!!!

 

[CocoaCure]

BUMPPITY BUMP BUMP!

 

[LittleMissScientist]

LOL @ CocoaCure!!

You are ALL UP in my head this afternoon!!!

The only thing I can say is: knowledge is really and truly the key to beautiful hair. Natural hair breaks, sheds, and is excessively dry at times. Relaxed hair breaks, sheds, and is excessively dry at times. I think there are some similarities between the two! What can these problems be attributed to? LACK of knowledge about how to care for the hair. While natural hair IS stronger on a molecular level, it also needs a lot of TLC (careful detangling, intense moisture, minimal heat). Relaxed hair needs TLC (careful detangling, intense moisture, minimal heat). Hair needs TLC!!

 

[sassygirl125]

[ QUOTE ]
So here's to everybody doing what's best FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY!! Naturals, enjoy being natural, Texturizers enjoy being Texturized and relaxed enjoy being relaxed!!!


[/ QUOTE ]

Amen to that!

 

[CocoaCure]

Yep! And you know what Oshun, I don't think any of us really cares about the molecules, etc in our hair because our hair will tell us if it's healthy. It will do the following:

1. Not break or shed excessively
2. Be flexible and versatile
3. Will have sheen or shine
4. Will have bounce and/or body
5. Will be pliable
6. Will not be dry
7. Will not be flaky
8. Will be nice to the touch

All hair, whether relaxed, natural or texturized will be like the above if it's healthy! Who give a ish what the hair is doing at the molecular level, I care what it's doing on my head! Plus, whatever it's doing on my head will tell me what's happening at the molecular level! Just as your skin will tell you if you need to leave the caffeine and sodas alone and give yourself more water. Same thing!

I just get really erked when people start trying guilt others into being natural too. I'm natural but I'm never going to tell someone negative things about them not being natural - it's a hair choice not a cult! DAMN!

Also, I shudder at the number of fellow Naturals I see that say "Oh I love being natural - I don't do anything to my hair" and they look like it! That's not something to be proud of............to say that you do nothing to your hair! Geesh! If someone does nothing to their hair it will start looking like it and it won't be pretty!

Anyhoo, the next time I hear/see someone starting in on the peptide bonds and all that mess, I'll stand up and set the record straight! We're all individuals and lots of relaxed people haven't lived with relaxer horror stories! Some of us who are natural had great relaxed hair too and I'm proof! DANG I need to get some pictures on this board!!!! I also need to pay my money too!!! I'm doing it this weekend!!! I'm definitely going to remain a part of this forum. It will be interesting to see if the new payment system weeds out people who compose messages with hidden negativity in them.

 

[MizAvalon]

CocoaCure, THANK YOU so much for having the guts to post this. I really wanted to say something but was too scared to speak up. For the last couple of days there has definitely been some passive-agressive bashing of relaxed heads on this board. I think it's obvious to just about everyone what is really going on in some of these threads. I'd hate to see a relaxed vs. natural war beacause I really enjoy coming here and love that everyone is different, yet for the most part gets along. Relaxed? Natural? Who cares? Do what is best for YOU!

 

[sassygirl125]

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Who give a ish what the hair is doing at the molecular level, I care what it's doing on my head!

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[ubavka123]

Thank you for reminding everyone of the importance of embracing individuality and of respecting personal choices. Hair should not be political (although it has been in the past). It is an extension of ourselves and of our personalities. We should have fun with it. You hit the nail on the head: you enjoy. Everyone else should, too. I know that I do. Great post!!!!!

 

[Crysdon]

[ QUOTE ]
For the last couple of days there has definitely been some passive-agressive bashing of relaxed heads on this board.

[/ QUOTE ]

It'll all be over...August 1st is around the corner.

 

[sillygurl18]

[ QUOTE ]


Also, I shudder at the number of fellow Naturals I see that say "Oh I love being natural - I don't do anything to my hair" and they look like it!

[/ QUOTE ]

Girl this is what got me.

 

[CocoaCure]

Don't worry. There won't be any "war". That's what I've always loved about this board is the fact that everyone is very supportive of everyone else! But every now and then someone will creep into our midst putting people down under the guise of "I just wanted to know"................NO.........you just wanted to insult people on the sly! Maybe SOME people run to be natural because their relaxed hair was in shambles, but some of us CHOOSE to be natural when our relaxed hair was long, and thriving. And there are TONS of relaxed heads on this board with gorgeous, healthy growing relaxed hair - SO DUH - it's obvious they aren't all experiencing scabbing, burning, breaking and the like all this other stuff. Just drama! I hate when people choose to do something and then all of a sudden their telling everyone else all the reasons their own lifestyle is so wrong. Like this person I used to work with who became a vegetarian (which I sort of am too - fish, chicken and turkey) and every day they come in talking about how awful milk is and meat is so awful and is full of all kinds of chemicals, and eggs are chicken abortions and all this stuff - its almost as if they needed to reassure themselves of why THEY made the choice instead of just being happy with their choice and leaving others the heck alone. Same thing, different topic!

 

[NGC]

Well said!

I'm natural but I was getting offended for my relaxed sisters. I refraimed from saying anything cause I have no tact and I would have started a war

 

[Tracy]

Cocoacure - THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

You left nothing unsaid. A vibe, indeed!

For you:

I can't WAIT until August 1.

 

[MizAvalon]

[ QUOTE ]
CocoaCure said: Like this person I used to work with who became a vegetarian (which I sort of am too - fish, chicken and turkey) and every day they come in talking about how awful milk is and meat is so awful and is full of all kinds of chemicals, and eggs are chicken abortions and all this stuff -

OMG!! Chicken abortions!!! PLEASE tell me that didn't actually come out of someone's mouth?

 

[nurseN98]

@Crysdon, when August 1 gets here, there will still be a lot of natural women on the board so there will probably still be posts of that nature........

HOWEVER

CocoaCure, you definitely have a point. The reason that I like this forum is because it seemed to be accepting of everyone, not just relaxers or just naturals. Like you said it is a choice and I don't think this is the forum for any preaching on the rights or wrongs of one or the other to go on. Lord knows there are enough other sites to go to for that type of info.

I had long, healthy relaxed hair for years but I'm at the point now that I just don't feel like relaxing anymore. I did my own hair and it thrived wonderfully so it was just my choice to stop.

 

[Crysdon]

[ QUOTE ]
@Crysdon, when August 1 gets here, there will still be a lot of natural women on the board so there will probably still be posts of that nature........

[/ QUOTE ]

That's only if the Militant Naturals are still here. I don't see the ones like CocoaCure and yourself starting mess.

 

[dannie]

I read what the naturals had to say, and they had some valid points. I tetter totter on the idea so I thought it was informative. But I also agree that when someone is saying things to be condesending and down talk others, it loses it's meaning. Good post

you said what was on a lot of our minds. (Playing with new growth while typing this)

 

[nurseN98]

[ QUOTE ]
Crysdon said:
[ QUOTE ]
@Crysdon, when August 1 gets here, there will still be a lot of natural women on the board so there will probably still be posts of that nature........

[/ QUOTE ]

That's only if the Militant Naturals are still here. I don't see the ones like CocoaCure and yourself starting mess.

[/ QUOTE ]

You know I luvs e'rybody!

 

[LadyJ]

I agree, Cococure. Let me just say that when i was relaxed for the first time at the age of 13(which I wanted to do) I was misinformed for years on how to take care of my hair natural or relaxed. my hair suffered until i toke the time and effort to inform myself. From that I gained a beautiful relaxed head of hair, that wasnt stiff or thinned out.i had no problems with growth however I kept it neck length. my Problem wasnt the relaxer itself but the way i treated my hair. when i was relaxed the biggest problem was dryness and moisture and as a natural i still have that same challenge.

 

[inthepink]

Good Post!