Experiences with the faux nice guy and how to spot them

[humility1990]

I think there was a thread before on the faux nice guy. Any ladies have any new experiences to share, any common red flags? It's so hard to tell the difference between the impostor and the genuine article.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

The faux nice guy to me fits some or all of the list below:

- in a rush to get to "know" me
- consistently calls, texts, etc.
- excessive complimenting
- tries to get too close on the first few dates
- conceals a lot about himself personally yet offers to give me access to his resources
- recent event: talk about he likes younger women because they have energy, more 'innocent', and less mileage down there and you're 44...right....pedophile
- quick to get to my place or your place
- talk about sex a lot


Anything that appears like you are in a rush to gain my trust so you can hit.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

If he says all the right things, does all the right things, but then gives you some b.s. about not being ready for a relationship/just got out of a relationship/too busy for a relationship--RUN!!!

 

[southerncitygirl]

when you call him on his bull**** (cause you know he's trying to see if you'll take the bait) he says things like:
"i was just joking/kidding".
"you need to have a sense of humor or lighten up a bit".

they also will try to invite themselves to your house even though they haven't known you that long, cause they are all bout the drawlz!

 

[Mai Tai]

A faux nice guy...

- Always complains about the fact that he's such a nice guy and women seem to always be turned off by his kindness.

-Gets really emotionally upset if there are things that you've done in your sexual past that he feels should have been saved for him.

-Has a HUGE madonna-whore complex

-Always tries to have "housedates"

-Tries to convince women that them being "independent" makes them appear less like a gold-digger.

 

[carcajada]

Tells white lies ----> usually means he has no problem telling much bigger ones

 

[Glamorous_chic]

Tells white lies ----> usually means he has no problem telling much bigger ones

yes this is the truith. my first real relationship was with a faux nice guy. at the time i was so young and naive i was soo confused. i truely think he is sweet person, but there is definently another side. you really really have to listen and pay attention to details. i know this is true for any relationship, but its easy to fall into the trap of the imposter, b/c once he's laid that web, and you fall into it, then his true personality reveals itself making you feel like wtf just happened. lmao

 

[BronzyBella]

The faux nice guy to me fits some or all of the list below:

- in a rush to get to "know" me
- consistently calls, texts, etc.
- excessive complimenting
- tries to get too close on the first few dates
- conceals a lot about himself personally yet offers to give me access to his resources
- recent event: talk about he likes younger women because they have energy, more 'innocent', and less mileage down there and you're 44...right....pedophile
- quick to get to my place or your place
- talk about sex a lot


Anything that appears like you are in a rush to gain my trust so you can hit.

^^ Great list. Another form of the "excessive complimenting" is trying too hard to make it seem like you have so much in common by agreeing with ALL your opinions and feigning interest in ALL of your interests.

 

[Windsy]

Nice lists so far and I have to agree; the excessive complementing is a dead give away.

- always willing to let you have it "your" way.
- don't want to rock the boat

 

[ElegantPearl17]

Subscribing.................

 

[BeautifulFlower]

^^^You know that reminds me of this guy that was buying my cousin and I drinks. I knew he was all kinds of press trying to get him some young thang. I told him I am a Sagittarius and he was like, "Oh I love Sagittarius."

I should said Gemini or something...dang...perfect opportunity to blast his a**...

 

[Lynnerie]

I dated one for a whole year then the truth came out. My advice is to just keep ya legs closed. Had I done that, I'm sure dude would've revealed himself a lot sooner and I would've avoided the heartbreak.

 

[Amerie2304]

when you call him on his bull**** (cause you know he's trying to see if you'll take the bait) he says things like:
"i was just joking/kidding".
"you need to have a sense of humor or lighten up a bit".

they also will try to invite themselves to your house even though they haven't known you that long, cause they are all bout the drawlz!

THIS WHOLE POST!! I was at the dealership for car maintenance and it was taking forever. One of the salesman kept coming in and talking to me in the waiting area, cracking jokes and what not. Not particularly my type but he asked for the digits and I gave it to him because he "seemed" like a nice guy. So of course he texts me like a couple hours later and throughout the day and asks what am I doing for the night. I replied I'm in for the night, just watching tv. And this ninja had the nerve to say "and you didn't invite me over"? Classic example of everything you posted! He swore he was only joking but we all know good and well he would have been right downstairs ringing my doorbell had I went along with it! Needless to say he got curved with the quickness. I was laughing about it with my mom like dang he ain't waste no time! But at the same time I was happy he showed his true colors right away so I didn't waste any time on that fool. AND NO, HE WAS NOT BLACK! Sorry, just felt the need to throw that in!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

-He always "appears" to be such a "nice guy" towards you, but sometimes you notice that he'll do/say things that aren't so "nice" OR, you'll hear reports of him being cruddy towards his friends, family members, or other women in general. When someone shows you who they are (or who they CAN be) the first time....BELIEVE THEM.

-He's always complaining about how he's so "nice" and how women don't usually like "nice guys", and you start noticing that NOTHING is ever HIS fault. He doesn't own up to his own faults/imperfections, and always tends to blame previous bad relationships on the other person. Never seeing where HE could have contributed to the problem as well.

-He has two sides to himself: One face that he shows your family members, and friends, and yet another side that he shows you.

-He showers you with compliments when he just met you and doesn't even know you well.

-Your family members/close friends don't like/don't trust him for some reason...even though he seems like a "nice guy". ***BIG SIGN!***

-He showers you withg gifts and does all of these outlandish things to get your attention and you think he's oh-so-sweet, but little do you know....he's going above and beyond so you will *THINK* that he's a "nice guy"...NOT because he truly is. People who are truly "nice" don't have to really "prove" that they are....they just ARE. I think if you pay attention, you can "sense" it when someone is really genuinely nice. If you ever feel a twinge of doubt, or sometimes wonder whether his actions are truly genuine, then that might be a red flag that there is something disingenuous going on.

 

[MD_Lady]

A FAUX nice guy:

1. CONSTANTLY talks about how much of a nice guy he is and how much he suffers because of it.

2. frequently takes subtle pot shots at women by making comments about how we "have it easy" or "don't appreciate" all of the things men do for us.

3. projects his emotional baggage and insatisfaction with current/past relationships onto other people (all the while being an outsider who REALLY needs to mind his own business and let people sort through their issues on their own).

4. is a MASTER of misdirected anger and aggression. Instead of addressing his issues with the individual women who are fueling his frustration, he will keep his feelings to himself, continue to be an enabler, and take them out on the woman he feels comfortable enough to share with (read: you).

5. is QUICK to always "flip the script" to point out women's hypocrisies, but will twist up his face like he's sucking on a lemon and stop you dead in your tracks when you make anything CLOSE to a blanket statement about men.

6. will pout and give you the silent treatment with the quickness and thinks NOTHING of using your feelings and desire to make him happy against you.

A GENUINE nice guy:

1. rarely talks about how much of a "nice guy" he is. And why would he? His actions are such that YOU will be the one to tell HIM how wonderful he is.

2. has encountered ungrateful women and acknowledges they exist, but has no problem doing things to please a woman worthy of his kindness.

3. checks his baggage at the door is much more concerned about being the best SO he can be than he is seeking validation for his fragile ego from other people's relationships.

4. resolves past issues and/or commits himself to NOT burdening you with his emotional baggage and punishing you for others' crimes.

5. can dish out and take venting.

6. communicates directly and honestly and has no interest in creating tension caused by manipulation.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Oh he was not jokin'...at all

And at the bolded, I know there tends to be alot of BM bashin on this board but one of the worst experiences I had with a dude tryin' get to know me was with a WM.

He was very cute, tall, looked professional, and seemed 'nice' so I gave him my number.

Then we were talking over txt the following day, and I found out he had a gf. Ok.

Then he's like its cool, we can go grab lunch one day. Ok, I like to eat and you paying so whatever.

Then we're talking and out of nowhere, I get a pic of his body. Nice but umm erplexed I didn't ask to see.

Then he sends a picture of paynus. Really dude?

Then for the "coup de grace" I get a MMS video of him lettin' out the pressure....

Then for the "coup de grace" on top of the "coup de grace", he like "yeah, lets get a hotel and watch movies together and talk"

I must have hoodrat, naive, dummy on my forehead because you really tried me.

Needless to say, we didn't talk after that day.

THIS WHOLE POST!! I was at the dealership for car maintenance and it was taking forever. One of the salesman kept coming in and talking to me in the waiting area, cracking jokes and what not. Not particularly my type but he asked for the digits and I gave it to him because he "seemed" like a nice guy. So of course he texts me like a couple hours later and throughout the day and asks what am I doing for the night. I replied I'm in for the night, just watching tv. And this ninja had the nerve to say "and you didn't invite me over"? Classic example of everything you posted! He swore he was only joking but we all know good and well he would have been right downstairs ringing my doorbell had I went along with it! Needless to say he got curved with the quickness. I was laughing about it with my mom like dang he ain't waste no time! But at the same time I was happy he showed his true colors right away so I didn't waste any time on that fool. AND NO, HE WAS NOT BLACK! Sorry, just felt the need to throw that in!

 

[Amerie2304]

Oh he was not jokin'...at all

And at the bolded, I know there tends to be alot of BM bashin on this board but one of the worst experiences I had with a dude tryin' get to know me was with a WM.

He was very cute, tall, looked professional, and seemed 'nice' so I gave him my number.

Then we were talking over txt the following day, and I found out he had a gf. Ok.

Then he's like its cool, we can go grab lunch one day. Ok, I like to eat and you paying so whatever.

Then we're talking and out of nowhere, I get a pic of his body. Nice but umm erplexed I didn't ask to see.

Then he sends a picture of paynus. Really dude?

Then for the "coup de grace" I get a MMS video of him lettin' out the pressure....

Then for the "coup de grace" on top of the "coup de grace", he like "yeah, lets get a hotel and watch movies together and talk"

I must have hoodrat, naive, dummy on my forehead because you really tried me.

Needless to say, we didn't talk after that day.

<---Sums up how I feel about this whole post!

 

[winterinatl]

THIS WHOLE POST!! I was at the dealership for car maintenance and it was taking forever. One of the salesman kept coming in and talking to me in the waiting area, cracking jokes and what not. Not particularly my type but he asked for the digits and I gave it to him because he "seemed" like a nice guy. So of course he texts me like a couple hours later and throughout the day and asks what am I doing for the night. I replied I'm in for the night, just watching tv. And this ninja had the nerve to say "and you didn't invite me over"? Classic example of everything you posted! He swore he was only joking but we all know good and well he would have been right downstairs ringing my doorbell had I went along with it! Needless to say he got curved with the quickness. I was laughing about it with my mom like dang he ain't waste no time! But at the same time I was happy he showed his true colors right away so I didn't waste any time on that fool. AND NO, HE WAS NOT BLACK! Sorry, just felt the need to throw that in!

But, don't many many men do stuff like this in order to test your boundaries? He could still be a good guy, now that he knows you are not falling for that mess.

ETA: yikes but not the dude in BeautifulFlowers post.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[kismettt]

"nice guys" don't need to tell you how "nice" they are. a lot of women refer to them as Nice Guys.

so any male who calls himself a Nice Guy is a red flag to me.

+ what people have said about complaining about how ~hard it is to be a Nice Guy.

UGH

 

[queenbree]

Ahh, this thread reminds me of this guy I talked to. He seemed real nice and sweet until he wanted to talk about coloring. I remember one day we had a convo that went a little something like this:

Him: Do you wanna try _______ when we color?
Me: Umm idk, I'm not trying to color with anyone right now
Him: Well I didn't mean right now. I'm just asking if you would let me.
Me: I'm not interested in coloring right now, so idk
Him: D@mnit! I didn't mean right now!

I don't think he was used to waiting on girls because he was a good-looking athlete and he wasn't a virgin. But homeboy was only 15. Looks like these type of guys get started young!

Sent from my Devour using Devour

 

[Amerie2304]

But, don't many many men do stuff like this in order to test your boundaries? He could still be a good guy, now that he knows you are not falling for that mess.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

This is true but based on previous experiences - any guy that tries to take it there so early (we just met that day!) is more than likely only interested in one thing. At our age (late 20's), I think most men would know not to say something like that in fear of the latter from happening (if they were actually trying to build). So yea, I decided not to stick around to find out.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

Oh, I almost forgot...the simplest test: if it sounds like BS--IT IS!!!! Don't ever give them the opportunity to explain away some s--t that doesn't sound right. They will try to fill your head with nonsense every time, trying to make you feel better about believing some b.s.! Oh, I wish I could do my 20's over. I'd be cuttin' 'groes off left and right! And enjoying the ego crushing!

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

No new experiences this year. However, after reading some books last year, I conducted some “experiments”, if you want to call it that and I learned a lot about Red Flag Self Professed Nice Guys. And, I learned a lot about myself too.


Please consider reading the following books:

BTW: This author has a website.

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved by Sandra L. Brown
http://www.amazon.com/How-Spot-Dang...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311787818&sr=1-1

NOTE: there is a separate workbook too.





Women Who Love Psychopaths - 2nd Edition by Sandra L. Brown M.A.
http://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Lov...=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311787818&sr=1-4

or

http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/wwlp2-e-book

NOTE: This book has really good information about warning signs. It is well worth reading.

She also has an excellent book on how to break up with a psychopath.


​

I think there was a thread before on the faux nice guy. Any ladies have any new experiences to share, any common red flags? It's so hard to tell the difference between the impostor and the genuine article.

Fake charm (something about it does not seem genuine)

Talks about how his friends and anyone how knows him knows how honest he is … blah blah blah.

ETA:
Talks about how honest he is of course. Then, he will intentionally do something dishonest, tell you about it and then say he’s telling you, because he wanted to be upfront and honest. This is designed to make you trust him “more”.

​

Eager to get you tied down.

Wishy-washy about his views! Will change something he previously said to make it seem as though his views are in alignment with yours.

Some of these men frequently have double standards.

Frequently caught in lies, but when you call them on it, they will act as though they do not know what you are talking about OR will try to convince you they meant something else OR they will try to convince you that you misunderstood what he said OR if it is a cross-cultural relationship he will pull out the "language card" <- DO NOT FALL FOR THAT BS!!!!

It “appears” as though nothing bothers them. - http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/nothing-bothers-him-i-wish-i-were-more-like-him

Pay attention to their body language, especially their eyes and facial muscles. You can tell when they are trying to hold their anger back, but pretending to be cool, calm and collected. I have noticed that some of these men really have bad tempers, but do their best to conceal it.


ETC ......

NOTE: there is an excellent article that she wrote. If I can find it, I will be back in this thread to post it!

http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/when-friends-dont-get-it-about-him

 

[Maracujá]

THIS WHOLE POST!! I was at the dealership for car maintenance and it was taking forever. One of the salesman kept coming in and talking to me in the waiting area, cracking jokes and what not. Not particularly my type but he asked for the digits and I gave it to him because he "seemed" like a nice guy. So of course he texts me like a couple hours later and throughout the day and asks what am I doing for the night. I replied I'm in for the night, just watching tv. And this ninja had the nerve to say "and you didn't invite me over"? Classic example of everything you posted! He swore he was only joking but we all know good and well he would have been right downstairs ringing my doorbell had I went along with it! Needless to say he got curved with the quickness. I was laughing about it with my mom like dang he ain't waste no time! But at the same time I was happy he showed his true colors right away so I didn't waste any time on that fool. AND NO, HE WAS NOT BLACK! Sorry, just felt the need to throw that in!

My first "real" boyfriend was a faux nice guy too and nope he wasn't black!

 

[TrueToHair]

.....................

 

[MD_Lady]

From what I'm gathering, faux nice guys have a sense of entitlement...

...They drive it home how nice they are and feel special concessions should be made because of it.

...Then when things don't go their way, it has everything to do with the woman and the suffering they have to endure as a nice guy. Interesting.

And I would have made some VERY different decisions in my life if someone had told me this AHEAD.OF.TIME instead of me having to learn this the hard way.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

From what I'm gathering, faux nice guys have a sense of entitlement. They drive it home how nice they are and feel special concessions should be made because of it. Then when things don't go their way, it has everything to do with the woman and the suffering they have to endure as a nice guy. Interesting.

Oh yes, and do NOT forget that they will say that the woman just isn’t ready for a “REAL” relationship with them.

Oh, I almost forgot...the simplest test: if it sounds like BS--IT IS!!!! Don't ever give them the opportunity to explain away some s--t that doesn't sound right. They will try to fill your head with nonsense every time, trying to make you feel better about believing some b.s.! Oh, I wish I could do my 20's over. I'd be cuttin' 'groes off left and right! And enjoying the ego crushing!

Let them explain. It's funny. They think they have you hooked and believing their BS. You get a comedy show and you get to learn how far these kinds of men go to get you to believe their BS. Let them talk ... listen and learn (and laugh inaudibly).

Funny thing is, they expect you to behave the same way … elaborate explanations. I was dealing with someone like this. I went out just to get out … people watch … nothing special. When he asked me about my evening, I simply said, “ The evening served its purpose.” He was irritated that my response was so short. At the end of the conversation I just said next time I will lie and provide a lengthy explanation of the evening. Those that know me well would not have given my response “it served its purpose” a second thought.

 

[Fine 4s]

If he says all the right things, does all the right things, but then gives you some b.s. about not being ready for a relationship/just got out of a relationship/too busy for a relationship--RUN!!!

Know that one!!!! Love the label too 'faux nice guy' LOVE IT!!!!!!

 

[shan8679]

A FAUX nice guy:

1. CONSTANTLY talks about how much of a nice guy he is and how much he suffers because of it.

2. frequently takes subtle pot shots at women by making comments about how we "have it easy" or "don't appreciate" all of the things men do for us.

3. projects his emotional baggage and insatisfaction with current/past relationships onto other people (all the while being an outsider who REALLY needs to mind his own business and let people sort through their issues on their own).

4. is a MASTER of misdirected anger and aggression. Instead of addressing his issues with the individual women who are fueling his frustration, he will keep his feelings to himself, continue to be an enabler, and take them out on the woman he feels comfortable enough to share with (read: you).

5. is QUICK to always "flip the script" to point out women's hypocrisies, but will twist up his face like he's sucking on a lemon and stop you dead in your tracks when you make anything CLOSE to a blanket statement about men.

6. will pout and give you the silent treatment with the quickness and thinks NOTHING of using your feelings and desire to make him happy against you.

A GENUINE nice guy:

1. rarely talks about how much of a "nice guy" he is. And why would he? His actions are such that YOU will be the one to tell HIM how wonderful he is.

2. has encountered ungrateful women and acknowledges they exist, but has no problem doing things to please a woman worthy of his kindness.

3. checks his baggage at the door is much more concerned about being the best SO he can be than he is seeking validation for his fragile ego from other people's relationships.

4. resolves past issues and/or commits himself to NOT burdening you with his emotional baggage and punishing you for others' crimes.

5. can dish out and take venting.

6. communicates directly and honestly and has no interest in creating tension caused by manipulation.

I agree totally with this post! Thanx for sharing!

 

[Imani]

-Passive aggressive
-Manipulative and very clever
-Sneaky
-Often very popular or well liked, not like in the say "star athlete on campus" way but bc people think he's agreeable/nice. So when he flips the script and u tell anyone about it, they won't believe u or will think it must be u bc he's "such a nice guy".
-Always has to state how nice of a guy he is and that's why girls don't like him. When in reality its bc he's untrustworthy and a whiny *****
-nothing is ever his fault. Nothing. Ever.
-has low self esteem and trust issues
-is really only nice to people to make them like him or to receive something in return bc he isn't confident enough w himself to think people will accept him just by being himself
-when things don't go his way all hell will break loose and the nice facade will quickly go away. And its all ur fault. Or his ex's fault. Or his mommas. Anybody but him.
-very judgemental esp towards women. And esp women who he perceives as "loose"
-always plays the victim and feeds on sympathy. All his exes were evil b*tches, he was picked on as a child, yada yada. He will draw u in and make u feel sorry for him
-sometimes has a very low number of sexual partners and he will tell u its bc of his high morals or respect for women. The real reason is bc his game is wack/he hasn't tried much bc he's afraid of rejection
-does not love himself and probably doesn't have a real understanding of what love is, so can never truly love anyone else either (until he works his issus out)




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