Double standard with interracial marriage and dating!

[DianeDiane]

So I decide to take my son to a playgroup, my husband and I go in there we are both glad that our son is going to make new friends and have fun. So I spot three white women with biracial children not starring at them but just glance......but why am I the only being starred at...I mean these white women were giving the most evil looks....I am 25 years old and these women were young as well...what is the deal with white women and the double standard? The white men just glanced didn't give a nasty or nice look just glanced.

So the teacher was one of them giving nasty looks she would hardly interact with my son. There were two black couples in there (both friendly). The class is $150 and I am debating on whether or not to sign him up regardless of what happened my son had a ball and loved it.

Note: not all the white women were giving dirty looks just the young ones, so I guess it's an immaturity issue? What do you guys think?

 

[january noir]

I am not sure what to make of it.

I am the type of person that would approach the teacher the next time (if you decide to go back) and communicate that you noticed some "discomfort" with others, including herself and ask if there was a problem or some protocol you were not familiar with. I would let her respond.

I would not "go off" or slight my child if it's just a case of "new blood" and territory issues.

I know many women, regardless of color, that size up new people all the time. I don't take offense unless they do or said something stupid or if the behavior continues.

See what happens and if you need tell them to all "take a flying leap through a rolling donut" then do it!

 

[SvelteVelvet]

So your husband is white I take it? I think across the board a black woman with a non black man gets the extra glances and once-overs moreso than the other way around. I can only speak for myself though and I'm not a black man so who knows but I think I myself take more notice and I don't have to be thinking anything bad but I will notice more. I'm dating a white guy now and when we've gone out I've noticed looks from people I probably wouldn't get otherwise.

I feel you a bit on the double-standard tip though, it amazes me how white woman can mate and create with a black man and still have racial feeling, I think it's even stronger toward black women (perhaps because we would be their 'default' competition??..I don't know)

 

[Summer_Rain]

I'm not sure if this is the case in your situation, but IMHO - white women have an absolute sense of superiority. They are free to date mate and marry whomever because of this, and feel that black women are beneath them when it comes to dating white men.

but thats just my measly humble opinion. good thing this thread is in the relationship forum and not OT!

 

[kandyland]

It is definitely a double standard. Not only with white and black. I was having dinner with this cuban guy a while ago. A spanish lady walked in with a black guy and sat across from us. I glanced over and that was it but I kept seeing her looking over there giving us nasty looks. I mean her man was talking to her and she was so caught up with what was going on at our table. I don't even know and can't even speculate what the big difference is.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I'm not sure if this is the case in your situation, but IMHO - white women have an absolute sense of superiority. They are free to date mate and marry whomever because of this, and feel that black women are beneath them when it comes to dating white men.

but thats just my measly humble opinion. good thing this thread is in the relationship forum and not OT!

Lol, I'm gonna go 'there' with you, I totally agree. And my thought is there is usually an underlying feeling they have that their black man is with them because they are 'better' than black women and usually this feeling is even more perpetuated from the mouth of the man they are dating, these men have this 'underlying' feeling too. So when a black woman is seen with 'the next best thing or better = white man' it debunks their whole thinking and causes discomfort for their surface self-esteem/security (their skin).

 

[deltagyrl]

Svelte and Summer gonna get CUT up in here.

 

[FlowerHair]

I'm not sure if this is the case in your situation, but IMHO - white women have an absolute sense of superiority. They are free to date mate and marry whomever because of this, and feel that black women are beneath them when it comes to dating white men.

but thats just my measly humble opinion. good thing this thread is in the relationship forum and not OT!

I have to agree with this one. They feel threatened especially if you happen to be decent looking and happy erplexed
Maybe they want you to lust after their men so they can gloat, but in your case (OP) the roles were reversed.
Don't let it get to you though.

 

[MissYocairis]

I'm not sure if this is the case in your situation, but IMHO - white women have an absolute sense of superiority. They are free to date mate and marry whomever because of this, and feel that black women are beneath them when it comes to dating white men.

but thats just my measly humble opinion. good thing this thread is in the relationship forum and not OT!

I believe this is true. It's an amazing Miss Anne/Scarlett O'Hara complex thingy. They really do see themselves as marginally better than most if not all Black women. They do well to hide it most of the time, but pay attention...it slips out every now and again.

 

[lexi08]

I'm not sure if this is the case in your situation, but IMHO - white women have an absolute sense of superiority. They are free to date mate and marry whomever because of this, and feel that black women are beneath them when it comes to dating white men.

but thats just my measly humble opinion. good thing this thread is in the relationship forum and not OT!

I agree. And don't be nice looking, dress well and intelligent/educated. That really screws some white women up........

 

[lexi08]

I believe this is true. It's an amazing Miss Anne/Scarlett O'Hara complex thingy. They really do see themselves as marginally better than most if not all Black women. They do well to hide it most of the time, but pay attention...it slips out every now and again.

Yep, I caught pure hell from a white female manager I worked for years ago

 

[Bunny77]

I agree. And don't be nice looking, dress well and intelligent/educated. That really screws some white women up........

Or thinner than them... or younger looking than them when you're the same age...or have great hair...

Oh how I love messing with their heads.

Can't wait to do it again this Thursday at a big dinner party!

 

[MissYocairis]

Yep, I caught pure hell from a white female manager I worked for years ago

Exactly! A beautiful, intelligent, articulate, refined Black woman is the WHITE WOMAN'S KRYPTONITE!!!!!!!!!

 

[MissYocairis]

Or thinner than them... or younger looking than them when you're the same age...or have great hair...

Oh how I love messing with their heads.

Can't wait to do it again this Thursday at a big dinner party!

Go'head on and hurt their feelings girl! Put the smackdown! It's high time they let go of the delusion!

 

[audacious1]

 

[Syrah]

So I decide to take my son to a playgroup, my husband and I go in there we are both glad that our son is going to make new friends and have fun. So I spot three white women with biracial children not starring at them but just glance......but why am I the only being starred at...I mean these white women were giving the most evil looks....I am 25 years old and these women were young as well...what is the deal with white women and the double standard? The white men just glanced didn't give a nasty or nice look just glanced.

So the teacher was one of them giving nasty looks she would hardly interact with my son. There were two black couples in there (both friendly). The class is $150 and I am debating on whether or not to sign him up regardless of what happened my son had a ball and loved it.

Note: not all the white women were giving dirty looks just the young ones, so I guess it's an immaturity issue? What do you guys think?

How is that any different from when a brother walks into a room with a sister and we glance (stare, give nasty looks - depending on who's telling the story)?? Does it really matter WHY they glanced/stared/gave a nasty look??

Interracial relationships come with "issues" - not between the parties involved in the relationship, but society's reaction to relationships. Maybe issues isn't the right word - but they bring on situations and encounters that may not otherwise happen in same-race relationships.

My Point: you knew this going into it. You knew there would be some looks, some glances, maybe even some comments depending on what part of the country you're in and the race of you and your husband. You accepted that as a factor you were willing to deal with.

...well, here's one situation. Get to dealing!

You've got the good man and he's there WITH YOU. Let them stare...who cares why. Maybe they're just taking notes...

 

[Syrah]

It is definitely a double standard. Not only with white and black. I was having dinner with this cuban guy a while ago. A spanish lady walked in with a black guy and sat across from us. I glanced over and that was it but I kept seeing her looking over there giving us nasty looks. I mean her man was talking to her and she was so caught up with what was going on at our table. I don't even know and can't even speculate what the big difference is.

Again - is it any different than when a brother walks into a soul food restaurant with a white girl on his arm.

Ya'll don't have to admit it - I glance. And I might glance twice if he's good looking. We look because they got one of OUR men (not ours in the possessive sense, but our men - a black man, a member of OUR community).

...why shouldn't they??

 

[Connie]

I'm not sure if this is the case in your situation, but IMHO - white women have an absolute sense of superiority. They are free to date mate and marry whomever because of this, and feel that black women are beneath them when it comes to dating white men.

but thats just my measly humble opinion. good thing this thread is in the relationship forum and not OT!

IMHO, I agree with the bolded. That color blindness that white women claim when it comes to them dating anyone they want quickly fades when they see a white man being affectionate with anyone other than a white woman.

 

[sharentu]

It is definitely a double standard. Not only with white and black. I was having dinner with this cuban guy a while ago. A spanish lady walked in with a black guy and sat across from us. I glanced over and that was it but I kept seeing her looking over there giving us nasty looks. I mean her man was talking to her and she was so caught up with what was going on at our table. I don't even know and can't even speculate what the big difference is.

i was thinking the same thing. other women can have all the men but black women cant have any men... or just the ones nobody else wants.

 

[Connie]

Another double standard I've noticed is that Black women seem less tolerant of a Black woman dating outside her race than they are of Black men doing it. It appears, at least to me, that we're more accepting when Black sons bring Susie home to meet their Moms, but let a sister bring Zachary home to meet the family and you see a whole different scenario.

Maybe it's just me?

 

[Syrah]

i was thinking the same thing. other women can have all the men but black women cant have any men... or just the ones nobody else wants.

But isn't that how we justify the interracial dating when black men are with white women - we play like they're the men no one else wants (Ice T and Coco vs Taye Diggs and his wife).

When we see a brother with a white woman, the confident side of black women says "there must be something wrong with him, 'cuz there's not a damn thing wrong with us". The meek side of black women has us thinking "wow, what is going on?? Is there something wrong with us??".

Again I wonder - why should it be any different when the tables are turned?? How do we expect them to act??

And the fact that they noticed - is it really a bad thing???

 

[lexi08]

Or thinner than them... or younger looking than them when you're the same age...or have great hair...

Oh how I love messing with their heads.

Can't wait to do it again this Thursday at a big dinner party!

Yeah, I am 10-12 years older than the white women in one of my grad school courses. I look their age , they look a hotmess. When they realized what age range I was in when I mentioned my son was in college, they were like

I thought them chicks were gone pass out

 

[lexi08]

Another double standard I've noticed is that Black women seem less tolerant of a Black woman dating outside her race than they are of Black men doing it. It appears, at least to me, that we're more accepting when Black sons bring Susie home to meet their Moms, but let a sister bring Zachary home to meet the family and you see a whole different scenario.

Maybe it's just me?

Uh.... my brother has a white girlfriend... I ain't down wit it, neither are any other women in my family

 

[Finesse]

Another double standard I've noticed is that Black women seem less tolerant of a Black woman dating outside her race than they are of Black men doing it. It appears, at least to me, that we're more accepting when Black sons bring Susie home to meet their Moms, but let a sister bring Zachary home to meet the family and you see a whole different scenario.

Maybe it's just me?

Imma be honest....I don't want my son bringing home Susie Or Becky. I don't want my daughters bringing home Chad or Biff. I just don't. I know people love who they love, and if this happens I would have to accept it because I love my children.....but if I have my way Son will be with Tanisha and my daughters will be with Malik.

 

[Syrah]

Imma be honest....I don't want my son bringing home Susie Or Becky. I don't want my daughters bringing home Chad or Biff. I just don't. I know people love who they love, and if this happens I would have to accept it because I love my children.....but if I have my way Son will be with Tanisha and my daughters will be with Malik.

I'm just wondering - have you EVER met a white dude named Biff???

 

[Finesse]

I'm just wondering - have you EVER met a white dude named Biff???

Yes, I have It was a nickname tho....at least I hope it was

 

[Connie]

Uh.... my brother has a white girlfriend... I ain't down wit it, neither are any other women in my family

Of course you 'ain't down wit it'; I assuming most Black women aren't. However, they and the entire family seem more likely to come around and accept it as long as their sons are happy. Whereas a black woman seems to catch more flak from Mom, Dad and everyone else for dating a white guy.

Like I said before, it could just appear that way to me. That's why I was posed the question.

 

[Bunny77]

Go'head on and hurt their feelings girl! Put the smackdown! It's high time they let go of the delusion!

I'ma post some pictures.

 

[Connie]

Imma be honest....I don't want my son bringing home Susie Or Becky. I don't want my daughters bringing home Chad or Biff. I just don't. I know people love who they love, and if this happens I would have to accept it because I love my children.....but if I have my way Son will be with Tanisha and my daughters will be with Malik.

Nothing wrong with that. Truth be told, as much as they deny it, if every white parent had their way, no white woman would be dating or marrying a Black man.

I remember reading an article in Essence, where the author stated that it was important that Black mothers start raising their sons to date and marry Black women. You should've seen the mails to the Editor that called that accused that author of being racist. It's okay for other races to instill love and admiration of their culture in their children and encourage them to see the beauty in each other, but let a Black woman say she wants her son to marry a Black women and she's a racist. On the flip side, though, as a Black woman I wouldn't want a Black man who secretly desired to be 'elsewhere', kwim? No matter how much you instill Black love in some men, they'll still want something else, kwim?

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I'm not sure if this is the case in your situation, but IMHO - white women have an absolute sense of superiority. They are free to date mate and marry whomever because of this, and feel that black women are beneath them when it comes to dating white men.

but thats just my measly humble opinion. good thing this thread is in the relationship forum and not OT!

So true especially the bolded.

It's hard to tell whether the experiences of the OP were a result of simple female cattiness, maternal cattiness, or something racial. However, I'll say this. A lot of people erroneously believe that as long as two people love each other that erases all other racial issues between them. It is very possible for people to marry an individual as a result of some racist pathology, or to love the individual, but not respect or even like the culture or race they come from. It's important for people to have open dialogue to address their racial conditioning esp. if they plan to have children. It's not as simple as, we love each other, so that erases decades of conditioning. Very few people IMO want to do the work involved.

Anywayzzz, I've met lots of racist or prejudiced people in interracial relationships (of all races), but in this case I'll address that which the OP is concerned about. Yes, there are white women who have nothing, but disgust for black women, or black people as a whole, but still marry a black man. Actually, that would describe one of my aunts perfectly.