Don't you see how beautiful I am?!?!?

[PeaceFlow]

OK.

I was about to say something, but I have to rewind and lock in on size 22. I'm sorry for that, but I don't think it's warranted to accuse men of being shallow at that size tbh. Especially if you don't want an equally big man, but not sure what you think to that. It's hard to look past.

I was going to say that some women are just attractive whether they are naturally bone thin, average, or overweight. Many others have a large discrepancy between how attractive they are according to their weight fluctuation.
Sometimes losing a lot of weight down grades a person and they should have stuck with average- plump, rather than very slim and vice versa.

When it comes to being extremely thin, or obese there is a drop off from men. In fact its the same the other way around, I believe there is a drop off from women's attention too in those situations. There will still be fans, but unless you have the X factor , as a small proportion of women have at any weight, you will naturally have less admirers.

I just don't think that's shallow. I don't carry weight well beyond the middle of my healthy range so just 18lbs ago I looked like a different person and my body/face looked mumsy. It is what it is. You don't need to be skinny, but you obviously aren't at the point of your optimum attractiveness that's all. It will come

Personally I don't want anyone to feel they have to look past anything. Either they need to like me as a whole, or think I'm hot tamale Technically speaking there's guys who look past me now because I'm not round enough lol. Everyone gets looked over in some way. Being in, or around the healthy weight range will increase your chances of being noticed especially when it works your body shape to the fullest potential. Being slimmish also boosts confidence which is crucial to attracting a mate.

 

[gabulldawg]

Oddly enough many saying it doest matter and glib you are fine just the way you are are married women! What vested interest do they have in a single girls dating life? Hopeful is one of the few married women in this thread who us keeping it real.

Ummm why would any woman be interested in another single womans dating life??? Seriously? erplexed That was half my point! Telling glib about all the changes she needs to make when you (universal) could be using that time to look in the mirror and check yourself. Keeping it real is a matter of opinion. Everyones reality is different.

 

[lushcoils]

And the only people who seem to be offended are FAT women.

I'm not fat, but I don't think they are offended, just stating their reality. Wouldn't you do the same thing if someone posted that a lady that looked like you or had your personality can't attract quality men when you know you can? I see it all the time on this board.

[Funny thing is, you can probably fill in the blanks in the following with what women on here typically deem necessary to get a man. )

Someone posts ... "Men don't like women with ___ (physical characteristic)..." or "men don't like women who don't have ____ physically" or "men don't like women who have a ___ personality" ....

Women with these "unattractive" traits come in and talk about how they have no problem getting men daily.

Now, whether it's true or not, or the exception to rule or not, I don't know. But the women come and defend themselves all the time usually.

 

[RegaLady]

This is long as hell. Sorry.

*************

I think there are two things going on here. On the one hand, yes, on average men do tend to prefer women who are HWP. On the other hand, men also tend to prefer confident, sexy, sensual women. So, IMO, if in your quest to become HWP, you let other WOMEN beat you down and diminish your confidence (which in turn will effect your overall sexiness and sensuality), you are worse off than a heavy woman who is confident. IME, well-adjusted PEOPLE (men included) don't really want to spend their time battling with the insecurities of a friend or lover.

It is a fact that big woman marry. Do they marry at a lower rate? Are their marriages less successful? I have never seen a statistic or study showing that, and I'm sure if such statistics existed, they would have been linked to a thread on this site a long time ago.

It is also a fact that big woman have and can marry good quality men. However, if you have decided that a quality man can't possibly be attracted to you at size 16 and up, well, you've already framed your reality, so poor results will naturally follow.

I think that it is very unlikely that a size 16 plus woman who believes that she is unattractive and that "quality" men are "out of her league" is doing the necessary in terms of flirting, and actively putting herself in the line of sight of men who she feels are "out of her league." Plus, to the extent that she is rejected by such men, she probably blames her weight for those rejections (even without concrete evidence that her weight was the problem) and likely shuts down even more. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and yes, she does eventually become invisible to the men she wants because she MADE herself invisible.

It reminds me of something Oprah said in her Masterclass series. When she auditioned for the Color Purple and initially thought she wasn't going to get the role, she blamed her weight for the failure and went to a fat farm to shed the weight she thought had kept her from getting the role. While at the fat farm, she got a call from Steven Spielberg offering her the part and telling her that she better not lose any weight.

She believed that her weight was an obstacle, when in fact it wasn't. Her insecurity about her weight led her to blame her weight for losses (or presumed losses) in her life that were not in actual fact connected to her weight at all.

I believe that most of the women in this thread mean well, but I can't agree with these ridiculous over-generalizations that are mainly coming from single women about what most "quality" men want. A single woman (myself included) by definition hasn't yet managed to figure out what even one quality man wants, that's why she's still single.

So I'm not going to talk to you about catching a man. I'm trying to talk to you about catching yourself. You get one body in this life. Love that body. You get one soul, one spirit, treat it with kindness. You are not alone in your quest for love, and all of us questers are just trying to figure out the best way to get where we want to be, but like Oscar Wilde said, to love one's self is the beginning of a life-long romance.

Very good post!!!! Especially the bolded because this can apply to anyone regardless of weight, beauty, money, etc. Trust me, there are some thin wome who are having trouble attracting men. And they are probably blaming their lack of boobs, hips, etc.

 

[Allandra]

Closed at request of OP.