Don't you see how beautiful I am?!?!?

[Glib Gurl]

slim toned bootylicious Lisa looking like Flava-Flav's twin stays nicely boo'd up...

^^ the imagery, the imagery!

THIS!! What happens if you lose all the weight and then gain it back due to a medical problem or who knows. Then what?? Pick someone that loves you for you. If you want to Lose the weight, do it for yourself not to gain or attract a man.

^^This is pretty much my biggest fear and, I think, the real reason why I don't lose weight. I lost weight once in college and when I put it back on, it hurt my feelings SO bad . . . that's really what is at the root of this for me.

 

[mischka]

Well, if this bothers you you could always lose weight. Glad other posters pointed that out.

^^This is pretty much my biggest fear and, I think, the real reason why I don't lose weight. I lost weight once in college and when I put it back on, it hurt my feelings SO bad . . . that's really what is at the root of this for me.

This is a poor excuse, frankly. That's like saying I shouldn't plan for my life and do anything with my life because I COULD die tomorrow. I could but that doesn't mean it's going to happen or that I shouldn't do the best for right now instead of some unknown pessimistic future.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Well, if this bothers you you could always lose weight. Glad other posters pointed that out.

This is a poor excuse, frankly. That's like saying I shouldn't plan for my life and do anything with my life because I COULD die tomorrow. I could but that doesn't mean it's going to happen or that I shouldn't do the best for right now instead of some unknown pessimistic future.

Hey, I never said it was a rational fear Plus we all know people who do just what you said - put their lives on hold because they *might* (well, will) die someday. It's all mental.

 

[Syrah]

Wow hopeful. Great thoughts.

 

[glam-]

Hmm...I think there are men out there who prefer all sorts of things. Fat, skinny, in between, obese, skeletal, I feel like everywhere I look I see it all. What I often wonder is why women are looking to attract men that aren't attracted to what they are, and bypassing the men who are? My sis has weight issues and major low self-esteem. She's a beautiful girl, and plenty of men would love to date woman of her looks AND size. She seems to think these are unicorns, while I see (and hear of them) them everywhere.

In the end, I think it has more to do with whether you truly see it and feel convinced enough of it to ignore the guys that don't. If, however, you really want to be one of those girls that attracts guys who like 'em thinner...that's also possible. Just gotta decide what you want for yourself--and then go get it!

THIS!! What happens if you lose all the weight and then gain it back due to a medical problem or who knows. Then what?? Pick someone that loves you for you. If you want to Lose the weight, do it for yourself not to gain or attract a man.

ETA: I say this as a overweight and married woman.

I know you, so I know you are beautiful. And, you are doing all of the right things to lose weight. Losing weight is always a good thing, of course, so continue on that journey- but don't feel like you have to wait to date til you reach your goal. There are and will be men who like you, and you just have to figure out if you like them, too.

I've been a size 4 and now I am a whole lot bigger. My DH met me when I was on the heavier side and I was probably at my max weight on our wedding day. I hated that, but it's nice knowing that my DH finds me sexy.

From my dating days, I can say that nothing hurts worse than a man telling you he likes you but wishes you were smaller. So I echo Magnolia 85's thoughts- there will be someone who loves you for the whole Glib journey, keep doing the right things as far as your health & weight, and try not to worry about men who prefer something else, it will only make you feel bad (which could in turn hinder your efforts to be healthier).

 

[mischka]

Hey, I never said it was a rational fear Plus we all know people who do just what you said - put their lives on hold because they *might* (well, will) die someday. It's all mental.

I just hope you don't get stuck in a state of irrational thoughts and denial because you do recognize the futility of this emotion yet it seems a bit as if you're justifying it. It's good to recognize when you are not being rational, and that you hold the keys to your solution, as long as you go ahead and implement it instead of resting on it.

 

[kweenameena]

This sound so sweet but lets keep it real. The weight matters to most men. Yeah confidence will make him stick around BUT what about getting him in the first place?

No offense to you Glib and not directed at you Kweenameena.....but I get so sick and tired of this kumbaya women sing to other women who are overweight when they express frustration with men who doesn't notice them ESPECIALLY when they have a very pretty face while slim toned bootylicious Lisa looking like Flava-Flav's twin stays nicely boo'd up...

I feel you, I feel you, I feel you! And I agree that the physical package can sometimes trump what's inside. But fat or skinny....men love women who love themselves. Also, it's hard to lose weight and keep it off when you haven't dealt with what made you fat in the first place. The weight gain was caused by something...and if it ain't medical....more than likely that something still needs to be dealt with. Fat or skinny.

This is coming from a fat size 14 chick.

My negative energy from my negative thoughts were blocking my man flow. Then I found me an arrogant friend and a bit of the arrongance rubbed off on me. I decided that it was so much more fun loving me as opposed to beating myself up or questioning myself. Suprisingly, the men started sniffing around way more wondering what's going on over here. Why is she so darn happy? Now I'm sure there will be more men once I lose weight but just by changing my attitude, I've increased the man flow. Baby steps, right?

 

[Windsy]

I feel you, I feel you, I feel you! And I agree that the physical package can sometimes trump what's inside. But fat or skinny....men love women who love themselves. Also, it's hard to lose weight and keep it off when you haven't dealt with what made you fat in the first place. The weight gain was caused by something...and if it ain't medical....more than likely that something still needs to be dealt with. Fat or skinny.

This is coming from a fat size 14 chick.

My negative energy from my negative thoughts were blocking my man flow. Then I found me an arrogant friend and a bit of the arrongance rubbed off on me. I decided that it was so much more fun loving me as opposed to beating myself up or questioning myself. Suprisingly, the men started sniffing around way more wondering what's going on over here. Why is she so darn happy? Now I'm sure there will be more men once I lose weight but just by changing my attitude, I've increased the man flow. Baby steps, right?

and I couldn't help but at the bolded.

 

[caltron]

Yeah, but once you've been with a man that long, he will have grown to love the real you and not the superficial--that is, if he's a worthwhile fellow.

First off, I just want to say that I would tell any woman to maintain a healthy weight and to keep up her appearance mainly for her own self esteem. Male attention is just an extra benefit.

Thaat being said, appearance is important to the extent it allows you hook the guys in and give you an opportunity for them to get acquainted with the real you. It's kind of unfair, but it is what it is. Men are very visual creatures.

But the upshot is that beauty is not enough to keep a man. It's much easier to lose weight or throw on some sexy clothes than it is to have inner beauty. Also, men's standards are much lower than women's when it comes to beauty. It doesn't take a whole lot to make them happy.

 

[NaturalRed]

Well, my fat is not blocking my beauty. I met my current SO when I was a lil heavier. I started losing weight because I wanted to. It's never been a problem for him or any other guy that I have dated.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Meh. I'm already losing weight. (Lost 18lbs so far.) Working out several times a week and cutting back on junk. (Need to cut it out altogether.) I'm just frustrated is all.

Congratulations! I'm losing weight too and it feels damn good. I have cut back on meat and can't believe how fast I'm losing weight. I was never a junk food fan. I feel good. I understand your frustration.

 

[Papoose]

I feel you, I feel you, I feel you! And I agree that the physical package can sometimes trump what's inside. But fat or skinny....men love women who love themselves. Also, it's hard to lose weight and keep it off when you haven't dealt with what made you fat in the first place. The weight gain was caused by something...and if it ain't medical....more than likely that something still needs to be dealt with. Fat or skinny.

This is coming from a fat size 14 chick.

My negative energy from my negative thoughts were blocking my man flow. Then I found me an arrogant friend and a bit of the arrongance rubbed off on me. I decided that it was so much more fun loving me as opposed to beating myself up or questioning myself. Suprisingly, the men started sniffing around way more wondering what's going on over here. Why is she so darn happy? Now I'm sure there will be more men once I lose weight but just by changing my attitude, I've increased the man flow. Baby steps, right?

OT: Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider a size 14 fat. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get shot for that on this board.

Anyway Glib, hang in there and focus on feeling good about you. It sounds like there is still some work to do. While I do agree that some men (especially those of a certain social class) prefer slimmer women, I know plenty of women of all sizes that get love. I must echo the sentiments that confidence is key. When you add a deep love for self to the equation, you will be a force to be reckoned with! Keep working out for your health & working on you.

 

[kweenameena]

Actually my mindset is massively above and beyond what it used to be. I'm actually pretty confident these days. Therefore I'm pissed right now (as opposed to be sad I like I ordinarily would be). LOL.

I didn't mean to offend. Sometimes there's still a bit more work to do and I'm mostly speaking of myself. I'm getting there and I'm better but I still have work to do.

OT: Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider a size 14 fat. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get shot for that on this board.

Awww...I could just kiss you for that
Many moons ago...I got up to a 14 and I was fierce!!!!! Little waist, flat stomach, big old child-bearing hips, nice juicy booty....but my current size 14 came with big ole arms that have wings, buttered rolls around my waist, and a 4 month pregnant belly.

ETA: I'm almost 5'7

 

[CurlyMoo]

OT: Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider a size 14 fat. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get shot for that on this board.

Anyway Glib, hang in there and focus on feeling good about you. It sounds like there is still some work to do. While I do agree that some men (especially those of a certain social class) prefer slimmer women, I know plenty of women of all sizes that get love. I must echo the sentiments that confidence is key. When you add a deep love for self to the equation, you will be a force to be reckoned with! Keep working out for your health & working on you.

I think it depends on your height and where you hold your weight but yeah it's considered fat. Our frame is meant to hold only a certain amount of weight, but being fat isn't the end of the world. This is about your health.

 

[ellegantelle]

I know that there are posters in here that have the belief that a woman's weight determines whether or not they will find "the one" or whether or not a man will consider them as attractive. I believe that there are SOME men that feel this way, but to give someone the idea that most or all men feel this way is a bit extreme.

I believe that there are some men that are so wrapped up in the physical beauty of a woman that they feel certain women are too overweight or too fat to be considered attractive. But there are some men out there that love bigger women. Just like there are some women out there that love bigger men. Some women can look at a man the size of Rick Ross and start drooling.

I think there are more parts to the package that attract a man. If a woman is overweight or fat with confidence, carries herself well, etc., she will be seen more than a woman that is carrying herself sloppily with low self esteem. I know plenty of women that are darn near pimps and are considered to be overweight or fat. And men fall weak to them. Then there are others that got their SO while being that size/weight...so I think it is too much of a generalization to imply that no woman can get a man if they are overweight are fat.

Glib, just keep doing you girl. Obviously they don't see you for who you are and that just means that they are not deserving of you. You have too much to offer to be overlooked by men that are only into someone's physical beauty. And when you least expect it, the right man will come along!!

And I do want to reiterate that I am sensing people feel this way, I might be wrong. It's just my humble opinion. That is all.

 

[mischka]

I know that there are posters in here that have the belief that a woman's weight determines whether or not they will find "the one" or whether or not a man will consider them as attractive. I believe that there are SOME men that feel this way, but to give someone the idea that most or all men feel this way is a bit extreme.

Idk. I think it's more about whether or not weight impedes you from attracting men, and if you think your weight is in the way, it probably is. I don't think being overweight will prevent anyone from finding "the one." I think it could make the process take a whole lot longer than it might otherwise, though.

 

[tatiana]

I have notice that short and heavy women get more love than tall and heavy. Tall is 5'7" and over.

Glib, do you wear glasses? If so, lose them. Men prefer women that do not wear eye glasses. This preference is true for women also.

Men do not care about a woman's education level or if she went to an Ivy league school. They do not care if a woman is independent and got her own place. Only thugs care because they hid behind her credit.

Glib, do you smile a lot? Do you wear dresses? Do you wear bright colors? Do you let a man open the door for you? Do you wear make-up? Do you try tell a man what to do? Do you swear in public?

Yes, being overweight does reduce your dating pool but they are other factors besides weight that could be hurting your chances as well.

 

[Theo]

Actually my mindset is massively above and beyond what it used to be. I'm actually pretty confident these days. Therefore I'm pissed right now (as opposed to be sad I like I ordinarily would be). LOL.

^^THIS I can definitely related to. This guy was acting up and I was heated! I was like why doesn't he realize how great I am? You big dummy! #fredsanford

Then I was like... that's different.... Why I don't feel sad? I'm just pissed!

 

[Glib Gurl]

I didn't mean to offend. Sometimes there's still a bit more work to do and I'm mostly speaking of myself. I'm getting there and I'm better but I still have work to do.

No offense taken at all!

Glib, do you wear glasses? If so, lose them. Men prefer women that do not wear eye glasses. This preference is true for women also.


Glib, do you smile a lot? Do you wear dresses? Do you wear bright colors? Do you let a man open the door for you? Do you wear make-up? Do you try tell a man what to do? Do you swear in public?

Yes, being overweight does reduce your dating pool but they are other factors besides weight that could be hurting your chances as well.

Lose the glasses? Check.
Smile a lot? Check.
Wait for doors? Check.
Bright colors? Check.
Makeup? Check.
Tell a man what to do? Er . . . well, uh . . .
Swear in public? Unfortunately yes . . . but only disretely *lol*

 

[VelvetRain]

Meh. I'm already losing weight. (Lost 18lbs so far.) Working out several times a week and cutting back on junk. (Need to cut it out altogether.) I'm just frustrated is all.

Glib keep going with your program. Things will come full circle for you. I have lost two pants sizes to date and have definitely started attracting a better caliber of men and stares. Because of the weight loss my confidence with regards to dating has increased. I feel more comfortable in my own skin. Stay focused until you meet your goal!

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

No offense taken at all!



Lose the glasses? Check.
Smile a lot? Check.
Wait for doors? Check.
Bright colors? Check.
Makeup? Check.
Tell a man what to do? Er . . . well, uh . . .
Swear in public? Unfortunately yes . . . but only disretely *lol*

huh? I missed the memo, men like different things and I've never met a man who didnt like my glasses. I'M the one usually trying to ditch them somewhere. Your weight? Some men like traditional build (been watching the no1 ladies' detective agency lol) and some dont. Glib, some of this mess will have you scraping the bottom of the barrel for a dollop of self esteem because women are telling you what they dont like. Just be yourself lady. You got it. There are things about you that many women only wish they could possess and will never be able to grasp so just chill.

 

[lushcoils]

Well, if it makes you feel any better. I'm slim and don't really get any male attention either, so it's not always about weight.

 

[mischka]

I'm neither slim nor fat and I think I get a lot of attention. Maybe that's the answer

 

[naijamade79]

It makes sense to lose the weight for you and not to attract any man....I met my sweetie when I was 200lbs and he loved every bit of my 200lbs....I have since lost 40lbs and have 20 more to go. He never told me I needed to lose weight, but was very supportive and even worked out with me at the gym. I love him so much for that. There are definitely good men out there that will want you whether your overweight or not. ((big Hugs))

 

[NaijaTroll]

^what is good for you might not be what Glib considers to be "good"
She likes a certain TYPE and that TYPE usually doesnt go for bigger women.

It is what it is and like Wndsy, Im also over the faux Kumbaya.

 

[hopeful]

^^ the imagery, the imagery!



^^This is pretty much my biggest fear and, I think, the real reason why I don't lose weight. I lost weight once in college and when I put it back on, it hurt my feelings SO bad . . . that's really what is at the root of this for me.

I wanted to comment on the bolded. In 2009 I lost about 35 pounds. I was so close to reaching my goal weight I could taste it. I have somehow managed 18 months later to put every single pound back on. Glib I weigh the EXACT same I weighed when I started the weight loss in 2009. It's crazy. That is really why I sought therapy. This has been happening to me for years now. And it kinda breaks something in you. You think why bother? I'm just gonna gain it all back. What's underneath it all for me is very painful. But I believe once I heal the root pain/cause/subconscious negative thinking I will be free. Just saying all this to say I feel you. And also to anyone who loves being fat and/or thinks they are supposed to be 200 pounds or more and it's all good, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Glib and women like myself who are not comfortable being overweight and want to be slimmer and healthier but struggle.

 

[anon123]

One thing I never understand in these discussions: isn't most of America overweight? It must be true that most women in relationships are overweight, too.

 

[mischka]

Hmmm Idk. If America is half fat, America is also half skinny (or at least not fat). That would still allow for thinner people to have less trouble with relationships.

 

[Theo]

One thing I never understand in these discussions: isn't most of America overweight? It must be true that most women in relationships are overweight, too.

mwedzi

You always make so much sense

 

[Poohbear]

Glib Gurl - No offense but how big are you? I see all these other people talking about you being overweight and needing to lose weight. How much do you weigh and what's your height? I haven't seen a body picture of you so I'm asking out of ignorance.

And I agree with NaturalDetroit. Men like all shapes and sizes. I see nice looking in-shape men with big women all the time.