With all the domestic abuse talk going around it sad that you never know who is being abused at home. It could be the coworker sitting right across from you. Has anyone ever known someone who was a victim of domestic violence. Have you yourself experienced DV? if so what advice did you give the person. If it was you, how did you find the courage to leave?
Domestic Abuse
- Thread starter syze6
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Mitre
Well-Known Member
My pregnant cousin husband took her to a KKK meeting, knock her to the ground and left. Well, needless to say, she file charges, had him arrested and left the home with their 1 year old child.
She stayed at family members and after a month dropped all charges and moved back home with her KKKlan husband. The next day she posted on Facebook roses she got for valentines. Oh well...
My aunt, the psychotherapist, talked to her during the month she stayed with them. The morning that she left she told my aunt to stay out of her life and that she loved her husband. My aunt told her next time she will not put her family at risk to help her since he may be a member of the KKK.
You cannot really help someone if they do not want help or think they need help.
She stayed at family members and after a month dropped all charges and moved back home with her KKKlan husband. The next day she posted on Facebook roses she got for valentines. Oh well...
My aunt, the psychotherapist, talked to her during the month she stayed with them. The morning that she left she told my aunt to stay out of her life and that she loved her husband. My aunt told her next time she will not put her family at risk to help her since he may be a member of the KKK.
You cannot really help someone if they do not want help or think they need help.
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LovelyLouboutin
Well-Known Member
My godsis was physically abused. She wouldn't listen to any of us when we told her to leave. She had to do it on her own terms. She's been out of that relationship almost 2 years now and I'm so proud of her.
My little cousin's husband verbally abused her. Their marriage didn't even last 6 months. I'm glad she was strong enough to know that mess was not ok. She divorced and married her high school sweetheart who adores her.
My little cousin's husband verbally abused her. Their marriage didn't even last 6 months. I'm glad she was strong enough to know that mess was not ok. She divorced and married her high school sweetheart who adores her.
Lilmama1011
Well-Known Member
I don't know anyone personally. But I had a old boss who was in one. She was white and her husband was her first. She always talked about it was great that you experience other men because she only had one and her imagination goes wild and she is bored with her marriage. Anyway she moved on to a new job and she came in and visited and kept drinking and one of my black bosses said "What's going on Melissa, your drinking so much, what's up with you?" and she broke down crying. They brought her in the back and she explained that her husband thought she was cheating and was hitting her. She said she actually passed out with a blow to the head. It was terrible. I don't know how long this was going on and was it going on while she was working there.
julzinha
Well-Known Member
My family is African, and all the African ladies know some DV stories. And it truly bothers me how Africans view domestic violence, its very different from the American context. For many Africans people know a husband is hitting his wife, but people don't really intervene and there is a lot of pressure on the wife to go back to her husband. My mom even said that when an African man hits his wife, it's not like Americans. She said it's more of like a one or two time thing and it's not how they regularly are.
Stories
1. My aunt's bff met and liked a man (West African). They were talking for a few months and everything seemed great, then they got married (the courting period is ususally really short). Soon after the marriage they moved to another state, very far from the community. He started hitting her regularly, police never called. But the families were called to intervene. They pretty much told him to stop hitting her, but no one expected her to leave. Some of his brothers didn't even want to get involved.
2. Husband and wife arguing and he starts to beat her. Their daughter, who learned in school that when you see things like this call the police. The daughter called the police and the father was arrested then let go. Many of the adults were angry at the daughter for calling the police, because Africans handle things at home. They're still together
3. My dad used to rent out our basement (It looked like an apartment). My aunt also lived there (multiple rooms). One night, the husband started beating his wife really badly and it woke my aunt up and she tried to break it up and he pushed her out the way. The wife left the next day for some time, my dad had to tell him not to beat his wife in our house. The wife eventually came back.
4. My uncle used to beat his wife really badly, she eventually left for some time then came back. I don't think he beats her anymore.
Stories
1. My aunt's bff met and liked a man (West African). They were talking for a few months and everything seemed great, then they got married (the courting period is ususally really short). Soon after the marriage they moved to another state, very far from the community. He started hitting her regularly, police never called. But the families were called to intervene. They pretty much told him to stop hitting her, but no one expected her to leave. Some of his brothers didn't even want to get involved.
2. Husband and wife arguing and he starts to beat her. Their daughter, who learned in school that when you see things like this call the police. The daughter called the police and the father was arrested then let go. Many of the adults were angry at the daughter for calling the police, because Africans handle things at home. They're still together
3. My dad used to rent out our basement (It looked like an apartment). My aunt also lived there (multiple rooms). One night, the husband started beating his wife really badly and it woke my aunt up and she tried to break it up and he pushed her out the way. The wife left the next day for some time, my dad had to tell him not to beat his wife in our house. The wife eventually came back.
4. My uncle used to beat his wife really badly, she eventually left for some time then came back. I don't think he beats her anymore.
^^ it's really sad. I've heard the following from fellow Africans:
- Women who leave their husbands after being beaten, and run away to a relative's for example, are told they need to go back.
- Abused women are told "he loves you, he wouldn't beat you if he didn't love you."
- There's a mentality that you never tell someone to leave their husband even if they're being abused.
- Women who leave their husbands after being beaten, and run away to a relative's for example, are told they need to go back.
- Abused women are told "he loves you, he wouldn't beat you if he didn't love you."
- There's a mentality that you never tell someone to leave their husband even if they're being abused.
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
My cousin was abused and her mom tried to help but she refused to leave. Then, my mom tried to help her leave because she asked for help and she told her boyfriend that my mom was trying to break them up. We'll this man tried to step to my mom but mind you I have six brothers so it didn't turn out well for him.
I learned that women aren't going to leave until they're ready to leave and there's nothing that anyone can do about it. My brother is an Assistant Police Chief for a major metropolitan area and he said most policeman hate to go on DV calls because the women will flip on you. They'll call 911 but usually by the time police arrive they've changed their minds and the situation becomes volatile quickly.
I learned that women aren't going to leave until they're ready to leave and there's nothing that anyone can do about it. My brother is an Assistant Police Chief for a major metropolitan area and he said most policeman hate to go on DV calls because the women will flip on you. They'll call 911 but usually by the time police arrive they've changed their minds and the situation becomes volatile quickly.
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hothair
Well-Known Member
A friend told me she and her husband used to come to blows (he is about 6 5" a drunk, womaniser and deadbeat). She kicked him out for almost 2 years (for the womanising not the fights and deadbeatness), he came round all the time supposedly for the kids even when they were away with relatives. He steals money from her then she tells me recently he's moved back in.
She is not ready for life.
My aunt got punched by her husband when we were kids, the family intervened, he never did it again but always had these mad rages (no physical contact) he died a few years ago and she got everything.
Another friend (in ATL) met some dude online and let him move in, she was constantly abused, she got estranged from her family, she lost a baby and got pregnant again for him. She moved when he went out to work and left no forwarding details. He has not seen her nor the child since then. She is now remarried to a normal dude with a baby.
My problem with these women is that they pretty much run their houses without help from these men, infact in the first instance the deadbeat is an added expense (and serial thief and waste of oxygen and has nada so no long term financial benefit and wack sex - she told me all this) she is the only friend I'm aware of in this sort of situation right now but I guess half a turd of man is better than no man.
I watch from the sidelines. I am not Captain Save-a-Dumbass. If we were in the West I'd tell her to see a therapist.
I think we need to raise more daughters with self esteem I am constantly disgusted by shenanigans from well educated, wealthy women. I tend to stay away, most people leave when they want even if they walk out naked.
She is not ready for life.
My aunt got punched by her husband when we were kids, the family intervened, he never did it again but always had these mad rages (no physical contact) he died a few years ago and she got everything.
Another friend (in ATL) met some dude online and let him move in, she was constantly abused, she got estranged from her family, she lost a baby and got pregnant again for him. She moved when he went out to work and left no forwarding details. He has not seen her nor the child since then. She is now remarried to a normal dude with a baby.
My problem with these women is that they pretty much run their houses without help from these men, infact in the first instance the deadbeat is an added expense (and serial thief and waste of oxygen and has nada so no long term financial benefit and wack sex - she told me all this) she is the only friend I'm aware of in this sort of situation right now but I guess half a turd of man is better than no man.
I watch from the sidelines. I am not Captain Save-a-Dumbass. If we were in the West I'd tell her to see a therapist.
I think we need to raise more daughters with self esteem I am constantly disgusted by shenanigans from well educated, wealthy women. I tend to stay away, most people leave when they want even if they walk out naked.
julzinha
Well-Known Member
I, wholeheartedly, agree! Women have to respect themselves enough to know they deserve better. Many women in DV relationships stay because they feel like no one else will love them. We have to teach women that respecting your being means never letting a person come into your space and disrespect you or your body.
Also, like a lot of the ladies said, these women have so many people around them willing to help but refuse to take it. It's sad, but no one can make them leave but them. For some women it is after the first hit and for others it takes death.
This reminds me of Hit the Floor (random), but Jelena has issues with women because her mother was a DV victim and she thought her mother was weak for never leaving.
caribeandiva
Human being
caribeandiva
Human being
One of my best friend's mom was beat regularly by her dad. He beat her so bad that she went deaf in one ear. He died a few years ago and I couldn't be happier. He was a total deadbeat/loser/leech. 
Heck he called my dad to take her to the hospital once when she was in labor because he REFUSED to buy a car for the family. He also had kids with other women who he chose to give all his money to. I need to calm down cuz i'm getting angry just writing this. And no she never left him until he died. 
Heck he called my dad to take her to the hospital once when she was in labor because he REFUSED to buy a car for the family. He also had kids with other women who he chose to give all his money to. I need to calm down cuz i'm getting angry just writing this. And no she never left him until he died.
Mitre
Well-Known Member
I agree children need to be taught both Self Esteem and Abusive Awareness. Abusive Behavior Awareness is important so one can not only know what red flags to look for but also why the abusive person act out, what to do, and when to leave the relationship.
If Abusive Awareness is not being taught at school then it must be taught at home. Adults and children alike should know what the root cause of abusive behavior.
Abuse not only occurs at home- domestically, it also occurs at schools, at the office, locally, nationally, globally... Frankly, it is an entitlement global epidemic.
If Abusive Awareness is not being taught at school then it must be taught at home. Adults and children alike should know what the root cause of abusive behavior.
Abuse not only occurs at home- domestically, it also occurs at schools, at the office, locally, nationally, globally... Frankly, it is an entitlement global epidemic.
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
My ex was verbally abusive. He called me the B word, called me fat (immediately aftr having our sons) and was just flat out disrespectful. He was jealous, insecure and an alcoholic. I left him when my youngest son was 1 and never looked back.
Country gal
Well-Known Member
Prettymetty- kudos on moving on. How did you have the strength? So many abused women stay on despite being treated poorly.
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
Country gal I didn't want my boys to grow up in a hostile environment or see their mother getting disrespected. I wasn't happy and I refused to spend my youth in an unhappy marriage. Our divorce was finalized last year (praise God)!
Country gal
Well-Known Member
Good for you. Stay strong. I am glad you had the strength to leave for your kids.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
I have advised women that if a man goes upside your head to go upside the man's head with a cast iron skillet or aluminum bat like I did. Every woman I know personally that was in a DV situation didn't have to leave because they fought the men back. The men realized they were not taking it lying down so they stop trying to hit their women.
Two of my male cousins and I ended up having to take DV classes and were on probation so the judicial system taught us all a lesson.
I agree that majority of DV victims will only leave when they finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I would never allow a man to beat or disrespect me because my mother was a grit throwing, slice you up kinda woman. In present times my mother would have probably been arrested and ordered to take DV classes. My father knew better than to go there.
Two of my male cousins and I ended up having to take DV classes and were on probation so the judicial system taught us all a lesson.
I agree that majority of DV victims will only leave when they finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I would never allow a man to beat or disrespect me because my mother was a grit throwing, slice you up kinda woman. In present times my mother would have probably been arrested and ordered to take DV classes. My father knew better than to go there.
hothair
Well-Known Member
By the way that friend (story above) told me dude "raped" her the other day, she mentioned really casual-like in conversation, then tried to make out it was because he was so overwhelmed with lust and she was not in the mood. I just looked at her and said nothing. I believe I have done and said everything I should and could as a well meaning human again back to the sidelines....
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