Does Fate Determine who you will marry? or you?

[Dellas]

I have a question for you smart/wise women.

I have notice that if women accept those who are automatically attracted to them and stop fighting against the grain then they are much happier.

Stars:
Halle liked herself some brothers. Always went after a certain type ..who
seem to cheat on her and beat her. Her most successful relationship
so far (from what I see) is with a yt male who (hopefully) adores her.
Jennifer Lopez married a man who been chasing her for years. Did not seem to be her type and was good friend.

Now, my friends who been waiting for years finally settled and ended up with the type of guy they aways wanted to avoid and was running from.
Ex. Nikki- Light skin chic into skin color wanted a light skin man but only dark skin men approached her. She finally gave in.
Ex. Amanda-Dark skin girl love light skin men but they dogged her out. She
married a nice brown skin guy who adored her.
This is not about skin color because I can put in the words short or tall or skinny or fat.
For me: I like smart, skin color don't matter, tall guys. I keep getting hard
working give a brotha a chance Joe whose usually short with a
small belly. I am like DANG. Do I need to dress better to attract
something different or is it FATE?

 

[JustKiya]

My first thought is that the 'smart' guys and the 'give a brotha a chance' guy most likely don't hang out in the same place. You might not need to change your outfit, but changing your stomping grounds would be a wise first move.

Second, I think that while physical attributes are important - you need to check out the man behind the belly to see if the non-physical attributes match up to what you want. If they do - you have to decide then what's important - having the man whose exterior doesn't match, or having the man whose interior does match. If you are lucky enough to find one where exterior and interior match what you want - hopefully, he wants you too. That's where fate comes in, I think.

 

[Ramya]

I don't believe in fate. Fate can be easily manipulated. I attract different kinds of men based on certain variables. It's too predictable.

 

[MrsHouston]

I have a question for you smart/wise women.

I have notice that if women accept those who are automatically attracted to them and stop fighting against the grain then they are much happier.

Stars:
Halle liked herself some brothers. Always went after a certain type ..who
seem to cheat on her and beat her. Her most successful relationship
so far (from what I see) is with a yt male who (hopefully) adores her.
Jennifer Lopez married a man who been chasing her for years. Did not seem to be her type and was good friend.

Now, my friends who been waiting for years finally settled and ended up with the type of guy they aways wanted to avoid and was running from.
Ex. Nikki- Light skin chic into skin color wanted a light skin man but only dark skin men approached her. She finally gave in.
Ex. Amanda-Dark skin girl love light skin men but they dogged her out. She
married a nice brown skin guy who adored her.
This is not about skin color because I can put in the words short or tall or skinny or fat.
For me: I like smart, skin color don't matter, tall guys. I keep getting hard
working give a brotha a chance Joe whose usually short with a
small belly. I am like DANG. Do I need to dress better to attract
something different or is it FATE?

I really believe this is a result of "her" and other women being disfunctional themselves. You must be "whole" before you seek a mate, otherwise you'll attractive the wrong type/or same type of disfunctional male/woman.

I think these woman finally got "themselves" together first and was able to then understand better what they needed in a mate.

 

[FlowerHair]

I really believe this is a result of "her" and other women being disfunctional themselves. You must be "whole" before you seek a mate, otherwise you'll attractive the wrong type/or same type of disfunctional male/woman.

I think these woman finally got "themselves" together first and was able to then understand better what they needed in a mate.

ITA.

That is so true.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

You know, it's so funny you bring this thread up OP because a girlfriend and I were JUST talking about this topic on the phone last night!!

We were both saying how we were sick and tired of being single blah blah blah .....and I started to mention how now that I have *finally* moved on from a "rollercoaster ride" of a "relationship" (if you can even call it that ) with a guy friend of mine, I am now truly honestly READY for a SERIOUS man...no more game playing.

I can already tell that I have grown in this area, and that the type of guys I'm attracted to has changed somewhat. I am not into the "game players" anymore, and now I just want a guy who is truly interested in ME. One that I can half-way stand.

My girlfriend and I both agreed that we've seen it work out the best for women when the women were just happy in their lives and happened to stumble across a guy who was interested in THEM. We both agreed that it's almost like you have to just pick and choose from the guys who are interested in you FIRST and foremost...instead of being attracted to a guy, and "TRYING" to establish a connection w/him or make him like you back. I could be wrong though...

Ladies?? Your thoughts??

I really believe this is a result of "her" and other women being disfunctional themselves. You must be "whole" before you seek a mate, otherwise you'll attractive the wrong type/or same type of disfunctional male/woman.

I think these woman finally got "themselves" together first and was able to then understand better what they needed in a mate.

I agree with this whole-heartedly! I think that makes a BIG difference even in which guy the woman ends up attracted to. Sometimes when you get yourself together, and have completely "healed" from past hurt, pain, and emotional turmoil, this is when you may find that even the TYPES of guys you are attracted to change, and you end up being more "into" guys who are actually GOOD for you.


I hate to think that things have to be left up to "fate" though. I don't like feeling like I just have to take whatever guy comes around, or I have to only choose from the guys that already like me. But honestly...this is what I have noticed. If I just liked the guys that 100% liked me, things would be sooo much easier!

 

[Bunny77]

My girlfriend and I both agreed that we've seen it work out the best for women when the women were just happy in their lives and happened to stumble across a guy who was interested in THEM. We both agreed that it's almost like you have to just pick and choose from the guys who are interested in you FIRST and foremost...instead of being attracted to a guy, and "TRYING" to establish a connection w/him or make him like you back. I could be wrong though...

Ladies?? Your thoughts??

At the bolded... OF COURSE! Most definitely!

As I've mentioned, dating became so much easier and less stressful for me when the man was first interested in me and then worked to win me over. I never established anything when I was interested first and then tried to win HIM over.

In cases where these are not already men that you know, then they can decide pretty quickly if you're someone they want to pursue for a potential relationship or not. If it's gotten to the point where you've developed a crush, but it's unrequited, sorry, but things usually aren't going to proceed... because he should have started showing interest in the time that you started crushing. Crushes don't usually happen overnight -- you usually have to be around someone enough for a crush to develop. In that period of time, the man could have made a move if he was interested.

I hate to think that things have to be left up to "fate" though. I don't like feeling like I just have to take whatever guy comes around, or I have to only choose from the guys that already like me. But honestly...this is what I have noticed. If I just liked the guys that 100% liked me, things would be sooo much easier!

On this part, I say different strokes for different folks. For ME, waiting on "fate" has never worked. Everything I've gained in my life has resulted from direct action on my part, and I found that when I took the "sit back and wait" approach in relationships, it wasn't successful. Nor was just hoping I'd "stumble across a guy." So I had to go back to what worked best for me in the rest of my life and apply it to relationships as well.

I know it sounds like I'm contradicting myself, but I'm really not! I'm just saying that I had to make more of an effort to put myself in the paths of more men -- because my job/career/lifestyle wasn't exactly making fateful meetings possible -- and I had to put out a different persona than the "friend girl sports buddy chick" when I was out and about.

Once I gave off more of a reserved, yet interested vibe, AND stepped outside of the socially dead circles that I was in, more men were drawn to me. THEN I sat back and let them compete for me!

 

[Ms Red]

I think you attract what you ready for. . . and you attract what you are putting out.

 

[beaux cheveux]

People shouldn't rely on something as vague as Fate when choosing their life partner.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I know it sounds like I'm contradicting myself, but I'm really not! I'm just saying that I had to make more of an effort to put myself in the paths of more men -- because my job/career/lifestyle wasn't exactly making fateful meetings possible -- and I had to put out a different persona than the "friend girl sports buddy chick" when I was out and about.

Once I gave off more of a reserved, yet interested vibe, AND stepped outside of the socially dead circles that I was in, more men were drawn to me. THEN I sat back and let them compete for me!

Thanks for your input Bunny!

I am starting to realize that maybe I need to change up my "persona" a little bit too in order to attract more men. :scratchch I'm not saying I"m going to change my whole personality for some guy , but I DO notice that I was attracting more guys when I was more "aloof" or...sorry....wrong word...when I was just more RESERVED instead of happy-go-lucky like I am now.

Don't get me wrong...my natural personality is a little on the goofy side. But I do have a serious side too. My only beef is that in the past people used to take my "quiet" reserved "serious" side for being stuck-up or snooty...and I knew deep down in my gut that I was neither.

So...I guess to overcompensate, I ended up stepping out of my shell and became more outgoing and outwardly friendly with others so that they wouldn't get the wrong impression that I was a snob. Unfortunately, although I have made quite a few friends of both genders, I have ended up making a lot of guy "FRIENDS" and acquaintances instead of boyfriends. In fact, when I really take a look back I realize that the times that I had the most guys into me was when I was just minding my own business, being reserved, and had other things on my mind. When I was in college studying hard to graduate, guys and relationships were some of the FURTHEST things from my mind!!

So, maybe you have a point there Bunny!

I'm sick of always being the "cool chick", or the girl with a few guy "friends". I want to be MORE than just the "friend" or "buddy".

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I think its a little of both.

 

[dlewis]

I have a question for you smart/wise women.

I have notice that if women accept those who are automatically attracted to them and stop fighting against the grain then they are much happier.

Stars:
Halle liked herself some brothers. Always went after a certain type ..who
seem to cheat on her and beat her. Her most successful relationship
so far (from what I see) is with a yt male who (hopefully) adores her.
Jennifer Lopez married a man who been chasing her for years. Did not seem to be her type and was good friend.

Now, my friends who been waiting for years finally settled and ended up with the type of guy they aways wanted to avoid and was running from.
Ex. Nikki- Light skin chic into skin color wanted a light skin man but only dark skin men approached her. She finally gave in.
Ex. Amanda-Dark skin girl love light skin men but they dogged her out. She
married a nice brown skin guy who adored her.
This is not about skin color because I can put in the words short or tall or skinny or fat.
For me: I like smart, skin color don't matter, tall guys. I keep getting hard
working give a brotha a chance Joe whose usually short with a
small belly. I am like DANG. Do I need to dress better to attract
something different or is it FATE?

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I think that fate doesn't determine your mate but I do believe in fate. I think that if something is meant to be it will be and you can't force something to happen for you that just isn't meant to be part of your life. But I also believe that you attract attention based on how you present yourself. If you portary or see yourself as garbage and not worth much then all your will attract is good for nothing garbage. But if you see yourself as something to be treasured you will ultimately attract somebody that will cherish you it's just your job to weed out the fake from the real.

 

[JinaRicci]

I think you can attract all kinds of guys but when you're in a healthy state of mind you know better to quickly throw back the crazy no-good ones.