Do You Ever Get Sick of Your Friends' Dating "Pep" Talks?

[NYLegalNewbie]

You know the situation...

You're frustrated, sad and/or disappointed because another dating situation didn't work out. Maybe it's a guy who didn't call after the first date. Maybe it's a guy who's disappeared after a few weeks, even though things seemed great to you. Maybe you just broke off something long term.

You tell your friends, and what's the first thing that comes out of their mouths?

"Oh, don't worry about it. It will be alright. It will happen for you someday!"

UGHHHHHHHH

I'm not saying that such positive words are a bad thing. Not by a long shot. We all need encouragement when times get rough. But I think there's an appropriate time to give that encouragement.

Personally, in the immediate aftermath of a dating disappointment, I don't want a pep talk. I want SYMPATHY. I want an ear. I want someone who will listen to my frustration and disappointment. I want my feelings to be acknowledged and respected...not ignored. I firmly believe that you always have to work through your emotions no matter what they are, as long as you don't let them overwhelm you.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

 

[Akemi]

You know the situation...

You're frustrated, sad and/or disappointed because another dating situation didn't work out. Maybe it's a guy who didn't call after the first date. Maybe it's a guy who's disappeared after a few weeks, even though things seemed great to you. Maybe you just broke off something long term.

You tell your friends, and what's the first thing that comes out of their mouths?

"Oh, don't worry about it. It will be alright. It will happen for you someday!"

UGHHHHHHHH

I'm not saying that such positive words are a bad thing. Not by a long shot. We all need encouragement when times get rough. But I think there's an appropriate time to give that encouragement.

Personally, in the immediate aftermath of a dating disappointment, I don't want a pep talk. I want SYMPATHY. I want an ear. I want someone who will listen to my frustration and disappointment. I want my feelings to be acknowledged and respected...not ignored. I firmly believe that you always have to work through your emotions no matter what they are, as long as you don't let them overwhelm you.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I think I know what you mean. Instead of your friends saying "It'll get better" and "There's someone out there for you", you want them to say "I can't believe he did that. How could he?" or "That jerk!" and just let you talk, adding in their "mm-hmm's" or "I know, right?" as needed.

Yeah. I think some people give those pep talks because they don't know what exactly to say. Or maybe because they hate seeing you so angry or sad and are trying to make you "get over it". They think they're helping. But it annoys me too. I just wanna say "stop trying to make me feel better and trying to make me get over it! Just let me vent!"

 

[Filmatic]

At least they are showing interest.

 

[CurliDiva]

People sometimes don't know what to say.....when my Mom passed away I had friends who said weird stuff or worst nothing at all (both wrong)

But don't be too hard on your friends when you are really upset with the guy!

 

[Sasha Fierce]

At least they are showing interest.

And at least they acknowledge you without going into a whole spill about themselves. Goes something like this:

Hurt Friend: Girl, I can't believe he did this. I don't even know what to do...

Friend that's 'sposed to help: Yeah, I feel that way too. Cause see I can truly say I love SO. We this...and we that...and I want this...and I can see us being that. And just let me tell you about me and SO cause of [something that really has nothing to do with you].

Hurt Friend: Well girl you will be okay. I gotta go my mama on the other line...(cause you have already sat with her days and hours before talking about HER mess).

I'm just saying folks don't always know what to do or say but I am glad when they at least give me what they got. Even if it's that same old encouragement pep talk.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

***deleted****

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I'm not hard on them at all. I'm quite appreciative.

But just because you appreciate someone's effort doesn't necessarily mean their efforts were effective or the right ones to take.

People sometimes don't know what to say.....when my Mom passed away I had friends who said weird stuff or worst nothing at all (both wrong)

But don't be too hard on your friends when you are really upset with the guy!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yeah, I know how you feel!

Or, sometimes...I get frustrated because a lot of the so-called well-meaning friends who already have a boyfriend/husband (mind you) try to "encourage" me in my "singleness" by saying stuff like: "Oh girl, trust me...you don't want to be married/or have a boyfriend. It is hard work! Trust me. Stay single while you still can!!" Meanwhile, they have someone to come home to and love and cherish them. ANd I'm sitting here feeling like I'm all alone, and like I'm getting a "sympathy" talk from them because I"m still single.

Yeah, sure marriage and relationships ARE hard work. And nobody says it will be a bed of roses. But please, DON'T tell me I don't want something just because YOU already have it, and I don't! That irks me to no end. I know they mean well and all, but sometimes it just gets me frustrated. Almost like they want me to stay single forever. But watch, if I were 40 years old and STILL not married or in a relationship, they'd probably be the FIRST ones talking behind my back.

 

[Tybi]

ITA with every post.

This is an eye opener since I have been on both sides. On the one hand, I have this idiot that I am weeding out of my life that loves to interrupt me when I am venting to tell me "its gonna be OK" and "lets just change the subject". I realize that he is trying be helpful and do the right thing, but can't he see that I need to vent? That I want to get this out considering I brought it up in the first place? Big dummy.

But I have also been the one to give out that warm fuzzy feel good advice, thinking that I am providing some sort of comfort. But in my defense at least I let them tell the whole story first.

 

[htown2DAboot]

ITA...My bff gave me that "you're fab, and you're time will come" speech the other day, after I ranted about someone that was not a big deal...I was like boo, I appreciate what you're trying to do...but let me give you the big eye roll right now...You know all the nice things that they're saying to you and about you...I think it's more you just want them to listen and agree with you about how bad that particular dude was or whatever...After that, you keep it moving...And I think our friends understand that it's kinda patrionizing...but they are trying to help....

 

[inthepink]

Yeah, I know how you feel!

Or, sometimes...I get frustrated because a lot of the so-called well-meaning friends who already have a boyfriend/husband (mind you) try to "encourage" me in my "singleness" by saying stuff like: "Oh girl, trust me...you don't want to be married/or have a boyfriend. It is hard work! Trust me. Stay single while you still can!!" Meanwhile, they have someone to come home to and love and cherish them. ANd I'm sitting here feeling like I'm all alone, and like I'm getting a "sympathy" talk from them because I"m still single.

Yeah, sure marriage and relationships ARE hard work. And nobody says it will be a bed of roses. But please, DON'T tell me I don't want something just because YOU already have it, and I don't! That irks me to no end. I know they mean well and all, but sometimes it just gets me frustrated. Almost like they want me to stay single forever. But watch, if I were 40 years old and STILL not married or in a relationship, they'd probably be the FIRST ones talking behind my back.

I could have written this myself!

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

Personally, in the immediate aftermath of a dating disappointment, I don't want a pep talk. I want SYMPATHY. I want an ear. I want someone who will listen to my frustration and disappointment. I want my feelings to be acknowledged and respected...not ignored. I firmly believe that you always have to work through your emotions no matter what they are, as long as you don't let them overwhelm you.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Well, that's what we're for, hun! I completely understand where you're coming from. I've gotten to the point where I console in my friends less often and try being my own best confidant. Try praying, meditating, or journaling instead. Journaling has allowed me to vent and truly express myself without being burdensome with men problems to my girlfriends. Not saying that you are, I'm just thinking of one of my own friends and how she uses me as a constant outlet for her horrible relationship. (I guess that was a small vent for me) ...Anyway, I pray everything works out well for you

 

[itismehmmkay]

And at least they acknowledge you without going into a whole spill about themselves. Goes something like this:

Hurt Friend: Girl, I can't believe he did this. I don't even know what to do...

Friend that's 'sposed to help: Yeah, I feel that way too. Cause see I can truly say I love SO. We this...and we that...and I want this...and I can see us being that. And just let me tell you about me and SO cause of [something that really has nothing to do with you].

Hurt Friend: Well girl you will be okay. I gotta go my mama on the other line...(cause you have already sat with her days and hours before talking about HER mess).

I'm just saying folks don't always know what to do or say but I am glad when they at least give me what they got. Even if it's that same old encouragement pep talk.

 

[MD_Lady]

Yeah, I know how you feel!

Or, sometimes...I get frustrated because a lot of the so-called well-meaning friends who already have a boyfriend/husband (mind you) try to "encourage" me in my "singleness" by saying stuff like: "Oh girl, trust me...you don't want to be married/or have a boyfriend. It is hard work! Trust me. Stay single while you still can!!" Meanwhile, they have someone to come home to and love and cherish them. ANd I'm sitting here feeling like I'm all alone, and like I'm getting a "sympathy" talk from them because I"m still single.

Yeah, sure marriage and relationships ARE hard work. And nobody says it will be a bed of roses. But please, DON'T tell me I don't want something just because YOU already have it, and I don't! That irks me to no end. I know they mean well and all, but sometimes it just gets me frustrated. Almost like they want me to stay single forever. But watch, if I were 40 years old and STILL not married or in a relationship, they'd probably be the FIRST ones talking behind my back.

I have to give you :Copy of 2cool: for this (even though I'm married)

I went through the SAME THING with a friend of mine. To make matters worse, this person only spent 6 months of their adult life outside of a relationship and couldn't understand why I and wanted to :hardslap: when they started . The person felt like they had walked in my shoes because they were in an LDR and their SO lived a couple states away. This person was also FOREVER talking about "you'll understand when you're in a relationship". :heated:

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Hurt Friend: Well girl you will be okay. I gotta go my mama on the other line...(cause you have already sat with her days and hours before talking about HER mess).

That's funny as hell! LOL!!!!

And, oh yes, I have a friend like that for sure. You can't say ANYTHING without her somehow figuring out how to make the conversation all about her and her issues. Occasionally, if you out talk her, you'll get the focus on you (or if she's really tired or something...haha).

My best friend is the one who frustrates me the most. She's been with her guy for almost TEN YEARS and has not dated anyone else since, like, the age of 17 or 18. So, when it comes to understanding what it's like to date, it's almost like she doesn't have a clue. She definitely tries to get it, she really does. And she's a fantastic person. But it sucks that it's so hard to talk to her about these things.