Do we, as women of color, suffer from Pocohonatas syndrome?

[MissYocairis]

same for me. it has nothing to do with being like anyone else bc i've always had long hair.

What about this....if the key reason why Black women DON'T grow longer hair in greater numbers is relaxers and heat then, why do we have to act like growing longer hair is something Black women genetically cannot do? All we have to do is go out on any street corner and watch the young brothers going by with their braids and afros and afro puffs, etc. and we will see that it's not that our hair genetically won't grow in healthy, glossy and strong and long, but that we're destroying its potential to do so.

SO, if Black women want long hair, that doesn't mean they want to be like someone else but that they want to be more of themselves.

 

[felicia]

What about this....if the key reason why Black women DON'T grow longer hair in greater numbers is relaxers and heat then, why do we have to act like growing longer hair is something Black women genetically cannot do? All we have to do is go out on any street corner and watch the young brothers going by with their braids and afros and afro puffs, etc. and we will see that it's not that our hair genetically won't grow in healthy, glossy and strong and long, but that we're destroying its potential to do so.

SO, if Black women want long hair, that doesn't mean they want to be like someone else but that they want to be more of themselves.

i agree. i never said blk women couldnt grow hair or wanted long hair to be like others.

 

[tastesosweet]

Absolutely not. I think the term "Pocohontas Syndrome" (which, I've never heard of) presupposes some exclusivity of long hair to Native American women alone. Which is an odd premise to start off from. It also presupposes that, in races where growing longer hair is more common, that those races/cultures do not desire/appreciate long hair. Neither is true. There are entire sites dedicated to the growing of caucasian/asian hair. There are sites set up YEARS before LHCF came into existence on long hair growing for white women.

The Hindu Indian culture places such value and honor on long hair for their women that, women who go against their societal norms and CUT their hair, OR women whose hair simply never really grows very long, can be OSTRACIZED by their families and community for it. Do THEY have "Pocohontas Syndrome" also because long hair is such an important factor in the beauty ideal there? I think not.

We are making a mountain out of a molehill. Fact is, the things that make Black women's hair experiences different are our hard-fought, excruciating odyssey to deal, manage, beautify and, otherwise, love our own kinky hair. In the process, it's led to destroying our hair growth potential with chemicals and heat. Madame CJ Walker is seen as a pioneer but, honestly, what has that invention led to? THAT'S our issue. It's got nothing to do with being inordinately obsessed with getting lengths we are "incapable of acheiving". Because we ARE capable and we are women just like other women. Hair is your crowning glory.

To clarify, the term "Pocohantas syndrome" does not presuppose anything to Native American women. The name is used only to signify the hairstyle which is usually showcased by two long braids. There is no particular ethnic group attached to the term--the name only refers to the character for her hairstyle--not her heritage. I'm really surprised that this term is new and unusual to many of you since I've heard it from childhood on. Unfortunately, I have no clue as to how or where it originated--but that is something I can and will look into so that we all can be better informed.

 

[tastesosweet]

same for me. it has nothing to do with being like anyone else bc i've always had long hair.

Thank you ladies for sharing your perspectives. This is another example that brings an alternative perspective to my question. Women of color who have always achieved longer lengths with their hair don't deal with this situation. Thanks for sharing!

 

[MizaniMami]

I didn't read through the rest of the threads so sorry if this sounds redundant.

I guess I do suffer from pochohantas syndrome. I will be the first to admit I want long hair with an EMPHASIS on healthy. I am not going to let anyone tell me that because I am black or have 4a/b hair that it is not possible. It's mainly the curiosity that kills me. As of now, I am doing everything that I think is right because I want to see how far i can go, so in my mind it's almost a mind game as weird as that sounds.

But I know (going to a predominantly white college) that we are NOT the only race that have wishes of long flowy locks. IMO it's not a race thing.

 

[tastesosweet]

I didn't read through the rest of the threads so sorry if this sounds redundant.

I guess I do suffer from pochohantas syndrome. I will be the first to admit I want long hair with an EMPHASIS on healthy. I am not going to let anyone tell me that because I am black or have 4a/b hair that it is not possible. It's mainly the curiosity that kills me. As of now, I am doing everything that I think is right because I want to see how far i can go, so in my mind it's almost a mind game as weird as that sounds.

But I know (going to a predominantly white college) that we are NOT the only race that have wishes of long flowy locks. IMO it's not a race thing.

@Mizani-

I feel the same way which is one of the reasons why I started this thread. I wanted a safe space in which to say it--and not feel like I was being judged because of it. I basically discussed my own situation in a few earlier posts so I won't rehash it here. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Poohbear]

Poohbear, just take a trip to your local mall and you'll see what I mean. I know its not scientific or anything, but it seems like the average length for white/asian/latina women is bra-strap. If we saw black women on the regular with bra strap and longer hair, I bet this forum wouldn't even exist.

caligirl, That's why I said it depends on everyone's individual experiences. I'm out and about all the time... plus, I don't have to just go to the mall... I see whites/asians/latina women (mostly white women) all the time at school, at work, and on the street. Trust me, I'm not speaking out of mere ignorance. Where I live, most white women wear their hair short (whether they keep it cut short or whether they have a slow hair growth rate, can't really tell unless you ask them). I've seen an equal amount of long haired black women and long haired non-black women. From MY experience, hair length is pretty much equal across all races and ethnicities.

 

[MissYocairis]

i agree. i never said blk women couldnt grow hair or wanted long hair to be like others.

Oh, I know. I was piggybacking off of your statement and the topic. Sorry if it sounded like something else.

 

[MissYocairis]

Thank you ladies for sharing your perspectives. This is another example that brings an alternative perspective to my question. Women of color who have always achieved longer lengths with their hair don't deal with this situation. Thanks for sharing!

Tastes...help me...I guess I just don't understand why, a sister who may WANT long hair would then be classified as having a "syndrome"? Does this just apply to sisters or does this apply to all women who want long hair and do not have it?

 

[Poohbear]

Tastes...help me...I guess I just don't understand why, a sister who may WANT long hair would then be classified as having a "syndrome"? Does this just apply to sisters or does this apply to all women who want long hair and do not have it?

I believe this syndrome should apply to all women who want long hair because not just 'us sistas' want long hair.

 

[Poohbear]

ITA Pooh! BTW I've missed you! Your hair looks great! I am a member of Longhaircommunity and they have alot of the same issues as we do! Shoot they even use and makeup their own shea butter concoctions and use it on their hair, and do the co-washing thing too...

Thank you!

I'm a member of LongHairCommunity too and you're right, they possess they same hair growing issues.

 

[tastesosweet]

Tastes...help me...I guess I just don't understand why, a sister who may WANT long hair would then be classified as having a "syndrome"? Does this just apply to sisters or does this apply to all women who want long hair and do not have it?

@ Can't Be Copied

I think the term certainly applies to all women, and again the word "syndrome" has more than one definition--in this case we are not discussing a syndrome as a disease or illness, but rather a reoccuring pattern. However, I made the choice to pose this question to women of color specifically because 1) that is the group I am a part of and 2) I was curious as to how many women of color could identify with my situation.

@ Anyone/Everyone

Again, my point in starting this thread was not to create a debate or ask anybody to defend their choices/desires when it comes to their hair. I feel a lot of ladies get defensive--but I merely posed a question that I stated specifically has no judgement attached to it. Furthermore, it is something I personally deal with and wanted to see how many other ladies felt the same, that's all. No harm, no foul.

In truth, this could apply to all of us that frequent this site as it is the LONG HAIR Care Forum, though I agree that what we all strive to learn here is healthier hair practices.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

i don't believe I suffer from such a thing, but didn't understand what you meant by the bolded part.I know it was quoted form someone else's statement but I guess you agree since your using it, BTW what is "our" natural standard of beauty? I never thought we had one, I always thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder, and if all races or cultures, etc. did things the exact same how would one define oneself. Clothing, hairstyles, etc.. are apart of someones character, and shows a reflection of who they are, to me it's like a form of art you make what you want out of it and who cares if someone else doesn't like it, because it's just you being you.
]I agree blueabyss, which is why I started this thread. Its interesting to me that we as women of color try so many options to achieve a "look"--and like someone else stated in another post, it isn't always reflective of our "natural" standard of beauty, but yet it is one that I believe we feel pressure to adhere to. Thanks for sharing.[/quote]

 

[Poohbear]

BTW what is "our" natural standard of beauty? I never thought we had one, I always thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder, and if all races or cultures, etc. did things the exact same how would one define oneself. Clothing, hairstyles, etc.. are apart of someones character, and shows a reflection of who they are, to me it's like a form of art you make what you want out of it and who cares if someone else doesn't like it, because it's just you being you.

You made a good point. What is "our" natural standard of beauty? Come to think of it (in regards to hair length), you can have beautiful short hair too. I myself find short hair beautiful as well as long hair. It seems like society's standard of beauty is long straight or wavy hair, blue eyes, light skin. That shouldn't be everyone's standard of beauty. If everyone was that way, this world would not be interesting and unique.

 

[*ElleB]

Honestly, this topic keeps coming up and excuse me for sounding a bit rude, but I'm a bit tired of it... Everyone has their own reasons for wanting long hair, and YES alot of it has to do with the thought that we as black women can't achieve it...Now, we cannot DENY that ALL OF US have been affected by it one way or the other or WE WOULD NOT BE ON THIS SITE! We wouldn't be clamoring to try prods that claim to be the GROWTH cure....Everytime someone posts something about I got such and such inches in a month or what not, Does that post get like a 100 posts and A LOT more views! YES IT SURELY DOES!

As another poster said, the desire for long hair is purely superficial: it looks nice, ppl admire it, and men like it (let's be honest here)

For others, it is much deeper: some of us may have grown up as that, for lack of a better term, "tha bald-headed" (yes I said it, because that is how it is refered to, and we all grew up with it) sister, or the "bald headed" girl in the class or on your block...Maybe u got teased or maybe u felt so bad about it, that now u want to prove the whole world wrong

And yet still, we have been bombarded with these images on television of the flowing hair, that is soooo beautiful that is telling us that if we don't have long hair it is not beautiful, therefore we are ugly (we know this is not true)

So to wrap up this novella, IN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, yes we have all been affected....IF NOT, and if we say we are not, THEN WHAT ARE DOING HERE ON LHCF??

But let me say this....just because we are Black does not mean that a desire to grow longer hair is SELLING OUT! Long hair is associated with beauty, whether ur black white, yellow, or purple and we all have the right and the desire to be beautiful...We all have the prerogative to want to grow our hair if we want without feeling wrong or traitors to out culture...

 

[tastesosweet]

i don't believe I suffer from such a thing, but didn't understand what you meant by the bolded part.I know it was quoted form someone else's statement but I guess you agree since your using it, BTW what is "our" natural standard of beauty? I never thought we had one, I always thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder, and if all races or cultures, etc. did things the exact same how would one define oneself. Clothing, hairstyles, etc.. are apart of someones character, and shows a reflection of who they are, to me it's like a form of art you make what you want out of it and who cares if someone else doesn't like it, because it's just you being you.
]I agree blueabyss, which is why I started this thread. Its interesting to me that we as women of color try so many options to achieve a "look"--and like someone else stated in another post, it isn't always reflective of our "natural" standard of beauty, but yet it is one that I believe we feel pressure to adhere to. Thanks for sharing.

[/QUOTE]

@ Beautiful Wide Eyes

You are right in regard to women of color not having a set "standard of beauty"--we've had to create our own, find our own concepts of beauty with which to admire at least in the US, since the idea of "beauty" in this country is not based on an ethnic prototype. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" isn't real applicable here--however, I think it's a good place to begin for all women who succumb to any form of aesthetic pressure. If you like how you look, then it shouldn't matter what others think period.

But let's be honest and examine this standard of beauty situation: Our "natural" standard of beauty would define the woman of color in her natural state-no additions or enhancements to her look. For me personally, this is an image of a brown complexioned woman, with a fro. That is ME, without making any alterations to myself. I have yet to see this image anywhere in any form of media as an icon of beauty. Sure, we could pull a model like Alek Wek out to showcase a similar image--but she is one amongst the many who have the same, identical look that is in opposition to that. How many models of color/icons of beauty have you seen without the long hair image? Sure, we have our spells when a short cut is in--the Halle Berry, Toni Braxton, T-Boz fads--but when they are over, we are back to the usual images.

This could be troubling for some, but to me, it just is what it is. Certain standards and trends are set by society and most people tend to follow them in some form or fashion. I personally deviate from the "standard" though my hair has some length because of my choice of hair styles. I tend to wear braids or twists--that's just what I'm comfortable with. But I posed this question to this forum because its one that has been on my mind as I go through my own hair journey. My hair is already healthy and long, but I still desire more length. When I ask myself why this is important to me, I really don't have a straight answer--except to say that it is something that I want and work toward.

I know I flew off topic, but I am loving reading everyone's responses and reactions. That's what makes this forum so powerful--we can discuss these ideas like adults, and whether or not we agree, we are at least aware of others' opinions.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

Exactly, that why it shouldn't be looked at as a "Society" standard or any other standard. B4 this summer I was cutting my hair like crazy, I was loving the short layered look, bangs were just soo in for me also, but as July rolled around I felt like growwing my bangs out and then growwing out my hair, but w/long layers, (I just love layers, ), so basically I think as individuals we should all be able to do what it is we like or feel, especially when it comes to clothing and hair...

You made a good point. What is "our" natural standard of beauty? Come to think of it (in regards to hair length), you can have beautiful short hair too. I myself find short hair beautiful as well as long hair. It seems like society's standard of beauty is long straight or wavy hair, blue eyes, light skin. That shouldn't be everyone's standard of beauty. If everyone was that way, this world would not be interesting and unique.

 

[tastesosweet]

Honestly, this topic keeps coming up and excuse me for sounding a bit rude, but I'm a bit tired of it... Everyone has their own reasons for wanting long hair, and YES alot of it has to do with the thought that we as black women can't achieve it...Now, we cannot DENY that ALL OF US have been affected by it one way or the other or WE WOULD NOT BE ON THIS SITE! We wouldn't be clamoring to try prods that claim to be the GROWTH cure....Everytime someone posts something about I got such and such inches in a month or what not, Does that post get like a 100 posts and A LOT more views! YES IT SURELY DOES!

As another poster said, the desire for long hair is purely superficial: it looks nice, ppl admire it, and men like it (let's be honest here)

For others, it is much deeper: some of us may have grown up as that, for lack of a better term, "tha bald-headed" (yes I said it, because that is how it is refered to, and we all grew up with it) sister, or the "bald headed" girl in the class or on your block...Maybe u got teased or maybe u felt so bad about it, that now u want to prove the whole world wrong

And yet still, we have been bombarded with these images on television of the flowing hair, that is soooo beautiful that is telling us that if we don't have long hair it is not beautiful, therefore we are ugly (we know this is not true)

So to wrap up this novella, IN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, yes we have all been affected....IF NOT, and if we say we are not, THEN WHAT ARE DOING HERE ON LHCF??

But let me say this....just because we are Black does not mean that a desire to grow longer hair is SELLING OUT! Long hair is associated with beauty, whether ur black white, yellow, or purple and we all have the right and the desire to be beautiful...We all have the prerogative to want to grow our hair if we want without feeling wrong or traitors to out culture...

@ElleB

Though tiring, this topic still resignates with all of us--if it didn't folks would ignore the thread. I honestly feel as if the question I'm asking is a bit different than what I've seen asked before. I'm not asking "Why are women of color obsessed with long hair", but rather I'm asking what lies behind our desire for it. Undoubtedly, all the points you brought up around this issue are surely valid. Thanks for sharing that because it is true.

What I continue to find interesting is linking the idea of desiring long hair to wanting to be white or selling out--none of which was alluded to in my inital post, but keeps coming up. Why? I certainly don't feel like a sell out for having long hair or wanting longer hair. With hair down to my ankles, I'm still a beautiful BLACK woman--nothing changes that.

 

[tastesosweet]

Exactly, that why it shouldn't be looked at as a "Society" standard or any other standard. B4 this summer I was cutting my hair like crazy, I was loving the short layered look, bangs were just soo in for me also, but as July rolled around I felt like growwing my bangs out and then growwing out my hair, but w/long layers, (I just love layers, ), so basically I think as individuals we should all be able to do what it is we like or feel, especially when it comes to clothing and hair...

@ Beautiful-

Gotta take you to task on this one : So at no point in your life experiences has somebody else's appearance had an influence on your own? If so, I commend you--I've yet to met someone completely immune to other's influences.

We ALL make individual choices for our appearance--we have to as we aren't paper dolls. But most often our choices are influenced by SOMETHING, and sometimes, we are uncomfortable with admitting what that is. However LHCF gives us a safe space in which to do it without judgement, THUS the impetus for this thread!

Thanks for keeping the convo going!

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

If I can say someone it would be my Mother, I thank God for her, she is strong willed, classy, sexy and very independent. I must say she raised me well, and I do still to this day look up to her. I have always been very outspoken, and into my own thing, not only have I been into hair for over 13yrs, but I'm also a seamstress one who makes every item of clothing that she wears except my shoes, and underclothes. LOL, so being different/not like everyone else is nothing new to me. The entertainment business is not apart my lifestyle, so whatever eveyone is doing doesn't really matter to me. As far as I can think back I always done things because I wanted to not because so and so did...today the majority of my decisions are made from a religious perspective...

@ Beautiful-

Gotta take you to task on this one : So at no point in your life experiences has somebody else's appearance had an influence on your own? If so, I commend you--I've yet to met someone completely immune to other's influences.

We ALL make individual choices for our appearance--we have to as we aren't paper dolls. But most often our choices are influenced by SOMETHING, and sometimes, we are uncomfortable with admitting what that is. However LHCF gives us a safe space in which to do it without judgement, THUS the impetus for this thread!

Thanks for keeping the convo going!

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

Pochohantas is actually a historical figure. Now the Disney story, that's made up.

 

[tastesosweet]

Pochohantas is actually a historical figure. Now the Disney story, that's made up.

Thanks Uncut for confirming this info. I had heard both ends of the spectrum, though I knew she was a historical figure, but the legend has been exaggerated.

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

I want long hair because long hair is a glory. I have relaxed hair because that is what was doen to my hair at one point, and that's what I'm sticking with. My natural hair is thick and very hard to manage. Even when i didn't take the greates care of my hair, I have always had thick hair. The only time I didn't have long har was in my teens.

I think that we're too wrapped up in making this a black/white/blue/purple/yellow issue.

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about black hair, and that annoys me. I know that there are going to be many surprised people at my church when they see my hair start to grow out just as long, and just as pretty (if not prettier) than theirs.

 

[StartinOvah]

tss, i understood what you meant by "pocahantas syndrome". i would say that "pocahantas" is synonymous with "rapunzel"; it wasn't intended to carry a race with it, instead a state of mind in regards to hair length.

i can honestly say i was fascinated by long hair when i was a young girl. i remember putting a pillowcase on my head and pretending it was hair. or even playing with my grandma's wigs, wishing i had hair that would swing over my shoulders as i walked (sans the "old lady" look!). and if i could give a name to the desire i had for long hair, it would be the pocahantas syndrome.

for me, i thought my whole appearance would change if my hair could just be longer. and by appearance, i meant my feet, thighs, breasts, hips, lips and everything else i thought would make me prettier. somehow, i imagined the secret to beauty lay in the length of my hair. i didn't have a lot of women in my family with "long" hair (past collarbone). so i reckon i gathered this crazy ideology of beauty through books, television and my barbie collection.

it wasn't until i actually retained growth that i started to know that my beauty couldn't have possibly come from my head alone. i received tons of compliments in the early 90's when my hair surpassed my mothers. my hair was never bra length, but ol' girl made a good run for it. if you can believe it, i actually grew to hate the length. it seemed like so much work to keep her nice and neat. and yet it looked so plain after i was done. i wanted to be different. so i got a hair cut. lots of jaw dropping went on at the salon that saturday. i'm talking shaved in the nape. but no one could deny: my hair was fierce! i had a really good stylist (god, rest the dead).

i will say that i never thought having "long" hair was only achievable by non-black women. my white aunt always had shorter hair than my black aunt. i figured they (white women) retained their length because they couldn't come up with any creative styles. that was a real thought of mine as a child. and i don't think it has changed much since. maybe my igorance is showing. but thats how i see it.

the compliments i received on my short hair far exceeded my long hair. and i was so happy my decision didn't "backfire" on me. i was nervous to part with the one thing i used to think was going to change my life. but i had to be different. getting a haircut was the most affordable option. today, i realize, long after the short hair cut, that my hair is as important to me as i allow it to be. i'm transitioning out of my relaxer because i want to get to know my naturally curly hair. and what i thought i knew about my naturally curly hair, was fed to me by a society that steered clear of/feared anything ethic. so i have to un-do all that damage.

i imagine everyone is in (or will be in) a place where they see their hair as their crowning glory or their scalp warmer. but if the desire to have long hair doesn't start and stop with "because i want to", then some may challenge you to re-think your reasons for wanting super lengthy hair.

that some ain't me. i think long hair looks good on most people.

and, obviously, you will do what you want. freedom of choice at its finest.



sorry this was so long. i was really bored after lunch....

 

[*ElleB]

@ElleB

Though tiring, this topic still resignates with all of us--if it didn't folks would ignore the thread. I honestly feel as if the question I'm asking is a bit different than what I've seen asked before. I'm not asking "Why are women of color obsessed with long hair", but rather I'm asking what lies behind our desire for it. Undoubtedly, all the points you brought up around this issue are surely valid. Thanks for sharing that because it is true.

What I continue to find interesting is linking the idea of desiring long hair to wanting to be white or selling out--none of which was alluded to in my inital post, but keeps coming up. Why? I certainly don't feel like a sell out for having long hair or wanting longer hair. With hair down to my ankles, I'm still a beautiful BLACK woman--nothing changes that.

U r right, the idea of black women wanting longer hair IS commonly brought up as wanting to be white. I alluded to it in my post and I didn't even realize it! You see, I think that it has been so ingrained in our psyches...And I think it goes back to that age-old myth: Black women can't grow their hair! And out of futility, frustration, and maybe even bitterness, we turned the tables and said: "Oh, that's for White girls anyway"
Now we all know that we don't have to feel bad anymore because we know what we can achieve! People on this board are living proof of that.

 

[Mestiza]

@ElleB

Though tiring, this topic still resignates with all of us--if it didn't folks would ignore the thread. I honestly feel as if the question I'm asking is a bit different than what I've seen asked before. I'm not asking "Why are women of color obsessed with long hair", but rather I'm asking what lies behind our desire for it. Undoubtedly, all the points you brought up around this issue are surely valid. Thanks for sharing that because it is true.

What I continue to find interesting is linking the idea of desiring long hair to wanting to be white or selling out--none of which was alluded to in my inital post, but keeps coming up. Why? I certainly don't feel like a sell out for having long hair or wanting longer hair. With hair down to my ankles, I'm still a beautiful BLACK woman--nothing changes that.

Gotcha! Now, that question I understand better than one that was in the OP. So, I can answer that.

I'm from a family of people w/ long hair and I've had it all of my life. I guess that it's something that I'm just accustomed to seing and having.

 

[tastesosweet]

tss, i understood what you meant by "pocahantas syndrome". i would say that "pocahantas" is synonymous with "rapunzel"; it wasn't intended to carry a race with it, instead a state of mind in regards to hair length.

i can honestly say i was fascinated by long hair when i was a young girl. i remember putting a pillowcase on my head and pretending it was hair. or even playing with my grandma's wigs, wishing i had hair that would swing over my shoulders as i walked (sans the "old lady" look!). and if i could give a name to the desire i had for long hair, it would be the pocahantas syndrome.

for me, i thought my whole appearance would change if my hair could just be longer. and by appearance, i meant my feet, thighs, breasts, hips, lips and everything else i thought would make me prettier. somehow, i imagined the secret to beauty lay in the length of my hair. i didn't have a lot of women in my family with "long" hair (past collarbone). so i reckon i gathered this crazy ideology of beauty through books, television and my barbie collection.

it wasn't until i actually retained growth that i started to know that my beauty couldn't have possibly come from my head alone. i received tons of compliments in the early 90's when my hair surpassed my mothers. my hair was never bra length, but ol' girl made a good run for it. if you can believe it, i actually grew to hate the length. it seemed like so much work to keep her nice and neat. and yet it looked so plain after i was done. i wanted to be different. so i got a hair cut. lots of jaw dropping went on at the salon that saturday. i'm talking shaved in the nape. but no one could deny: my hair was fierce! i had a really good stylist (god, rest the dead).

i will say that i never thought having "long" hair was only achievable by non-black women. my white aunt always had shorter hair than my black aunt. i figured they (white women) retained their length because they couldn't come up with any creative styles. that was a real thought of mine as a child. and i don't think it has changed much since. maybe my igorance is showing. but thats how i see it.

the compliments i received on my short hair far exceeded my long hair. and i was so happy my decision didn't "backfire" on me. i was nervous to part with the one thing i used to think was going to change my life. but i had to be different. getting a haircut was the most affordable option. today, i realize, long after the short hair cut, that my hair is as important to me as i allow it to be. i'm transitioning out of my relaxer because i want to get to know my naturally curly hair. and what i thought i knew about my naturally curly hair, was fed to me by a society that steered clear of/feared anything ethic. so i have to un-do all that damage.

i imagine everyone is in (or will be in) a place where they see their hair as their crowning glory or their scalp warmer. but if the desire to have long hair doesn't start and stop with "because i want to", then some may challenge you to re-think your reasons for wanting super lengthy hair.

that some ain't me. i think long hair looks good on most people.

and, obviously, you will do what you want. freedom of choice at its finest.



sorry this was so long. i was really bored after lunch....

@Startin

Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading your post after my own lunch . It's got my mind moving because I've prided myself on accepting my natural hair texture, but I can't help but feel childish at times over this hair length situation. Hearing everybody's experiences is helping me to come to some conclusions about my personal choice to grow my hair. Thanks again!

 

[tastesosweet]

U r right, the idea of black women wanting longer hair IS commonly brought up as wanting to be white. I alluded to it in my post and I didn't even realize it! You see, I think that it has been so ingrained in our psyches...And I think it goes back to that age-old myth: Black women can't grow their hair! And out of futility, frustration, and maybe even bitterness, we turned the tables and said: "Oh, that's for White girls anyway"
Now we all know that we don't have to feel bad anymore because we know what we can achieve! People on this board are living proof of that.

@ElleB

So true! I was hoping someone other than me would state this because it is an unconscious connection I think a lot of us make--thus our defensiveness if someone questions our desire for long hair. This forum has taught me so much about my hair and has eradicated any myth that I grew up believing about Black hair specifically. I'm glad we can come together in this space and continue to be enlightened.

 

[facets]

I take more of a philosophical view. Black america throughout history has long been obsessed with hair and skin color. If you like your skin color then it is your hair. It all has to do with acceptance by whites and by black males. When i had natural hair, the only guys who acknowledged me were white males. Black males did not say anything. Black females talked about me behind my back. It is all a farce to me. I can laugh now.When I was young, It really hurt.

same here!

edited to comment:
I said this before: I think that the hair-retaining issues worsened post-1950s maybe? if you look at very old photos it seems like lots of black women & girls had longer hair.

 

[locabouthair]

I want my hair longer because I am tired of the same look. My hair has looked the same way for 4 years. I want a change. Everyone needs a change sometimes whether it is hair, style, whatever. without it life gets boring.

I don't see it as trying to be white. If other races have long hair why can't we?? I can't speak for everyone but my goal was never to have bra strap length hair. It's too long for me. If I reached armpit I'd be very pleased. Prior to coming to this board I thought black women with long hair had to be mixed and now I know that this isn't true. I think most of us want longer hair to destroy the stereotype that black women can't have long hair. My hair type is 4b very kinky and nappy. I've been told all my life that I have "bad hair' and I want to prove to myself and others that this " bad hair" can grow!!