Do I say something to him?

BellaLunie

BellaLunie

New Member
The guy I'm seeing has reached out to his ex via text apparently. The text she sent him said "you drive me crazy, you reach out to me and ignore me" or something to that affect. The thing is he has swore to me up and down that the last time they talked was back in January when they broke up. If that's the case why is she sending him a text at 2am while he's in bed with me? I don't even know how she got his number because it's been changed since they broke up. Ladies should I cut my losses and move on or do I confront him? Something in the milk aint clean and that little voice is telling me to forget him. I wanted to smother his arse with the pillow when I saw it. Idk what to do...
 
If he changed his number and she has it (AND she's calling him at 2AM) and has indicated that he contacted/reached out to her -

He'd be woken up and shown the door. Don't ignore/rationalize/explain away this incident.


Out of curiosity I'd like to know if he and the ex has any kids?
 
ladylibra_30 said:
If he changed his number and she has it (AND she's calling him at 2AM) and has indicated that he contacted/reached out to her -

He'd be woken up and shown the door. Don't ignore/rationalize/explain away this incident.


Out of curiosity I'd like to know if he and the ex has any kids?
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No they dont :non: that's why I am pissed. There's no reason for them to be contacting each other.

Backstory: He and I dated back when we were 15/16, he cheated on me and when broke up. Fast forward 2 years we run into each other but I was with my ex and bd and he was with this girl and we've remained friends. Everytime we broke up with our SO we've hooked up. It's just been getting serious lately and now this happens. I just don't get why he's reaching out to her when she's cheated, aborted his child without him knowing, and other things that would make your kid spin :perplexed
 
My friend who is engaged, has her ex reaching out to her even though she has changed her number. She didn't give him the number her friend did. And i told her she need to check that friend or ditch them out of lack of respect. But the way im reading it is that she text him back a reply to a previous e-mail? That worries me you need to talk to him about that and follow your spidey senses. If he dont have kids with her or no property then he is not through with her if he is reaching out to her or she texting him and he is replying. BTW 2am is disrespect on her part if she knows about you and him.
 
BellaLunie said:
No they dont :non: that's why I am pissed. There's no reason for them to be contacting each other.

Backstory: He and I dated back when we were 15/16, he cheated on me and when broke up. Fast forward 2 years we run into each other but I was with my ex and bd and he was with this girl and we've remained friends. Everytime we broke up with our SO we've hooked up. It's just been getting serious lately and now this happens. I just don't get why he's reaching out to her when she's cheated, aborted his child without him knowing, and other things that would make your kid spin :perplexed
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Oh hell nah....on to the next one....that's too much drama for one so young.
 
BellaLunie said:
No they dont :non: that's why I am pissed. There's no reason for them to be contacting each other.

Backstory: He and I dated back when we were 15/16, he cheated on me and when broke up. Fast forward 2 years we run into each other but I was with my ex and bd and he was with this girl and we've remained friends. Everytime we broke up with our SO we've hooked up. It's just been getting serious lately and now this happens. I just don't get why he's reaching out to her when she's cheated, aborted his child without him knowing, and other things that would make your kid spin :perplexed
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The text on its own raises more than one eyebrow, but this backstory alone--even without the text--is just not good. In addition to a history of his cheating--on you, no less!--there is an unhealthy pattern of you two allowing yourselves to drift back to each other at times of emotional instability or lulls in your romantic trajectories with others.

Have you ever had a time where you were without a man's companionship? It might be good for you to take 6 months or something for yourself without any romantic or sexual diversion. I know that everyone works differently, but who knows? Maybe it'll work some good in your life.

BTW, I wouldn't necessarily believe anything and everything he tells you about what she may or may not have done "to him" in the past. People naturally spin situations in the light most favorable to themselves.

I'm sorry you had to find out this way but I think the text--even if he's telling you the truth about it--is a much-needed signal to galvanize you to action.

Good luck.
 
cinnespice said:
My friend who is engaged, has her ex reaching out to her even though she has changed her number. She didn't give him the number her friend did. And i told her she need to check that friend or ditch them out of lack of respect. But the way im reading it is that she text him back a reply to a previous e-mail? That worries me you need to talk to him about that and follow your spidey senses. If he dont have kids with her or no property then he is not through with her if he is reaching out to her or she texting him and he is replying. BTW 2am is disrespect on her part if she knows about you and him.
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No his battery was dying and kept beeping and it was out in the kitchen so I got up to turn it off. I saw that there was an unread message(yes I know it was wrong of me to go in his phone). I'm guessing he sent her the text before he came over and couldn't respond to it. There was only 2 inbox msgs so I'm thinking he must have deleted all others.

I'm not sure she knows about me. I know she knows of me because she's fb stalked me before. We're not offically an item so I really can't say too much because he's not my man and he's technically single. But it's really disrespectful because he know's I'm not talking to anyone else.
 
As to what you should say to him (as the title of OP asks), here's what *I* would say:

"We have a long history together, and it's not really about your most recent ex-girlfriend. I think we have done the back and forth thing for so long. Now is a time for ME to get my head together for my own sake. I want to start a new chapter in my life, and make a fresh start, and I think I need to do those things ON MY OWN. Much peace to you on your journey, too."
 
ooooo no hun.... be done with this dude... ur wayyy too young to go thru this type mess!!

and when u leave him alone this time.. dont go back to him later.. just a suggestion.. he's cheated on u before... sounds like hes about to again.. even tho u said ur not 'offically' a couple.. if thats the case.. ur heart wouldnt be involved and u DEF wouldnt be feeling some kinda way about the text... that of course is just IMO
 
YankeeCandle said:
As to what you should say to him (as the title of OP asks), here's what *I* would say:

"We have a long history together, and it's not really about your most recent ex-girlfriend. I think we have done the back and forth thing for so long. Now is a time for ME to get my head together for my own sake. I want to start a new chapter in my life, and make a fresh start, and I think I need to do those things ON MY OWN. Much peace to you on your journey, too."
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I know I need to do this. It's just weird how we always end up in contact with each other. The same thing with ex it seems like it doesn't matter what she does to him they'll always be together. The chick is batshyt crazy and I don't need the mess and drama :nono:
 
So yall are technically not together? I think yall are stuck in an on again/off again relationship. I wouldn't put too much energy in him and start backing away.
 
LilMissRed said:
ooooo no hun.... be done with this dude... ur wayyy too young to go thru this type mess!!

and when u leave him alone this time.. dont go back to him later.. just a suggestion.. he's cheated on u before... sounds like hes about to again.. even tho u said ur not 'offically' a couple.. if thats the case.. ur heart wouldnt be involved and u DEF wouldnt be feeling some kinda way about the text... that of course is just IMO
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well we were only 16 and it was puppy love so I gave him the benefit of the doubt I thought he's matured. I tried not to let my heart get involved, apparently I have a "guard" up that needs to be down :rolleyes:. Funny thing is I'm not even that devastated. I mean I'm hurt but I kind of expected it. If this was a few months ago I would have gone crazy but I'm kind of mellow about it. To be honest this is messing my whole day up :sad:
 
YankeeCandle said:
As to what you should say to him (as the title of OP asks), here's what *I* would say:

"We have a long history together, and it's not really about your most recent ex-girlfriend. I think we have done the back and forth thing for so long. Now is a time for ME to get my head together for my own sake. I want to start a new chapter in my life, and make a fresh start, and I think I need to do those things ON MY OWN. Much peace to you on your journey, too."
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I agree with this advice because even if you aren't officially a couple, him contacting his ex shows where his heart and mind are...especially if he knows that you're not entertaining other men.
 
This situation is going to be as tough or as simple as you make it, Bella.

If you aren't done with him and you confront him about the text just be prepared for some knocks and bumps that could've been avoided. Per your OP he has the same ole' tricks just for a different day....wash...rinse...repeat. Also, don't even give the ex one more thought as she is irrelevant in your (and your DD) life. Remember that people, men specifically, LOVE to do a thing known as rewriting history in relationships. Don't fall for it.

Focus on you, make good decisions, and don't settle.
 
BellaLunie said:
I'm not sure she knows about me. I know she knows of me because she's fb stalked me before. We're not offically an item so I really can't say too much because he's not my man and he's technically single. But it's really disrespectful because he know's I'm not talking to anyone else.
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He isn't your man and you were being disrespectful checking his phone. KIM BellaLunie.
 
Well if you are not in a relationship and you definitely shouldn't have gone snooping, then the "I think we should go our separate ways, this just isn't working out for me" approach is the best way to go. Anything else would be a bit awkward. I mean what else can you say to him?
 
maybe it's not as serious for HIM as it is for you. cheaters RARELY stop cheating. ask him about it, then get rid of him.

BellaLunie said:
No they dont :non: that's why I am pissed. There's no reason for them to be contacting each other.

Backstory: He and I dated back when we were 15/16, he cheated on me and when broke up. Fast forward 2 years we run into each other but I was with my ex and bd and he was with this girl and we've remained friends. Everytime we broke up with our SO we've hooked up. It's just been getting serious lately and now this happens. I just don't get why he's reaching out to her when she's cheated, aborted his child without him knowing, and other things that would make your kid spin :perplexed
Click to expand...
 
If I may put my 2 cents in...
I am in a relationship have been in the same one for 3 years now...long story short we were living together, then this chick apears appearently the guy who lived with me has been seeing her wayyy before me, he even brought a different cell just for this (and others) girls, I confronted him about it he denied it and got rid of the phone. Ok then she appears again this time on his one and only cell, confronted him about it he denied it. What was i lef to do? call her up, she confirmed it, then said they were engaged??? HUH but he comes home to me EVERY night?? He spends holidays with me!! I tld her why the hell will she even consider marrying him when they don't do like holidays bdays n stuff together? she said he always said he is with his family. A bulub went off. I was going to confront him with her there but I said for what? she is the side HOE? I dropped it then TRIED to move on, she pops up again and I popped his *** right out of my house told him be GONE go play house with her, funny thing is he didn't put up a fight??
I left it alone but see he can't do without me!! we are still together but from a distance. I just recently tried to end it when I saw a facebook page with him and the chick. funny right? yea who u telling, any who he swore it was old. Now the point is some woman are just NASTY and don't care, some do anything to hold on to a man, lose thier self respect just to keep a man...a man values no woman like that!! Once he knows that u r not willing to be or do any of the above or more he will fight to keep ya love!! TRUST!!
Be strong!! let him see, believe and feel that he DO NOT have that control oveer you. shyt yea its gonna hurt, u will make excuses (as u r now) and wonder if you have made the right decision. but know this if you love something sometimes you have to let go and if it comes back then u know it was meant to be if not then that is an experience u needed to go through to grow. Don't think oh cause ya'll "run" into eachother its meant to be, if thats the case i need to be married to my bus driver!! jeje
girl ya'll have NO ties NADA let him go, enjoy being single you need NO one but G_D!!
We don't put as much energy into him as we do these men that cheat, lie and abuse us in any shape or form.
As for me yea I still see him and others. Sex I learned I will have and get more respect making him and them think that they will even SMELL it!!! Now he wants to take me onn a cruise. Bluff or not I am holding him to his word!! bets belive a sister is toggling back and forth between LHCF and Carnival cruise lines. its not a game...
take lyfe for what it is meant to be FUN, up and downs and learing which will result in knowledge!! We all can tell you what u should do but only u know wat is best!! At the end of the day u r the one that will have to deal with ur decision good bad or indifferent. My message is ENJOY LYFE!!! Praise G_D and be grateful for the day you have breathing, free and ALIVE!!
wish ya luck!!
 
epiphany braids said:
If I may put my 2 cents in...
I am in a relationship have been in the same one for 3 years now...long story short we were living together, then this chick apears appearently the guy who lived with me has been seeing her wayyy before me, he even brought a different cell just for this (and others) girls, I confronted him about it he denied it and got rid of the phone. Ok then she appears again this time on his one and only cell, confronted him about it he denied it. What was i lef to do? call her up, she confirmed it, then said they were engaged??? HUH but he comes home to me EVERY night?? He spends holidays with me!! I tld her why the hell will she even consider marrying him when they don't do like holidays bdays n stuff together? she said he always said he is with his family. A bulub went off. I was going to confront him with her there but I said for what? she is the side HOE? I dropped it then TRIED to move on, she pops up again and I popped his *** right out of my house told him be GONE go play house with her, funny thing is he didn't put up a fight??
I left it alone but see he can't do without me!! we are still together but from a distance. I just recently tried to end it when I saw a facebook page with him and the chick. funny right? yea who u telling, any who he swore it was old. Now the point is some woman are just NASTY and don't care, some do anything to hold on to a man, lose thier self respect just to keep a man...a man values no woman like that!! Once he knows that u r not willing to be or do any of the above or more he will fight to keep ya love!! TRUST!!
Be strong!! let him see, believe and feel that he DO NOT have that control oveer you. shyt yea its gonna hurt, u will make excuses (as u r now) and wonder if you have made the right decision. but know this if you love something sometimes you have to let go and if it comes back then u know it was meant to be if not then that is an experience u needed to go through to grow. Don't think oh cause ya'll "run" into eachother its meant to be, if thats the case i need to be married to my bus driver!! jeje
girl ya'll have NO ties NADA let him go, enjoy being single you need NO one but G_D!!
We don't put as much energy into him as we do these men that cheat, lie and abuse us in any shape or form.
As for me yea I still see him and others. Sex I learned I will have and get more respect making him and them think that they will even SMELL it!!! Now he wants to take me onn a cruise. Bluff or not I am holding him to his word!! bets belive a sister is toggling back and forth between LHCF and Carnival cruise lines. its not a game...
take lyfe for what it is meant to be FUN, up and downs and learing which will result in knowledge!! We all can tell you what u should do but only u know wat is best!! At the end of the day u r the one that will have to deal with ur decision good bad or indifferent. My message is ENJOY LYFE!!! Praise G_D and be grateful for the day you have breathing, free and ALIVE!!
wish ya luck!!
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Wow he is a HAM! Is he still seeing this girl? I just don't get why men do that.
 
Oh boy.... you looked and got the answer you didn't want! So now it's time to ROLL OUT. She has the new number so this isn't the first communication and not the last. He's banging both of yall. Sorry.:sad:
 
You already stated that the little voice is telling you to let him go. So you know what you need to do and just need us to encourage you :-). Let the man go and you will much happier in the end.
From what you typed in your OP, the man is clearly dishonest with you. Sounds to me like there is not much of a relationship between you two.
 
BellaLunie said:
I wasn't checking it out of suspicion, it was beeping bc the battery was dying and I went to turn it off :look:. Curiosity killed the cat :rolleyes:
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mmmmk and you couldn't tell him his phone was beeping. I touch no one's cellphone. When I was married I didn't even tough my husband's phone, I would tell him, "Yo, your phone is beeping, stop it".
 
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