divorced or unhappily married ladies...

[turnergirl]

I felt that way and I still do. I have been married for a little over a year and I think the newness of everything contributes to that continued feeling. Also where we are in life and what we did to prepare for marriage. For example we don't have any children, financial issues, sick parents, in-law drama or anything like that. We had a very long thorough courtship and were well prepared for how we react and battle it out in disagreements. We have even been able to successfully modify a great deal of the behaviors that troubled us both. We have read the five love languages and done the full year of pre marital counseling learning about setting boundries and understanding the nature of marriage. We have a network of married couples that we lean on for wisdom. Even with all of those things, I know to expect some extremely diffuclt times. Throughout our lifetime we will grow out of our mid twenties into middle age, have children, nuture our elderely parents, bury our grandparents, chase our dreams, achieve our biggest accomplishments and face our most difficult defeats. Such is life. I know I will have days were I feel like I can't deal. That's life.

I am trying to do the best with what God has given me. I don't know how hard it will get but I understand the nature of what we are doing and I know there is no one in the world would want to go through these pains with. Marriage is just hard. 7 of our friends got married the same year we did because of that we have seen and learned a lot through each other. We are continuously humbled when hearing about the struggles of our married friends. We know we will have our turn and that we will have to fight through it the same way.

I don't know if you like to read books or not but I loved the Five Love Languages of Marriage and the Four Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman. I learned the nature of what I would be dealing with best from these books. They gave me some wonderful tools.

 

[Caramela]

As a newlywed, I'm learning that marriage is what you make it. If you don't want it to work then it won't. You have to understand that people are going to do what they want to do and that is something that you can never change. All you can do is change yourself. You can't look at marriage from the aspect of what are you going to get from it. You have to look at from what can I bring to the table. In every decision you make, it has to include that person's feelings. You can't just make moves on your own. Times will get hard and you have to be willing to fight for your marriage. Sometimes it can be a fight for a long time, but bad times don't last always. You have to have a strong spiritual base in your marriage. There are going to be times when you won't know where to turn and you are just going to have to fall on your knees and be still and let your spiritual guide lead the way. You guys need to learn to pray together. You will need to learn to allow your husband to be the man. (not saying you don't) He might not always make the best decisions, but that is where your support comes in. Don't be a nag. If things don't get done how you want it then so be it. Remember that you are not his mother. You can't make him do anything. What you can do is talk to him and let him know how you feel about certain things. Hopefully if you come at him the right way, he will listen and take your feelings into consideration. If he has that attitude of I want to make my wife happy or helping her will be the good of our family then you guys will be alright. You have to have that same attitude too. Don't share all of your business with your family and friends. If you are having problems and need someone to talk to, go to your pastor, conselor, God and pray about then let God do his job. Don't try to fix or manipulate things to how you think it should be, because you might not be right all of the time. If things get out of hand don't go over your friends or family's house. Go to the show, take a walk or a drive. Don't stay mad too long. Get out what you need to get out and move on. Don't go to bed angry. (Big one!) Don't be in the bed with you Dh and don't touch each other. I'm just going on and on. These ladies have given you a lot of good advice. Oh one more thing get your money situation established like now if you haven't done so. Because that could cause major problems later on. Good luck and Congrats!

Wonderful advice.

 

[Country gal]

Keep it coming. I am taking notes.

 

[NoNapNique]

RE: The first bolded part, my mom and grandma told me to let my hubby see my temper before we got married. They said, "This way, you'll see how he handles conflict with you. If he's mean and goes for the jugular because you disagree with him, don't marry him, he'll get meaner. If he cries because you told him the truth, don't marry him, he's a baby. If he listens and wants to resolve things, he's a keeper."

I am almost in tears reading this part over and over... Because I just wish that someone had been around to tell me that.

 

[klb120475]

I am almost in tears reading this part over and over... Because I just wish that someone had been around to tell me that.

Hugs to you Nonapnique.....

 

[caligirl2385]

THIS IS A GOOD THREAD. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORIES.

 

[adf23]

I am very happy for you Caramela!

Thank you to all the ladies that are contributing to this thread. I have been married just over a year and the replies are very noteworthy.