#Dilemma

[*5+5]

OP, are you not bothered that he most likely is being intimate with his gf while claiming to be ending it with her soon & playing Don Juan with you?

Have you ever been to his place?

I've been to his place once the day of Hurricane Irene. It didn't look domestic but I wasn't really snoopin' around either.

Oh...so this is the same guy from the "Have I done enough" thread.

How did that turn out? was he mad about you not coming to see him?

He wasn't mad, he said he missed me during those 3 days but he was embarrassed about how he looked. About 2 days after that thread I left for a week for work and he was back in the ER while I was away. the day that I got back Irene was looming so when I touched down he was recovering and I saw him that day.

 

[gabulldawg]

Ohhhh, so this is the dude who told you not to come see him at the hospital?? Yeeaahhhh, it was probably because his GIRLFRIEND was booed up with him.

 

[*5+5]

When you found out he was in an exclusive relationship, he told you that he was on his way to end it. So, shouldn't he be the one calling you and telling you that he's ended it? Why do you need to be the one asking him?

Yesterday he asked if he could take me out tonight and I decided that we will discuss this tonight face to face.

Ohhhh, so this is the dude who told you not to come see him at the hospital?? Yeeaahhhh, it was probably because his GIRLFRIEND was booed up with him.

He never told me NOT to come to the hospital and I never asked to go. I never even spoke with him while he was at the ER, the night he was there texting me I was asleep and responded the next day.

 

[UrbainChic]

I wish you luck tonight.

My best friend started in a relationship like this. He was "unhappy" the relationship was "basically over" and they were only living together bc housing was too expensive and he would move out in a few months. I sort of believed it, but something didn't sem right seeing as he had my best friend's number saved under a male name. Eventually he did break up with her and moved out. He seemed redeemed in everyones eyes.

Fast forward 5 years later, he did basically the same thing with my best friend. Became emotionally withdrawn, no more sex, unresponsive to all her efforts to try to rekindle the relationship ( to the point that i had to tell her stop beating yourself up, you have tried to talk and tried to fix things but a relationship has 2 people and he has to put in effort too) turns out, right when she is giving up, she discovers he has been dating another girl for nearly 8 months.

Thats a cautionary tale for you. I know not all guys are the same, just be careful.

 

[tinkat]

I know not all guys are the same, just be careful.

Pretty much what I was going to say...How it begins is how it ends, trust me I know.

 

[MissJ]

I never accepted or told him that I was ok with him having a girlfriend. Actually it was the total opposite. Today will be the first time that we hang out since I've learned he has a gf...my call. And it's so that I have the convo with him face to face.

I'm not throwing myself or running after someone else's man, he's coming for me and I've been standing still observing until now that I just learned that he has a girlfriend.

I get the point a lot of you are making but we can interpret and make assumptions all day. Just like it can be assumed that he is hiding something he could possibly be telling the truth that he’s in a situation that he’s in the process of ending.

I'm not making any excuses for him at all or rationalizing anything. He said he was unhappy. He said the relationship was pretty much over and he was dead-ing it. I'm not assisting him with that or pressuring him one way or the other. We've only been seriously dating about 2 weeks, i just learned he has a gf 3 days ago, I'll see him today to make the call...yes I believe the timing of all of this is relevant.

Waiting around for a year is absurd. C’mon now.

What is there to talk about? The guy is a liar, plain and simple. He's lying to you, and he's lying to her. The worst part is that he's sitting pretty, because obviously his game worked on you.

 

[MissJ]

I went back and checked. You never said he told the GF about you. I wonder why you would fail to mention that piece of information during all of this.

Come on, what girlfriend knows about a side chick and is okay with it? Even if he told OP that, she's just going off of what he said, and he has proven himself to be a liar. I'd only believe that the man's girlfriend fully knows that he's trying start another relationship while he's in a relationship with her if both the OP and the girlfriend spoke to each other about this situation. Otherwise, not buying it, and I don't see how that would go over well with either of them.

 

[Dacia38]

This man is a Liar and a Cheat. Who wants to knowingly be with someone like that? If I can't TRUST you - I don't need you in my life. PERIOD. At this point even if he does "dead" her and you guys end up hooking up be prepared to keep looking over your shoulder for the same thing to happen to you.

It's not worth it! Life is too darn short.

 

[hopeful]

5+5 he tricked you. He never told you he had a girlfriend because he knew you would run. So he left out this detail intentionally so that he could get closer to you. I wonder how long he would have kept this up if your friend hadn't pressed him? I think it's unfair to you and his girlfriend. If he had been upfront then you could have made an informed decision, but he never gave you that choice. And the girlfriend whom he may speak to daily and make love to nightly, likely has no idea how he is carrying on. It's very disrespectful behavior, and unkind. You deserve better, and so does his girlfriend.

 

[Almaz]

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Save yourself from future heartache RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

He is just juggling women to see which one is the best for him he is playing both of you RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN does the other lady know about you

 

[Ivonnovi]

Never make anyone a PRIORITY in your life when YOU ARE AN OPTION in theirs.


Tis all. (It's up to you to DECIDE (and persue) YOUR WORTH, even if it conflicts with what you "think" his worth may be. )

Good morning Ladies,

I really like this guy that I'm seeing and he's telling and showing me that he feels the same.

I recently learned that he is seeing someone and he continues to tell me that he is going to fix the situation and that he isn't happy in the situation.

I just learened this over 2 weeks ago. My thoughts are to give it a little time and not bring it back up say about for 3 weeks and see how it pans out. Initially I thought it was best that I keep it moving but now I'm playing a waiting game.

So what are your thoughts?

ETA: Shortened OP to get feedback.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Dang folks in here going hard. OP I see where you're coming from, but, my main beef would be with the fact that he had a girlfriend when he told you he was "talking to someone". That being said he set out to deceive and do dirt on his end, and may have never come clean if not interrogated by your girl. That's enough for me to kill that situation with him b/c he lied from the go.

But good luck with whatever you decide to do, who knows it may work out, stranger things have happened!

 

[foxee]

Considering he told me that she knows about me I would want to know exactly what she knew and if seeing other people was acceptable for them. If he was lying to her I would feel different of course. Overall, "talking to someone" was kinda ok for me but the "girlfriend" thing is a total no-go.

It also depends on if his heart was set on ending the relationship before he started dating me and if he was looking for someone or if he felt like he clicked with me in a different way and developed unexpected feelings.

You don't know that for sure. Right now he's just telling you what you want to hear, and frankly you should be insulted. Men will test you to see how much they can get away with. Right now he's got both of you right where he wants you. His poor girlfriend.

If you want to see how he really feels, tell him you have a serious boyfriend that you've neglected to tell him about. I have a feeling he wouldn't be so understanding.

 

[Carrie A]

The other thing that doesn't add up is the time line. He wanted this girl so much that he asked her to be exclusive, yet four months later overcome with chemistry for you, unhappy, ready to break up. Most people are still in the polyanna phase at 4 months.
He's creeping.

I know you are seeing it as he presents, that he's not happy.. and you want to back off but keep communication open until he's truly free, but you need have all the information before you make a decision. He lied by omission instead of communicating with you. While you were commuting he could have easily said he was in a failed relationship and that he liked you but wished to resolve things before continuing convo and surely before asking you out. He'll likely operate this way with you at some point in the future- don't ask don't tell.