#Dilemma

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*5+5 said:
C'mon with all this other woman stuff I've only known he had a girl friend for 2 days...geesh I swear some of yall go hard as if I'm boning dude or posting asking for ideas on how to get him to dump the girl.

It's been almost 2 weeks since I've known he was "talking to someone", (what I believed to be non-committed) we're not nowhere close to having sex, I don't ask him for or to do anything, he's the one asking me out and toting me around.

I am talking to other people too so I assume we were on the same page until Saturday when he said it was his girlfriend and now 2 days later I'm asking for thoughts. Isn't this the single til married board?
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Let's break it down then?

He's been "seeing" her for 6 months.

He's been talking to you for half that, 3 months.

Then called her his girlfriend. That makes you the other woman.
 
@5+5 let me break it down for you. He is either married or shackin wif his baby momma. Da only reason why ur conflicted is bcuz he is giving you what EVERY woman wants. Time and attention. All that whinin n dinin he's doin.....yeah time and attention so all potential new dyck is always exciting new....especially when its spendinh money, time, tellin us what want to hear. Dat shyt your boy told u dont work for everybody.

Don't believe it, ask him to take u to his crib n see what type of response u get. See, when a man has a woman at home, he gets bored and wants to go outside n play. So here u come along, this shiny new toy, and he wants to play witchu. When he gets bored with you, back in the toy box you go.

Never let a man play you. Now imma reserve comment until you come back n post after your play date.

And make sure he aint takin you to no dayum Applebees. If he wanna play, set the bar n make some reservations somewhere where everything is a la cart. Dont play urself cheap eitha while he's tryna pull game. Feel me?
 
Just because you've only known for a couple of days doesn't make it any less true. And the big questions is what you will do now that you have the information and are clear about his relationship status. Like I've already said, I'd suggest that you leave it alone until he actually breaks up with her. NOT "Takes care of it" or whatever other crazy language he has been using. Plain old BREAKING UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. Until then you are and will continue to be the other woman!
 
OP is this the same guy that was sick in the hospital and you couldn't decide whether or not you should visit him? Was that you, did you post that thread?

Anyway, what I don't get is why he needs all this time to break up with his girlfriend. He should just go do it. Why does he need time to "take care of it?" Sounds like he just needs time for you to get used to the idea that there is someone else and to become ok with it. I honestly think that he is trying to groom you to be the other woman.

If you've never been over to his place, there's a good chance that he's living with her, that's probably why he needs time to "take care of it." So, she probably doesn't know about you. She may be paying all the bills and that may be why he doesn't want to leave her. I think that they have probably been dating longer than 6 months.

I would ask to hang out at his house, then you'll know if he's living with her or not. He comes over unannounced to your place, invite yourself over to his.
 
*5+5 said:
C'mon with all this other woman stuff I've only known he had a girl friend for 2 days...geesh I swear some of yall go hard as if I'm boning dude or posting asking for ideas on how to get him to dump the girl.

It's been almost 2 weeks since I've known he was "talking to someone", (what I believed to be non-committed) we're not nowhere close to having sex, I don't ask him for or to do anything, he's the one asking me out and toting me around.

I am talking to other people too so I assume we were on the same page until Saturday when he said it was his girlfriend and now 2 days later I'm asking for thoughts. Isn't this the single til married board?
Click to expand...
They're telling it like it is. If you dont want to hear it then dont ask for advice.
 
Wow! Even when I was a teenager, I never settled for being numero dos. Why would you? Are you that desperate for a man or companionship? Find your own man or situation where you will be number one. Why settle for anything less? Four words for ya, "Find your own man!" :yep:
 
Ok i appreciate all the advice and tough love ladies.

I def. didn't see all of this coming over such a fresh situation.

I've never have and never will be someone's other woman.

The choices were keep it moving or briefly remain friends until he dead (in his words already dying) the situation. Sticking around long-term and playing the role as the other woman was never an option.

I see where you guys are coming from. So thanks.
 
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*5+5 said:
Here's the OP but I figured it was a long read and shortened it;

I have a slight dilemma that I was hoping to get some insight on. Here’s the deal;

I’ve been seeing this guy now for about 3 months. The first 2 months was getting to know each other (we see each other everyday on our commute) and occasional small dates.

Around the end of month 2, I had this sneaky suspicion that he may have a girlfriend, so I asked and he said “no, but he was talking to someone”. I wasn’t thrown off b/c I’m talking to other people as well although I didn’t confess that b/c I don’t believe any of my situations were important enough to tell.

So after those details, I was thinking nahhh I like this guy so I’m going to keep it moving since he has someone. That same day he asked me out to dinner and I said “no” but didn’t tell him it was b/c of his situation and he begged and begged until I said yes. So he picked me up and the date was incredible! It was our first real date and it was crazy how much chemistry and compatibility we had. That night we had our first kiss and he confessed to me that he was very interested and attracted to me, that he has been liking me for awhile and even though I was caught up in the moment but I was still using my head and I asked how this was so with him talking to someone? He said he was not happy and that he would take care of the situation. The night we stayed up talking, flirting to about 7am, overall the night was great.

So the next day he’s texting me how he thinks I’m the one and how he’s never had that amount of chemistry with anyone and he believes we would be great together etc. I didn’t bring up his situation again, I figured I made myself clear the night before. Since that night he calls me everyday, he plans dates with me in advance, we workout together, he picks me up for work and does all the right things.

Fast forward to this past Saturday he stopped by for a quick visit and so happened 2 of my girlfriends were over. One of my friends launched a full interrogation on him that I tried to shut down but he was like no it’s cool I’m fine.

Well, she asked him if he had a girlfriend and this dude said, “yes, I do have a girlfriend” and I was thinking huhhhh???? But I kept my poker face although I was like what the hell? But he follows up with my intentions for 5+5 are good and she’s the girl that I would want to be with.

When we walk outside I confront him about him having a girlfriend and he said he thought he told me that. I told him I thought he was just talking to someone and he said the relationship is almost over and he’s going to take care of it. When he left he sent me a text saying “im going to fix this so we can be happy”.

Here’s my dilemma, I really like this guy and wish he was fully available so that we could proceed. However, this isn’t the case…so I was thinking I would give him about a month to take care of his situation and not bring it up until then or is that a good idea?
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He has a girlfriend. You're just the chick on the side that she doesn't know about. How do you feel knowing this? How would you feel if you were in her shoes? What would you do? You do know he's not telling you the full story, right?
 
i would tell him "don't worry, i'm seeing other people too" and then start seeing other people...
 
*5+5 said:
Thanx for all the insight ladies.

He just dropped me off at home from work and asked if he could take me out tomorrow. I felt indifferent the entire time in the car so I think I'm closing in on making the decision.

I told him we could go out tomorrow and as hard as it maybe to cut ties I think I'll go ahead and pull the trigger.

I just talked to my male BFF and he was telling me that the situation isn't that bad and that most men have someone when they meet a lady but they rarely disclose it b/c they may be on the way out. He was saying when he met his wife he had an unresolved situation that he had to handle first and he told his wife about it and was happy that she stuck it out.

So to be quite honest I'm still a lil' on the fence about rather or not I'll just continue to be friends with him and keep doing me but I'll make the final decision during our date tomorrow.
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Everyone has someone in their life before they meet others but being in a relationship is different. GFs get dumped everyday, so why hasnt he dumped her. He is cheating on his GFs with you. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
You cant be afraid to lose him. If you dont put your foot down and show him you are not going tolerate his bs, he will not respect you. You deserve better but you have to demand it.






Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier
 
WhipEffectz1 said:
Wow! Even when I was a teenager, I never settled for being numero dos. Why would you? Are you that desperate for a man or companionship? Find your own man or situation where you will be number one. Why settle for anything less? Four words for ya, "Find your own man!" :yep:
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This! You are worth so much more than being "the chick he's talking to on the side." Even the situation where the man actually did break up and marry person #2 - that is rare. (And note how that didn't happen until she cut off all ties and forgot about him -- she didn't allow herself to be disrespected like that.)

And you can rationalize it all kind of ways ("oh, he's not happy with her...they don't click like we do."). The fact is, you don't know how many women he's talking to, and the next one in line could be saying the same thing about you.
 
I never accepted or told him that I was ok with him having a girlfriend. Actually it was the total opposite. Today will be the first time that we hang out since I've learned he has a gf...my call. And it's so that I have the convo with him face to face.

I'm not throwing myself or running after someone else's man, he's coming for me and I've been standing still observing until now that I just learned that he has a girlfriend.

I get the point a lot of you are making but we can interpret and make assumptions all day. Just like it can be assumed that he is hiding something he could possibly be telling the truth that he’s in a situation that he’s in the process of ending.

I'm not making any excuses for him at all or rationalizing anything. He said he was unhappy. He said the relationship was pretty much over and he was dead-ing it. I'm not assisting him with that or pressuring him one way or the other. We've only been seriously dating about 2 weeks, i just learned he has a gf 3 days ago, I'll see him today to make the call...yes I believe the timing of all of this is relevant.

Waiting around for a year is absurd. C’mon now.
 
*5+5 said:
I never accepted or told him that I was ok with him having a girlfriend. Actually it was the total opposite. Today will be the first time that we hang out since I've learned he has a gf...my call. And it's so that I have the convo with him face to face.

I'm not throwing myself or running after someone else's man, he's coming for me and I've been standing still observing until now that I just learned that he has a girlfriend.

I get the point a lot of you are making but we can interpret and make assumptions all day. Just like it can be assumed that he is hiding something he could possibly be telling the truth that he’s in a situation that he’s in the process of ending.

I'm not making any excuses for him at all or rationalizing anything. He said he was unhappy. He said the relationship was pretty much over and he was dead-ing it. I'm not assisting him with that or pressuring him one way or the other. We've only been seriously dating about 2 weeks, i just learned he has a gf 3 days ago, I'll see him today to make the call...yes I believe the timing of all of this is relevant.

Waiting around for a year is absurd. C’mon now.
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I'm curious about what the content of the conversation with him is going to be...
a) You've been seriously dating me while you are still in a relationship, happy or not. That means you've been dishonest to at least one of us. I'm out!
b) I know you're unhappy with her. After you've "deaded it" call me.
c) Well I've been kicking it with other folks too. I never said we were exclusive.


Also, I know you said you didn't want to rationalize it and we've thrown out all of our possibilities, what do YOU think of the fact that he has a girlfriend and has been "weighing other options" with you. What do YOU think this says about his character?
 
liberationtheory said:
I'm curious about what the content of the conversation with him is going to be...
a) You've been seriously dating me while you are still in a relationship, happy or not. That means you've been dishonest to at least one of us. I'm out!
b) I know you're unhappy with her. After you've "deaded it" call me.
c) Well I've been kicking it with other folks too. I never said we were exclusive.


Also, I know you said you didn't want to rationalize it and we've thrown out all of our possibilities, what do YOU think of the fact that he has a girlfriend and has been "weighing other options" with you. What do YOU think this says about his character?
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Probably something like;

I think you’re great, with a lot of awesome qualities and I like the way in the short time of us knowing each other that you always made sure I was happy and I appreciate all the things you do to make things easier for me.

But you know the saying “too good to be true”? I believe that’s where we are with you being/ending a relationship.

*waits for his response*

If he tells me that it’s completely over and that he’s done. We’ll go from there.

If he tells me that he’s still trying to end it, I’ll ask more specific questions just to be nosey and then I’ll tell him that we can’t continue.
 
I would just suggest not getting sucked into letting him sweet talk you again. If he cannot give you a straight answer about his relationship status then you need to bounce. If he tells you that he is still in the process of "taking care of" the relationship or still "trying" to break things off then you should bounce. You know he has a girlfriend, regardless of what "sparks" you have felt, or how much you guys "click." He's already lied to you at least once, so just be careful.

Heaven forbid his girlfriend finds out about all of this. Then you may really be in trouble. :nono: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. :perplexed
 
@*5+5 Even if has ended it, what do you think about the fact that he was seeing you WHILE he was still in a relationship with another woman, despite the fact that he was "unhappy"?
 
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liberationtheory said:
@*5+5 Even if has ended it, what do you think about the fact that he was seeing you WHILE he was still in a relationship with another woman, despite the fact that he was "unhappy"?
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Considering he told me that she knows about me I would want to know exactly what she knew and if seeing other people was acceptable for them. If he was lying to her I would feel different of course. Overall, "talking to someone" was kinda ok for me but the "girlfriend" thing is a total no-go.

It also depends on if his heart was set on ending the relationship before he started dating me and if he was looking for someone or if he felt like he clicked with me in a different way and developed unexpected feelings.
 
I totally missed where you said he told her about you...

As far as what you say it depends on.. I'm sorry. It sounds like you're caught up. Because he started talking to you for 3 months of their 6 month relationship, though the heavy dating was for 2. Why he couldn't man up before seriously dating you. It sounds like he has serious character flaws. But you're okay with them. Best of luck.

ETA: Please 1) don't let this conversation happen at an ice-cream parlor. 2)Back-track and tell us he was in jail before this and that 3)You had to pick him up for said conversation.
 
I went back and checked. You never said he told the GF about you. I wonder why you would fail to mention that piece of information during all of this.
 
*5+5 said:
I never accepted or told him that I was ok with him having a girlfriend. Actually it was the total opposite. Today will be the first time that we hang out since I've learned he has a gf...my call. And it's so that I have the convo with him face to face.

I'm not throwing myself or running after someone else's man, he's coming for me and I've been standing still observing until now that I just learned that he has a girlfriend.

I get the point a lot of you are making but we can interpret and make assumptions all day. Just like it can be assumed that he is hiding something he could possibly be telling the truth that he’s in a situation that he’s in the process of ending.

I'm not making any excuses for him at all or rationalizing anything. He said he was unhappy. He said the relationship was pretty much over and he was dead-ing it. I'm not assisting him with that or pressuring him one way or the other. We've only been seriously dating about 2 weeks, i just learned he has a gf 3 days ago, I'll see him today to make the call...yes I believe the timing of all of this is relevant.

Waiting around for a year is absurd. C’mon now.
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You asked for our thoughts, but now you don't want to hear the interpretation? I'm not accusing you of anything, in fact I said that you are worth more than the position he was putting you in. I hope that you can find answers, closure, or whatever today. He may be coming for you, but the fact that he told your friend (and not you, in that entire 3 month span of time) that he had a girlfriend makes him seem untrustworthy. Those are my thoughts.

Good luck to you today! :)
 
Those are things that I would like to have more insight on but of course it's wrong that he didn't end things before he starting dating me.

I've admitted that I like the guy and the thread states dilemma so yea I may be a lil' caught up. I still have a handle on this thanks for being concerned.

Jail, ice cream parlor and picking him up??? :rolleyes: ...BS. Nowhere close.
 
^^ It was another joke about a previous poster who had a dilemma and then started dropping other pieces of information to make him look worse, and then to try to be redeeming.
 
OP, are you not bothered that he most likely is being intimate with his gf while claiming to be ending it with her soon & playing Don Juan with you?

Have you ever been to his place?
 
Oh...so this is the same guy from the "Have I done enough" thread.

How did that turn out? was he mad about you not coming to see him?
 
Point of Clarification for OP or anyone-- my point in bringing up the other thread was not to put you on blast. You haven't done anything "blast" worthy. My point was to look to see where there other clues about this man's intentions and actions. He doesn't seem to be honest. That's a major character flaw, but YOU didn't cause that. I just hope you don't overlook it. That's it and that's all.
 
*5+5 said:
Considering he told me that she knows about me I would want to know exactly what she knew and if seeing other people was acceptable for them. If he was lying to her I would feel different of course. Overall, "talking to someone" was kinda ok for me but the "girlfriend" thing is a total no-go.

It also depends on if his heart was set on ending the relationship before he started dating me and if he was looking for someone or if he felt like he clicked with me in a different way and developed unexpected feelings.
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Are you not concerned at all that he LIED to you?
fully told you to your face that he was only seeing someone... and then 2 weeks later he has a GIRLFRIEND OF 6 MONTHS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Seriously?
It doesn't really matter if his heart was set or not, he fully LIED to your face...
if he can do that to her, he can do that to YOU...in 6 MONTHS :nono::nono::nono::nono:
 
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