Dilemma....Should I stay with him or not?

lilliz6

lilliz6

Active Member
My boyfriend and I started dating back in Sept 5, 2009. We made it official Sept 26, 2009. He lives in Chicago (which is where I am from and I currently live in ATL). We talk multiple times a day, he wants to marry me, we have similar goals and he really is a caring person.

One day (the last week in October) I recieve a phone call from his ex-girlfriend. She says they are living together, he has 2 kids with her and 1 on the way. Of course I call him to find out what's going on.... He says they are not together, yes she's 8 months pregnant, but she is moving out in upcoming February. He tells me he did this because he knew I would say that he has too much going on right now and that I wouldn't give him a chance knowing all this upfront.... (and you know this exactly what I would have said! lol)

I definitely told him don't ever call me again because I don't want to be with a liar and I don't need the drama. She did move out in February (in February the kid is like 3 months old).

He continued to call me day in and day out....So I decided to give him another chance.

We have been talking up until now just as much as we did in the beginning, we get along very well. I love him and he is very much in love with me. But the major problem for me is that I have always imagined myself with a man who only has children with me. I feel like I'm giving up my dream of what I have always wanted...plus I don't want another woman in my mans life, period.

What do you all think I should do?
 
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a) He lied to you.
b) He was most likely cheating on you.
c) He has THREE children.
d) He was talking to you WHILE his ex was still pregnant with his child AND living with him.
e) He is willing to leave his THREE children to start a new life.
f) He continued to have children with a woman he KNEW he wasn't going to marry.
g) If most of your relationship has been long distance, you don't really know him - just his 'representative' - which based on on a-f, ain't that impressive.

I'd dump him, and find a man that would match my dreams. :nono:
 
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It's not so much about the fact that he has kids, it's his capacity to lie that is the problem. It's offensive to you as his woman but I also have no time for men who deny/keep quiet about their children just to secure things with another woman. I have never met you but am CERTAIN you can do better.
 
Easy. Leave him if it's not what you want, you don't have ALOT of time vested in the relationship.
 
You already know the answer to this. Why waste your time? Leave him alone. He started out building your relationship on a lie.
 
Does that mean she had recently gotten pregnant when he met you or she got pregnant AFTER he met you.

September 5th is EXACTLY 8 months ago..

My advice?...

warning.gif


all the alarm bells are ringing, just don't do it to yourself..
 
How old are you guys?

If you have always seen yourself with a man who only has children with you, then this is a huge compromise on your part. He doesn't have one child. He has THREE children to take care of. Three children he was not upfront with you about. Plus, 8 months is not a lot of time when dealing with someone long distance. What is your gut/instinct honestly telling you to do? If you feel you would be settling, then most likely you would be.
 
I had to look back at the date on this thread. I have read something like this around here a few times. My first thought was, "who bumped this old thread."

Ladies, dont sell yourself short.
 
:scratchch

Baby was 3 months old in Feb, which means baby was born in November, which means she was 5-6 months pregnant when he first started talking to her. :perplexed *screwface* :nono:
So, he was already making plans for his life, without the mother of his children, before his last child was even born, and well after he was aware of the child. :perplexed Ugh.
 
Basically, ALL of what Kiya said.

You know what you need to do....it may not be what you want to do. Your heart will heal. Good luck.
 
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tash85 said:
Does that mean she had recently gotten pregnant when he met you or she got pregnant AFTER he met you.

September 5th is EXACTLY 8 months ago..

My advice?...

warning.gif


all the alarm bells are ringing, just don't do it to yourself..
Click to expand...

She was already pregnant before he met me, they were broken up before he met me. She was 8 mnoths pregnant already when we met.
 
Pretty Brown Eyes said:
How old are you guys?

If you have always seen yourself with a man who only has children with you, then this is a huge compromise on your part. He doesn't have one child. He has THREE children to take care of. Three children he was not upfront with you about. Plus, 8 months is not a lot of time when dealing with someone long distance. What is your gut/instinct honestly telling you to do? If you feel you would be settling, then most likely you would be.
Click to expand...

I am 24 years old, he is 30
 
JustKiya said:
a) He lied to you.
b) He was most likely cheating on you.
c) He has THREE children.
d) He was talking to you WHILE his ex was still pregnant with his child AND living with him.
e) He is willing to leave his THREE children to start a new life.
f) He continuated to have children with a woman he KNEW he wasn't going to marry.
g) If most of your relationship has been long distance, you don't really know him - just his 'representative' - which based on on a-f, ain't that impressive.

I'd dump him, and find a man that would match my dreams. :nono:
Click to expand...
I agree with all BUT the bold is ESP true! Nail....Hammer.....Head!
 
lilliz6 said:
I am 24 years old, he is 30
Click to expand...

Girl, run!!! You are FAR too young to settle for this man, and to saddle yourself with three children you KNOW you aren't interested in raising. :nono: And, personally, I give a serious side-eye to any man willing to leave his children for another woman. So, unless you plan on moving back to Chicago, and having three stepkids and their mother to deal with - girl, let. him. go.
 
Yeah this is some foolishness. :nono: If he could lie about something this big, imagine what else he's hiding, because trust me there's something else. You deserved to know about his children from the jump. And given the age of the child, he was sleeping with his "ex" while you 2 were dating. I also find it hard to believe he's been living with her all this time and stopped having sex after you guys became"exclusive".
I sympathize with you though. I know what its like to be in love with a liar.
 
JustKiya said:
:scratchch

Baby was 3 months old in Feb, which means baby was born in November, which means she was 5-6 months pregnant when he first started talking to her. :perplexed *screwface* :nono:
So, he was already making plans for his life, without the mother of his children, before his last child was even born, and well after he was aware of the child. :perplexed Ugh.
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Not a good look at all. Did he really need to have 3 children with this women to realize they are not right for each other?:nono::wallbash:

lilliz6 said:
I am 24 years old, he is 30
Click to expand...
You don't want a man with kids, and you don't want some other woman in his life like that. His ex is going to be deep in his life for a very long time. And rightly so.
 
JustKiya said:
Girl, run!!! You are FAR too young to settle for this man, and to saddle yourself with three children you KNOW you aren't interested in raising. :nono: And, personally, I give a serious side-eye to any man willing to leave his children for another woman. So, unless you plan on moving back to Chicago, and having three stepkids and their mother to deal with - girl, let. him. go.
Click to expand...
Okay. And think about all the Baby Mama drama SURE to come. Chick is already calling you up now showing how big her...ummm...err....ego is.
 
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Pretty Brown Eyes said:
Not a good look at all. Did he really need to have 3 children with this women to realize they are not right for each other?:nono::wallbash:


You don't want a man with kids, and you don't want some other woman in his life like that. His ex is going to be deep in his life for a very long time. And rightly so.
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Did he 'need' to have one child to figure that out? I mean, really. :lol: And I wonder how long they were 'together' before they broke up, and how many times they have 'broken up' before getting back together. I wonder if he dumped her every time she got pregnant. :perplexed Maybe he wasn't cheating on her, because she didn't want sex while she was pregnant, so he had to find 'other options' until after that 6-week appointment.

This is just - so nasty. :nono:
 
I know it's hard. I have loved a lot of jerks in my time. You just have to love you more. Leave this man be....He has shown you who he is! God whispers before he shouts!
 
:ohwell::ohwell::ohwell:


wait....so.....ok.....

He began a new 'exclusive' relationship with you, professed his love and proposed all while already having a LIVE-IN babymama at his HOUSE, with two kids he never told you about, who is ALSO PREGNANT at the time he is 'falling in love' with you?

:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:


And, you were able to get over that? :perplexed
 
You have just dodged a BULLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRUST your instincts for you to even post it here you think being with him is not a good idea.

You are single, no children and the world at your feet at 24, if you were my daughter I would be looking at you like you had grown two heads if you had told me this.

Lovingly I am saying to you as a mother would say. YOU CAN DO SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS! :yep:
 
Wooooooow. I'm sorry, but some of these threads blow my mind! I see now why a lot of folks avoid the Relationship Forum. :nono:

OP I TRULY hope you are listening to the advice and leave this poor excuse of a man alone. Don't go back to him and have him think this type of behavior is okay!!!!! :wallbash: He has been dishonest with you from DAY 1! How can a relationship thrive on that? I really hope you leave him and his THREE kids alone. :nono:
 
JustKiya said:
Did he 'need' to have one child to figure that out? I mean, really. :lol: And I wonder how long they were 'together' before they broke up, and how many times they have 'broken up' before getting back together. I wonder if he dumped her every time she got pregnant. :perplexed Maybe he wasn't cheating on her, because she didn't want sex while she was pregnant, so he had to find 'other options' until after that 6-week appointment.

This is just - so nasty. :nono:
Click to expand...

We already know the answers.

OP, I just want you to stop and think hard about your situation. You are hurting now, but believe me, if you stay it will only get worse.
 
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