Did You Marry Your Father?

[Godyssey]

I've always heard that women marry men like their fathers, and the fathers and daughters thread in OT, has me thinking that I did.

My dad was very affectionate, loving and overprotective and so is my husband.

My dad was extremely overprotective as far as I was concerned and I ended up with someone exactly the same. I mentioned in the other thread that my dad came out looking for me when I was out with a boy for just a few minutes longer than he felt it was supposed to take to walk to the store.

When I used to work, god forbid I stayed late to do overtime. My husband would call every few minutes wanting to know, what I was doing, who else was there and how much longer I was going to be. He even did this if I was visiting family. He is so happy that I no longer work. But even when I taught Zumba last year, working for the first time in about a decade, he would show up and take all of my classes. I actually had to kick him out because I felt it was confusing my students. I'm there leading the class and he is doing the routines in front right beside me, like we were co instructors, lol. I will state now that it isn't jealousy, because he is very overprotective of his son too. And he is also extremely affectionate to us both, in different ways of course.

I doubt that it's normal for a man to act so very paternal to his wife. Sometimes even now I have to remind him that he is not my father. But still I chose him. He also is the same height, complexion, build and even shoe size as my dad, lol.

So how about you? Did you marry or choose SO's with similar looks and characteristics of your father?

 

[Nay]

NO. My father was a male chauvinist without a sense of humor who never complimented my mother. He never helped her around the house. He was a couch potato, weekend drunk, stingy bastard (rest in peace).

My husband is TOTALLY opposite to my father! I didn't want any part of any man who even remotely reminded me of my daddy.

 

[Miss617]

Nope, and I'm happy as hell I didn't. My husband is everything my father wasn't. *Ye shrug*

 

[Godyssey]

NO. My father was a male chauvinist without a sense of humor who never complimented my mother. He never helped her around the house. He was a couch potato, weekend drunk, stingy bastard (rest in peace).

Wow!

My husband is TOTALLY opposite to my father! I didn't want any part of any man who even remotely reminded me of my daddy.

Well, from what you stated, it's good that you didn't marry someone like your father. I am under the impression that women generally learn how to be treated by men by observing the way that their fathers treated their mothers or other women. In your case, your father taught you what not to look for.

 

[Victoria44]

I hope to.

 

[Godyssey]

Nope, and I'm happy as hell I didn't. My husband is everything my father wasn't. *Ye shrug*

Another example of a man showing by example how not to be treated. It's good that you found someone better as well. It's interesting that they are polar opposites though.

My husband isn't exactly like my father, but they do share some similarities.

 

[melissa-bee]

I hope to marry a man very different than my father. If I marry a man who is like my father then I'm a fool.

 

[awhyley]

I am under the impression that women generally learn how to be treated by men by observing the way that their fathers treated their mothers or other women.

They do.

In your case, your father taught you what not to look for.

Exactly. Ironically, my father asked me last weekend whether I would marry someone like him. My first instinct screamed no, and I knew that my decision was sound.

I hope to marry a man very different than my father. If I marry a man who is like my father then I'm a fool.

Again, agreed.

 

[Godyssey]

Very interesting responses. I thought I'd get more "yes's" than "no's". Although I didn't realize that I was a yes until I thought about it today.

 

[Godyssey]

Exactly. Ironically, my father asked me last weekend whether I would marry someone like him. My first instinct screamed no, and I knew that my decision was sound.

Did you think no because the idea of marrying your father, so to speak is a turn off, or did he not treat you or your mother well?

 

[Lymegreen]

No. I think I married my own crazy self!!! haha

He has one trait that is like my dad but for the most part he is more like me.

 

[awhyley]

Did you think no because the idea of marrying your father, so to speak is a turn off, or did he not treat you or your mother well?

The latter.

 

[hopeful]

Very interesting responses. I thought I'd get more "yes's" than "no's". Although I didn't realize that I was a yes until I thought about it today.

If you have a great dad you will likely want someone like him. However, if he's jerkish in some way of course you do not want to marry someone like him. Unfortunately many woman date and/or marry someone like their father inadvertently. I have seen where a woman is aware that she does not want to marry say an alcoholic or a womanizer, and while she may be successful with that, she will still date or marry a man who makes her "feel" the way her father did when she was a girl. So instead of being a womanizer, he won't work but is sweet to her, so she "thinks" he's different, but his actions (not working) make her feel insecure or afraid because he doesn't provide financial stability. My point is like it or not dads often do play a role in our decisions even when we are aware. Moms have an impact too of course but often not as intensely. It took me a long time to understand that it is always best to directly seek what you want as in I want this, vs. I do not want this, I will make sure he is not this way or that way. I liken it to the difference between running toward something vs. running away from something.

 

[tinkat]

I'm not married but my SO is like my dad. My mother said it to me before. My mom, sis, and aunt ( dad sis) says he look like him too. I couldn't see it in the beginning but now I do. It's interesting and creepy at the same time lol.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I'm not married but my SO is like my dad. My mother said it to me before. My mom, sis, and aunt ( dad sis) says he look like him too. I couldn't see it in the beginning but now I do. It's interesting and creepy at the same time lol.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

same here. and i maade sure to look for a man with the same traits as my dad because i admire him and his rel. with my mom.

 

[Mortons]

I definitely want to My dad is the best

 

[kweenameena]

I'm not married but I always seem to end up in relationships with men who are sociopaths like my dad or narcissists like my mom. It's definitely not intentional. And usually they seem starkly different from my parents in the beginning. I don't find out until well into the relationship that they are men who are emotionally unavailable or women-haters.

I've actually thought about seeing a therapist to figure out how I can no longer subconciously attract those types.

 

[hopeful]

Yes kweenameena you should. Now that you see the pattern, you should get outside help. What's going on is in your subconscious trying to work out the bad relationships. Work it out with a therapist so that you can move forward. It's very hard to heal the subconscious stuff without outside support.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Yes, to a degree I did pick a guy very much like my dad except DH is super open about everything while my dad (and his family in general) is big on keeping secrets.

 

[celiabug]

I kind of hope I don't. Back in the day he was a horrible person. Did my mom so wrong. Had a child on her and everything. Cheated any times. He's extremely controlling. Now that my dad is older he's changed a lot. I still wouldn't want to go through what my mom went through though.

 

[Briabiggles]

I'm not married yet but SO is the complete opposite of my dad. I would never want to marry a man like my father. NEVER.

 

[Whimsy]

DH is just like my dad. It's ridiculous. When we're all together my mom and I are just in shock at how similar they are. Disgustingly alike.

 

[awhyley]

I kind of hope I don't. Back in the day he was a horrible person. Did my mom so wrong. Had a child on her and everything. Cheated any times. He's extremely controlling. Now that my dad is older he's changed a lot. I still wouldn't want to go through what my mom went through though.

Not to get all up in your business, but I'm curious as to the cause of the change. Did he realize that he was getting older and couldn't do the things that he normally would? Did he just grow up? Did he find Jesus? Like I said, I'm curious, but you have to answer if you don't want to.

 

[celiabug]

Not to get all up in your business, but I'm curious as to the cause of the change. Did he realize that he was getting older and couldn't do the things that he normally would? Did he just grow up? Did he find Jesus? Like I said, I'm curious, but you have to answer if you don't want to.

I think a combo of all three lol. He got too old to still be messing with these girls. He started going to church on occasion. He also stopped traveling with his team. He just realized he was wrong and needed to change. It was a slow process but my dad is a different person than he was. He's still got anger issues and controlling but he tries to be better.

 

[starfish]

Yes kweenameena you should. Now that you see the pattern, you should get outside help. What's going on is in your subconscious trying to work out the bad relationships. Work it out with a therapist so that you can move forward. It's very hard to heal the subconscious stuff without outside support.

^^^^^THIS

kweenameena and any other sister who keeps dating the same wrong-for-you man over and over again, therapy can change your life.

 

[MizAvalon]

Not at all. My father was a nice man but FH has a completely different personality.

For example, my father let my Mom do most of the leading. She handled all the bills and most of the major decisions. She's a bossy, type A so I guess that worked for them.

FH is very much the head of our household.

 

[IslandMummy]

My bio-dad FUDGE NO!

My daddy (step-dad) they have some similar traits but they have a different personality. My dad is an Aquarius like me and we are very go with the flow type of people, we don't like arguing or strife. We get mentally put off and shut down very quickly in any type of environment that even smells of drama. DH is a virgo and he's special

 

[lovinlife2014]

Yes I did! My Daddy is affectionate, loving and my biggest supporter! My husband is exactly the same way. I'm very grateful for that.

 

[RegaLady]

No.

While they are both good men, they are still different from each other.

 

[carcajada]

I did and it was the biggest mistake ever. My children's father even looks like my dad more than his own father.