Did You Have Sex With Your Husband Before Marriage?

[complexsimplicity]

Yes and we are still going strong. We got married in a haste after knowing each other for a few months (military) it seems to be working and I am happy.

Awww tech school love. lol.

 

[tiffers]

Sure did, and it was (and IS!) goooood, too!

We're still going strong

 

[NaturallyBlonde]

I voted Yes and we are no longer together.

I think that sex clouded my judgement a little. Ok, a lot. It was so nice in the beginning and it sort of blinded me to some things I should have been paying attention to. Plus I was pregnant. I slowed it down after we got married and was so turned off by some of the stuff he did that I didn't want to do it at all.

 

[Ms Red]

Some couples start then stop before the wedding... is this to repent and in hopes that God will bless your union?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Some couples start then stop before the wedding... is this to repent and in hopes that God will bless your union?

It's not the sole purpose. It won't be for me anyway. I believe it is to strengthen the spiritual and emotional bond between the two individuals. Disdaining from sex is also puts focus on other areas of compatibility which is important to know is established because being married isn't just about sex, and sex can place a fog over areas that could be problems over the long haul. The sex can be explosive between two people but when the debris settles, what's left? It's good to find out before getting married than after.

If it's all good, I also believe it makes the wedding event and the honeymoon especially all the more 'special' and significant.

 

[Carolina18]

If I could do it all over again, I'd stick with the plan to stop after we got engaged. We were engaged for about a year.

Do you mind sharing why? Has it had an adverse impact on your marriage in any way?

Sexual compatibility is important to me so I don't know about abstaining completely before marriage for me, i commend all who could. But regardless, once the step towards engagement is made, I am going to challenge him, me, and our relationship with a NO-SEX FAST before the wedding with the purpose of blessing and spiritually strengthening our union. It sounds a little oxymoronish to say I'm gonna have pre-marital sex and then try to reverse it to bless our union, but I just...it's important to me.

I'm wondering about this point.... in that case, then why do it just to 'taste' the goods and then reverse the consequences thereof by abstaining from it until the wedding? Sounds a bit like taking God for a fool. Interesting thread, by the way.

 

[Vinillablue]

YYYYEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Do you mind sharing why? Has it had an adverse impact on your marriage in any way?



I'm wondering about this point.... in that case, then why do it just to 'taste' the goods and then reverse the consequences thereof by abstaining from it until the wedding? Sounds a bit like taking God for a fool. Interesting thread, by the way.

Interesting perspective. When I say 'bless' I don't mean it in the sense of God commanding his blessings. I could have worded it differently I meant it being done moreso in the natural realm than in the spiritual realm but the natural and spiritual bond between two people both benefiting...I explained it further here:

It's not the sole purpose. It won't be for me anyway. I believe it is to strengthen the spiritual and emotional bond between the two individuals. Disdaining from sex is also puts focus on other areas of compatibility which is important to know is established because being married isn't just about sex, and sex can place a fog over areas that could be problems over the long haul. The sex can be explosive between two people but when the debris settles, what's left? It's good to find out before getting married than after.

If it's all good, I also believe it makes the wedding event and the honeymoon especially all the more 'special' and significant..

Question for you: Do you believe a marriage between two people that involved pre-marital sex cannot be blessed?

 

[LiberianGirl]

Some couples start then stop before the wedding... is this to repent and in hopes that God will bless your union?

That's my question too. What is it about getting engaged that caused you to stop having sex?

Nevermind- I didn't see SV's answer.

 

[caribeandiva]

I can't answer cause i've never been married. After reading all these answers I've decided to wait until marriage. If he's worth it he won't pressure me.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I can't answer cause i've never been married. After reading all these answers I've decided to wait until marriage. If he's worth it he won't pressure me.

hahahahah I've come to the opposite conclusion. I'm definitely trying out the goods before bonding myself to someone for life.

 

[Carolina18]

Interesting perspective. When I say 'bless' I don't mean it in the sense of God commanding his blessings. I could have worded it differently I meant it being done moreso in the natural realm than in the spiritual realm but the natural and spiritual bond between two people both benefiting...I explained it further here:



Question for you: Do you believe a marriage between two people that involved pre-marital sex cannot be blessed?

Depends on what you mean by 'blessed' - as in successful, long-lasting, happy etc? Judging by many of the responses in this thread, it appears that it can be so. I assume likewise that abstaining from pre-marital sex completely does not necessarily predicate a good marriage either. The point is figuring out why.

Perhaps it simply boils down to what you alluded to earlier, that pre-marital sex tends to cloud one's judgement and objectivity. So, those marriages which fail seemingly as a consequence of pre-marital sex fail because people ignored or did not notice various 'warning signs' beforehand. Those that succeed despite pre-marital sex do so because a couple was compatible anyway, and would have realised that without sex. This may be why those in successful marriages who abstained from it completely seem to be blessed for doing so, when in actual fact, their more objective judgement helped them pick the right mate. I'm still not sure about this though.

I think greater emphasis is placed on pre-marital sex as a potential 'marriage-breaker' because humans tend to have gradients of sin. God, who deems a white lie no different to pre-marital sex does not. Yet, we would be hard pressed to believe that the former is as much a 'marriage-breaker' as the latter. You don't normally hear of people abstaining from lying in order to 'bless' their marriage - I suppose they don't consider something like that as jeopardising as pre-marital sex.

 

[aribell]

It's not the sole purpose. It won't be for me anyway. I believe it is to strengthen the spiritual and emotional bond between the two individuals. Disdaining from sex is also puts focus on other areas of compatibility which is important to know is established because being married isn't just about sex, and sex can place a fog over areas that could be problems over the long haul. The sex can be explosive between two people but when the debris settles, what's left? It's good to find out before getting married than after.

If it's all good, I also believe it makes the wedding event and the honeymoon especially all the more 'special' and significant.

I'm not questioning you in particular, but generally, if the bolded is the reasoning (and I'm sure it's different for different people) wouldn't you want to be clearheaded beforeyou accept the ring in the first place?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I'm not questioning you in particular, but generally, if the bolded is the reasoning (and I'm sure it's different for different people) wouldn't you want to be clearheaded beforeyou accept the ring in the first place?

I can do you one better, I'm going to take all the time I need to be clearheaded BEFORE I get into bed with him in the first place.

ETA: I'm not hard-pressed on the direction I'm going to go on this subject. There is no man I'm sexually involved with right now and marriage or no marriage I've already decided it's going to be a while and I'm going to definately give time it's chance to show me if the man is worthy first. I'm in the middle of alot of soul searching regarding this subject which is why I even started this thread and I'm reading alot on this forum different viewpoints and taking alot in that I can see is slowly changing my viewpoint so who knows, all that time I need to be clearheaded may very well turn into not getting into the bed together until after marriage. It's really redefining what I consider being romantically connected to a man and after 10 years (yesterday I realized it was 10 years ago that I became sexually active) it's a lot of re-wiring for me. Since starting this thread and reading others I can slowly see the necessity of this change in me increasing.

But I'm ready for it if that's what it's going to take to experience that GREAT love between a husband and wife.

 

[*5+5]

Can't do the poll not married yet. Sex isn't a big part of our relationship and never has been. Although I wouldn't mind it, however, I always felt as tho' this was sort of a bad thing.

Funny the looks I would get from close friends when I would tell them, they would always elude to something possibly being wrong. My SO would always tell me, 'it ain't like that with you". I was confused, I'll be like "well who is like that with babe", or was it like that and now that you found love you can pace it? I'm his 1st REAL SO and I couldn't understand why he wasn't ready to jump my bones every 5 sec

Well to answer the question we could stop if we chose and wait till marriage.

 

[aribell]

Sounds good.

I can do you one better, I'm going to take all the time I need to be clearheaded BEFORE I get into bed with him in the first place.

ETA: I'm not hard-pressed on the direction I'm going to go on this subject. There is no man I'm sexually involved with right now and marriage or no marriage I've already decided it's going to be a while and I'm going to definately give time it's chance to show me if the man is worthy first. I'm in the middle of alot of soul searching regarding this subject which is why I even started this thread and I'm reading alot on this forum different viewpoints and taking alot in that I can see is slowly changing my viewpoint so who knows, all that time I need to be clearheaded may very well turn into not getting into the bed together until after marriage. It's really redefining what I consider being romantically connected to a man and after 10 years (yesterday I realized it was 10 years ago that I became sexually active) it's a lot of re-wiring for me. Since starting this thread and reading others I can slowly see the necessity of this change in me increasing.

But I'm ready for it if that's what it's going to take to experience that GREAT love between a husband and wife.

 

[@peace]

Yes we did

 

[~*Tigget*~]

I voted yes, we stopped, and still going strong. Only stopped because we planned our wedding in 4 days, had it been longer....ummmmm not sure I could have made it.

 

[Shandell]

We waited until we said "I do"...and we are better for it!

 

[michelle81]

From the first date til last night - it's all good.

Whew, glad I'm not the only one. First date, both of our decision, mostly mine, and still going strong 7 years later. Dated for 3 years, engaged 1 year, and married going on 4 years.

If I could do it again, I would not change one single thing.

 

[1Aleeesha]

I can do you one better, I'm going to take all the time I need to be clearheaded BEFORE I get into bed with him in the first place.

ETA: I'm not hard-pressed on the direction I'm going to go on this subject. There is no man I'm sexually involved with right now and marriage or no marriage I've already decided it's going to be a while and I'm going to definately give time it's chance to show me if the man is worthy first. I'm in the middle of alot of soul searching regarding this subject which is why I even started this thread and I'm reading alot on this forum different viewpoints and taking alot in that I can see is slowly changing my viewpoint so who knows, all that time I need to be clearheaded may very well turn into not getting into the bed together until after marriage. It's really redefining what I consider being romantically connected to a man and after 10 years (yesterday I realized it was 10 years ago that I became sexually active) it's a lot of re-wiring for me. Since starting this thread and reading others I can slowly see the necessity of this change in me increasing.

But I'm ready for it if that's what it's going to take to experience that GREAT love between a husband and wife.

That's right I say wait it out. There's no need to rush to check out the package anyway. You have the rest of your lives to inspect the package. And everything about the wedding night is brand new. You would be nothing like any other female who he entered because you were married first before you went all the way.

 

[JustKiya]

Whew, glad I'm not the only one. First date, both of our decision, mostly mine, and still going strong 7 years later. Dated for 3 years, engaged 1 year, and married going on 4 years.

If I could do it again, I would not change one single thing.

Wow, almost same timing, too!

Dated for 1, engaged for 2, married a lil over 5.

I wouldn't change a thing, either - I'm different from all those other ladies because I'm the only one he married.

 

[1Aleeesha]

It seems like you are taking a chance on getting Wifed if you have sex before marriage. You could or could not be the one that he marrie in that case.

 

[JustKiya]

You are still taking a chance on getting married to him if you don't have sex before marriage, as well - unless he already wants to marry you. Unless there are stats showing that virgins get married more than non-virgins do, it's a toss-up, either way. *shrug*
And if I didn't marry him, I wouldn't really care, either.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

Me too! I wouldn't say from first date, though but not too much long after lol.

We dated for 1 year, lived together for 1 then we were engaged for 6 months and married 4 years this OCtober.

We tried the no sex thing before getting married (just as a challenge for us) and it proved futile.

But yes we are STILL going strong- baby# 2 coming soon!

Wow, almost same timing, too!

Dated for 1, engaged for 2, married a lil over 5.

I wouldn't change a thing, either - I'm different from all those other ladies because I'm the only one he married.

 

[Deszdamona]

I voted yes, but we stopped, and we're still going strong.

Ot: UR hair is tooooo hottttt! "Lord give me the courage to go natural."

 

[michelle81]

It seems like you are taking a chance on getting Wifed if you have sex before marriage. You could or could not be the one that he marrie in that case.

It depends on what your motives are. When I met DH, I had just recently (6 months before him) gotten out of a long, bad relationship. Getting "wifed" was the last thing on my mind. We met, had great chemistry, and I only wanted him to be a "really close friend".

We were "close friends" for a while, and I eventually fell for him. I don't think that in the beginning that all he wanted to be was friends, he really liked me and wanted a relationship.
Poor thing didn't know he was being "used".

I wonder if some virgins marry early to have sex.

Hubby and I were together for 4 years before marriage. I'm glad I took that long to get to know him. We were just having sex as well while getting to know each other. I don't know if not if I had decided to wait to have sex if we would have taken that 4 years or not.

 

[1Aleeesha]

I can understand people who have sex before marriage... But for me, sex and marriage go hand in hand - it's what I believe is correct by God and that's what I based my choices on.

 

[JustKiya]

I can understand people who have sex before marriage... But for me, sex and marriage go hand in hand - it's what I believe is correct by God and that's what I based my choices on.

That's totally understandable - you're Muslim, right? If I recall correctly, it is a lot harder to get to the point of marriage if you aren't a virgin (esp. as a woman) and want to marry a Muslim man.

For the rest of us, it doesn't apply, as much.

 

[1Aleeesha]

That's totally understandable - you're Muslim, right? If I recall correctly, it is a lot harder to get to the point of marriage if you aren't a virgin (esp. as a woman) and want to marry a Muslim man.

For the rest of us, it doesn't apply, as much.

Yes I'm Muslim but nope that's not true that it's harder to get to the point of marriage without being a virgin. Well maybe for some but that's individual preferences more than like a fact of the book.

I know many people who have sex before marriage Muslims and Non-Muslims but it doesn't make it right. Usually people who believe in God regard it as a sin... I believe it is a sin. Christians and Jews believe this too - I understand that no one is perfect either. And I think that's getting to a whole other subject matter