Dealing with ex's and their new loves...

Kinkyhairlady

Kinkyhairlady

Well-Known Member
I've been in communication with my ex for the past few months just as friends but he's always complaining that he wants back into my life. I brush it off cause I am not sure it would work the 3rd time around. So last night I call him to say Merry Christmas cause I was surprised I did not hear from him all day. Phone rings I hear a female in the background saying open your mouth talk and then the phone hangs up. I was curious and called back and she answers and says he's busy.

About 10 minutes later he calls back and I ask why he has other woman answering his phone. He then says oh she's a special friend and she can do that. So I dig further and say I thought you said you did not have a girlfriend and he goes she's not my girlfriend just a friend. He's like she's here if you want to ask her I say no. At this point I'm slightly annoyed and go in on him about lying and then he starts talking about how he has feelings for me it's me that's pushing him away and we should been married by now. That is when this woman he was apparently in the car with flips off! She starts calling me a B**tch and for him to get the F out her car. I hear all this shuffling and the phone hangs up. He calls back can barely speak and I'm like what's going on cause at this point I'm afraid for him. The fool is still in the car and the girl goes off again and all he say is shut your mouth your being disrespectful:/

Finally he's like he'll call me later. He does but he says he's at a hotel cause she tore his clothes and can't go home ( lives with parents still). We spoke for like 2 mins then he had to go I think he was with the woman still and she came back cause he calls 2 hours later to say he's safe and not to worry. I ask if he's with her he says no but I don't believe him. He then sends me a long text apologizing for his behavior and he knows he put both of us in an uncomfortable position and not to think he meant to hurt me and that he's not the way I think he is.

Now I know this should not bother me because we are not together but I would like to think I can have a decent relationship with an ex without no drama. We broke up cause I just was not feeling the relationship and I know I hurt him so I try to remain friendly but when one of his girls calls me out my name that crosses the line. Also it makes me wonder what type of woman he's involve with. If I were her I'd drop him home and be finish not attack and act crazy. All that just reminded me of one of my longer relationships and the drama. Woman calling left and right but I suffered in silence never called any of the woman just one day had enough courage to walk away. Things like this are what make me relieved I'm single seriously!
 
You may just want to let this friendship go. In my opinion, it didn't have to go that far. He didn't have to answer the phone or he could have answered the phone say happy holidays and he talk to you later. He smell like drama.
 
Wow I can see why you 'just wasn't feelin it'. He sounds like a headache. And to call *her* disrespectful. What a cheek!
 
Is his friendship so important that you want to deal with this type of mess? What makes being his friend so great that he would have a POSITIVE impact in your life? What makes him so great that you have to have him as a friend? No one needs folks\friends who are going to bring drama and negativity into their lives.
 
You started it. If he is your ex, leave him alone and don't call him. He didn't have to call you for the holiday and vice versa. If you knew he was with another woman in the car, why call him back repeatedly to get him to explain himself?!?! He doesn't have to explain himself to you as to who he is with at any moment. He obviously can't handle his business but you obviously need to leave him alone.


Kinkyhairlady said:
I've been in communication with my ex for the past few months just as friends but he's always complaining that he wants back into my life. I brush it off cause I am not sure it would work the 3rd time around. So last night I call him to say Merry Christmas cause I was surprised I did not hear from him all day. Phone rings I hear a female in the background saying open your mouth talk and then the phone hangs up. I was curious and called back and she answers and says he's busy.

About 10 minutes later he calls back and I ask why he has other woman answering his phone. He then says oh she's a special friend and she can do that. So I dig further and say I thought you said you did not have a girlfriend and he goes she's not my girlfriend just a friend. He's like she's here if you want to ask her I say no. At this point I'm slightly annoyed and go in on him about lying and then he starts talking about how he has feelings for me it's me that's pushing him away and we should been married by now. That is when this woman he was apparently in the car with flips off! She starts calling me a B**tch and for him to get the F out her car. I hear all this shuffling and the phone hangs up. He calls back can barely speak and I'm like what's going on cause at this point I'm afraid for him. The fool is still in the car and the girl goes off again and all he say is shut your mouth your being disrespectful:/

Finally he's like he'll call me later. He does but he says he's at a hotel cause she tore his clothes and can't go home ( lives with parents still). We spoke for like 2 mins then he had to go I think he was with the woman still and she came back cause he calls 2 hours later to say he's safe and not to worry. I ask if he's with her he says no but I don't believe him. He then sends me a long text apologizing for his behavior and he knows he put both of us in an uncomfortable position and not to think he meant to hurt me and that he's not the way I think he is.

Now I know this should not bother me because we are not together but I would like to think I can have a decent relationship with an ex without no drama. We broke up cause I just was not feeling the relationship and I know I hurt him so I try to remain friendly but when one of his girls calls me out my name that crosses the line. Also it makes me wonder what type of woman he's involve with. If I were her I'd drop him home and be finish not attack and act crazy. All that just reminded me of one of my longer relationships and the drama. Woman calling left and right but I suffered in silence never called any of the woman just one day had enough courage to walk away. Things like this are what make me relieved I'm single seriously!
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Why are you asking him who or what is answering his phone? Make a decision, do you want him or not? If not, why are you offended when his woman starts drama with you calling him during their boo time lol? I'm not focusing on her or him (the opinions above say it all).
I'm more interested in why it appears that you think he owes you something like, the truth? Do you want to know that you can have him when and IF you want? Sometimes that feeling gets even the best of us...no comment lol

Not worth it, not even to prove a point.
 
I think what bothered me was that we communicate almost everyday and well I started to consider what he was saying about trying the relationship 1 more time but I was unsure. So yes I questioned him because our conversations have been him trying to pursue me back. He's been talking to my family and even my family is telling me to take his butt back so when this woman answered the phone I wanted to know who she is. I did not want to start something up with him again only to find out there are others. My relationship with him was always up and down cause he would do some immature things and I'd leave. What happened last night shows he still lacks maturity. I'm not going to lie I was entertaining dating him again but last night was my warning sign I think.
 
You shouldn't have called back the first time. He's not yours.

You and this ex will NEVER be just friends. You have more than friendly feelings towards him so call a spade a spade.

You need to make a decision on whether you want to be with him or not. If not, put on your grown woman panties and let him go.... completely.
 
Obviously him and his special friend have a friends with benefits type of situation. I would feel disrespected as well if a dude I was feelin' got on the phone with his ex and basically confessed his love for her in my presence. I think she was wrong for trying to cuss you out but your ex is foul and seems to like drama. He should have ignored your call until he was able to call you back in private.

You said you are contemplating getting back with him but I'm not sure why because he doesn't sound like a catch at all.
 
Last night was not a warning. From the beginning many of us told you to leave him alone, even before your first date. Awhile ago when you said you wanted to break up we all supported you and said there was no point in trying to be friends. So last night was simply confirmation of what you know, have seen, and have been told. Do you really plan on throwing away your 30's on foolishness? At this point the issues have nothing to do with him at all. Geesh just leave the man alone. Or take him with all his foolishness and be happy. I am really confused at all the back and forth. I miss the lady who wrote that first post about whether to give this guy a chance. Remember her? You were so confident and sure of yourself. You said he didn't offer the things you wanted. You said you wanted to focus on other things. While some encouraged you to give him a chance, many of us said don't do it and that you deserved better. That woman knew she deserved better and that her "standards" were just fine. Where did she go?
 
hopeful said:
Last night was not a warning. From the beginning many of us told you to leave him alone, even before your first date. Awhile ago when you said you wanted to break up we all supported you and said there was no point in trying to be friends. So last night was simply confirmation of what you know, have seen, and have been told. Do you really plan on throwing away your 30's on foolishness? At this point the issues have nothing to do with him at all. Geesh just leave the man alone. Or take him with all his foolishness and be happy. I am really confused at all the back and forth. I miss the lady who wrote that first post about whether to give this guy a chance. Remember her? You were so confident and sure of yourself. You said he didn't offer the things you wanted. You said you wanted to focus on other things. While some encouraged you to give him a chance, many of us said don't do it and that you deserved better. That woman knew she deserved better and that her "standards" were just fine. Where did she go?
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hopeful this is not the same guy, lol. Me and this guy have know each other for years been broken up for 4 years and for 2 years had no contact at all. He just resurfaced few months ago. I think when you are single and ex's pop up you think about but I was trying to be friends he was the one saying he's wants me back.

But you've given good advice. My issue with this guy was immaturity. He treated me very well but I found him week and like a kid sometimes so I walked all over him. Now he's gotten tougher and seemed different but he still needs to grow up.
 
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Kinkyhairlady said:
hopeful this is not the same guy, lol. Me and this guy have know each other for years been broken up for 4 years and for 2 years had no contact at all. He just resurfaced few months ago. I think when you are single and ex's pop up you think about but I was trying to be friends he was the one saying he's wants me back.
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Thank you for the clarification. He may be a different guy but it's still a similar situation. Back and forth, trying to be friends, drama, etc. You broke up with him and had no contact for a reason. This guy owes you nothing. Don't let people like this back in. Start fresh in the new year with men who meet your basic standards, no recycling, and yes, it's better to be alone than deal with trifling men. You need to figure out why you engage in so much drama so that you can move on and have a healthier relationship.
 
There is no reason you have to "deal" with this man and his new "loves". Y'all have no kids together, nothing. Move on. As long as you are expending energy in that direction, you won't be open to new prospects. Who cares what he wants? You don't want him right?delete his number, block it and don't look back. Go buy a new dress, hit the gym, get a manicure...........
 
Do you have a therapist? If not maybe getting one could help you work through the dating issues you're having. All of your relationship posts have the same theme.
 
I think I'm too nice and don't want to have those men as enemies for some reason so I remain in contact. As far as this guy is concerned he never did me wrong so being friends with him was not a big deal it's just that as of late I started to consider it. Did not think it was a big deal and would have preferred he handled yesterday better. Not answering would have been fine by me. If he presented me his girl in a respectable manner I would not care but being called names for no reason was not right.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I think I'm too nice and don't want to have those men as enemies for some reason so I remain in contact. As far as this guy is concerned he never did me wrong so being friends with him was not a big deal it's just that as of late I started to consider it. Did not think it was a big deal and would have preferred he handled yesterday better. Not answering would have been fine by me. If he presented me his girl in a respectable manner I would not care but being called names for no reason was not right.
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If you think everything you did was fine, not a big deal, and normal friendly behaivor towards a guy, then... idk what to tell you.

But... just so you know... he doesn't have to "present" his girl to you at all. It's none of your business. After the first call, you should have let it go. And even before the first call... you shouldn't have felt he was responsible for contacting you on the holiday. He's not.
 
SmileyNY said:
If you think everything you did was fine, not a big deal, and normal friendly behaivor towards a guy, then... idk what to tell you. But... just so you know... he doesn't have to "present" his girl to you at all. It's none of your business. After the first call, you should have let it go. And even before the first call... you shouldn't have felt he was responsible for contacting you on the holiday. He's not.
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Certainly he does not have to present me but if I'm dating someone and a female calls and I'm there, if me and him are together it would be nice if he introduced me to his friend. I've called other male friends and they let me talk to their new girlfriends. It's done in a respectable manner. I guess I see things differently. He owes me nothing but he needs to stop with the promises and that I was the only woman he regretted and wants to get back together so we can work on our future. Him saying it in front of another woman was wrong but I was not responsible for that.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Certainly he does not have to present me but if I'm dating someone and a female calls and I'm there, if me and him are together it would be nice if he introduced me to his friend. I've called other male friends and they let me talk to their new girlfriends. It's done in a respectable manner. I guess I see things differently. He owes me nothing but he needs to stop with the promises and that I was the only woman he regretted and wants to get back together so we can work on our future. Him saying it in front of another woman was wrong but I was not responsible for that.
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:rolleyes:But why??? How old are you??
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I think I'm too nice and don't want to have those men as enemies for some reason so I remain in contact. As far as this guy is concerned he never did me wrong so being friends with him was not a big deal it's just that as of late I started to consider it. Did not think it was a big deal and would have preferred he handled yesterday better. Not answering would have been fine by me. If he presented me his girl in a respectable manner I would not care but being called names for no reason was not right.
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Being too nice is not your issue. Not saying you aren't nice, I'm sure you are, but there is something deeper and more problematic going on here than that. Just leave this guy alone and move on. You are determined to not own up to your part in this, and that's fine I guess. Just move on and let it go. But no one is going to be mad at the guy or the girl he was with.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Certainly he does not have to present me but if I'm dating someone and a female calls and I'm there, if me and him are together it would be nice if he introduced me to his friend. I've called other male friends and they let me talk to their new girlfriends. It's done in a respectable manner. I guess I see things differently. He owes me nothing but he needs to stop with the promises and that I was the only woman he regretted and wants to get back together so we can work on our future. Him saying it in front of another woman was wrong but I was not responsible for that.
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If you're so tired of the promises, etc, stop talking to him all the time, or at all.

You can have a cordial relationship with someone without being in constant contact.
 
Ok he just called and apparently that apology text was from the girl he had her write it. I knew reading it it did not sound like him. She said not to judge her but understand her reaction. He basically stated he is done with her but needed to calm her down last night, but has deleted her number. Due to her behavior he cannot deal with that himself. I guess I feel a little better knowing she apologized for calling me out my name. I'm just going to keep my distance from now on cause that really hurt last night. I told him if he wants me back that he will have to prove himself, what happened last night crossed the line and I need to take a step back. He claims he'll do whatever it takes to have me back in his life as his wife. Only God knows if it's all talk but I'm just doing me.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I think what bothered me was that we communicate almost everyday and well I started to consider what he was saying about trying the relationship 1 more time but I was unsure. So yes I questioned him because our conversations have been him trying to pursue me back. He's been talking to my family and even my family is telling me to take his butt back so when this woman answered the phone I wanted to know who she is. I did not want to start something up with him again only to find out there are others. My relationship with him was always up and down cause he would do some immature things and I'd leave. What happened last night shows he still lacks maturity. I'm not going to lie I was entertaining dating him again but last night was my warning sign I think.
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I really can appreciate your honesty, but you have signs all over the place.
Kinkyhairlady said:
Ok he just called and apparently that apology text was from the girl he had her write it. I knew reading it it did not sound like him. She said not to judge her but understand her reaction. He basically stated he is done with her but needed to calm her down last night, but has deleted her number. Due to her behavior he cannot deal with that himself. I guess I feel a little better knowing she apologized for calling me out my name. I'm just going to keep my distance from now on cause that really hurt last night. I told him if he wants me back that he will have to prove himself, what happened last night crossed the line and I need to take a step back. He claims he'll do whatever it takes to have me back in his life as his wife. Only God knows if it's all talk but I'm just doing me.
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I really doubt she wrote that text.
 
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