Dating for 6months, he bought me no X-mas Gift!!

[Le Papillon]

Ok ladies, here's my dilemma......
I've been dating this guy for 6 months. We see each other about once a week due to both of our busy schedules. For X-mas, I went ahead and bought him something even though we didn't discuss exchanging gifts. When I went to see him and give him his gift, he had nothing for me. Although I was disappointed, I didn't question him about it because I should not have been expecting something in return. So if this guy cared for me wouldn't he have bought me something just to bring a smile to my face eventhough we didn't discuss exchanging gifts? Or am I wrong for getting him something w/o first discussing it with him?

ETA: yes, he does celebrate X-mas and bought gifts for his family members

 

[Xavier]

How did he respond when he saw that you had gotten him a gift?

Did you two talk about why he did not get you anything?

 

[*Happily Me*]

I would be highly disappointed... I know Christmas is about giving and all... but shooooot

 

[mz. new~new]

That's not good... My first (and only) Christmas with my child's father, we'd been dating about 6 months... We discussed Christmas AND possible things we would want and he didn't buy me anything. He gladly accepted his gift and when I asked about mine (yeah, I asked... I was pissed) he said something like "Oh, I'm not into Christmas like that."

I know you said you didn't discuss it beforehand but it IS Christmas. If y'all are dating he shoulda got you something. A $10 giftcard is a whole lot better than nothing. Maybe he had a good reason though so I would try to find out why he didn't give you anything.

 

[antisocial]

If there was no discussion about exchanging gifts then I don't see a reason to be upset. I guess it depends on the relationship, but once a week for six months doesn't sound to me like it's really that serious. It just sounds like "casual" dating. I wouldn't have bought him anything nor expected anything in return.

 

[FlowerHair]

That's a bad sign IMO.
I'm sorry that happened

 

[bimbabe]

Well I would discuss it with him. Perhaps it would lead to a further discussion on what you two expect from your relationship if there is indeed a relationship. From what you have told us you do not seem like his girlfriend... seeing someone once a week for 6 months is not at that S/O level to me. Especially for first christmases with someone you should check to see their stance...ask them what they want you to get them...kind of test out the waters. Since you got him a gift...write it off as just that a gift...Christmas is about giving. He didn't give you perhaps because he did not know where you stood or perhaps his financial situation did not allow him to.

So start with the talk. Then see what happens.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

So you telling me yall didn't discuss any form of Christmas.... Like activities... Family etc etc... 6 Mnths is too long not to get something... I would be hitting dating pool again... erplexed...

He is just not that into you...

 

[alwayzalady22]

That's not good... My first (and only) Christmas with my child's father, we'd been dating about 6 months... We discussed Christmas AND possible things we would want and he didn't buy me anything. He gladly accepted his gift and when I asked about mine (yeah, I asked... I was pissed) he said something like "Oh, I'm not into Christmas like that."

I know you said you didn't discuss it beforehand but it IS Christmas. If y'all are dating he shoulda got you something. A $10 giftcard is a whole lot better than nothing. Maybe he had a good reason though so I would try to find out why he didn't give you anything.

my ex did the bolded to me for valentine's day this year we talked about what we would send each other (long distance relationship) and everything! so of course i get him what he wants and send it to him... do you know i didn't even get a CARD from him? and then he had the nerve to be like 'well i don't celebrate valentine's day'. ninja, if you don't celebrate v-day, why didn't you say that when we were discussing exchanging gifts? you sho nuff celebrated it enough to ask me for a gift

i cried my eyes out that day. that was by FAR the worst v-day i've ever experienced! i dumped him 3 months later, which was 3 months too late!

 

[NYAmicas]

So you telling me yall didn't discuss any form of Christmas.... Like activities... Family etc etc... 6 Mnths is too long not to get something... I would be hitting dating pool again... erplexed...

He is just not that into you...

If there was no discussion about exchanging gifts then I don't see a reason to be upset. I guess it depends on the relationship, but once a week for six months doesn't sound to me like it's really that serious. It just sounds like "casual" dating. I wouldn't have bought him anything nor expected anything in return.

ITA!!!!

 

[SweetCaramel1]

6 months is a long time to be dating without giving a gift. i would dump him.

 

[andreab]

If there was no discussion about exchanging gifts then I don't see a reason to be upset. I guess it depends on the relationship, but once a week for six months doesn't sound to me like it's really that serious. It just sounds like "casual" dating. I wouldn't have bought him anything nor expected anything in return.

Husbands and long time boyfriends have trouble getting gifts for what ever particluar holiday or occasion. You did not discuss it. I wouldn't hold it against him.

 

[ScorpionQueen]

Two words: Dump Him.

Christmas is not about how much money you spend, it's the thought that counts and any effort and thought that he could have put in to getting you a small gift is better than nothing! To be dating for 6 months, this is unacceptable.

I'm sorry that this happened to you.

 

[Northern_Belle]

I'd be upset but since you didn't discuss it, I'm not surprised that he didn't get you anything. A lot of men aren't all that big on buying gifts & since you didn't discuss it, he probably didn't think about it at all. Do the two of you talk frequently? I know you said you've been seeing him for six months but are the two of you exclusive or are things more casual?

 

[ScorpionQueen]

I know you said you've been seeing him for six months but are the two of you exclusive or are things more casual?

Good point. If the OP has been dating him casually and he or she is seeing other people, then maybe he felt that the didn't have to get her anything. I see this all the time with my male friends that are dating several women..if they are not dating them exclusively, they don't buy them anything. I think if you are dating someone exclusively, this should be understood..you shouldn't need to talk about it if both people celebrate Christmas. Some people just don't celebrate it like that, I guess.

 

[Menina Preta]

I would say "Next."

1. If you didn't bring up Christmas gifts, he should have at least brought it up, b/c it should have been on his mind.
2. Once you gave him the gift, if he didn't have one right there and then, he should have said "Sorry baby that yours isn't here right now, it's on the way." And should have gone to Macy's the next day to get you some perfume or something!

In HS, my first boyfriend did not get me anything for Christmas...he kept stringing me along, saying it's on the way. After that and a few other things, I ended things. But that taught me a valuable lesson, which is if a man doesn't want to give you a gift for a holiday, then keep it moving, b/c either he is cheap (I don't do cheap men) or he's just not that into you...

 

[Northern_Belle]

I think the quality of the relationship is an important factor in determining if he was wrong for not giving a gift. If I'm dating someone, exclusive or not, & we don't discuss gifts on a holiday then I don't get them anything. If I mention it & I get a lackluster response or none then I'm also not getting you anything. I'm not a mind reader so if you want a gift, you need to tell me what you'd like or you won't get anything. I've disappointed a few men in the past because they assumed I was getting them a birthday/Christmas/V-day gift and since we didn't talk about it they didn't get anything. Gifts don't become automatic with me until we've been exclusive for at least a year & I know a lot of men who are the same way.

 

[*KP*]

Does he even celebrate Christmas?

ETA - I mean you guys didn't even discuss it at all. Before you take the advice to "dump him" and "he's not that into you", does he usually give gifts? Did he give any gifts and just leave you out? Not everyone celebrates Christmas, not even all Christians celebrate Christmas.

 

[MzPrince]

So you telling me yall didn't discuss any form of Christmas.... Like activities... Family etc etc... 6 Mnths is too long not to get something... I would be hitting dating pool again... erplexed...

He is just not that into you...





I'm about to lose my job laughing at this quote.

 

[antisocial]

I'd be upset but since you didn't discuss it, I'm not surprised that he didn't get you anything. A lot of men aren't all that big on buying gifts & since you didn't discuss it, he probably didn't think about it at all. Do the two of you talk frequently? I know you said you've been seeing him for six months but are the two of you exclusive or are things more casual?

I think that's the real question. Once a week sounds casual to me. Even the busiest man can make time more than once a week...if he's really into you.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Maybe I've been reading "The Rules" too much, but it seems to think if you've been dating and he doesn't get you anything for your birthday or holiday and especially if he doesn't get you a ROMANTIC gift, you should get rid of him. I agree. Even the poorest man could steal a Merry Christmas card from is ma lol and write a romantic poem or message on the insides. It's the thought that matters first, and he put no thought in you at all. I would dump him or begin pulling away and see what happens.

 

[MizzBrown]

Aren't you like the 3rd or 4th person who's posted about not getting a Christmas gift this year or getting a sorry gift at that?

See the pattern?

 

[Northern_Belle]

When your dating casually or you're not exclusive, many men and some women just don't think to buy you a gift, especially if the two of you haven't even discussed exchanging. I brought it up with my SO because even though we're exclusive, we haven't been together long & I didn't want to assume & end up disappointed or disappointing him.
Unfortunately, you can't assume with men. What may seem logical & reasonable to them won't be to many women. I have a few friends who've gotten their feelings hurt or were disappointed by what their BF/SO/FI/DH or new guy did or didn't get them for Christmas.

 

[TayMac]

I think you went out on a limb and bought something and you shouldn't have (unless you don't mind unreciprocated gifts). As you said, it wasn't discussed. You might only see each only weekly but I'm sure you talk often. Christmas should have come up. He may not be viewing the relationship as seriously as you are.

Few years ago, I was dating this guy (3 or 4mths) and bought him a small Christmas gift. We talked about gifts but not exchanging them specifically. When I went to give him his gift, he would not accept because he didn't have anything for me. 2 days later (my b'day)..he had 2 gifts for me and I gave him his.

 

[Ediese]

If there was no discussion about exchanging gifts then I don't see a reason to be upset. I guess it depends on the relationship, but once a week for six months doesn't sound to me like it's really that serious. It just sounds like "casual" dating. I wouldn't have bought him anything nor expected anything in return.

I was thinking the same thing. I've been dating someone for 2.5 mos, and we're usually together 5-6 days of the week.

ETA: yes, we both work. lol

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Ditto to the ladies who brought up the issue of the quality and title. Is this YOUR man or do y'all kick it consistently? Does he see you as a cut buddy? I mean, after 6 months, the time spent should have increased dramatically. If he doesn't have time to be in a relationship, then you can't expect him to behave like a boyfriend.

If he is your man, then yeah, you have a right to be upset but I would be more concerned about why my "man" can't see me more than 1x/week. That's suspect anyway so the absence of a gift is not strange to me if a man can have you around that long and not feel compelled to invest more time with you.

If he is not your man, I don't think you can be mad. Even if y'all had been seeing each other 1x/week for 8 years, he still doesn't owe you a gift. There's a reason he hasn't committed to a serious relationship and that's probably the reason a gift was not on his mind. And with all of that in mind, he would be dismissed.

 

[Honey6928215]

I knew this lady that had that happen to her. She and her ex-boyfriend were dating for seven months. When Christmas came she bought him a gift but homeboy didn't buy her one. After she gave him his gift he had the nerve to say, 'Uhhh. yours should be here pretty soon.' Honey, she took the gift back from him and said, 'Well I'll keep yours until it gets here and we can excnange gifts at the same time.' Homeboy was caught off guard with that. He never got her anything but she returned his and got her money back.

 

[Cincysweetie]

I make a practice of not assuming anything anymore. I remember I was "talking" to this guy in the months leading up to Valentine's Day and he asked me (a month in advance) to be his Valentine. I said yes. I assumed that to mean that we would buy each other a small Valentine's Day gift. I already had plans with my girlfriends for that day and told him I did not want to cancel (despite his offer to cook me dinner) but we could spend time together afterwards. So, I bought him a simple "I like you" card (super hard to find and I HATE card shopping) and a tropical plant (he's from a tropical area and missed the greenery) for his place. I was all excited and raced over there after dinner. He was so surprised I got him something- because he got me nothing. He had the nerve to say that he was "going to get me something, but..." (didn't hear the rest of his excuse). I thought he was kidding, I think I even had a "ha ha you're so funny" smile on my face...but when I realized he was serious, my feelings were hurt. I stayed all of ten minutes and then left- never to return!

The point of my story is that you should never assume even if it seems crystal clear. Never. Just outright ask. That is one of the lessons that you should take away from this. Furthermore, IMO if you want that from a man- gifts after 6 mths (and I don't blame you), a man that celebrates holidays, or if you found his reaction to this situation (or lack of) to be triflin, you are well within your rights. I don't care if y'all were exclusive or not because that's what YOU want and expect from a person you are involved with and you should not settle for anything less. Learn from this and move on. I'm sorry, but even if we were dating a month or two I would expect something because of what it symbolizes- thinking of you. The fact that he lacked the thought is indicative of a bigger issue...he's just not that into you, sis.

 

[Cincysweetie]

Ditto to the ladies who brought up the issue of the quality and title. Is this YOUR man or do y'all kick it consistently? Does he see you as a cut buddy? I mean, after 6 months, the time spent should have increased dramatically. If he doesn't have time to be in a relationship, then you can't expect him to behave like a boyfriend.

If he is your man, then yeah, you have a right to be upset but I would be more concerned about why my "man" can't see me more than 1x/week. That's suspect anyway so the absence of a gift is not strange to me if a man can have you around that long and not feel compelled to invest more time with you.

If he is not your man, I don't think you can be mad. Even if y'all had been seeing each other 1x/week for 8 years, he still doesn't owe you a gift. There's a reason he hasn't committed to a serious relationship and that's probably the reason a gift was not on his mind. And with all of that in mind, he would be dismissed.

Although I kinda differ with you on some aspects of this situation, I really, really like this post. I can feel this perspective also. Good post.

 

[Lylddlebit]

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