Dating African Men...

[Amante]

Hi ladies,

I am sorry for the extreme generalization of African men inherent in the title, but I've got to know: have you ladies found any common negative threads in dating African brothers? For instance, have any of you ladies found the issue of being controlling & dominant an issue? I have been in several relationships with African men and have found this to be an issue that's overpowered almost every relationship. Is it just me?

On the flip side, have any ladies had consecutively positive experiences with dating African men?

-Amante

 

[*CherryPie*]

I would like to know too, because i've heard nothing but bad things about african men.

 

[Keen]

I've met some good once. And I've also encountered the negatives. I'm not from an African country but I used to date and be approached by African men a lot when I live in NC.

 

[MissJ]

My experiences have been negative.

 

[bronzebomb]

My experiences have been negative as well. From crooked Africans to controlling Africans to whorish Africans. I am no longer interested in dating Africans; I avoid them.

I hate "avoiding" any group of people/men...but the experience is not worth my dignity!

 

[Skyfall]

The good experiences I've had have been with the Americanized ones.

 

[Kurlee]

can someone give an example of the controlling ones?

 

[lesedi]

I live in South Africa at the moment and I have had nothing but bad experiences. I feel like a traitor lol but its been my truth

 

[mischka]

I'ma need y'all to offer some examples and details.

 

[lesedi]

I'ma need y'all to offer some examples and details.

1. controlling
2. possesive
3. man heauxs
4.chauvenistic
5. Try to persuade you constantly to forget about birth control

*PLEASE CAN NO-ONE TAKE OFFENSE. THESE WERE PURELY MY FINDINGS*

 

[DayStar]

FH is half Ghanaian. So far so good. Very family oriented and alpha male type.

 

[Keen]

The good experiences I've had have been with the Americanized ones.

I've only dated the Americanized guys.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I'm actually attracted to the dominant personality. It's the overbearing *sense of entitlement that I have a problem with.

*ETA

 

[ThickHair]

FH is half Ghanaian. So far so good. Very family oriented and alpha male type.

ITA I have dated a man from Ghana and he was very very sweet, polite and confident. I think some people may mistake confidence with controlling traits. I was very confident in who I was, so he didn't come off as controlling from POV. Other's saw it a bit differently.

ETA: He was a naturalized citizen of 20 years.

 

[ambergirl]

1. controlling
2. possesive
3. man heauxs
4.chauvenistic
5. Try to persuade you constantly to forget about birth control

*PLEASE CAN NO-ONE TAKE OFFENSE. THESE WERE PURELY MY FINDINGS*

You forgot secret wife.

It's not uncommon to marry young in many African countries and know more then a few women who found out about a wife after being in a relationship for a while.

For me the cultural gap is just too big for it to work.

 

[MayaB12]

I'll give you my positive experience.

My DH is the most honest, kindest and hardest working man I have ever met. He excels in everything he does - he makes me want to be a better person. He is an awesome hands on father - he didn't have great father growing up and promised he would be different. When my father died this January he sat on the floor and cried with me and for me for hours. I could sing his praises all day long (I really could!)

Before I met him, I would have joined the "bash the African parade," as all the African men (and others) I encountered were cheats and liars. But like everything else in life you just can't make generalizations - I'm glad I gave my Cameroonian DH a chance, its the best decision I have ever made.

 

[JFemme]

You forgot secret wife.

this made me spew out my merning tea...

 

[itismehmmkay]

^^^ Good post

ETA: I meant Maya's post

 

[Zuleika]

You forgot secret wife.

Or the ones that date women for years and then one day take that trip to the motherland. You know that trip where they end up getting married to some woman who's been waiting on them for years back home. The amount of stories I've heard of such things happening

The sad thing thing is the women involved with these men, usually know the family, they speak to the mom occasionally. They attend family gatherings etc. The same family members know there is one being prepared for their son to marry.

 

[Skyfall]

I think the best way to meet these men is through an introduction from a friend or family or if your a regular at african hang outs, and they see you have african friends versus meeting them randomly.

 

[kandake]

I'm actually attracted to the dominant personality. It's the overbearing entitlement that I have a problem with.

This was my experience. Granted I've only dated one guy. But he was definitely overbearing and had a sense of entitlement toward me.

Other than that he was a really sweet guy. Handsome and very smart.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'll give you my positive experience.

My DH is the most honest, kindest and hardest working man I have ever met. He excels in everything he does - he makes me want to be a better person. He is an awesome hands on father - he didn't have great father growing up and promised he would be different. When my father died this January he sat on the floor and cried with me and for me for hours. I could sing his praises all day long (I really could!)

Before I met him, I would have joined the "bash the African parade," as all the African men (and others) I encountered were cheats and liars. But like everything else in life you just can't make generalizations - I'm glad I gave my Cameroonian DH a chance, its the best decision I have ever made.

I've usually heard pretty favorable things about Cameroonian men. I've had yet to hear an overwhelming negative thing about them in general.

Now Nigerian men on the other hand.........

 

[Opey]

I think they are like most men, just roll with the punches

I have dated a few, i used to avoid them like the plague because of their aggressive & over intrusive approach

One I dated was really overbearing and quite controlling, loved to assert his male dominance. He had way too much testosterone, he worked with guns and i always thought that was the explanation. We have mutual friend and i know now he is a *beep*ing *beep*hole & a *beep*ing jerk. He is a neutralised American citizen that was raised in Nigeria.

Another was really family orientated, nice, studying in the UK and would constantly talk about being lonely and needing somebody, that didnt last long.

Another, the one im currently seeing spills everything, over shares almost like first date he told me his mother died and explained it all, does hesitate to share info and is really honest and genuine to my knowledge so far. We go to the same University and travel in the same circles, Very generous with his time and money and does talk bad about anything or anyone, raised on the principle 'if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all' always smiling but can be a lil needy, i used to get 6missed calls in the space of a few minutes, but once i asked him to 'chill' its calmed down. He prays before we eat when we go out to eat and prays one the phone at night, LOVE IT but he smokes and i hate that.

Ive enjoyed my experiences, always really nice quys from the start, but if you think something is fishy, bounce you owe no explanation.

They where all Nigerians, im a Nigerian, but was born & raised in the UK

 

[NaijaTroll]

*shrugs*

I really dont think women who arent used to such a culture should bother dating these men UNLESS they've been in the West for years and the family isnt traditional.
You have some who mesh well with African men cos the culture of their own country isnt that much different.

 

[NaijaTroll]

. He prays before we eat when we go out to eat and prays one the phone at night, LOVE IT but he smokes and i hate that.

smoker yet prayerful.. erplexed

The smoking thing seems very common amongst the ones raised in the UK as opposed to the US for some weird reason.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I have had a positive relationship with a family of African men. They are like brothers to me so I would not be able to tell you anything on a romantic level. They are African princes in Nigeria. They (its 5 of them) do not 'look' like your 'typical' Nigerian men because they dress 'Americanized', light&brown skin, light eyes, very tall etc. But I love them to bits and they are super sweet, love Jesus, and treat you like family. The older brothers are all married (well one engaged) to African women that look more like your 'typical' African women (but they're pretty). They love their women and it shows. I notice African men tend to want to marry traditional African women because cultural its easier for them to conform to their standard of life. Besides them, I have had bad experiences.


I personally on a romantic level wouldn't go there because the cultural differences are far to great.

 

[NaijaTroll]

princes huh

I see that pick up line hasnt died

 

[C(squared)]

smoker yet prayerful.. erplexed

The smoking thing seems very common amongst the ones raised in the UK as opposed to the US for some weird reason.

Agreed. IME, most Nigerians here frown on smoking.

 

[MayaB12]

I have had a positive relationship with a family of African men. They are like brothers to me so I would not be able to tell you anything on a romantic level. They are African princes in Nigeria. They (its 5 of them) do not 'look' like your 'typical' Nigerian men because they dress 'Americanized', light&brown skin, light eyes, very tall etc. But I love them to bits and they are super sweet, love Jesus, and treat you like family. The older brothers are all married (well one engaged) to African women that look more like your 'typical' African women (but they're pretty). They love their women and it shows. I notice African men tend to want to marry traditional African women because cultural its easier for them to conform to their standard of life. Besides them, I have had bad experiences.


I personally on a romantic level wouldn't go there because the cultural differences are far to great.

smh @ the bolded. What is a typical African woman?

 

[ambergirl]

*shrugs*

I really dont think women who arent used to such a culture should bother dating these men UNLESS they've been in the West for years and the family isnt traditional.
You have some who mesh well with African men cos the culture of their own country isnt that much different.

Exactly! Me...I'm so non-traditional I'm on the outer edges even in a place like the U.S...but when I travel in Africa I'm truly some kind of aberration...so I can't imagine....

Although I do think there are country difference