Dating a Friend's Ex-Boyfriend...

[LovelyNaps26]

Would you do it? Would it be worth possibly losing or significantly altering your friendship?



Key details of the relationship between friend and her ex-bf:
*relationship lated 8 months
*relationship has been over for 1.5 years
*no sex was involved
*you never met ex-bf while the two were dating (out of country) but you knew he was the ex when you met him a 1.5 years after relationship ended.
*individuals are grown (20s)

 

[kismettt]

i wouldn't. my friends and i do not have similar taste in men so it wouldn't happen.

but i guess...how good of friends are you? what is her opinion on you dating him?

 

[Browndilocks]

Date your "friend's" ex only if you are willing to say goodbye to the "friend". Then prepare yourself for when said ex is willing to say goodbye to you just a short while thereafter. Im putting the word friend in quotations because scenarios such as the one mentioned make me question the authenticity of the "friendship".

 

[LovelyNaps26]

Date your "friend's" ex only if you are willing to say goodbye to the "friend". Then prepare yourself for when said ex is willing to say goodbye to you just a short while thereafter. Im putting the word friend in quotations because scenarios such as the one mentioned make me question the authenticity of the "friendship".

yeah, that's how i feel too. i've been distant from a mutual friend of our's who decided to do this b/c i felt some kind of a way about her decision. i thought maybe i was over reacting by questioning the authenticity of her "friendship". she recently asked me about my behavior and i want to tell her but i know she'll think i'm judging her or putting my other friend above her happiness.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I know it's an "unspoken rule" but your grown, he's grown therefore, it's your prerogative to date who you want to date.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I just wouldn't do it.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

It has happened to me and I felt "some kinda way" about it!

 

[manter26]

NO. That's just not right.

I can't even give a thought to someone an acquaintance has kissed. There are too many men out there to be concerned with someone else's ex.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Funny you bring this up, because I have a friend who doesn't care if I date her ex's. She said that, "If you feel you two something going on (chemistry) then go ahead. He's old news to me." I of course said, "No, that's a cardinal rule of being a friend."

I also wouldn't date her ex anyway because he gave her a STD and apparently a bad one because she's always scratching her cooch.

 

[scarcity21]

Funny you bring this up, because I have a friend who doesn't care if I date her ex's. She said that, "If you feel you two something going on (chemistry) then go ahead. He's old news to me." I of course said, "No, that's a cardinal rule of being a friend."

I also wouldn't date her ex anyway because he gave her a STD and apparently a bad one because she's always scratching her cooch.

 

[Seraphina]

This has never come up for me. Never been attracted to friend's SO before. Partially because they're not my type and partially because any man who is with a friend is so not an option for me ever that my thoughts wouldn't even go there. Just like my gay friends. Even the fine ones have always been too off my radar to feel attracted to them.

 

[jada1111]

No, I wouldn't for obvious reasons.

Last I checked, America had 350 million people. Half of those (175 million) are MEN. Is there some reason why you can't find SOMEONE (ANYONE) from this pool of males?

If dude is trying to talk to you after being with your friend, then you need to look at him sideways. He's trash.

 

[Seraphina]

No, I wouldn't for obvious reasons.

Last I checked, America had 350 million people. Half of those (175 million) are MEN. Is there some reason why you can't find SOMEONE (ANYONE) from this pool of males?

If dude is trying to talk to you after being with your friend, then you need to look at him sideways. He's trash.

And who's to say he won't do the same to you sometime down the road. He's already proven that he's checking out your friends.

 

[smwrigh3]

I am dating a friends ex right now... well the chick really wasn't my friend.. I actually couldn't stand her she is the roommate of my friend (so I guess a friend of a friend)...

my case: they were boyfriend/girlfriend for 2weeks (literally and dated 2weeks prior before making that decision) but after the break up they were still "friends" for about a year . I met him separately a year and half after the breakup. We were friends (the regular kind) until one thing lead to another. ummmm yea when she found out she blew up and I let her get it out (I felt she was entitled) then she runs into him at the club and tries to sleep with him ...

7months later things are perfect. We are getting ready for our 4th July cookout with his fam and friends (just my friends...he's not ready for my fam yet lol) she still talks to him from time to time.. but I am on her hit list...but at the same time she is on mine. so kayneshrug I personally dont care enough to entertain it.

WORD OF ADVICE: if this girl is a really good friend of yours I wouldn't do it... even if she says she doesn't care she probably does and its not worth a friendship. but if she a class A associate.... then go for it

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

[/COLOR]

Yes girl. True story. We'll be in the middle of a conversation and she'll nonchalontly (sp) scratch and adjust ish down there (kinda like when a man adjusts herself). Idk what it was about my friend and thier bf's. My other friend caught a STD from her man, too. So for sure, I wouldn't be dating ANY of thier ex's.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Mmmm.....how close is this "friend" of yours?

I couldn't do it if it were a close close friend or best friend. Something just doesn't sit well with me in that scenario. But if you and the girl were just casual acquaintances, or didn't really talk or see each other that much, then maybe it's not that bad.

Either way it would still be kind of awkward if you ever ran into her while you were with HIM.

Idk OP....this is a tough one! There are sooo many varying factors.

 

[LilMissRed]

personally I wouldnt .. its just an unspoken (or sometimes spoken) rule

 

[Syrah]

Unless her and I had a serious talk about it, and we were able to come to terms with the long term possibility of this relationship, it's not happening.

There are too many men out there to be fishing in the kitchen sink.

 

[Ashleescheveux]

Against girl code, I just wouldnt *girl scout promise*

 

[sistagirlfriend]

i would not do it because i believe in friendship and i have 4 fabulous female friends that mean the world to me.

i dated a friends ex once by accident and the chick hates me to this very day. Her and i were the type of friends that you party with every now and then. We were at a club and he tried to talk to me but at the time i was engaged to be married so i shut the brotha down with a quickness.
I ended up running in to him 2 years later and he asked me out and i was no longer engaged (the brotha looked like a big chocolate kiss) so i said yes. We dated for 7 months and decided to move in together because he was in the Navy and he was always at my house anyway.

About two months after he moved in, we were at a barbecue in the park with friends and i ran into my old female friend. We were talking and she started telling me about her ex-boyfriend that had came home one day and packed his bags and never spoke to her again. i was comforting her and telling her how sorry i was to hear that until she told me who he was. She said, " remember the guy that tried to talk to you in the club that time we went out?" I was speechless all of 5 minutes, then i told her that him and i were living together.

She hit the roof and started saying how could i date her ex!! I tried to explained that i didn't know it was her ex but she said i had to of known he had a girl or something. I felt so bad for her because when i called him over where we were he told me everything and said he has not spoken to her since the night he left.

After that, every time him and i went somewhere together she was cutting a sista with her eyes and trying to get things started. i finally gave up on her and wished her well in my mind.

Him and i are friends to this day but i did come to believe that he is a good man but not the right man for me but i just hate that she was hurting because i did consider her a friend back then.

sorry for the long story but i still get heated 15 years later every stime i think of it because it is an unspoken rule that no matter what you do not date you friends or causal friends ex.

 

[Gigi-07]

I'd feel like I'm taking leftovers. It's more of a self-respect thing for me than how it could make her feel.

 

[Nasdaq_Diva]

Ok, as soon as I saw the thread title (haden't even read the entry) I was like, N-O-P-E!

I don't care if they dated for 2 months or 2 years. If you are a friend of mine *even an associate actually* then no I don't have any interest in dating your ex.

There are so many good available men out there. He is def. not the only fish in the sea.

 

[YasashiiSekai]

Gee, I haven't even thought about doing something like that...

Besides, when my friend's boyfriends stare a little too long at me, I catch a friendly twinkle of that ghetto you betta watch yoself tone in their eyes... so, I would actually be a little scared to even attempt something like that.
Even though she's a friend of yours doesn't mean she ain't crazy. lol

 

[jada1111]

i would not do it because i believe in friendship and i have 4 fabulous female friends that mean the world to me.

i dated a friends ex once by accident and the chick hates me to this very day. Her and i were the type of friends that you party with every now and then. We were at a club and he tried to talk to me but at the time i was engaged to be married so i shut the brotha down with a quickness.
I ended up running in to him 2 years later and he asked me out and i was no longer engaged (the brotha looked like a big chocolate kiss) so i said yes. We dated for 7 months and decided to move in together because he was in the Navy and he was always at my house anyway.

About two months after he moved in, we were at a barbecue in the park with friends and i ran into my old female friend. We were talking and she started telling me about her ex-boyfriend that had came home one day and packed his bags and never spoke to her again. i was comforting her and telling her how sorry i was to hear that until she told me who he was. She said, " remember the guy that tried to talk to you in the club that time we went out?" I was speechless all of 5 minutes, then i told her that him and i were living together.

She hit the roof and started saying how could i date her ex!! I tried to explained that i didn't know it was her ex but she said i had to of known he had a girl or something. I felt so bad for her because when i called him over where we were he told me everything and said he has not spoken to her since the night he left.

I always say and believe that when a man leaves a woman FIRST, it's because he has someone else waiting in the wings.

Him and i are friends to this day but i did come to believe that he is a good man but not the right man for me but i just hate that she was hurting because i did consider her a friend back then.

Glad you're no longer with him, but he was NOT a good man. He was a coward. The same thing could have happened to you.

 

[tocktick]

No, thanks. That wouldn't be for me, actually more-so for how I would feel about it. My friend could be fine with that type of thing but I wouldn't want to go down that route. May work for some but I don't like the idea for me.

 

[bellebebe]

I'd do it with permission from the friend. Shoot! he'd be out there dating someone else anyway. lol

 

[goldielocs]

Nope, I didn't date ex's or family members of friends. There's too much drama involved. They also know that I don't care for them dating my family members.

 

[hothair]

I had a friend who dated my ex. We were very close (friend) my relationship with dude was similar to what you describe ie few months, no sex, I dumped him etc. I had no problem with them dating, BUT I have ALWAYS given her the side-eye since this, and take anything she says to me with a grain of salt, we're also not so close. I guess somewhere at the back of my mind I think its disgusting and perhaps feel she has her eye a bit too much in my life/businesserplexed

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

Funny you bring this up, because I have a friend who doesn't care if I date her ex's. She said that, "If you feel you two something going on (chemistry) then go ahead. He's old news to me." I of course said, "No, that's a cardinal rule of being a friend."

I also wouldn't date her ex anyway because he gave her a STD and apparently a bad one because she's always scratching her cooch.

This probably shouldn't be funny butttttt

 

[Sosoothing]

People use the term "friend" loosely. My decision to date a friend's ex would depend on how close we were or the type of friendship we had.