Crying During and After Coloring

[leona2025]

So I'm about to put my business out there again. I really wish I had picked a more anonymous screen name. You ladies know that I have been having problems in my marriage. Well DH asked me why I didn't want to color anymore. He said I use to want to color all the time and now I don't.

I told the truth. That I just don't wanna color with him anymore because of the problems we are having and because I just don't feel like I love him anymore. He seemed to accept this. Well fast forward to 2 days later and I feel his hand creep and slither across the covers to touch me. I am totally unresponsive, but I didn't stop him from doing his business.

I cried the whole time during and after. I know I could have said no and stopped him, but deep down inside I felt like I deserved it. Afterwards he says I guess you were right when you said you didn't wanna do it anymore. He tried to talk to me about it, but I couldn't put my feelings into words. I don't even know exactly what the issue is.

I hate talking about it because I never have anything positive to say. It's not all him it's me. I'm not trying ladies at all. I don't have the motivation to try to make this work. Sitting in the house looking at each other is not working. Going out doing stuff is not working. I feel like it is all fake. I only feel good when I am away from him. Everything we do I think how much more fun it would be with other people there also. It never use to be that way.

 

[nappystorm]

I don't have any advice. I just came in to give you e-love

 

[Kimgirl50]

Im so sorry. How did you guys meet it usually helps if you recreate a moment early in you relationship to remember why you fell in love. And you guys can also recap by looking at old pictures maybe.

Not to lighten the seriousness of the situation but I initially thought you were talking about coloring your hair, im pretty new.

Good luck. Also you never deserve anything else that what your worth and your worth so much <3

 

[SelahOco]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. He probably thought he could entice you, but I guess he knows the real deal now. Did he do anything hurtful to you recently? Have you talked about it here?

 

[kamille8]

I'm also sorry to hear that OP. I don't know your full story but I think it might be time to make a decision. That can't be a good sign when you cry when your intimate with your husband. I hope things improve for you no matter what you decide

 

[Ivey14]

***Deleted***

 

[leona2025]

It is a harsh reality to face when you realize you've fallen out of love with someone you deeply care about. I would know because I'm experiencing something similar to you. And even though we've tried marital therapy and it has helped us communicate better and argue a bit less, it hasn't changed my feelings toward him. I guess because a part of me knows he is who he is and he's not gonna change. One of these days, I fear he'll slip back into his old ways...so what's the point?

I think you might have reached your threshold, a point where, you have been so deeply hurt by his ways, you've disconnected as a way to protect yourself. It hurts to be screwed over by someone, but by someone you LOVE and supposedly loves you? That hurts 100x's more and logically you know this, so you shut down that "loving feeling" to hurt less. Though I speak for myself. I just know that when you stop caring about a person, whatever they do matters/hurts LESS. But it's ironic because knowing that you don't care anymore hurts almost as much because you grieve over the fact that the love is now gone. A VERY tough situation to be in emotionally and mentally. It's like a part of you wants to let go, and yet, that other part of you that was so used to loving him, wants to stay. I am still figuring out my own dilemma and I hope that while I don't have the answers, knowing that you're not alone makes you feel even the slightest better. >>>HUGS<<<<

Omg I am sitting crying after reading this because this is exactly how I feel. Deep down inside I wish we had never gotten married and then maybe it would be easier. I feel like so many women are looking for a husband and I got one and I should just be thankful right. I am grieving so hard for the love I use to feel, the person I use to be. I just want to love him again, but I don't think I can. I miss him, but I can't be happy around him anymore. I can't stay in my house. I find joy in nothing. I'm tired of crying about. I'm even tired of pretending nothing is wrong.

 

[Kimgirl50]

Omg I am sitting crying after reading this because this is exactly how I feel. Deep down inside I wish we had never gotten married and then maybe it would be easier. I feel like so many women are looking for a husband and I got one and I should just be thankful right. I am grieving so hard for the love I use to feel, the person I use to be. I just want to love him again, but I don't think I can. I miss him, but I can't be happy around him anymore. I can't stay in my house. I find joy in nothing. I'm tired of crying about. I'm even tired of pretending nothing is wrong.

please dont waste your time not being happy. sometimes you give it you all and it doesnt work, dont waste anymore time crying....you know what you need to do. Im so sorry.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

Have you thought about going to counseling? For yourself?
It could help sort out your feelings.

 

[CarolinaGal]

I don't have any advice about your situation but I do know that YOU deserve to be happy, healthy, and whole. It's okay to own your feelings and you don't have to try to force yourself to feel any way other than you do. I hope you find the peace, joy, and happiness that you truly deserve.
:blowkiss:

 

[wednesday]

I'm sorry OP i think maybe you might be depressed. You situation sound so familiar to me, especially the crying. I have felt that same way. I wondered why i didn't feel the way i used to, i wasn't interested in things that i used to love doing and felt like an empty shell. One day i looked in the mirror. I really looked at myself and i didn't recognize my reflection. Not that i hadn't been looking in the mirror everyday when i would get ready for work, but i look into my eyes and it was like i was GONE. That's when i realized something was wrong and that i was deeply depressed. I battled depression as a teenager for 2 years and i have been dealing with depression 3 years. The past year things have gotten a lot better but it's still a daily struggle. I would advise you to seek counseling for yourself before you make any decisions about your marriage. In the depth of my depression i didn't want FH to touch me, look at me, nothing, i felt like i didn't want him. I just wanted to be left alone. But with time things are getting better. Be encouraged. I wish you peace and happiness.

 

[LoveisYou]

I don't have any advice OP (((hugs))), but do you think counseling would help?

 

[zzirvingj]

I'm sorry OP i think maybe you might be depressed. You situation sound so familiar to me, especially the crying. I have felt that same way. I wondered why i didn't feel the way i used to, i wasn't interested in things that i used to love doing and felt like an empty shell. One day i looked in the mirror. I really looked at myself and i didn't recognize my reflection. Not that i hadn't been looking in the mirror everyday when i would get ready for work, but i look into my eyes and it was like i was GONE. That's when i realized something was wrong and that i was deeply depressed. I battled depression as a teenager for 2 years and i have been dealing with depression 3 years. The past year things have gotten a lot better but it's still a daily struggle. I would advise you to seek counseling for yourself before you make any decisions about your marriage. In the depth of my depression i didn't want FH to touch me, look at me, nothing, i felt like i didn't want him. I just wanted to be left alone. But with time things are getting better. Be encouraged. I wish you peace and happiness.

I'm not married but I have suffered from depression before.

I have felt very similar feelings during a time I was in a relationship with someone while experiencing depression. It even affected how I felt about other people (friends), and even my job. The 'empty' feeling translated into many areas of my life, but it definitely played out big time during that particular relationship because they were who I spent the most amount of time with/around. And they wanted to care for me, but I wasn't caring about ANYthing at that time, really. And for me, when I was depressed, I didn't want to work on being depressed. I just existed. I just 'was'.

I've never been married OP but the situation you're describing--my heart hurts for you. One of my worst fears is falling out of love or being in love with someone that falls out of love with me.

Your situation sounds complicated and I really do feel that you need therapy. Just know that you're not the only person who's gone through such a rough time. I hope no one gets offended by me saying this, but are you really doing your best to work on this problem/these problems? If you are not in the mind state to work on it/them, something is wrong. I say something is wrong because you should care to at least try....right? I mean, I hate to sound cliche but I thought marriage was for better or for worse? I don't know your whole story but what happened to trying to make it through the 'for worse' part....?

I think you need to seek individual counseling and go from there. Have you shared these issues with any other individuals? What are their thoughts?

 

[WhoIAm]

I cried the whole time during and after. I know I could have said no and stopped him, but deep down inside I felt like I deserved it. Afterwards he says I guess you were right when you said you didn't wanna do it anymore. He tried to talk to me about it, but I couldn't put my feelings into words. I don't even know exactly what the issue is.

Do you mean you obliged him because he is your husband?

I read your previous posts and you mentioned not wanting to leave because you don't want to be alone. You are doing yourself a disservice by staying and half assing in this marriage. It is not fair to him and it is definitely not fair to you.

You need to make a decision to do something because you cannot stay in this funk forever. Right now your life is in a holding pattern when it needs not be. The only ties you have to him are 7 years and your love. You don't have any children which makes things a little easier.

I suggest you go to counseling by yourself as a start. I suspect you have a few more issues going on than you have mentioned or some that you are unaware of.

I don't mean to be harsh, that is not my intention. There is nothing worse than looking back a few years after a situation and mentally kicking yourself for not acting sooner.

“The price of inaction is far greater than the cost of making a mistake.” Meister Eckhart

 

[chelseatiara]

So I'm about to put my business out there again. I really wish I had picked a more anonymous screen name. You ladies know that I have been having problems in my marriage. Well DH asked me why I didn't want to color anymore. He said I use to want to color all the time and now I don't.

I told the truth. That I just don't wanna color with him anymore because of the problems we are having and because I just don't feel like I love him anymore. He seemed to accept this. Well fast forward to 2 days later and I feel his hand creep and slither across the covers to touch me. I am totally unresponsive, but I didn't stop him from doing his business.

I cried the whole time during and after. I know I could have said no and stopped him, but deep down inside I felt like I deserved it. Afterwards he says I guess you were right when you said you didn't wanna do it anymore. He tried to talk to me about it, but I couldn't put my feelings into words. I don't even know exactly what the issue is.

I hate talking about it because I never have anything positive to say. It's not all him it's me. I'm not trying ladies at all. I don't have the motivation to try to make this work. Sitting in the house looking at each other is not working. Going out doing stuff is not working. I feel like it is all fake. I only feel good when I am away from him. Everything we do I think how much more fun it would be with other people there also. It never use to be that way.

He shoulda stopped when you started crying. What kind of man has sex with a woman who is crying?!

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

wait a min...is this da same one waitin on his papers?

 

[leona2025]

wait a min...is this da same one waitin on his papers?

Yes, that is him. I believe he will get his green card next month we have our interview. I want to thank you ladies for all the support and advice. I really do need to work on me. I need counseling. I know that I must be dealing with some inner issues that are causing all this.

I've decided that I will leave tomorrow. Just for a few days. I have several friends that want me to come stay with them for a while and I will. I need time to clear my head. My thoughts are not my own here, but I just don't know how to break it to him..

 

[leona2025]

I'm not married but I have suffered from depression before.

I have felt very similar feelings during a time I was in a relationship with someone while experiencing depression. It even affected how I felt about other people (friends), and even my job. The 'empty' feeling translated into many areas of my life, but it definitely played out big time during that particular relationship because they were who I spent the most amount of time with/around. And they wanted to care for me, but I wasn't caring about ANYthing at that time, really. And for me, when I was depressed, I didn't want to work on being depressed. I just existed. I just 'was'.

I've never been married OP but the situation you're describing--my heart hurts for you. One of my worst fears is falling out of love or being in love with someone that falls out of love with me.

Your situation sounds complicated and I really do feel that you need therapy. Just know that you're not the only person who's gone through such a rough time. I hope no one gets offended by me saying this, but are you really doing your best to work on this problem/these problems? If you are not in the mind state to work on it/them, something is wrong. I say something is wrong because you should care to at least try....right? I mean, I hate to sound cliche but I thought marriage was for better or for worse? I don't know your whole story but what happened to trying to make it through the 'for worse' part....?

I think you need to seek individual counseling and go from there. Have you shared these issues with any other individuals? What are their thoughts?

That's just it I don't feel empty. It's crazy because usually my whole attitude changes once I get away from the house I feel happy and bubbly again. When my sister comes home from work I'm excited to talk to her. It's just when I'm with him. I have told my two best friends. They have been with me through all the crisis in my marriage and they feel like I should get a divorce. My sister has said this too, but I did marry him for better or worse.

 

[TeddyBear]

I believe he will get his green card next month we have our interview.

**********

IMO...You need to make a decision about this marriage before the date of the interview.
If you decide to divorce, then why should this guy receive a green card if he mistreated you and you had marital problems with him?
Men (paper or no papers), can find some type of job if they are determined and willing to provide for their family. A man who financially depends on a woman, there is something wrong with that type of man in my eyes.

Don't be with someone because it's comfortable, be with someone because you love him and want to make it work.

 

[Sexyred]

That's just it I don't feel empty. It's crazy because usually my whole attitude changes once I get away from the house I feel happy and bubbly again. When my sister comes home from work I'm excited to talk to her. It's just when I'm with him. I have told my two best friends. They have been with me through all the crisis in my marriage and they feel like I should get a divorce. My sister has said this too, but I did marry him for better or worse.

I am sorry you are going through this right now and wish that you find peace of mind. Life is too short to be unhappy. I do think you need a break away from the situation (your husband), just a little time to think clearly without him being right in your face. As for the bolded I do believe marriage is for better or worse, but when is enough, enough? I think that is a personal decision you have to make we all have our threshholds. At the end of the day your peace of mind is priceless. I believe you know what you need to do deep done, dont fear it. Wishing you the best of luck with whatever decision you come to.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

..........................................

 

[Lucie]

I am sorry you are going through this but in order to get the help you need, I think you need to speak to a professional one-on-one. I do not need to know more details of your marriage but there appears to be something about your husband that causes you anxiety. Rather than go the route of divorce, seek help in figuring out what it is and what you can do about it alone for your own peace of mind. When you get strong you can tackle it as a couple.

When we marry, we marry for better or for worse. Right now, you two are at your worse. And please do not think for one minute it cannot/will not be better. I am not sure what your DH did to evoke these emotions from you but just for a second, how would you feel if he acted the same towards you? Would you not want to know what you could do to get back on track?

If you do not want to have sex or make love to him, please do not. Making love is not about obligation but mutual desire. You do NOT deserve any wrong or uncomfortable things to happen to you. Please do not continue to consult with friends and family. Often times their advice is biased. It hurts them to see you hurt and all they want is to see you happy. Being happy for most of our loved ones equals divorce or separation. Yet, these very loved ones are NOT leaving their cheating, beating, unsupportive, deadbeat husbands. Please do not forget marriages have 4 seasons. And just because it is winter for you two does not mean it will not be warmer in the future.

I wish you all the best lovie. (((HUGE HUGS)))