Could you be with someone who is very VERY similar to you?

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SincerelyJane

New Member
Would you be able to date/marry someone who is very similar to you in terms of personality? Why or why not?

What specific traits would you like your partner to balance out?
 
I would have to say yes. I often tell people my SO and I are the same person, just different genders :lol: Of course we aren't exactly the same but we share many values, philosophies, ways of dealing with people, etc. We share a lot of similarities. Because of this we get along quite well and are able to enjoy our time together. I think what helps is that we are both very balanced individually, so when we come together it just flows.

He does some things better than me but that isn't major.

I've tried dating people who were different, but overtime we grew apart because we just didn't share enough interest or values. That works for some but it doesn't work for me. My aunt and her husband were married 40+ years and they were opposites. I can't make that work.
 
Yes, I'd love it. I'm silly. Friendly. Kind. Funny. Always looking to learn/try something new. Don't hold grudges. Quick to reconcile an issue. Don't mind a person having a life outside of me. Sexy. Trustworthy. And the list can go on.
 
barbiesocialite said:
HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!

One of me is enough thank you very much.
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Right! I am not an easy person to be in a relationship with. I tend to drive most men crazy- and not in the good way.

It takes a special type to be with me. If I were with someone with my personality, I would probably become homicidal.
 
Yes. Because I'm fabulous :lol:

No, but seriously... yes. lol.

I listen. I'm loyal, but not at all clingy. Meaning, if I'm with you, I'm with you. If I'm not, I'm not. I'm not selfish. I'm honest. I pick my battles, and I make them short. Speaking of which, I'm all about solutions rather than finger pointing. I love trying new things (in life and in bed lol). And I like to always think of ways to improve myself.
 
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in some ways he HAS to be very similar to me. personality wise it would be the absolute best for me. but when it comes to relationship behavior, no.

i have noticed that i tend to like happy go lucky guys even if i resent their ignorance is bliss attitude. i am a serious person who can be very humorless about some things, but when i am social i like things to be cheerful and upbeat. so i cant date a guy who broods.

the other thing that sticks out to me is i like to have my way. so he cant be like that. i date have a future for someone who would press for his needs over mine, i need someone who is going to give in.

those things apart ideally i would prefer a partner who is similar to me in habits, interests, perspective, and functioning. i would not want a partner who is dissimilar to me AT ALL. i dont believe opposites attract.
 
Absolutely. I have learned that it's better for me that way. It's great when you share similar interest and values. It makes the ride much easier even in areas where you differ. It's great to have someone similar but different enough to where you both complement each other.

ETA: I feel like in my current relationship he keeps me grounded. I am the optimistic dreamer. I see the vision, he then creates it. He brings me down to earth as far as not thinking I have to do everything by myself. I think he can be more of the critic and I have to make him see the greatness of it all.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
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InsertCleverNameHere said:
Right! I am not an easy person to be in a relationship with. I tend to drive most men crazy- and not in the good way.

It takes a special type to be with me. If I were with someone with my personality, I would probably become homicidal.
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Very sincere question.

Ive often wondered, when a person knows somethin about themselves thats negative, do you work on trying to change it, knowing you lose relationships behind it?

ETA: No I could not be in a relationship with myself, Im an introvert. I need some to take the wheel 90 percent of the time.
 
I dated someone just like me for years. It was an eye opener to both of us as to how we treated people and how we were. The convo we had a few years after our relationship let me know these things (how he felt). We both gave each other a dose of our own medicine, and it was pretty bitter, I must say. Anywho, when we were nice to each other we could talk for hours, coloring was phenomenal and we had fun with one another
 
I like me, but if I was married to myself, I would probably get on my own nerves!
DH and I are opposites in a lot of ways and it brings balance.
 
Interesting question, OP.:yep:

The first person I ever dated was very similar to me in all the wrong ways.:nono: It's why things never went anywhere. The basic answer is I need someone similar enough to make me feel we have common ground and compatibility, but different enough to challenge me when I need it and to keep things interesting.

For example, I'm an intellectual and it's the first thing I look for before anything else.:look: I need that intellectual connection.:yep: Plus, nerds are hot.:lick:

I'm an introvert and also pretty calm and composed. It takes a lot to lose my composure. Dating other introverts has never worked out.:nono: I'm drawn to people more electrified than me and my most fulfilling friendships have been with people who are like this.:yep:
 
No. Frankly, I think I'd get bored. I'm a caring, practical person with good humor. But :look: I have trouble opening up in relationships and extroverts draw me out of my shell.
 
Nope. I like to be with someone who is similar to me in basic outlook and morals, but I don't desire a very, VERY similar personality!

There are certain things my SO gets exited about and I find it very cute, even though I may not get it :).

e.g/
He is a trained fighter which I find hot and makes me feel secure. If he was like me he'd be scared of bumps in the night and jumping on tables when spiders are around:lol:. I also procrastinated too much in my younger years to learn one art well, never mind several -_-

He's a hard worker and can work 7 days a week. Me, no way:look:

I love that he's a scientist and is great at maths even though I always hated chemistry myself. I find it sexy when a man has a lot of knowledge/passion outside my own preferred field. It's something that really attracts me, especially in the initial stages.

We're quite similar in some ways, but different enough in other ways that benefit our relationship.
 
I am a great person that has lots of admirable qualities. :yep: But I also know, and acknowledge, my, uh, less than stellar qualities...and I'll just say... No, I'll just leave it at that. :look: :lol:
 
Yes, I love me. I would not mind if he was a little more outgoing or different in other ways but when I am with someone that is very outgoing (my opposite) I tend to be less outgoing. I guess for balance lol. He ends up being the show. When he is not so outgoing (like me) I tend to be more so and I end up being the show. I'm cool with either one as long as the guy understands that.
 
In regards to interests....YES! But to a degree. We can't have the same negatives, like I'm moody and a bit unpredictable.
 
Leesh said:
Ive often wondered, when a person knows somethin about themselves thats negative, do you work on trying to change it, knowing you lose relationships behind it?
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I don't. I'd rather just have someone more suited to my personality.

I've tried it the other way and while I can change a behavior, I can't change my personality. All it does is leave me with guys I don't want or even respect. So it's not like I'm losing something worth keeping.
 
Lucie said:
Yes, I'd love it. I'm silly. Friendly. Kind. Funny. Always looking to learn/try something new. Don't hold grudges. Quick to reconcile an issue. Don't mind a person having a life outside of me. Sexy. Trustworthy. And the list can go on.
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Are you an Aries woman Lucie, i don't think you are if my memory serves me right, however my i can identify your traits in myself.
 
Yes ,definetley . I m awesome ,i really love the way i am!:grin:
Throughout my life i often been attracted to men who were similar to me but more driven/educated/active/mature/knowledgeable than me.
A man has to stimulate me on a mental level before anything else .
Its very important for me to be able to have stimulating conversation and learn new things from him.
 
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I think I married someone who is similar to me in terms of personality. :lol: We think a LOT alike. It's almost scary sometimes. Overall I think I like it. It helps me understand him more and I hope he understands me more.
 
InsertCleverNameHere said:
I don't. I'd rather just have someone more suited to my personality.

I've tried it the other way and while I can change a behavior, I can't change my personality. All it does is leave me with guys I don't want or even respect. So it's not like I'm losing something worth keeping.
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This is how I see it.

Not negative simply matter of fact. Just who I am. Of course we all need improvements but the foundation of your personality is pretty definitive. It really all boils down to compatibility.

I am a Queen Bee type personality.
I am introverted.
I am neurotic.
I am sensitive, emotional and dramatic.
I am unpredictable.

Also, to keep it one hunned--- I am passively controlling. I am difficult to control. A relationship with a similar personality would be self-sabotage and doomed for failure. Not interested.

There is no way two of me would survive in any kind of intimate interpersonal relationship. I need and prefer balance. Although it's important to share things in common, my SO and friends are opposites of me in more ways than not. I like it that way. :yep:
 
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barbiesocialite said:
I am introverted.
I am neurotic.
I am sensitive, emotional and dramatic.
I am unpredictable.

Also, to keep it one hunned--- I am passively controlling. I am difficult to control.
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I really relate to the above. I deal best with men who see neurotic traits as endearing. And men who are confident enough that they don't internalize my unpredictability or sensitivity as having to do with them.
 
the reason why i think those traits are subconsciously being viewed as negative is because if they werent why wouldnt you want a partner to have them? i wouldnt mind if a partner had my negative traits mainly bc i would understand what drives them since i have them myself... so i dont feel like it would make the relationship harder. idk maybe im a narcissist in the sense that i like anything that is like me :lol:
 
bunnycolvin said:
the reason why i think those traits are subconsciously being viewed as negative is because if they werent why wouldnt you want a partner to have them?
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I just don't see relationships like that. Say you're the quiet type. Well two quiet people together suck.

Being quiet isn't bad. It could even be seen as a positive. But that doesn't mean it's a quality a quiet person should look for in a mate.
 
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