Could you be happy for him if he couldn't be with you?

[kismettt]

I remember reading somewhere that truly loving someone is to want them to be happy with someone else, if they can't be with you.

So, could you be happy for your SO/DH if they found someone that does make them happy (who obviously isn't you).


I hope I'm not making this confusing. & by finding someone else, i mean your relationship ends (right now, as is), and they find someone else. no they aren't cheating/whatever.

Basically, do you love your SO enough to want them to be happy even if it is not with you?

Is that a requirement of "truly loving someone"?

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I disagree. It takes longer for some people to heal than it does others. How I feel a month later isn't a reflection on whether or not I truly loved them. It might be different if I was the one that ended the relationship and I had already moved on to a better relationship though.

 

[kismettt]

my SO told me he'd want me to be happy. he was like "i already know your answer"

lol. i'd need time. and then, maybe.

i didn't love my ex so i can't really compare because i couldn't care either way if he is happy or not.

 

[Bunny77]

This is another one of those breakup cliches (in my opinion) that I really hate.

If we broke up on reasonable terms (because few breakups are on good terms), then I wouldn't wish ill upon him, but I'm not necessary thinking to myself, "Well, I hope he's happy with the next one." I wouldn't want him to be unhappy either, but I guess I really wouldn't care. As far as I'm concerned, if he's not with me anymore, his future becomes irrelevant to me.

And if we broke up on bad terms, heck naw I'm not trying to be happy for him with someone else!

Maybe I'm just mean like that... or maybe I've never had this idea of truly unconditional love in the majority of cases...

 

[luckiestdestiny]

He's MIIIIIIIIIINE! Ah ha ha!

I kid.

Uhm I think if we broke up, then something must be up anyways (because we're in love and getting married) so if that's the case then oh well...I'm not wishing him happiness or caring. I've moved on. What do I look like, a woman hovering over a man...wishing him happiness..."are you happy? I hope you are!" . Most men are going to darn sure make sure their needs are met so I'm sure he'll find happiness just like I'll move on to find happiness with someone else as well.

Now if we broke up on good terms...I still don't know why we broke up gosh darn it...but if we did and we're friends of course I hope he's happy.

But still...I'm not obsessing about his life. I'm moving on with mine.

 

[awhyley]

I don't know if it's a requirement of "truly loving someone", but yes I would.

 

[ladysaraii]

It is not a requirement and I wish someone would tell me that I had to be.

 

[Bunny77]

I also think that people throw around the word "love" too much.

 

[TayMac]

If you aren't with me, I'm not thinking about you (well trying hard not to anyway). I wouldn't wish bad things for them but my focus would be MY happiness and healing.

 

[Syrah]

I can wish for you to be happy, and deep down really mean it...but I damn sure don't want to see it. Not anytime soon...

 

[Imani]

I think once I got past the hurt of ending the relationship, and it was someone I truly cared about, yes, i could be happy for them.

 

[Syrah]

He's MIIIIIIIIIINE! Ah ha ha!

I kid.

Uhm I think if we broke up, then something must be up anyways (because we're in love and getting married) so if that's the case then oh well...I'm not wishing him happiness or caring. I've moved on. What do I look like, a woman hovering over a man...wishing him happiness..."are you happy? I hope you are!" . Most men are going to darn sure make sure their needs are met so I'm sure he'll find happiness just like I'll move on to find happiness with someone else as well.

Now if we broke up on good terms...I still don't know why we broke up gosh darn it...but if we did and we're friends of course I hope he's happy.

But still...I'm not obsessing about his life. I'm moving on with mine.

I guess I don't see how hoping for someone's happiness has to equate to hovering!?? Me wishing you happiness doesn't mean I'm thinking about you all the time or even at all. It just means that once I get over the hurt and the pain (or the anger) I don't harbor any ill will and still hope that at the end of it all, you are happy because I WILL BE.

Personally, I think people are too quick to break up and "move on". "Girl, I'm moving on" as if its a sign of strength. Ok. If you're too quick to "Move on" you're bound to make the same mistakes again and look back wondering "why does this keep happening to me?" Why, you ask?? Because you didn't take the time to learn anything the first time time it happened...

Being quick to "move on" is not necessarily a sign of strength or independence.

I think the worst thing people can do coming out of an emotional relationship (one with love and feelings - not dating) is "rebound" - you're just drowning feelings with new d!ck.

 

[TLC1020]

TBH....IDK... I want to say it depend on how things end, even if it ended on good terms I don't think of I wish him happiness, my thinking is we're not together who cares if he is happy or not... Just my thinking though...

 

[caltron]

This is another one of those breakup cliches (in my opinion) that I really hate.

If we broke up on reasonable terms (because few breakups are on good terms), then I wouldn't wish ill upon him, but I'm not necessary thinking to myself, "Well, I hope he's happy with the next one." I wouldn't want him to be unhappy either, but I guess I really wouldn't care. As far as I'm concerned, if he's not with me anymore, his future becomes irrelevant to me.

And if we broke up on bad terms, heck naw I'm not trying to be happy for him with someone else!

Maybe I'm just mean like that... or maybe I've never had this idea of truly unconditional love in the majority of cases...

I'm with ya. I think that cliche is total BS.

 

[kismettt]

I'm with ya. I think that cliche is total BS.

now i dont feel bad for being like "um, no."


i guess it's good that he wishes for my happiness though.

 

[hothair]

Nope! (DH that is)

 

[Bunny77]

I'm wondering as well why I'm expected to have this "unconditional" love for an SO.

I mean, it's a significant other. They come and go. I wasn't even married to him. Why am I supposed to have an emotion that is usually reserved for very close family members (like my OWN child, parents) for a man I've probably known for barely a year, maybe two?

Even with a DH... that level of love and devotion usually grows over time.

That's why this concept doesn't make any sense to me.

 

[Bunny77]

Personally, I think people are too quick to break up and "move on". "Girl, I'm moving on" as if its a sign of strength. Ok. If you're too quick to "Move on" you're bound to make the same mistakes again and look back wondering "why does this keep happening to me?" Why, you ask?? Because you didn't take the time to learn anything the first time time it happened...

Being quick to "move on" is not necessarily a sign of strength or independence.

I think the worst thing people can do coming out of an emotional relationship (one with love and feelings - not dating) is "rebound" - you're just drowning feelings with new d!ck.

I'm one who's quick to say "Move on," but that's never meant to move on to another man. It means to move on with your life instead of hanging on to memories of the ex and wondering what he's doing.

By moving on, you CAN take the time to heal and learn from that relationship so you can do things differently the next time. I think women stay attached too long to dead relationships, either by continuing to spend time with these men, or by letting them occupy space in their heads.

 

[lesedi]

Nah not really. It doesn't really matter whether I am or not anyway.. my opinion on his lovelife became irrelevant the day we broke up.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

If you aren't with me, I'm not thinking about you (well trying hard not to anyway). I wouldn't wish bad things for them but my focus would be MY happiness and healing.

Allofthat^^

I think loving yourself means not wasting too much emotion on someone who wants to be with someone else. When your relationship ends, you're only obligated to care for the person you brought into it.

 

[Miss_C]

This just happened to me and my answer is...no. I mean, I can be kinda happy if he's happy, but really that ish just pisses me off and gets on my nerves. The only exeption to this would be if I knew for a fact we would never work, or I was already 100% over it.

 

[FlowerHair]

I can be happy for him, it all depends on how I feel about him now that it's over.

I wish most people happiness and success, so why not someone I really liked at some point?

In fact, sometimes I hope that an ex will find a new woman to be happy with so that he'll stop bothering me...

I'm the type that usually stays friendly with my exes. Perhaps that's a weakness of mine? I wish him and me the same happiness for the future.

 

[Syrah]

I'm one who's quick to say "Move on," but that's never meant to move on to another man. It means to move on with your life instead of hanging on to memories of the ex and wondering what he's doing.

By moving on, you CAN take the time to heal and learn from that relationship so you can do things differently the next time. I think women stay attached too long to dead relationships, either by continuing to spend time with these men, or by letting them occupy space in their heads.

Moving on with your life = good.
Moving on by jumping into a new relationship = no good.

 

[lesedi]

I have realised over time that I can't ever be friends with an ex. It doesn't work for me...I have spent too much time pretending to be happy for my exes when they moved on;listening to their sobstories and acting like i was living la vida loca to save face....nah, son, when we're done, LET'S BE DONE FOR REAL.

 

[Syrah]

I can be happy for him, it all depends on how I feel about him now that it's over.

I wish most people happiness and success, so why not someone I really liked at some point?

In fact, sometimes I hope that an ex will find a new woman to be happy with so that he'll stop bothering me...

I'm the type that usually stays friendly with my exes. Perhaps that's a weakness of mine? I wish him and me the same happiness for the future.

I don't understand why people are acting like wishing someone happiness requires some extraordinary emotional effort. I don't have to see you or speak to you to wish you well. And we don't have to be friends to wish you well.

I'm hurt. I get over it. I wish you well. Done.

 

[8HoursFromHome]

I've loved my ex-husband since I first met him when I was 12 years old. I still do love him and wish him the best (and REALLY mean it). We were just not a good married couple.

 

[Sasha299]

Once when I had some serious health concerns I had to face it with my DH and I wanted only the best for him. I actually told him that I would haunt him for life if he did not take a step up in the next relationship. Once I cared for someone I can never suddenly turn it off like a tap my feelings for people run deeper than our relationship - I wish them the best even if we are no longer friends/in a relationship.

 

[JustKiya]

Yes, definitely - I would want the man that I once loved to find joy and happiness with someone else. I wouldn't be concerning myself as to whether he was, or not - but I would hope that he would.

 

[kbragg]

Only if I died

 

[YasashiiSekai]

umm.... if he ain't with me, then why should i care about his happiness?

ok wait lemme think....
maybe if we somehow ended our relationship both agreeing that we probably weren't meant to be together... but still... after that we're done so....

sorry to sound like a b, but i'm just being real. i would think more about my happiness.