What is the difference to you? I am having a hard time differentiating. I seem to find something wrong with everyone. The ones that are marriage-minded don't give me butterflies and the ones that do aren't marriage material (but I realize this is probably a separate issue). As I'm closely approaching my settling age, I'm starting to wonder if I've been missing out on good relationships because I am unwilling to compromise which is not the same as settling. And who knows, maybe those butterflies will materialize if I hung around long enough to give them a chance to develop? Can anyone provide an example of the difference between the two?
I know what you mean
@JustifiablyMe 
Idk how old you are, but I know for me personally, I've learned the hard way that sometimes it's probably better to compromise on a few things instead of trying to hold out for "Mr. Perfect". In my 20's I think I was chasing an ideal type of man. I had the same issue as you.... The ones I liked gave me butterflies, but the ones that liked me didn't excite me like the ones I actually liked.
Now granted, I don't for one moment regret not marrying some of the guys I dated that liked me that I wasn't feeling (some of them actually had some real red flags and issues
). However, now that I'm a little older in my early 30's, I realized that I didn't give some guys a chance that I probably should have given more of a chance or at least gotten to know better.
I'm now at a point in my life where I WANT to be married, and honestly, the "butterflies in the stomach" feeling is NOT my priority now.
I've seen way too many marriages that started off with major attraction and the guy ended up being so WRONG for the woman.
Vice versa. So, I've learned to realize that it's not so much the presence of butterflies or the lack of butterflies, but really WHAT TYPE OF MAN is this guy??? I'm MUCH more willing now to give a man who is respectful, treats me well, respects my FAMILY, is understanding, responsible, makes me feel good, brings out the best in me (and vice versa---VERY important!), means what he says and will DO what he promises, and is
GENUINELY interested in me.
Men who are lukewarm, have a lot of drama, are "bad boys", who treat me hot and cold, who aren't that into me, who don't do what they say they will do, etc don't even attract me anymore.
I'm getting too old to be wasting my precious time on a man who is NOT the right one for me.
Besides, I know that I want to be married SOONER rather than later, so while some women can wait and wait and wait for the "Perfect Guy" in their mind to show up, I don't have that luxury. I can't be waiting and waiting or finding little things "wrong" with every guy who likes me if I want to be married sooner rather than later.
I consider "settling" what my friend (ex-roommate) just did..... She married a man who MANY PEOPLE (myself included) warned her about, would disrespect her and her family in subtle ways, was controlling, subtly emotionally abusive, had "issues" with his mother, was immature, and gave out red flags ALL the time.. She knew ALL of these things and saw the red flags even while she was dating him! But, because he gave her "butterflies" and they had intense physical chemistry, she went on and married him anyway, despite her reservations, and despite friends and I trying to warn her. Unfortunately, She's barely been married half a year and she already wants a divorce. He's verbally, emotionally and even physically abusive towards her.
They're already separated.
^^THAT to me is "Settling". Compromising (as was already mentioned) is maybe you preferring a guy who's 6'3, but you end up dating/marrying a guy who's 5'11 but treats you like a queen, loves you, is gentle, kind, responsible, has a nice job, self-less, helps you in your time of need, and treats you with RESPECT. The latter is NOT settling imo. It took me a long while to realize the difference between settling and compromising.
Now days, the only MUSTS on my list are:
1) A man who's spiritual and loves God
2) A man who treats me, my family and HIS family with respect
3) A man who is responsible, ambitious, and is hard-working|
4) A man who is emotionally and mentally healthy
5) A man who's kind, gentle, treats me right, and is REALLY into me
Everything else (aesthetics, height, race, physical looks, etc) are less of a priority now. Of course, I would want a guy who looks somewhat decent, and who is taller than me, and not TOO old (10 years or less), but those things are LESS of a priority now than they used to be.
Don't be like me and learn too late that what really matters is WHO the guy is and what type of person he is.
I made the mistake of dating a guy who I had MAJOR feelings for, butterflies, sexual attraction, the whole nine
, but he ended up treating me like DIRT.
I hung in there for almost 4 years
I learned from that experience that "butterflies" are soo overrated.
This picture has always given me a chuckle lol
