Coming into a marriage

[Amour]

Would you prefer or should I say, do you like the idea of coming into a marriage already established i.e. financially settled etc or would you rather work towards such stability with your spouse?

Obviously, it ultimately will depend on when the time is right, I don't think anyone would refuse financial progresion in the hope of making it with their partner - but ideally, how would you prefering entering marriage?

I used to be certain I wouldn't marry until I was stable in all/ most aspects of my life; now I'm liking the idea and working towards my goals and aspirations with my spouse, building and growing together.

How about you?

 

[drasgrl]

You can be established and still work on common goals. I'm not 18 I can't come to the table with nothing and I wouldn't want him to either. I'm too old for that. Financially settled may mean different things to different people. I need my own money, my own investments, my own credit, car. I think it's very important for a woman to have her own and know how to get it for herself first.

 

[Amour]

You can be established and still work on common goals. I'm not 18 I can't come to the table with nothing and I wouldn't want him to either. I'm too old for that. Financially settled may mean different things to different people. I need my own money, my own investments, my own credit, car. I think it's very important for a woman to have her own and know how to get it for herself first.

I understand and agree with that

I think most people would already have some or most of the things you mentioned already prior to marriage, unless they were marrying really young.

What I meant, and should have clarified was whether you would like to be established in terms of having achieved what you want from like initially, not coming into the marriage with nothing so you can make something/ anything together.

The orginal reason behind my question was from reading a post previously and someone was saying before they get married they want 50% (themselves) to be 100% made and established; and the same of their spouse (paraphrashed).

Wondering whether anybody else holds this or similar view; or would ideally prefer working towards that 100% (personal life goals, aims, aspirations, finance, career etc) in marriage?

 

[MD_Lady]

Being established is my preference because it allows both of you to hit the ground running (i.e. living in a single family home v.s. an apartment, having money saved up v.s. being broke, or being able to quickly furnish your home instead of having several empty rooms for a period of years) when building your life together.

 

[FunkyDiva]

You can be established and still work on common goals. I'm not 18 I can't come to the table with nothing and I wouldn't want him to either. I'm too old for that. Financially settled may mean different things to different people. I need my own money, my own investments, my own credit, car. I think it's very important for a woman to have her own and know how to get it for herself first.

These are my thoughts exactly.

 

[freshlikemoi]

I am 23 and my SO is 26 we are both in graduate programs and are working towards establishing ourselves as a unit and as individuals. I love it! Of course, coming into an already established relationship has its perks, but there is nothing like looking into your past and seeing where you started out together, and where God has brought you to today.

 

[Farida]

I wanted to be established.

But I fell in love young and couldn't wait for the elusive "established." So we are building our lives together. Broke and happy for now. I think there's something to be said about seeing where were and where you get to.

I did marry a man I believe has good work ethic and potential, so barring extreme circumstances I am sure he will be successful. I'm a hard worker and I believe I will be successful as well.

My aunt married a man who was a broke college student, and now he's making 6 figures. My mom married an established wealthy man, but he died early in the marriage and we had a hard, broke life.

 

[it_comes_naturally]

I want a man that is already established. I already have my own and I need him to do te same. There will still be things that we can "grow" together, but I need him to atleast meet me 50/50. Other wise I feel like I'm taking care of him. I'm really all about him meeting me 70/30, but anything less than 50/50 won't do for me.

 

[HisBestFriend]

My DH and I chose to come to the marriage with all of "stuff" straight. We paid off all of our debt and then saved to pay for our own wedding. (It was a long engagement)

From there we built up the "establishment" together which helped establish us beyond anything that we could ever do alone.

I hope my statement makes sense.

 

[Cinda2503]

For me, I need a balance of both. I am currently working on being established on my own.

I used to think I wanted to be established on my own and come into marriage very independent but I realized this thinking was preventing me from getting into any relationship because I was thinking everything had to be "perfect." With this kind of thinking I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. I have recently (meaning within the last 3 months) let this go. I am an imperfect person trying my hardest to establish myself. I have goals and dreams that I will accomplish but it's gonna take some time. So, while I am on this journey if a wonderful man would like to take me as I am and come along with me we can do it together (accomplish my goals and his goals and maybe creat our goals) But I am done with trying to do it all by myself and beating myself up for it. I admit it I need help. I won't deny myself love or wonderful relationships anymore because I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.

HTH

 

[lexi08]

For me, I need a balance of both. I am currently working on being established on my own.

I used to think I wanted to be established on my own and come into marriage very independent but I realized this thinking was preventing me from getting into any relationship because I was thinking everything had to be "perfect." With this kind of thinking I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. I have recently (meaning within the last 3 months) let this go. I am an imperfect person trying my hardest to establish myself. I have goals and dreams that I will accomplish but it's gonna take some time. So, while I am on this journey if a wonderful man would like to take me as I am and come along with me we can do it together (accomplish my goals and his goals and maybe creat our goals) But I am done with trying to do it all by myself and beating myself up for it. I admit it I need help. I won't deny myself love or wonderful relationships anymore because I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.

HTH

This is a great way to think. These days its takes longer to become established to a level that you feel is the ideal especially on your own.

 

[Trinity1]

For me, I need a balance of both. I am currently working on being established on my own.

I used to think I wanted to be established on my own and come into marriage very independent but I realized this thinking was preventing me from getting into any relationship because I was thinking everything had to be "perfect." With this kind of thinking I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. I have recently (meaning within the last 3 months) let this go. I am an imperfect person trying my hardest to establish myself. I have goals and dreams that I will accomplish but it's gonna take some time. So, while I am on this journey if a wonderful man would like to take me as I am and come along with me we can do it together (accomplish my goals and his goals and maybe creat our goals) But I am done with trying to do it all by myself and beating myself up for it. I admit it I need help. I won't deny myself love or wonderful relationships anymore because I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.

HTH

This is exactly how I think. There is nothing wrong with being an independent woman,however, we shouldnt be so independent that we would refuse a good man entering our lives just for the sake of "having ourselves together" first. The bible tells us that two heads are better than one. If I am not doing well financially and the man in my life is then once we come together, whats his becomes ours, so guess what? WE will be doing well financially together and continue to build from there.

I like this verse in the bible. It explains exactly what I am trying to say:

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
-- Ecclesiastes 4: 8-11 (KJV)

 

[carcajada]

I preferred to build a life with my husband. Each accomplishment we reach is ours. There's no discussion of what belongs to who since we both leaned on each other to get what we have.