Can't Tell My Friends/family Because I'm Too Embarrassed

[natural_one]

He came and got his stuff while I was out and left the keys. No drama, no hoopla. I took an impromptu trip out of town for the weekend just to clear my head and get away for a bit, so im feeling a lot better. I'm angry but ready to move on, so I'm going to tell my family tomorrow,and my friends whenever..
Everyone, thanks so much for your words! It really helped me look at this situation completely differently..

 

[ilong]

He came and got his stuff while I was out and left the keys. No drama, no hoopla. I took an impromptu trip out of town for the weekend just to clear my head and get away for a bit, so im feeling a lot better. I'm angry but ready to move on, so I'm going to tell my family tomorrow,and my friends whenever..
Everyone, thanks so much for your words! It really helped me look at this situation completely differently..

Awesome - good for you!!! Happy living. But still be careful - check your home for any missing items - call credit card companies, etc. and CHANGE THE LOCKS ON YOUR DOORS!!!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

No, he and I arent friends on FB and I dont know her...

Im embarrassed because I brought him home to meet my family, and they all loved him and was excited about us getting married. My friends all love him and now I have to tell them all I chose wrong.

I know I shouldnt take on his mistake but its deeper than that. All my siblings have children and im childless, and all my older siblings are married and im not (divorced), so they were so excited that I was "finally" going to be "one of them" and now im not...Sad situation all the way around...

You know what OP... Sometimes the way we VIEW a situation can either make us feel empowered or feel lower than dirt. We really have to watch how we view a situation because it may mean the difference between being able to gradually move on with love, being a stronger (and smarter) individual, OR being STUCK, down and depressed. I know because I went through something similar.

It wasn't until I got out of my "funk" that I realized that it was how I was VIEWING my situation that was causing me the most hurt and pain. It was HARD to come to that realization, but after re-reading some of my old journal entries I came to see that I was OVERanalyzing the situation and making myself feel worse just by my choice of words.

In all honesty, I don't think YOU "CHOSE" wrong, I think he showed you the WRONG version of himself. ANY woman in your situation would have taken his words and actions as a boyfriend to be honorable and truthful. Afterall, aren't we supposed to trust each other in a relationship? So, no.... don't blame yourself for his poor actions and behavior.

And who cares what your family thinks? If anything they will probably be HAPPY that you didn't end up with this fool....single and childless or NOT! I'd rather my sister/cousin/aunt/girl friend/etc. end up with a truly HONORABLE man who's NOT cheating on her behind her back! I'd rather they be single than end up with someone who causes them this much pain.

OP, I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know it's tough... But you have to tell yourself a different story. HE was the one in the wrong here, not you. Some women are MARRIED to men who cheat and have a baby out of wedlock....did they choose wrongly? Well, only if the man was doing this BEFORE they got married and there were red flags all along. But for MOST of these women, it was a complete surprise. There was no evidence of his doing this before they got married. So you have to have some sympathy for these women.

I think you were side-swiped. He's the one who stepped out......

 

[niknakmac]

You are very strong.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

You know what OP... Sometimes the way we VIEW a situation can either make us feel empowered or feel lower than dirt. We really have to watch how we view a situation because it may mean the difference between being able to gradually move on with love, being a stronger (and smarter) individual, OR being STUCK, down and depressed. I know because I went through something similar.

It wasn't until I got out of my "funk" that I realized that it was how I was VIEWING my situation that was causing me the most hurt and pain. It was HARD to come to that realization, but after re-reading some of my old journal entries I came to see that I was OVERanalyzing the situation and making myself feel worse just by my choice of words.

In all honesty, I don't think YOU "CHOSE" wrong, I think he showed you the WRONG version of himself. ANY woman in your situation would have taken his words and actions as a boyfriend to be honorable and truthful. Afterall, aren't we supposed to trust each other in a relationship? So, no.... don't blame yourself for his poor actions and behavior.

And who cares what your family thinks? If anything they will probably be HAPPY that you didn't end up with this fool....single and childless or NOT! I'd rather my sister/cousin/aunt/girl friend/etc. end up with a truly HONORABLE man who's NOT cheating on her behind her back! I'd rather they be single than end up with someone who causes them this much pain.

OP, I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know it's tough... But you have to tell yourself a different story. HE was the one in the wrong here, not you. Some women are MARRIED to men who cheat and have a baby out of wedlock....did they choose wrongly? Well, only if the man was doing this BEFORE they got married and there were red flags all along. But for MOST of these women, it was a complete surprise. There was no evidence of his doing this before they got married. So you have to have some sympathy for these women.

I think you were side-swiped. He's the one who stepped out......

This post is everything.

 

[hothair]

Run run run. Hugs, kisses and way to miss that bullet.

Hurts now, your future children will thank you later. You cannot feel bad for the indiscriminate choice of some dumdum

 

[Country gal]

It will take time but this is his issues not yours. You definitely dodged a bullet.

 

[Tressed]

Your blessing is on it's way.

Keeping you in prayer sis.

ETA: I felt compelled to come back and tell you that he's been removed from
your life for a reason. Don't fret, the blessing coming your way will surpass any
and all of your expectations. Know, believe and trust that.

 

[natural_one]

Thanks again everyone...im feeling good about my decision, and ive started back focusing on myself again. Hitting the gym, cleaning up my diet, taking piano lessons..for me it's best to load my schedule up in order to keep it off my mind..

 

[prettyinpurple]

Good for you! Keep your mind off of him. I understand your initial embarrassment and I'm sorry you had to go through that because of him. I'm so happy that you let him and any possibly ensuing drama move on without you. You don't need that.

Just wondering aloud (in general, not expecting an answer from you):
I wonder why he told you now, or didn't frame it as a possibility vs a sure thing. I'm surprised that he didn't wait until there was a baby and a DNA test to confirm it. He could've just fessed up for no reason in hindsight. Although you did need to know that he was out there without protection and is possibly expecting a child.

 

[Mai Tai]

All of the advice in this thread is excellent - it's up to you to apply it or not. The only comment I would add pertains to your comment " ...I dont understand men, and I swear i never will..you give them everything..EVERYTHING...and it's still not enough..." - with your next relationship, you may want to re-consider giving the man "everything". The man should pamper and give you everything ... not vice versa. You are a Princess and you should act and be treated as such.

Be thankful you were shown early on (before entering into marriage) that what you thought was a crown on the top of his head was actually pointy ears. If you are familiar with the saying a "dog always returns to the spot he's pissed on" - then you know he will try to get back with you. You have to decide NOW if you want to be his "spot" or move on and prepare yourself for YOUR true Prince's arrival.

I agree with the poster who said "do not leave your house". You should further demonstrate to him that HE HAS LOST THE BEST LADY, he has ever met, by handling his pick-up of personal items with dignity and class. Arrange a time via text, email, etc (for record purposes) when he can come by and retrieve his belongings. Make it clear to him that once the time is agreed upon, he has a one hour window beyond the schedule time to be there or you will dispose of the items at the next trash pick-up. ***THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT*** Have a friend there to meet him at the door and pass him his things, making a point that he CANNOT step foot inside your home. You should be in another room, (perhaps laughing/talking on the phone), being totally nonchalant of his presence. Making the "canine" stay outside should make him feel like what he is. Neighbors do no not need to know your business by your putting his things outside.

@ilong This ENTIRE post is so real that I got chills reading it.

OP...I am so glad that you handled this situation with class and your dignity still intact. Now it is time for your healing process to start. Cry when you have to, yell when you need to, but never forget that you are and have always been deserving of true, healthy and reciprocated love.

 

[ilong]

Thanks again everyone...im feeling good about my decision, and ive started back focusing on myself again. Hitting the gym, cleaning up my diet, taking piano lessons..for me it's best to load my schedule up in order to keep it off my mind..

@natural_one - glad to hear you are making yourself a priority. And make sure you are doing it for yourself. The next time your ex sees you (life is such that he will) he will again be reminded of the "jewel" he sacrificed for "coal". Keep your eyes and actions moving forward. If you keep looking back you won't see where you're going and chances are you will stumble and perhaps even fall.
Be blessed and be happy!

 

[FemmeFatale]

OP I'm so sorry this happened to you, good riddance to that fool. *hugs*

The same thing happened to my little cousin and SHE TOOK HIM BACK. She is bitter as EVER and it's so sad to witness because she's young (23) and beautiful.. she has a very nasty and negative disposition towards most of us because of it and I stay away!

 

[tru4reele]

Thanks everyone for your replies...I feel and look like sh*t right now..my eyes are so swollen that i need to take the day off..I dont understand men, and I swear i never will..you give them everything..EVERYTHING...and it's still not enough..smh

Firstly, never give a man EVERYTHING and all of you. Keep a little for yourself. If this is your first real heartbreak then you know how devastating it can be.

Time heals everything so get out and have fun. Trust and believe this isn't the last you will hear from him. They all try to come crawling back at some point.

 

[Mai Tai]

I agree with the other posters who advise not to give a man your everything OP. Be reminded that this does not mean that you become bitter, unhappy, hard, or skeptical. It just means to take care of yourself first, fight for your own happiness, and to not give up the things that make up who you are for a man.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I agree with the other posters who advise not to give a man your everything OP. Be reminded that this does not mean that you become bitter, unhappy, hard, or skeptical. It just means to take care of yourself first, fight for your own happiness, and to not give up the things that make up who you are for a man.

I love how you always give practical applications to conventional wisdom in your replies. It means so much more to give an action or example then to just say some idea.