Can't Tell My Friends/family Because I'm Too Embarrassed

lana said:
I'm sorry too @natural_one. I really don't feel as if you have anything to be embarrassed about. Are you worried about the backlash from social media?

Like I'm wondering - is the other woman going to post "I'm having Tyrone's baby!!!" on her facebook page and all your friends/family will know?
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No, he and I arent friends on FB and I dont know her...

Im embarrassed because I brought him home to meet my family, and they all loved him and was excited about us getting married. My friends all love him and now I have to tell them all I chose wrong.

I know I shouldnt take on his mistake but its deeper than that. All my siblings have children and im childless, and all my older siblings are married and im not (divorced), so they were so excited that I was "finally" going to be "one of them" and now im not...Sad situation all the way around...
 
OP..I completely understand the pressure you feel but do not let this hold you back from letting your family know. Who cares what they think about him being the wrong guy and you now being single again. They do not live in your skin nor walk in your shoes and they can not make you feel embarrassed unless you let them.
 
natural_one said:
No, he and I arent friends on FB and I dont know her...

Im embarrassed because I brought him home to meet my family, and they all loved him and was excited about us getting married. My friends all love him and now I have to tell them all I chose wrong.

I know I shouldnt take on his mistake but its deeper than that. All my siblings have children and im childless, and all my older siblings are married and im not (divorced), so they were so excited that I was "finally" going to be "one of them" and now im not...Sad situation all the way around...
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look at it this way, if you feel stupid because you chose wrong, your family and friends are stupid too because they fell for his charm too. you were all deceived together. they will understand.
 
OP, perhaps you'll find it more palatable to tell folks that "BF put you in situation similar to Chris Brown and Karruche....and you took the same route as Karruche [exited the relationship quickly]":cowgirl:

I type this tongue-in-cheek, but also to remind you that you're not alone; and it's better you gained this knowledge earlier than say when the kid is about a year old. IMHO
 
Listen dont feel bad because of his trifling behavior...i would cry my eyes out...casually let everyone know in general convo that we are not together and would appreciate if the inquiries would cease..

i would get my life and move on and stay strong...

also you guys were broken up for a reason....so take that reason and hold on to it and live your happy life knowing you will meet someone bigger and better

op men come a dime a dozen even the most amazing awesome fine man in the world can be replaced....dont allow any man to affect your future happiness...:rose:
 
OP, it's only deeper than it is if you make it deeper. This dude was not your end all to family and happiness. What your family thinks or says has no bearings on what your thoughts and outlook can produce in your life... You gotta believe something greater is coming.

I'm may be getting a little pushy in my beliefs now so I'll stop , lol

Wishing u all the best!!!
 
You can only make decisions based on the information you have. Him doing this may have been completely out of character, and has nothing to do with you being foolish. Please do not feel that way.

I know that nothing may make you feel better right now but be happy that you did not run down the aisle and have a woman show up to your doorstep later on with a kid and blow up your entire life with your husband. Now that you know you get to make a better choice in your next partner.
 
I am so very sorry that this happened to you, but do not let this break you!
I was in your shoes about 15 years ago, so I know the pain that you're experiencing. It's like a kick in the stomach down to deepest existence of your being.

I truly hate to sound cliche, but eventually your heart will mend and thoughts of him will be a decent memory. It's amazing how when you're in a relationship with someone that you think is 'the one' you can't fathom anyone being better than that person. But trust me when I say that there are sooo many more men out there (good ones) that's going to blow thoughts of this dude out of your mind! It's definitely going to take time, but you're going to be so much better without him.
This experience will be your testimony. OH yes---and he WILL try to come back into your life, (they always do) but please don't fall for it.

Keep ya head up mama!
 
image-jpg.327937


So did you pack nicely or throw violently? :giggle:
 
It's ok to be disappointed that things have drastically changed from what you envisioned. But please don't ever take on or own embarrassment from someone else's actions.

Dont let pride keep you from asking for help. Your true friends would be sick that you didn't trust them enough to be your support. You did nothing wrong. Choose solitude if you need it to be strong but don't use it to hide.

So sorry you're dealing with this.
 
natural_one said:
Thanks everyone for your replies...I feel and look like sh*t right now..my eyes are so swollen that i need to take the day off..I dont understand men, and I swear i never will..you give them everything..EVERYTHING...and it's still not enough..smh
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When the child is born and the mother starts acting crazy, he might play victim and be all pitiful. Don't involve yourself. Trust your instinct and don't let him talk you into staying.

I've seen this up close and personal more than once. If you're not tied to him, move on. It won't be worth it if you stay.
 
When a friend of mine broke up with her fiancé, she thought friends and family would be disappointed because everyone loved him. WRONG! After the break up, everyone, including me, were telling her how they didn't like him for her but didn't say anything because everyone was being polite.
 
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. And honestly, neither does he since he wasn't cheating. You broke up and he had sex with someone else during that time and she got pregnant. Life happens. Put his stuff in a garbage bag and leave it outside. Send him a text noting the location and garbage pick up times. He will get it before the garbage collector comes.

I don't think you need to tell everyone the details. She may not even keep the baby for all you know.
Everyone doesn't need to know why you broke up. Only the people you trust need to know.

I'm witnessing this first hand right now. Couple was together for years. Broke up and he got someone else pregnant. They got back together and had a child and live together. Now the first mom is acting out. It's been a court battle trying to even see the older child. Although she claims she doesn't want the father back she is punishing the child and not abiding by the court ordered visitation. They are back in court soon.
 
Keen said:
When a friend of mine broke up with her fiancé, she thought friends and family would be disappointed because everyone loved him. WRONG! After the break up, everyone, including me, were telling her how they didn't like him for her but didn't say anything because everyone was being polite.
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This is so common and you never want to be that friend that has so much to say AFTER the break up but I've tried to tell a couple of friends in the past that their mans not treating them right and they get defensive. It's always tough deciding whether to be honest but I now choose to stay out of people's business and let the situation run its course.
 
All of the advice in this thread is excellent - it's up to you to apply it or not. The only comment I would add pertains to your comment " ...I dont understand men, and I swear i never will..you give them everything..EVERYTHING...and it's still not enough..." - with your next relationship, you may want to re-consider giving the man "everything". The man should pamper and give you everything ... not vice versa. You are a Princess and you should act and be treated as such.

Be thankful you were shown early on (before entering into marriage) that what you thought was a crown on the top of his head was actually pointy ears. If you are familiar with the saying a "dog always returns to the spot he's pissed on" - then you know he will try to get back with you. You have to decide NOW if you want to be his "spot" or move on and prepare yourself for YOUR true Prince's arrival.

I agree with the poster who said "do not leave your house". You should further demonstrate to him that HE HAS LOST THE BEST LADY, he has ever met, by handling his pick-up of personal items with dignity and class. Arrange a time via text, email, etc (for record purposes) when he can come by and retrieve his belongings. Make it clear to him that once the time is agreed upon, he has a one hour window beyond the schedule time to be there or you will dispose of the items at the next trash pick-up. ***THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT*** Have a friend there to meet him at the door and pass him his things, making a point that he CANNOT step foot inside your home. You should be in another room, (perhaps laughing/talking on the phone), being totally nonchalant of his presence. Making the "canine" stay outside should make him feel like what he is. Neighbors do no not need to know your business by your putting his things outside.
 
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naturalmanenyc said:
Put his stuff in a garbage bag and leave it outside. Send him a text noting the location and garbage pick up times. He will get it before the garbage collector comes.

I don't think you need to tell everyone the details. She may not even keep the baby for all you know.
Everyone doesn't need to know why you broke up. Only the people you trust need to know.
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I like the bolded idea. No need for you to leave your place.

I keep people on a need-to-know basis. And most people don't need to know s***. Only tell the full story to people your trust.
 
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