Can you force yourself to be with somebody you aren't attracted to?

StarScream35

Well-Known Member
I'm somewhat in this situation right now. He's a nice guy I met online and I know he really likes me but I'm not attracted to him but I almost hate to let a nice one go after meeting so many jerks. Has anybody ever been torn like this? I keep thinking perhaps I will eventually feel an attraction to him but right now I feel nothing.
 
Yes ,you can grow to like him after a while but i can't lie to you and say you ll fall in love cuz that hardly ever happens ,my biggest problem is looking at the man scanning for flaws yet caring for him ,i had the constant thought of " I can do better " "do i want kids with him?" Not nice.I felt like he deserved someone who truly appreciated him and loved him ,to this day I still think it was entirely my loss for breaking up with him ,he was a great man.With all that said ,you should think to yourself how unattractive he is to you ,if you can actually cope with all the consequences of having a relationship with this man.
 
Yes ,you can grow to like him after a while but i can't lie to you and say you ll fall in love cuz that hardly ever happens ,my biggest problem is looking at the man scanning for flaws yet caring for him ,i had the constant thought of " I can do better " "do i want kids with him?" Not nice.I felt like he deserved someone who truly appreciated him and loved him ,to this day I still think it was entirely my loss for breaking up with him ,he was a great man.With all that said ,you should think to yourself how unattractive he is to you ,if you can actually cope with all the consequences of having a relationship with this man.


There are a few things I do not like about him. For one I'm almost 5'8 and he is like 5'5 but put in his profile he was 5'9. (He answered my profile btw). Second, he is so inarticulate that I find myself constantly asking him to repeat himself. I find it annoying as hayle. I just don't know what to do with this one. He treats me nice and is very attentive but I don't want to be so shallow. There are too many jerks out there to let a good one go.
 
There are a few things I do not like about him. For one I'm almost 5'8 and he is like 5'5 but put in his profile he was 5'9. (He answered my profile btw). Second, he is so inarticulate that I find myself constantly asking him to repeat himself. I find it annoying as hayle. I just don't know what to do with this one. He treats me nice and is very attentive but I don't want to be so shallow. There are too many jerks out there to let a good one go.

This description of him annoys me too! Especially lying about his height. :look:

Only you know what you will accept in the long run. Are you not feeling him at all? Are you holding on to him because you're afraid he's the last nice guy you'll meet? If this is the case, it's not fair for you to stand in the way of him finding his true love.

However, if you like him overall, wait a couple of months and re-assess your feelings. By then, you'll know what to do.

Sent from my android tablet using LHCF App
 
Have you met him face-to-face yet for a date?? :look:

I'm just saying....some guys may surprise you! :yep:

I don't know if you can judge OVERALL attraction factor based on phone conversations or pictures alone. There have been quite a few guys IRL that didn't really do it for me when I saw their pictures, but when I met them FACE to face and saw how nice, funny, and how much we had in common with each other, it was a totally different feeling! :lol:



There are a few things I do not like about him. For one I'm almost 5'8 and he is like 5'5 but put in his profile he was 5'9. (He answered my profile btw). Second, he is so inarticulate that I find myself constantly asking him to repeat himself. I find it annoying as hayle. I just don't know what to do with this one. He treats me nice and is very attentive but I don't want to be so shallow. There are too many jerks out there to let a good one go.

HOW inarticulate?? :perplexed

Liiiiike....does he have an accent or something? Or, is he speaking ebonics? What is it?? :look:


In answer to your original question: SURE, I think you can FORCE yourself to like someone, but will you be happy? That's the question.

I've given most guys a chance when they were interested in me (within moderation of course), but if after a certain amount of time (usually within a few weeks I know for SURE) I'm STILL not feeling anything.....then I'll just cut it off. There has to be SOMETHING attracting me (not necessarily looks) to this guy. If there's NOTHING, then I let them go.

What drew you to him in the first place? Was it JUST his "niceness"?

Whatever you do, don't hold on to him simply because you think he's a "NICE" guy. I LOVE nice guys as well :yep: (especially with all these jerks running around here these days :rolleyes:), but he deserves someone who really actually likes HIM for him. :yep: Better to hook him up with one of your nice girlfriends, than to keep him for selfish reasons. :yep:
 
This description of him annoys me too! Especially lying about his height. :look:

Only you know what you will accept in the long run. Are you not feeling him at all? Are you holding on to him because you're afraid he's the last nice guy you'll meet? If this is the case, it's not fair for you to stand in the way of him finding his true love.

However, if you like him overall, wait a couple of months and re-assess your feelings. By then, you'll know what to do.

Sent from my android tablet using LHCF App


Yeah, that's the problem. I've met so many horrible guys, I wonder if any more nice ones who got it together in my age group even exist.
 
Have you met him face-to-face yet for a date?? :look:

I'm just saying....some guys may surprise you! :yep:

I don't know if you can judge OVERALL attraction factor based on phone conversations or pictures alone. There have been quite a few guys IRL that didn't really do it for me when I saw their pictures, but when I met them FACE to face and saw how nice, funny, and how much we had in common with each other, it was a totally different feeling! :lol:





HOW inarticulate?? :perplexed

Liiiiike....does he have an accent or something? Or, is he speaking ebonics? What is it?? :look:


In answer to your original question: SURE, I think you can FORCE yourself to like someone, but will you be happy? That's the question.

I've given most guys a chance when they were interested in me (within moderation of course), but if after a certain amount of time (usually within a few weeks I know for SURE) I'm STILL not feeling anything.....then I'll just cut it off. There has to be SOMETHING attracting me (not necessarily looks) to this guy. If there's NOTHING, then I let them go.

What drew you to him in the first place? Was it JUST his "niceness"?

Whatever you do, don't hold on to him simply because you think he's a "NICE" guy. I LOVE nice guys as well :yep: (especially with all these jerks running around here these days :rolleyes:), but he deserves someone who really actually likes HIM for him. :yep: Better to hook him up with one of your nice girlfriends, than to keep him for selfish reasons. :yep:


I have met him, that's how I know I tower over him badly, even without heels on. I purposely wear flats to make it a little better but it's still bad.

As far as him being inarticulate, do you watch Real Housewives of Atlanta?You know how inarticulate Apollo is right? Well this guy is three times worse. He slurs, mumbles, pronounces words the wrong way and I keep constantly asking him what is he saying.

Yep it was his niceness that drew me to him but that was it.
 
Sorry Op ,I m about your same height ,a bit over 5 7 and 5"5 is a helll NO ! lol .Way too short for a man ,you re not being shallow at all ,trust me it will sooo akward.
 
It's not about being shallow, it's about being honest with yourself TODAY so you can avoid selling yourself short and hurting his feelings TOMORROW. Comfortably accepting/overlooking a shortcoming is one thing, but forcing yourself to accept something that is very unappleaing is a recipe for disaster (IMO).
 
Nope, I'm not going force or pretend to like someone I'm not attractive to.

Sent from lavish iPhone
 
Sometimes you can if they have a lot of other great qualities but you haven't listed anything beyond him being nice and treating you well. Need more than that.
 
I don't know about this one.

I don't think you can force yourself to be into someone if your just not attracted to them . Personally, I can't stand a man that IMO is just dumb. Can't speak, illiterate, inarticulate whatever we want to call it. Is he successful? Where does he work?

The height thing I have a different perspective on . My dh is taller than me but a good friend is married to a man that's 5'6" to her 5'11". He is a great man & she loves him to death. The difference no longer matters.

Do you think you can realistically deal with these things on a long term relationship? What bothers me more than the height diff is the fact that he lied about it. I believe if he can lie about little he can lie about a lot or just shows he's insecure about himself .
 
I've dated someone that I wasn't initially attracted to but, I grew to love him and found him to be a wonderful person. We were both young at the time and things just didnt work out.

I recently dated a guy that I wasn't really attracted to because he was nice. The fact that I wasn't attracted to him would intensify every time he pissed me off or irritated me. I'm personally never settling in that area again. It's not about thinking you're better than anyone either. You just like what you like and I don't think you should have to force yourself to be with someone!

ETA the recent guy also talked so fast I could hardly understand what he was saying... It was to the point of me being embarrassed to bring him around.... No Bueno!!!
 
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I've done it, never again. Towered over him too. Once he gets more comfortable with you and stops trying so hard, you will find yourself getting annoyed at him out of nowhere because he's not attractive to you...sorry...real talk!
 
I have met him, that's how I know I tower over him badly, even without heels on. I purposely wear flats to make it a little better but it's still bad.

As far as him being inarticulate, do you watch Real Housewives of Atlanta?You know how inarticulate Apollo is right? Well this guy is three times worse. He slurs, mumbles, pronounces words the wrong way and I keep constantly asking him what is he saying.

Yep it was his niceness that drew me to him but that was it.

starScream - ok. Lets do da math. You 5'8 and he bout 5'5 right?

*lights up a newport one hunnit and pulls out calculator*

Ok. Check dis out. Ifnyall have chirren t'getha, dat means ders a possibility that ur child may grow up to be dis tall >> -- . Prolly bout 5'3. On top of dat, he gotta speech impedement which mean if yall have chirren, da kid will need to see a speech therapist. Dat'll run you *crunches da numbas* ....dat'll run u bout a few hunnit a month, carry da 2 and it'll run u in da thousands of da course of da kids life.

Add on dat he mispronunciates words and his speech is slurred so dat ought to tell u dat da joka prolly slow, and its always dem slow bamas dat got strong genes, so now u lookin at special ed needs for da kid *crunches da numbas* and prolly some for u cuz when u start hangin round slow folks, u may start actin like them too. So now we are at 40 grand. All dat money spent cuz he was nice. Damn dat chile.....u can do betta!

Drop dat bama. He lied bout his height for one so dats a stike right der. Then, u gotta keep askin dis joka "huh...whatchu say" tryna figa out what dis retard tawkin bout errytime he open his mouth to say sumfin. Dats doin too damn much. If u can't understand him now, imagine how he gonna sound IF yall have sex. And I bet he thinks he makin sense when he talk don't he?

His DNA ain't right and he know it. Dats why he so nice wif his lil ole short slurrin caintgit right self.

I tell da girls on here all da time. NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR NO MAN. I don't give a damn how nice he is to you, if you ain't feelin it leave it alone. You ain't dat hard up, especially not for dis retard.

Stop lookin. It'll come when you least expect it. You'll get tired soon enuff cuz imma tell u sumfin, when u look for shyt, u find it. Kick back for a minute and do you. He'll come when you least expect it in a way you would not even imagine.

But meanwhile, back at da ranch, put dat short bama back on da yella bus n keep it movin cuz sumfin wrong wif him.
 
Don't do it. ITA with the comment about the lack of attraction maximizing when you are annoyed with him. Happened to me last year, and I just couldn't go through with it. I felt awful for feeling that way, and I just think that's so unfair to the person. People deserve to have partners who think they are just awesome- physically and in other ways. I'd be a fraud for pretending to feel that way.
 
@starScream - ok. Lets do da math. You 5'8 and he bout 5'5 right?

*lights up a newport one hunnit and pulls out calculator*

Ok. Check dis out. Ifnyall have chirren t'getha, dat means ders a possibility that ur child may grow up to be dis tall >> -- . Prolly bout 5'3. On top of dat, he gotta speech impedement which mean if yall have chirren, da kid will need to see a speech therapist. Dat'll run you *crunches da numbas* ....dat'll run u bout a few hunnit a month, carry da 2 and it'll run u in da thousands of da course of da kids life.

Add on dat he mispronunciates words and his speech is slurred so dat ought to tell u dat da joka prolly slow, and its always dem slow bamas dat got strong genes, so now u lookin at special ed needs for da kid *crunches da numbas* and prolly some for u cuz when u start hangin round slow folks, u may start actin like them too. So now we are at 40 grand. All dat money spent cuz he was nice. Damn dat chile.....u can do betta!

Drop dat bama. He lied bout his height for one so dats a stike right der. Then, u gotta keep askin dis joka "huh...whatchu say" tryna figa out what dis retard tawkin bout errytime he open his mouth to say sumfin. Dats doin too damn much. If u can't understand him now, imagine how he gonna sound IF yall have sex. And I bet he thinks he makin sense when he talk don't he?

His DNA ain't right and he know it. Dats why he so nice wif his lil ole short slurrin caintgit right self.

I tell da girls on here all da time. NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR NO MAN. I don't give a damn how nice he is to you, if you ain't feelin it leave it alone. You ain't dat hard up, especially not for dis retard.

Stop lookin. It'll come when you least expect it. You'll get tired soon enuff cuz imma tell u sumfin, when u look for shyt, u find it. Kick back for a minute and do you. He'll come when you least expect it in a way you would not even imagine.

But meanwhile, back at da ranch, put dat short bama back on da yella bus n keep it movin cuz sumfin wrong wif him.


I do believe I've flatlined...

Not to be mean but the bolded alone would encourage me to WAIT! I just couldn't do it :nono:
 
Don't do it. ITA with the comment about the lack of attraction maximizing when you are annoyed with him. Happened to me last year, and I just couldn't go through with it. I felt awful for feeling that way, and I just think that's so unfair to the person. People deserve to have partners who think they are just awesome- physically and in other ways. I'd be a fraud for pretending to feel that way.

Oh no. I was plenty in love with him. There's nothing like an ugly guy starts feeling himself because he got you and cheats on you...LOLLL
 
that has happened to me several times and my answer is always NO but I use to try cause they were so nice. but NOPE.
 
It depends on you as a person. You know like some women aren't attracted to certain men, beyond control of that man or vice versa. But I found the older I get the less physical attraction I'm concerened about. And bessides I'm a total sapiosexual :-) but of course i need to beable lool at him
 
OP ask yourself how do you feel around him. Do you tolerate him? Do you enjoy yourself? Are you constantly thinking about his inadequacies? Does he repulse you? Does he make your heart flutter? Some things you just shouldn't have to get over! It's OK to think that Mr. Right may not come in the form you expect but I just don't think you should have to force yourself to be with someone that you don't like. You'll end up resenting him. Plus, can he even handle being with you? Guys become insecure when they are with someone that is "out of their league." Don't sell yourself short! You deserve to be with someone that you actually like and honestly, he deserves to be with someone that actually likes him as well!
 
In some cases this would be ok, but he lied in his profile. By you continuing to go out with him, you condone his lying. It may be a stretch but he could think lying to you is ok, which it isn't. I don't like dudes who lie period, but straight off the bat is a dealbreaker. You met with him based on info he provided in that profile and he chose you the same way. I bet if you showed up and weren't what you described in your profile he would have bounced. His inability to articulate words or thoughts makes him sound mentally delayed. Do you really want someone like that representing you when you are out and about in your social circles? I wouldn't. You can do better, girl. Don't let fear dictate your choices or ultimately what you accept. Just my .02...
 
Is he inarticulat because he's slow, uneductated, has a weird accent or what?

If it's because he's uneducated...well... no education is a dealbreaker for me. In any case, how far can someone get in life talking like that? Does he have a well paying job? I doubt it.

Niceness aside, let's be practical. Unless you're looking for short term fun then maybe you should just pass this one up.
 
There are a few things I do not like about him. For one I'm almost 5'8 and he is like 5'5 but put in his profile he was 5'9. (He answered my profile btw). Second, he is so inarticulate that I find myself constantly asking him to repeat himself. I find it annoying as hayle. I just don't know what to do with this one. He treats me nice and is very attentive but I don't want to be so shallow. There are too many jerks out there to let a good one go.

I'm sorry, but these two things would be deal breakers for me. Plus he lied! I dunno girl...:ohwell:
 
Absolutely not. I'm one shallow beotch.

ETA: Did that once and got cheated on. After that, I told myself to not settle for someone that I'm not that attracted to simply because they're nice because I'll be damned to be screwed over by someone who isn't even that attractive!!
 
I can't imagine forcing myself to like anyone unless I simply felt like I had no choice. Perhaps if I were very poor and uneducated and needed someone to take care of me. Perhaps if I were very old and very lonely and no one close to what I wanted looked my way like ever. But I can't imagine being young and gainfully employed and settling like this. Short and inarticulate are dealbreakers in my book. But if he's as sweet as you say, perhaps you can overlook his shortcomings? IDK but sounds like you are settling and will regret it.
 
i wish you luck girl! attraction doesn't have to be just about looks. but if those are two big dealbreakers for you, i would just cut that relationship off. i don't know if you stated how long you have been dating this guy.
 
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