C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Love

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

I added a poll!
I tried to include the dynamics of every kind of acceptable partnership
of MARRIAGE..
and NOT including problematic marriages
and NOT dating...dating is different

this is TILL DEATH DO YOU PART


How far are you willing to compromise or ..not at all


these are choices that by and large.. state you can get married
and baseline.....the husband does not cheat..is not an addict, no excessive troubling behaviors
no anger issues ...just a regular joe
unless you have the other options in mind


so with that as premise... here is the level of expectation and relating
you can choose from

what do you realistically think are your options
and are they good enough to be blissful?
and if not.....
do you care
would you marry anyway... given the opportunity

is it ENOUGH JUST to be....Married?

Personally I feel like if that were my case.. I would
have {re}married long ago or even right now...
I do believe in marriage... I still want it
only.... if it is what I voted for
anonymous poll,btw

I voted for HAVING IT ALL


the dynamics I listed.. I have witnessed in marriages

the range
to where one has little expectation but to marry as best they can
to high expectation of setting the bar to having everything!

WHAT PROMPTS A WOMAN TO SAY I DO FOREVER

 

[TayMac]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

As of this moment I do not wish to be united with my twin flame/ twin soul. Luckily from what I've read the chances of being united with him are slim. And if you are at different places in your spiritual journey or the circumstances aren't correct, it will be a bittersweet reunion. If I am to unite with my twin flame and fulfill our purpose together, it will be in His time.

Overrall I just feel that my spiritual energy knows what bests for me and what I can handle and when it comes to marriage... I will get what I need and desire. I think that can come as a true soulmate for me.

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo


where are the...... I WANT IT ALL OR NOTHING.... ladies?
and

where are the HAVING IT ALL IS NOT REALISTIC AND OVERRATED AS AN IDEA ...ladies?

never married or marrieds..or marrieds before
please do weigh in w/your experience
and of course please vote in the anon poll
results thus far,quite interesting

 

[tiara76]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

As of this moment I do not wish to be united with my twin flame/ twin soul. Luckily from what I've read the chances of being united with him are slim. And if you are at different places in your spiritual journey or the circumstances aren't correct, it will be a bittersweet reunion. If I am to unite with my twin flame and fulfill our purpose together, it will be in His time.

Overrall I just feel that my spiritual energy knows what bests for me and what I can handle and when it comes to marriage... I will get what I need and desire. I think that can come as a true soulmate for me.

great answer

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

As of this moment I do not wish to be united with my twin flame/ twin soul. Luckily from what I've read the chances of being united with him are slim. And if you are at different places in your spiritual journey or the circumstances aren't correct, it will be a bittersweet reunion. If I am to unite with my twin flame and fulfill our purpose together, it will be in His time.

so true! Divine Timing..I look for God's Hand in everything but love is pararmount

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

my story of my soulmate/flame...I posted it before when I first joined


The man I thought I was going to marry broke up with me and it was traumatic for me. I prayed about it for days and nights and fasted and did a private prayer ritual .


One Friday, six weeks after the breakup,after the prayer vigil,

I usually had a music class I taught for an half hour at 10:30 am,finished, got on the subway and was home by 11:30am..every Friday same routine.

One Friday I was so depressed I went shopping instead of going home right away
and got on the subway at 1pm..but I was stopped..a woman stepped in front of me and blocked my way..

I thought she was in trouble and I said miss do you need help and she said no are you a musician..(I had a guitar on my back) and I said yes

she said I am too,...we chatted and I said let's exchange emails...she took out a CD and said I can't give this away it's my last one...

I looked at the name on it ..an unusual name... but I could phonetically spell it out in my head and it sounded strangely like the name of my ex's ex-girlfriend who he'd dated years ago ( his ex was from the islands) ..I remembered the name because I used to make fun of it......but I'd never seen it written down...

I was thinking that this could not possibly be the same person when the woman said I am only here for a few weeks ...I just came here from my country and she named an island! ....

I HAD to ask... do you happen to know know SO and SO and I named my ex

She said OH! Yeah I know him!!!
I've got to call him ..how's he doing???

Isaid He just broke with me
she was like .....ohhhhhhh girl
lemme TELL you~~~

If I had not changed my routine just that once
but even so... I still would walked right by her....
but my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend...... out of all the millions of women in the city... stopped ME ..she blocked my way..

Long story short because of that he and I DID get back together for few more months ..he came that weekend....on Sunday...

I went to go the store to get snacks to have ready before he came.... and at the back entrance of my apt building was a car parked with word luvbug on the license plate..

I stopped ..shocked ..it was parked directly in front of the back entrance door to my building ...

that name luvbug....was my boyfriend's special name for me...he had a whole routine about it ...he'd ask who's a love bug??
and then he'd point his finger like ten times...at me..
I have never seen that car again since..it was only there the first night he came back......

the next morning on April 22... My picture book had its official public launch date that it would be in public bookstores venues,with media reviews ..everything and there he was.... miraculously...that morning.... six weeks after that horrible break-up....he was there to hold me and congratulate me..he was there THAT morning ....

that same weekend his ex ..stopped me in the subway....
he bought me tulips to congratulate..


Every so often I google him
he's showing his academy award nominated film at small venues
and I am glad he still working in this

I have not loved anyone like this since
I wonder if I ever will...
I pray about it
for a long time I REFUSED to date but my therapist INSISTED I stop pining
for this guy and date
I have it's fun and my friends are likre you've got great men dating you
why NOT get serious with one of the steady men who adore you

I'm not holding out for my ex, though I pray about it
but I know what incredible love is like and if I am to live with
you day in and day out....FOREVER...you MUST be spectacular in every way
as my ex was...even tho,he had his stuff

physical intimacy was mindblowing and healing and tender..he's like 6'4
and I felt so protected and adored ..he'd just stare at me
and say such an incredible beautoy
or you have INCREDIBLE EYES and I btw i do not!
they are ordinary brown eyes
and I spose I can be as attractive as the next
but to him ..I was larger than any of my own limited thoughts of my self

to me that IS true love
when the beloved becomes more of who she or he is
...by the power of that love

one of my favorite stories about him was that he LOVED anything I wrote
it is was ALWAYS brilliant in his mind...

if I played my guitar and sang an original song I'd just written and needed feedback
for him ..his eyes would be shining and he'd dance to it!
he always said we Adam and Eve

I still have this image of this gorgeous 6'4 man dancing nude in my bathroom
in silence
to his own music... eyes closed... lost in bliss
he'd just started a spontaneous dance...

I could watched him for the rest of my life doing that

once I read a poem that I thought was dreadful
but forgot to tell him it was not from
me ..after I read it
I turned to him to poke fun of it and he preempted me with
OHHHHHHHHHHH How beautiful
ONLY because he thought I wrote it
I dint have the heart to say ..
it wasn't mine....lol

 

[tiara76]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

how long ago was it...^^^

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

2004 was the last time I saw him but we were briefly in contact two years ago
he wrote me a rec for an art colony...at my request

Maybe a year or so after 2004....

I was JUST getting over him a little and I was meeting a girlfriend for brunch
I just prayed that morning thank you God for letting me feel a little better today
and prayed not to let me see him again

we started to walk to the west village where we always go
and I said to her let's go to the East Village..I dont want to run into my ex
as I know he has a new relationship in the west..
it was on a Sunday
he had a child who he had usually on the wekends
and he lived in another borough...anyways
so there was no reason to think that but I was being OVER cautious
well
we barely cross the border onto St Marks Place but who is there
practically blocking the whole street with his long tall self
WITH his son perusing.. an outdoor vendor hawking used books ..the ex's passion
I almost vomited.......by the time I had verified it was REALLY him..
we had to PASS him.... we were on the same side of the street..
He looked directly at me and tried ot call his son over
my gf knew nothing ...but I said to keep walking FAST
dont stop dont look

SAFE...three blocks away I sat down on the sidewalk
right on the ground and wept

 

[MissYocairis]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

Why do you think the two of you have not been able to make it work in a relationship Kayte?

 

[tiara76]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

so do you still not want to see him....???

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

Why do you think the two of you have not been able to make it work in a relationship Kayte?

I know a LOT of it...had to do with timing..
this relationship caught me completely
by surprise...I met him in an art colony
Romance was the LAST thing on my mind
all I cared about was my novel

& he was the one saying I love you
first..almost from the very beginning

it did not help that he was dealing with stuff that had NOTHING to do
with me....but completely affected...us ..and he was conflicted
for many reasons and at that time so was I.
money was also an issue

so do you still not want to see him....???

Yes..I do... but that's in God's hands
I've released him to God
I have Never stopped loving him
but am open to MARRYING
someone ELSE but only... if better
so...I am not opposed to a different man..hence
my very active dating life...no one has measured up
as of yet
to MARRY

A dear friend of mine ..
once said about my ex I AM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HIM
she said you are a writer....why don't you be more like..
she thought for a moment
why dont you be more like Susan Sontag
I nearly fell off my chair
who did you say
she said Susan Sontag

I said my ex thought Sontag was very cool
and also though in younger days she was HOT
he then told me I looked like her...HOT
and I said
dude she's a white jewish woman
we look NOTHIN alike

he got her picture off his wall
pur a mirror next to me and her picture to compare and said
and said see

when I told my friend..who said stop thnking about him
and be more like ..well like someone he said I WAS more like
She could have picked ANY writer in the world..but she picked
the very person and it was about be more like ...
to forget him
when.it just made me...point him out
as he said I was ALready more like.. the exact same person

we didnt say anything for a lil bit
the coincidence was too weird

and they NEVER STOP...
the coincidences around this man
*shrug*

 

[MissYocairis]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

^^^^^^^Girl, that has to be driving you MAD! Wow. Have you ever sought a reading from someone who could get in touch with your spirit guides? Just wondering what they want you to do with all of this!

and they NEVER STOP...
the coincidences around this man
*shrug*

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

Girl, that has to be driving you MAD

For a while it REALLY did... it totally MESSED with my head
I thought..I was going crazy...I went to priest after pastor
after spiritual leader...begging them to help me
what was this ...revlolving door of coincindences all around
this man
nobody had an answer.nobody could help me
Except to say move on ...that ultimately was the best advice

when we passed him on the street so close I could have touched his sleeve
after I finished crying and explained to my bewildered friend
friend was like

I CANT BLEELIVE IT
YOu WENT......... OUT OF YOUR WAY...... TO NOT SEE HIM
she was as SHOCKED as could be

One day I was fantasizing { in a joking way} about having children with him
I thought they be twins and I'd name them Zion and Zane
It was on a Saturday...I was taking a walk
and was going to sit at the East River to meditate and as I was thinking about this
these fantasy twins ....and their names.....as I walked a truck passed
with the word in huge red Letters HYBRID
I stopped...
because him being white and me being black
twins with him..
I thought would'nt that mean..hybrid?

but I was not sure that's what it meant
so I turned right around went home to get to a dictionary
stopped my meditation walk and went straight home
to look up the word hybrid
I felt so compelled

well as I was opening the dictionary it gave kind of a "jump" and my finger grabbed
and bookmarked that page because it was so unusual..that "hop"
I wanted to come back to it
but intent on looking up hybrid
I found

description....an off spring of genetically differing parents

I almost dropped the book but remembered to look where my finger was bookmarked
to where the book had *jumped*
It had gone to Towns in the USA

my finger was on the Zs
I gave a scream

my finger was on Zanesville Ohio
and right under it?
Zion,Illinois
I had chills...cried out to God

but now ....
No... I'm pretty cynical I dont think any of it means jack
except it underscores what was an explosive connection is all

As a Chrisitian the only reading for me
are from the Bible ..I dont visit mediums or the like

I'm blessed with being intuitive..it's a gifr of the Spirit
and it comes through in most of my relationships
but this was the most powerful manifestation of the energy
I could always FEELwhen he was thinking of me ...especially sensually
my body had its own barometer..I could be teaching a class and SUDDENLY
that feeling would take over
*shrug*

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

Tiara..what are thoughts about your soulmate flames?
Are you feeling like it is going to work out for you two?

And anyone experience this too ..overwhelming signs
and it ACTUALLY turned out
in an awesome marriage..commitment?

 

[tiara76]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

Tiara..what are thoughts about your soulmate flames?
Are you feeling like it is going to work out for you two?

And anyone experience this too ..overwhelming signs
and it ACTUALLY turned out
in an awesome marriage..commitment?

I have read up on things like that for awhile and like i said before it wasn't anything i was particularly sold on yet not something I would write off...

I used to think maybe I was just afraid of commitment maybe thats why I wasn't so hyped on marriage or even relationships, I've had some really good ones but anytime thoughts of long term or anything came up I was like...I just don't see it....I don't think I can just be with one person for the rest of my life....and to even attempt to act like I could would be lying to myself and to the other person....

I have experienced all different sorts of relationships...and none of them were "it"....I have ran across so many men who are "perfect", not just on paper but on emotional, mental, spiritual levels as well, they just weren't perfect for "me", or they were up until they weren't, I don't have any nightmare heartbreak stories or relationships that caused me to have trust and love issues...I do beleive relationships are about growing and I was growing really fast and outgrowing people so they were great for the time I was with them....even with my ex I really wanted him to be the 'one"...maybe I would just try to make it happen and I was always advised not to by my intuition, we both got what we needed to get for our own journeys out of our union...Up until 3 months ago I was still all for polyamorous relationships....give me a couple boyfriends who knew about each other and were cool with it and I would be good


When I ran across him it was like my heart went ding ding ding....there he is.....during this time I kept meeting men who were just all about me...wanted to give me the world to be with them and it generates feel good emotions but none of that ever generated the deeper feelings of true heart connection that i instantly felt with this guy....

we are a society good for constructing what love looks like and feels like based on emotions that come and go and specific actions of others and try to "make" that be what its all about and even when you get everything you constructed is love....you just may not have that real feeling of love and in essence the security we try to create with love still makes us insecure

This feeling i have with him makes me feel so secure that even if i never speak to him again there is no doubt that this is what it feels like...no doubt that he doesn't feel it and he doesn't have to say, do or act like anything for me to be convinced....its not a desperate feeling i don;t feel like i have to do anything but trust and live life and love will fall into place when its supposed to...I understand whats going on with him and all i want is love and peace of mind for him

alot of us are very fearful in love and we need promises, commitments, obligations, contracts, constant attention, constant validation to try to feel as secure as possible in hope we won't "lose" it...thats not the feeling real love will give you

this is what it feels like to be faithful in love

faith means allowing the soul to go where the eyes can't see and trust that what you feel is true even if you can't see it yet, even if you don't have something "secure' to hold onto....i trust in this love even without him acting a certain way and pulling away from me... because i feel him regardless....I don't need to do anything to make him see it or feel it...he does and i know this...i just let him be and my heart feels at peace still

Love doesn't need to be proven

just needs to be felt and this feeling is magnificent

and if this isn't "it" and he isn't the "one"

then Im very very very close to finding him and I am very very open to 'him' as well

 

[tiara76]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

what is so ironic is my ex would always tell me what type of guy i would end up with and that I would leave him for this "guy" and if I had of pursued and tried to convince my ex we should be together he would of been right because as soon as i ran across this new guy i would be drawn to him and he is exactly the type of guy my ex described

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

we are a society good for constructing what love looks like and feels like based on emotions that come and go and specific actions of others and try to "make" that be what its all about and even when you get everything you constructed is love....you just may not have that real feeling of love and in essence the security we try to create with love still makes us insecure

I'm actually uninterested in society's standards..
my own are much more meaningful
It's why I have not married again
*shrug*
dating endlessly is not my goal
tho it works for now......

I am my happiest and alive in deeply loving
passionate mutually satisfying in every way
monogamous relationship..that is focused solely on
loving me as especial
that's for me..Kayte
not society
at THIS stage of my life if it were with the ONE

...i just let him be and my heart feels at peace still

is it more theoretical with you and your man at this point
I understand what you are outlining with him
about not having to do anything
to me that translates as unconditional love
when it just IS and nothing HAS to be done about it
no quid pro quo...nothing

he's taking some space right now?
sounds like he is the kind of love you'd
hold out for in a exclusive relationship
or no?

I mean I get what you are saying
I've been there,,
I call it DIVINE ACCEPTANCE
or surrender......
but in literal space that can be lonely when he is ultimately
not there..even if pyschically he occupies a heart space

anyone else?
Curious....
on my blog a couple of people said they were
not willing to have less than the One

 

[aribell]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

This has been a very interesting read. In addition to what Smuckie Slick said about being able to have what you are able to envision, I would say that people usually get no more than what they hold out for. A lot of people can't or won't envision a love like this, and so when something less than that comes along that is still good, they take it and are satisfied. Others hold out for something more.

No one can say whether such a love will definitely come along. But you do have to live in accordance with your true desires. Even if a certain relationship would blow the socks off of someone else, if it ultimately won't fulfill you, well, it should probably be let go. Sometimes we change though, and what seemed so important today might not seem as important tomorrow. I try to focus not on whether my desire is realistic or likely, but rather whether the desire is actually a good one, and whether the values reflected in those desires will add to where I want to go in life wholistically. If the answer is "yes," then I say to dream with reckless abandon.

Personally, I haven't decided yet whether a soulmate/twin flame type intensity is central to my overall life goal/direction, or whether I could be just as happy with less than that. But I can say that once you have felt something for someone at such a deep intensity, it is very difficult to settle for less than that down the road. For that reason, I feel like I'm holding out by default.

 

[tiara76]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

I'm actually uninterested in society's standards..
my own are much more meaningful
It's why I have not married again
*shrug*

is it more theoretical with you and your man at this point
I understand what you are outlining with him
about not having to do anything
to me that translates as unconditional love
when it just IS and nothing HAS to be done about it
no quid pro quo...nothing

he's taking some space right now?
sounds like he is the kind of love you'd
hold out for in a exclusive relationship
or no?

I mean I get what you are saying
I've been there,,
I call it DIVINE ACCEPTANCE
or surrender......
but in literal space that can be lonely when he is ultimately
not there..even if pyschically he occupies a heart space

anyone else?
Curious....
on my blog a couple of people said they were
not willing to have less than the One

i agree with the bolded especially

with him this relationship has already went thru I believe a karmic phase for me and I thought it may have been over since I got so much out of it early on esp for myself and on unconditional love, I keep feeling like its not over and told its not over and that if this guy is going to be him then he is going to have to be in the right place with himself for it to go to higher heights and I understand that completely...

but its not necessarily I am holding out for him specifically....i will be open in the meanwhile, but now I know what the feeling is that I haven't had with anybody else.....its like I didn't know what it was all these years, at the same time I knew what it wasn't....so now that I know what the feeling is that is what I will hold out on....if its not him it will be somebody better where the feeling is like this or even higher....I can't imagine going backwards for less

I am going to see him this weekend where he lives and at this point I am just looking forward to spending a couple of days with him and enjoying them

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

agree with the bolded especially

with him this relationship has already went thru I believe a karmic phase for me and I thought it may have been over since I got so much out of it early on esp for myself and on unconditional love, I keep feeling like its not over and told its not over and that if this guy is going to be him then he is going to have to be in the right place with himself for it to go to higher heights and I understand that completely...

but its not necessarily I am holding out for him specifically....i will be open in the meanwhile, but now I know what the feeling is that I haven't had with anybody else.....its like I didn't know what it was all these years, at the same time I knew what it wasn't....so now that I know what the feeling is that is what I will hold out on....if its not him it will be somebody better where the feeling is like this or even higher....I can't imagine going backwards for less

I am going to see him this weekend where he lives and at this point I am just looking forward to spending a couple of days with him and enjoying them

this is so beautifully stated and it is alignment with what I feel...
it's the feeling...once you've had it ...
him or better ..that's how I feel too only I think you have a
much more evolved acceptance and surrender
I truly admire that
I'm glad you are seeing him~~
and you are real about him doing work on himself
and allowing the space for that..yet beng open
all of that's good strong ego-less love..
you sound very healthy and blessd with it all
keep us posted

 

[kayte]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

This has been a very interesting read. In addition to what Smuckie Slick said about being able to have what you are able to envision, I would say that people usually get no more than what they hold out for. A lot of people can't or won't envision a love like this, and so when something less than that comes along that is still good, they take it and are satisfied. Others hold out for something more.

No one can say whether such a love will definitely come along. But you do have to live in accordance with your true desires. Even if a certain relationship would blow the socks off of someone else, if it ultimately won't fulfill you, well, it should probably be let go. Sometimes we change though, and what seemed so important today might not seem as important tomorrow. I try to focus not on whether my desire is realistic or likely, but rather whether the desire is actually a good one, and whether the values reflected in those desires will add to where I want to go in life wholistically. If the answer is "yes," then I say to dream with reckless abandon.

Personally, I haven't decided yet whether a soulmate/twin flame type intensity is central to my overall life goal/direction, or whether I could be just as happy with less than that.

But I can say that once you have felt something for someone at such a deep intensity, it is very difficult to settle for less than that down the road. For that reason, I feel like I'm holding out by default.

I have to say I love this..wholeheartedly feel on all marked passages
You said it so well...I'm glad I'm not alone in these feelings..
I'm shocked at myself ...haven't I been wanting marriage? and here's a real possiblity?
and the underlined is less a question for me
but more confilct...

 

[tiara76]

Re: C word & the Single Girl..Holding Out Commitment for Wild,Incredible,Enchanted,Lo

this is so beautifully stated and it is alignment with what I feel...
it's the feeling...once you've had it ...
him or better ..that's how I feel too only I think you have a
much more evolved acceptance and surrender
I truly admire that
I'm glad you are seeing him~~
and you are real about him doing work on himself
and allowing the space for that..yet beng open
all of that's good strong ego-less love..
you sound very healthy and blessd with it all
keep us posted

Thank you
I am faithful and trusting in love
thats my mantra any anytime it seems as if my mind wants to slip into a fearful state , I just remind myself....

I am faithful and trusting in love

it will unfold beautifully one way or the other with my intentions on the feeling I have been opened up to