BUT OPRAH SAID - THIS IS A RANT

[diamondlady]

Talking to some (white) ladies at a dinner party and the subject of "hair" came up. I thought "Oh my God, this is going to be ONE of THOSE discussions". They started getting these sympathetic looks and they started talking about little girls with bleeding heads from braids. I started looking around trying to get out of the conversation, talk to someone else, because I knew they were going to upset me with their ignorance.

I wasn't saying much, hoping that this conversation would go away if I didn't participate. Then they started talking about the Afro and the 70s. Then one lady said, "I guess those are coming back and that would make things a lot easier for you, since you wear your hair straight" I gave her a blank stare and then it came, she said, "You won't have to spend hours and hours on your hair to get that straight look". I told her I don't spend hours and hours on my hair getting it staight. She then said "what the shortest amount of time it would take you to do your hair" I told her, "If I'm in a hurry, about 40 minutes from wash to walk"
She looked shocked and said, "BUT OPRAH SAID IT TAKES YALL HOURS TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE."

I said "Did Oprah tell you that all Black people don't have the same hair texture" Every one of those ladies looked at me like I was an alien. "You don't" I said "Of course not. Think of all the women in your family, do they all have the same hair texture and color" She said no. I then said "So if all your relatives don't have the same hair texture and they are related, why would a whole race of people have the same hair texture and they are not all related to each other."

I tried to get out of this early because I could see where it was going and I hate these conversation with old, ignore white people"

 

[clever]

Well I guess they learned something new that night,huh?I am proud of you. You handled that VERY well.

 

[PinkSkates]

I applaud your response!!! I hate ignorance!

 

[sikora]

Well I guess they learned something new that night,huh?I am proud of you. You handled that VERY well.

Yup she did. Thank you diamondlady

 

[SqrpioQutie]

awesome response!!!... mine wouldn't have been as eloquent... i should take notes...

 

[ChocoLatte]

diamondlady, you did us proud with that come back !! I'll have to remember that one!!

 

[lovelymissyoli]

You handled that situation very well! I'm pretty sure you put them in their place without having to get ignorant.

A little OT: But I can't stand when people make celebrities the spokesperson for black people all around the world.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I'm probably gonna be stoned by this, but I wouldn't have taken this as a slam. If our own race is not educated about black hair care, how is some other race going to know? These ladies probably think Oprah knows everything. Maybe it takes HER that long to do her hair because she can afford to spend the $$$.

 

[Dove56]

Talking to some (white) ladies at a dinner party and the subject of "hair" came up. I thought "Oh my God, this is going to be ONE of THOSE discussions". They started getting these sympathetic looks and they started talking about little girls with bleeding heads from braids. I started looking around trying to get out of the conversation, talk to someone else, because I knew they were going to upset me with their ignorance.

I wasn't saying much, hoping that this conversation would go away if I didn't participate. Then they started talking about the Afro and the 70s. Then one lady said, "I guess those are coming back and that would make things a lot easier for you, since you wear your hair straight" I gave her a blank stare and then it came, she said, "You won't have to spend hours and hours on your hair to get that straight look". I told her I don't spend hours and hours on my hair getting it staight. She then said "what the shortest amount of time it would take you to do your hair" I told her, "If I'm in a hurry, about 40 minutes from wash to walk"
She looked shocked and said, "BUT OPRAH SAID IT TAKES YALL HOURS TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE."

I said "Did Oprah tell you that all Black people don't have the same hair texture" Every one of those ladies looked at me like I was an alien. "You don't" I said "Of course not. Think of all the women in your family, do they all have the same hair texture and color" She said no. I then said "So if all your relatives don't have the same hair texture and they are related, why would a whole race of people have the same hair texture and they are not all related to each other."

I tried to get out of this early because I could see where it was going and I hate these conversation with old, ignore white people"

Great response! I love Oprah, but I hate when she says things like that because she doesn't elaborate. She said something foolish about how long it takes black women to grow hair. I thought why in the heck did she say that? She knows those white women listen to her like she is Jesus!

 

[nappity]

Guuurlll
I just moved to Texas from NYC and wouldn't you know that I had a very similar conversation with some ignant ass women. I swore it was me . Thanks for confirming that "ignance "is still alive and well in Texas. Would you believe one of my former co-workers invited herself to touch my crown!!!. I swear if I stay around here any longer Imma have to by a 12 gauge

 

[PaperClip]

I'm probably gonna be stoned by this, but I wouldn't have taken this as a slam. If our own race is not educated about black hair care, how is some other race going to know? These ladies probably think Oprah knows everything. Maybe it takes HER that long to do her hair because she can afford to spend the $$$.

Yes.... I must be reading things differently. Is the offense is that their point of reference was informed by what Oprah said and so you're made at O for MISinforming them? Or is that they ambitiously attempted to be conversational with regard to your hair care regimen?

Two quick tips:

1. You'll have many more peaceful days when you stop expecting (White) folk to be informed on various topics beyond their white privilege, including anything about ethnic hair.

2. You could have made this a TEACHABLE MOMENT and kindly inform them that the Black hair diaspora is not monolithic, and that we are SO BLESSED to be able to have variety in our hairstyles, which does not seem to be so feasible for those with "your" kind of hair (if you absolutely had to be "nice nasty").

And I don't know what kind of dinner party this was, but sometimes you gotta know how to pick your battles.

 

[Nonie]

You're all so funny.

Good answer, Diamondlady. But like DDtexlaxd, I am never surprised that they know so little about our hair. And since I love to share what I know - can't you tell? - you should see my excitement when a white person asks something about my hair.

I remember the day I washed my hair in twists and undid it before it dried, then added SCurl and patted it down so much so that my then shoulder-length hair was about an inch high. One of my coworkers asked if I cut my hair. I pulled out a few strands ruining my cute TWA to demonstrate the texture and how it curls down on itself if left to do its thang, explaining that that was the reason many people think our hair doesn't grow long when it's just shrunken.

Her response as I started the lesson by pulling out a few strands almost made me forget what I was going to say: "OMG! How do you get it to hide like that?"

I personally found her fascination cute and childlike. The way she was wide-eyed and glued to my hair as I spoke, you'd think I was doing magic!

 

[Saida]

Loved your respons

 

[SqrpioQutie]

Yes.... I must be reading things differently. Is the offense is that their point of reference was informed by what Oprah said and so you're made at O for MISinforming them? Or is that they ambitiously attempted to be conversational with regard to your hair care regimen?
Two quick tips:

1. You'll have many more peaceful days when you stop expecting (White) folk to be informed on various topics beyond their white privilege, including anything about ethnic hair.

2. You could have made this a TEACHABLE MOMENT and kindly inform them that the Black hair diaspora is not monolithic, and that we are SO BLESSED to be able to have variety in our hairstyles, which does not seem to be so feasible for those with "your" kind of hair (if you absolutely had to be "nice nasty").

And I don't know what kind of dinner party this was, but sometimes you gotta know how to pick your battles.

the way that i see it, the offense is in the fact that it's an ignorant statement period... to take what one person says as the representation for an entire race is not something expected of rational people...

sure, they may not have meant any harm in it, but that doesn't make the comment any less stupid... and i think the OP did "teach" a lil bit... when she let them know that they were wrong...

 

[localhost]

Well I guess they learned something new that night,huh?I am proud of you. You handled that VERY well.

ITA, you handled that very well

 

[♦K.O♦]

Great response!

I hate Oprah for all of the hair BS she puts out there. One of my really good friends (white) and I were discussing hair. We tend to discuss hair often, as I often give her tips on what to do to her hair (I've even colored it for her once). ANYWAY, I mentioned not being able to decide on a haircolor for myself and she brought up the episode of Oprah where the black woman's hair fell out from all of the chemicals, and how the lady and oprah said black people cant do X,Y,Z. Now, my girl wasnt bringing up Oprah as an authority, she was kinda bringing it up to get my opinion. And I let her know how much I despise Oprah for making herself a spokesperson and misinforming America on black hurr.

 

[PaperClip]

the way that i see it, the offense is in the fact that it's an ignorant statement period... to take what one person says as the representation for an entire race is not something expected of rational people...

sure, they may not have meant any harm in it, but that doesn't make the comment any less stupid... and i think the OP did "teach" a lil bit... when she let them know that they were wrong...

Hmmm.... the people's remarks were certainly MISinformed, or ILL-informed....

I suppose for me is to decide what's more important: to raise their consciousness that 1) Oprah is not the (designated) spokesperson for all Black folk; 2) that all Black people and Black hair are not the same; or 3) to raise their consciousness about Black hair care.... Or a bit of everything...in moderation.

When one teaches, it is not ONLY for correction, but to show them a better way. Only a (small) portion of teaching took place here.

Also, tone goes a LOOOONNNNNNG WAY....

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

For a lot of black folx it DOES take hours and hours to get your hair done. ESPECIALLY if you go to "beauticians" who don't know how to book appt's worth a damn, or do hair the way they are supposed to. For me to straighten my hair it does take about an hour and a half, and this doesn't include the washing,conditioning, blowdrying, etc.

So, I can see where they are coming from I guess. I don't approve of their all or nothing stance but to a degree they are correct. But I don't like it when folx make assumptions so I can see where you were coming from too.

 

[Lilith's Lioness]

Great response! I love Oprah, but I hate when she says things like that because she doesn't elaborate. She said something foolish about how long it takes black women to grow hair. I thought why in the heck did she say that? She knows those white women listen to her like she is Jesus!

Sad, but it's not just the pickled pig-parts that act like she's the second coming. My mother tosses off Oprahisms like Bible verses, and let's not talk about her Oprah-inspired PJism People need to stop looking to celebrities like they have all the answers. And to the OP-very well done! I don't think I could've been so calm and classy in the face of such ignorance.

 

[krissynick]

I do agree, oprah thinks her white audience understands what she says sometimes and they dont.. either that or when she jokingly od's on something they actually take it seriously not realizing she was just exaggerating. First of all what i dont understand is how does a person with relaxed hair take hours and hours to straighten their hair. It would defeat the whole purpose of a relaxer. I mean thast just my opinion but i guess some ppl are talking bout straight straight hair.

 

[Lilith's Lioness]

Hmmm.... the people's remarks were certainly MISinformed, or ILL-informed....

I suppose for me is to decide what's more important: to raise their consciousness that 1) Oprah is not the (designated) spokesperson for all Black folk; 2) that all Black people and Black hair are not the same; or 3) to raise their consciousness about Black hair care.... Or a bit of everything...in moderation.

When one teaches, it is not ONLY for correction, but to show them a better way. Only a (small) portion of teaching took place here.

Also, tone goes a LOOOONNNNNNG WAY....

Eh...if people want to be schooled, they need to make the effort and not sit around spouting crud they heard/read and accept as the only truth/knowledge because it came from the token spokesperson of color. I feel that it's not my/our/your job to educate them. Part of the assumption of white privlege is that someone will step in and do the work (the teaching) for them, they never need to seek knowledge or understanding on their own. They need to learn a better way? Then let them go to work on unpacking those invisible knapsacks of white privlege on their own.

 

[PaperClip]

Eh...if people want to be schooled, they need to make the effort and not sit around spouting crud they heard/read and accept as the only truth/knowledge because it came from the token spokesperson of color. I feel that it's not my/our/your job to educate them. Part of the assumption of white privlege is that someone will step in and do the work (the teaching) for them, they never need to seek knowledge or understanding on their own. They need to learn a better way? Then let them go to work on unpacking those invisible knapsacks of white privlege on their own.

Well, I don't look at teaching as a job, per se.... They weren't looking for a lesson but it would have been my duty/opportunity/personal mandate to challenge their opinions and flip the script to make it a teachable moment.

Bottom line for me, this incident could have occurred with more...how shall I say... HOSPITALITY, particularly during this HOLIDAY SEASON....

 

[diamondlady]

Maybe you just had to be there to get all the vibes. Maybe it's a Texas Old White People thing

1. They were condescending, arrogant and snobbish. They acted as if they had to be sympathetic toward me because my race and the little children have to have bleeding heads from braids and you have a terrible time with your hair. (These kinds of statements and sympathetic looks are common. One of my girlfriends was told, “I’m so sorry for you, you’re such a nice person and you have to deal with that kind of hair - she got really angry)

2. Why does race always have to come up. Why can't you just go to a dinner party and have a nice time without race always coming into play.

3. I expounded on what Oprah said and they acted as if I was not telling the truth. Oprah said it so it had to be and I must be not telling the truth about my hair that it on my head and I''m with it 24-7

4. I was very nice, nonchalant and I was trying to make them think logically.

 

[Supergirl]

I wish they knew how dumb they sound to us sometimes.

When will they realize that Oprah is not the supreme representative for all black women/people?

When we they realize that we actually do like our hair?

 

[Curlee_lurker]

I'm probably gonna be stoned by this, but I wouldn't have taken this as a slam.

I agree. They may not know any black people and Oprah states it like it's the truth for every black person. How could they know any better? I don't think it's that big of a deal. But I would have used it as a teaching experience for them.

Even women on these boards have said some ridiculous things about different hair types.

And these things come up with people that aren't used to being around other races. My close white friend that spent a lot of time with her black ex's family and didn't have white friends in all of high school and beyond would never bring up something related to all black people doing anything. One of my white male friends that's only ever dated black women wouldn't ask silly questions about black women's hair. My black boyfriend however has asked strange questions about my 3a/b hair because the only women in his life prior to me were 4a/b.

 

[janeemat]

"BUT OPRAH SAID IT TAKES YALL HOURS TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE."

I agree with this statement. It does take us hours to get our hair done. Even doing it ourselves. I wash, deep cond, rollerset and then dry. That's at least 3 hrs. And don't let me pre-poo or be it relaxer time. It's a true statement. We can't just jump in the shower in the morning, wash and blow dry in 30 min like most white folk. Heck, it takes me longer since I joined the forum.

 

[MissYocairis]

Great response! I love Oprah, but I hate when she says things like that because she doesn't elaborate. She said something foolish about how long it takes black women to grow hair. I thought why in the heck did she say that? She knows those white women listen to her like she is Jesus!

She sholl does have CLEAR ladies thinking crazy concepts about Black hair! Just like that time she said she always wanted a swangin ponytail like Becky instead of "fourteen lil plaits sticking up in all directions from her head."....LHCF was UP IN ARMS when Oprah tole the audience that! We even had INFIGHTING over that one...

Diamondlady, that was a great response! Thanks for shutting them down on behalf of Black heads of hair everywhere!

 

[Wildchild453]

the way that i see it, the offense is in the fact that it's an ignorant statement period... to take what one person says as the representation for an entire race is not something expected of rational people...

sure, they may not have meant any harm in it, but that doesn't make the comment any less stupid... and i think the OP did "teach" a lil bit... when she let them know that they were wrong...

I think this statment is kinda funny, not to pick on the posters, but don't we do the same thing? What one white person thinks about ethnic hair represents all white people?

And yes I am aware alot of white people don't know about highly texture hair but.......

 

[soxie119]

Diamondlady, you handled the situation well

 

[nappity]

Maybe you just had to be there to get all the vibes. Maybe it's a Texas Old White People thing

1. They were condescending, arrogant and snobbish. They acted as if they had to be sympathetic toward me because my race and the little children have to have bleeding heads from braids and you have a terrible time with your hair. (These kinds of statements and sympathetic looks are common. One of my girlfriends was told, “I’m so sorry for you, you’re such a nice person and you have to deal with that kind of hair - she got really angry)

2. Why does race always have to come up. Why can't you just go to a dinner party and have a nice time without race always coming into play.

3. I expounded on what Oprah said and they acted as if I was not telling the truth. Oprah said it so it had to be and I must be not telling the truth about my hair that it on my head and I''m with it 24-7

4. I was very nice, nonchalant and I was trying to make them think logically.

As a recent forced transplant- I agree with you wholeheartedly. There are a bastion of the genteel southern belles in this state who believe that it is appropriate to treat and talk to a woman of color with derision. I believe that in order to teach someone something new- they must be open to learning. These statements (IMHO) are ignorant because they supposed that being black is "such a hardship" My blackness is my blessing. Yeah I'm a militant. I could not be allowed at any dinner party to spout any "cultural" quote perpetuated by the media and they had no right either. You handled this very well. When the woman tried to touch my hair in my experience i grabbed her hand and glared at her like she was my child misbehaving in church(you know that look)

Okay getting off my soap box and back to hair!!!!!!!