BUT OPRAH SAID - THIS IS A RANT

[daniemoy]

"BUT OPRAH SAID IT TAKES YALL HOURS TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE."

I agree with this statement. It does take us hours to get our hair done. Even doing it ourselves. I wash, deep cond, rollerset and then dry. That's at least 3 hrs. And don't let me pre-poo or be it relaxer time. It's a true statement. We can't just jump in the shower in the morning, wash and blow dry in 30 min like most white folk. Heck, it takes me longer since I joined the forum.

I agree with you but then again, we don't tend to where the same style like yt folks either. They rarely change their hair look. When I bun daily for protective style its like 45 minutes from wash to done. But straightening or rollerset is a different story...

 

[Kawaii1]

Well, I don't look at teaching as a job, per se.... They weren't looking for a lesson but it would have been my duty/opportunity/personal mandate to challenge their opinions and flip the script to make it a teachable moment.

Bottom line for me, this incident could have occurred with more...how shall I say... HOSPITALITY, particularly during this HOLIDAY SEASON....

I'm with you on this. We all believe some kind of stereo types about other races and I think we should take every opportunity to educate. Let's have some patience people. I understand your frustrations but how can you expect othes to know all this. Another poster stated something true, for some people all those things O said are correct. It's not O's fault that these white folks are taking it literally. Let's not hate on her because of them she is a positive, strong, female, role model and I love her for that because as black folks we don't have that many.

 

[*Muffin*]

"But Oprah Said..." That's too funny. I'm telling you, I think a lot of non-blacks think that by watching Oprah and Tyra that they are somehow knowledgeable of the black race. Hair bleeding from braids? Please, who would let someone braid their hair that tight? They try to treat black hair as if it's some alien-esque, foreign thing. It's just like any other races hair, just curlier (and I'm glad you told them that all blacks don't have the same hair type). Hair is hair. It thrives from the same basic things. Until they learn this, I forsee plenty more of these "interesting" conversations in the future.

 

[Kawaii1]

I wish they knew how dumb they sound to us sometimes.

When will they realize that Oprah is not the supreme representative for all black women/people?

When we they realize that we actually do like our hair?

Why would they think we like our hair if we are constatly straightening it to look like theirs?

Mind you these white people are just silly, foolish and probably look down on black folks but what would you think if the majority of whites were making their skin brown? It's a popular opinion that white men like skinny girls with flat butts but that is not always true. Now how ignorant does that make a lot of folks sound?

 

[SqrpioQutie]

I think this statment is kinda funny, not to pick on the posters, but don't we do the same thing? What one white person thinks about ethnic hair represents all white people?

And yes I am aware alot of white people don't know about highly texture hair but.......

personally, i don't.... when someone says something, i attribute it to that person and whoever cosigns with that thought/idea... now i have seen some things picked up and run with as attibutions to the whole race, but i don't think it's the norm by any means...

 

[CurleeDST]

I agree with you 200%!

Yes.... I must be reading things differently. Is the offense is that their point of reference was informed by what Oprah said and so you're made at O for MISinforming them? Or is that they ambitiously attempted to be conversational with regard to your hair care regimen?

Two quick tips:

1. You'll have many more peaceful days when you stop expecting (White) folk to be informed on various topics beyond their white privilege, including anything about ethnic hair.

2. You could have made this a TEACHABLE MOMENT and kindly inform them that the Black hair diaspora is not monolithic, and that we are SO BLESSED to be able to have variety in our hairstyles, which does not seem to be so feasible for those with "your" kind of hair (if you absolutely had to be "nice nasty").

And I don't know what kind of dinner party this was, but sometimes you gotta know how to pick your battles.

 

[CurleeDST]

It's all about delivery. If the OP came across as another ANGRY BLACK WOMAN - they may not have learned anything at all other than - "boy those people get angry quick".

the way that i see it, the offense is in the fact that it's an ignorant statement period... to take what one person says as the representation for an entire race is not something expected of rational people...

sure, they may not have meant any harm in it, but that doesn't make the comment any less stupid... and i think the OP did "teach" a lil bit... when she let them know that they were wrong...

 

[CurleeDST]

I know when I used to relax it was to wear relaxed styles, not to have my hair done in 5 minutes.

I do agree, oprah thinks her white audience understands what she says sometimes and they dont.. either that or when she jokingly od's on something they actually take it seriously not realizing she was just exaggerating. First of all what i dont understand is how does a person with relaxed hair take hours and hours to straighten their hair. It would defeat the whole purpose of a relaxer. I mean thast just my opinion but i guess some ppl are talking bout straight straight hair.

 

[Miss*Tress]

"BUT OPRAH SAID IT TAKES YALL HOURS TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE."

Oprah made a gross generalization when (if) she said that.

When my hair was chin length and relaxed, it used to take me one hour to wash, condition, roller set, and dry.

WnGs take about me 15 minutes tops, and most of that time is spent de-tangling.

Even going to a salon, when I track the time the stylist spends washing, conditioning and styling my hair, it is never more than 2 hours. Needless to say, I spend 2 additional hours waiting...and waiting...and waiting some more.

Actually, it takes everyone - Indian, European, African - hours to do treatments, wash, and style their hair. I bet those Texas belles at the dinner party spend a few hours at the salon every month getting their hair dyed and every week to get flat-ironed.

 

[isobell]

Talking to some (white) ladies at a dinner party and the subject of "hair" came up. I thought "Oh my God, this is going to be ONE of THOSE discussions". They started getting these sympathetic looks and they started talking about little girls with bleeding heads from braids. I started looking around trying to get out of the conversation, talk to someone else, because I knew they were going to upset me with their ignorance.

I wasn't saying much, hoping that this conversation would go away if I didn't participate. Then they started talking about the Afro and the 70s. Then one lady said, "I guess those are coming back and that would make things a lot easier for you, since you wear your hair straight" I gave her a blank stare and then it came, she said, "You won't have to spend hours and hours on your hair to get that straight look". I told her I don't spend hours and hours on my hair getting it staight. She then said "what the shortest amount of time it would take you to do your hair" I told her, "If I'm in a hurry, about 40 minutes from wash to walk"
She looked shocked and said, "BUT OPRAH SAID IT TAKES YALL HOURS TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE."

I said "Did Oprah tell you that all Black people don't have the same hair texture" Every one of those ladies looked at me like I was an alien. "You don't" I said "Of course not. Think of all the women in your family, do they all have the same hair texture and color" She said no. I then said "So if all your relatives don't have the same hair texture and they are related, why would a whole race of people have the same hair texture and they are not all related to each other."

I tried to get out of this early because I could see where it was going and I hate these conversation with old, ignore white people"

that's funny, most of the women of other races that i've lived with had to get up extra early to wash, condition and blowdry/style their hair every morning.

I think you handled it pretty well by using their family as an example, what a paradigm shift it must have been for them learning that genetic variation exist within black people just like with them!

No one can be expected to be informed on all the details of another race's experience on this earth but just because a person is uninformed does not justify a complete lack of reasoning or common sense on their part. I don't care who tells me anything, if it sounds like hogwash I make the effort to find out the truth.

 

[shawniegee]

See this is why I hate when Oprah and Tyra make generalized comments like this. Great comeback though.

 

[tbaby_8]

I agree with everyone. No, we cannot expect one race to no everything about another race, but before they open their mouth to make a statement, they may want to try and find out some information before the make a statement that they would not make towards someone of their on race.

We all at some point have made a generalization about another race whether its about hair or something else, but I don't think we would go to someone of another race and make a generalized condensing remark to them, would we? Just a thought.

I am glad that you did take the time to try and inform them that we all don't have the same hair type. That's just silly.

 

[asha]

I don't think we would go to someone of another race and make a generalized condensing remark to them, would we? Just a thought.

I am glad that you did take the time to try and inform them that we all don't have the same hair type. That's just silly.

Yes many of "us" would. To say we wouldn't is a generalization.

 

[CurleeDST]

This isn't that serious and Oprah or anyone need not take the "blame" because people are ignorant. Who really cares? It ain't that deep and if one goes chasing down behind all of the ignorant statements made during the day - everyone would live a VERY short life.

Just like many caucasians do not know much about our hair, we know just as much about theirs.

 

[CurleeDST]

You right!! Many of us have done just so on this forum when we assume all white people can grow hair long without a problem, etc.

Yes many of "us" would. To say we wouldn't is a generalization.

 

[Kurlee]

I applaud your response!!! I hate ignorance!

 

[diamondlady]

This isn't that serious and Oprah or anyone need not take the "blame" because people are ignorant. Who really cares? It ain't that deep and if one goes chasing down behind all of the ignorant statements made during the day - everyone would live a VERY short life.

Just like many caucasians do not know much about our hair, we know just as much about theirs.

CurleeDST, Did you read my following post? This was not about Oprah or their ignorance about our hair, it was about their attitudes.

Maybe you just had to be there to get all the vibes. Maybe it's a Texas Old White People thing

1. They were condescending, arrogant and snobbish. They acted as if they had to be sympathetic toward me because my race and the little children have to have bleeding heads from braids and you have a terrible time with your hair. (These kinds of statements and sympathetic looks are common. One of my girlfriends was told, “I’m so sorry for you, you’re such a nice person and you have to deal with that kind of hair - she got really angry)

2. Why does race always have to come up. Why can't you just go to a dinner party and have a nice time without race always coming into play.

3. I expounded on what Oprah said and they acted as if I was not telling the truth. Oprah said it so it had to be and I must be not telling the truth about my hair that it on my head and I''m with it 24-7

4. I was very nice, nonchalant and I was trying to make them think logically.

Someone said I could have been more hospitable during the holiday season instead of being "nasty, nice". Again, you had to be there to get the vibes and the attitudes at the time. I was very nice.

 

[mohair]

You did well by informing them. I am learning to be more patient with people who are ignorant but genuinely want to know more. If you did not grow up having been exposed to other cultures, how else will you learn if you don't ask. I think many people stay ignorant because they are to ashamed to ask questions, and they continue to believe stereotypes. IMO

 

[CurleeDST]

Nope, didn't read through the entire thread. Responded to not just YOUR post(s) but others as well.

Either way - it is never that deep. It's the holidays for goodness sakes. If the people suck, go speak with a different group of folks. LOL!

CurleeDST, Did you read my following post? This was not about Oprah or their ignorance about our hair, it was about their attitudes.




Someone said I could have been more hospitable during the holiday season instead of being "nasty, nice". Again, you had to be there to get the vibes and the attitudes at the time. I was very nice.

 

[CurleeDST]

People are afraid to ask b/c they do not know if they are being offensive and met with nasty/nicesty comments back or what. People do not know what they do not know so that is another level of complication put in the mix.

No one has time to figure out each individual, their likes, disklikes, their past life experiences before asking a question. If one CHOOSES to be offended, then so be it but don't blame anyone else for that. It's a choice and at the end of the day we can only control ourselves. If people are asking what you consider "stupid" questions - don't entertain it and move on.

And based on the delivery of the message will determine whether a lesson was really learned or the person discounted for coming across as angry and bitter.

For instance, many black folks are IGNORANT of the differences between someone from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Panama, Honduras, etc. They lump everyone in the same category including the food! If I hear ONE more black person refer to anything 1/2 way hispanic cuisine as MEXICAN food I am going to strangle someone. If I hear another black person act shocked there are black hispanics in the world - I am going to slap someone! Could I get sassy and nasty every time a black person makes these silly generalizations of course. But it ai'nt that deep really - more annoying if anything. I once heard a black person refer to Puerto Ricans as tropical Mexicans!

Nothing to get my pressure up over though.


\

You did well by informing them. I am learning to be more patient with people who are ignorant but genuinely want to know more. If you did not grow up having been exposed to other cultures, how else will you learn if you don't ask. I think many people stay ignorant because they are to ashamed to ask questions, and they continue to believe stereotypes. IMO

 

[Yellowflowers]

Maybe you just had to be there to get all the vibes. Maybe it's a Texas Old White People thing

1. They were condescending, arrogant and snobbish. They acted as if they had to be sympathetic toward me because my race and the little children have to have bleeding heads from braids and you have a terrible time with your hair. (These kinds of statements and sympathetic looks are common. One of my girlfriends was told, “I’m so sorry for you, you’re such a nice person and you have to deal with that kind of hair - she got really angry)

2. Why does race always have to come up. Why can't you just go to a dinner party and have a nice time without race always coming into play.

3. I expounded on what Oprah said and they acted as if I was not telling the truth. Oprah said it so it had to be and I must be not telling the truth about my hair that it on my head and I''m with it 24-7

4. I was very nice, nonchalant and I was trying to make them think logically.

I think you did a good job responding to this situation. Sometimes these ignorant backhanded comments can catch you off guard, but you were quick on your feet.

If I didn't like her tone, I probably would have asked her why all of a sudden is she was so concerned about black hair care wanting to make it the subject of dinner time conversation? Why do you care?

Sometimes these heffas can be slick, using Oprah to make indirect derogatory comments.

Girl your hair must have been really looking good that day. Made them damn white girls catch a bad case of that hate poisoning.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

you represented!

 

[CurleeDST]

Question to the OP - are you in a position of power at your place of employment?

 

[asha]

OP, you did a great job of responding and keeping your cool!!!

 

[asha]

True...so True!!!

People are afraid to ask b/c they do not know if they are being offensive and met with nasty/nicesty comments back or what. People do not know what they do not know so that is another level of complication put in the mix.

No one has time to figure out each individual, their likes, disklikes, their past life experiences before asking a question. If one CHOOSES to be offended, then so be it but don't blame anyone else for that. It's a choice and at the end of the day we can only control ourselves. If people are asking what you consider "stupid" questions - don't entertain it and move on.

And based on the delivery of the message will determine whether a lesson was really learned or the person discounted for coming across as angry and bitter.

For instance, many black folks are IGNORANT of the differences between someone from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Panama, Honduras, etc. They lump everyone in the same category including the food! If I hear ONE more black person refer to anything 1/2 way hispanic cuisine as MEXICAN food I am going to strangle someone. If I hear another black person act shocked there are black hispanics in the world - I am going to slap someone! Could I get sassy and nasty every time a black person makes these silly generalizations of course. But it ai'nt that deep really - more annoying if anything. I once heard a black person refer to Puerto Ricans as tropical Mexicans!

Nothing to get my pressure up over though.


\

 

[Reinventing21]

For instance, many black folks are IGNORANT of the differences between someone from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Panama, Honduras, etc. They lump everyone in the same category including the food! If I hear ONE more black person refer to anything 1/2 way hispanic cuisine as MEXICAN food I am going to strangle someone. If I hear another black person act shocked there are black hispanics in the world - I am going to slap someone! Could I get sassy and nasty every time a black person makes these silly generalizations of course. But it ai'nt that deep really - more annoying if anything. I once heard a black person refer to Puerto Ricans as tropical Mexicans!

Nothing to get my pressure up over though.


\

:rofl3:Trust me, many yts make the same generalizations. It used to be worse, but now it's getting a little bit better!

 

[Desert Skye]

If people are asking what you consider "stupid" questions - don't entertain it and move on.

But see, had she took this as an opportunity to let them look at our hair in a different perspective. Now they understand that we all have different textures just like people in their family. They can understand that. If she had not responded, then they would just wallow in thier ignorance. She made them see we are not different from them (*gasp* bet that was mind trip for them too)

If we continue to let people go on with this misinformation just because we think its stupid, then they will develop all these negative ideas about us with no one to correct them. Nip it at the bud.

Also she did state she wasn't behaving like the "Angry Black Woman." She was very nonchalant and calm.

I applaud her!

 

[LuvLiLocks]

Hmph! I'm glad you set them straight.

 

[Southernbella.]

OP, I think you handled the situation perfectly!

 

[diamondlady]

But see, had she took this as an opportunity to let them look at our hair in a different perspective. Now they understand that we all have different textures just like people in their family. They can understand that. If she had not responded, then they would just wallow in thier ignorance. She made them see we are not different from them (*gasp* bet that was mind trip for them too)

If we continue to let people go on with this misinformation just because we think its stupid, then they will develop all these negative ideas about us with no one to correct them. Nip it at the bud.

Also she did state she wasn't behaving like the "Angry Black Woman." She was very nonchalant and calm.

I applaud her!

Thanks Glossyxlipz, You got me entirely and thanks to all the others who understand what I'm talking about.

I wanted to get away and not get drawn into this conversation but I couldn't and I was quite until one of them spoke directly to me so I thought I might as well take the opportunity. I was very nice because I do understand. I've been ignorant before about their culture but I was very young. These old ladies with superior attitudes have had more years than I have to learn better. A little logical thinking could change their whole attitudes, it changed mine.