Broken Engagements.

[aribell]

If you're willing to share, have you ever had a broken engagement? (or has "someone you know" had one?) I mean there was a proposal and a ring and all of that, but things were called off.

Do you think this happens because people get engaged without sorting everything out first? Do people just change their mind? What have you seen/experienced?

 

[ThickHair]

I was supposed to be married May 21, 2011. Our engagement was broken in Feb 2011. There was a death in his family and I believe he felt I was not being supportive even though I was, but apparently not to his satisfaction. Then the rest of the crap started to hit the fan. I honestly think that he blew everything out of proportion, but that's just me. Even though I am uneasy about death, I specifically ask him what he needed me to do and I would do it without hesitation. Well he itched and moan but never said what I could do beyond what I was doing.

Before that we had great communication, especially since we were in a LDR. He shut down and then it was over. No regrets. Not even mad, I am just glad that I avoided another divorce by not marrying him.

All contact was ceased, no dragging it out. We have not had contact since our last conversation in March 2011.

Only thing I was out, is that I had purchased my dress. We were having a JP wedding and then a family dinner. It was a silver bridesmaid dress. I gave it to the church who collects dresses for teens who need them for the prom. That warmed my heart since it was brand new. I hope some girl really enjoyed that dress.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

a friend i met way back in 2004 was dating her college sweet heart. they got engaged the following year. come to find out that while she was in law school he was cheating and doing so boldly. they were long distance at that point but they dated for about 4 years at that point. it was sad because they had already taken engagement professional photos, which she had on face book and had a wedding website. i felt so bad for her

ETA: another good friend broke off her engagement when she learned that her boyfriend (who was long distance) got his best friend (a woman) pregnant. she told me this story as a cautionary tale regarding men being super tight to female friends. she went into deep depression afterwards and took a leave from school.

 

[Hairsnob]

I was engaged and we made mistake number one where we didn't set a date RIGHT AWAY. I wanted one year away, he wanted two. We never should have been engaged anyway because he only did it for show. He started acting up right after he proposed. Thank God we never married. He was an unmotivated dreamer.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I was engaged about 15 yrs ago. We dated about 3 yrs before and shortly after that things fell apart. We couldnt agree on anything...plus the biggest mistake TO ME was moving in together. I promised myself that I would NEVER do that again.

This engagement was so different. I wanted to do things right. Dh and I had our separate places before getting married and now we live in both of them lol.

 

[loolalooh]

My sister's female friend had a broken engagement. Actually, she is friends with both the woman and the man who broke off their engagement.

The story was so sad. They met in the same city (I believe) and then continued an LDR for some months. Then the woman moved to her boyfriend's city, but they had separate apartments. (They are both Christians and don't believe in living together before marriage.) While in the same city, they attended church together and developed mutual and non-mutual friends. Everyone thought they were a beautiful couple.

It was almost two years into their relationship when the boyfriend proposed. After the engagement, they set the wedding date for some months in advance and begin pre-marital counseling. They had the date, the honeymoon location, and everything set when, all of a sudden, the fiancé called off the wedding and the engagement. Apparently, it was through pre-marital counseling that he realized she wasn't the one. His reason? They were incompatible. Unfortunately, those are all the details I know.

 

[Mai Tai]

I've broken off an engagement before. We met when I was 17 and dated during high school. He admitted to cheating on me the day after my prom and I forgave him. Hell...we were young and he convinced me he would never do it again.

Skip to my freshman year in college, he cheated again, and that time I broke up with him yet we remained friends...with benifits...

We decided to start dating again my senior year in college, and shortly after I graduated, he proposed. We moved to Houston together and started planning our wedding. We'd already secured a venue, took engagement photos, and paid almost all the money for my dress when one day, I got a phone call from another woman on my house phone...

It took him some time to find a job when we moved and apparently he met this woman online while he was at home "job hunting", exchanged numbers with her, and began a very strong flirtation. When I answered the phone, she was shocked to say the least. She knew nothing about me, and was actually angry with him for misleading her.

After that I kindly gave him his ring back, called off the wedding, and gave him 30 days to get the hell out of my house. I have yet to see a grown man cry that hard, yet I was completely unmoved. I really can't say what made me stay with him through all of that. A lot of it was stupidity and a real belief that he would change once I got the ring. I will say that breaking up with him was the best decision I've ever made because now I'm engaged to a wonderful man who treats me like no other.

I'm thankful for what I went through though because I can fully understand how we all can be dumb at one point but also understand that it is truly up to the woman to wake up, woman up, and respect herself enough to let these no good men get to steppin'.

 

[BrownieBrie]

I was a bridesmaid in 2 cancelled weddings (the same year). The first engagement never should have happened they had a long history with a lot of break ups, move outs, physical fights. They had a serious situation with their children and reconciled. We had already bought our dresses and was going to see venues when he started acting up and everything fell apart. I'm not friends with bride anymore so I don't know how things are now.

The second one was a cousin who was marrying the father of 2 of her kids. They seemed happy and in love and he was best guy who had come into her life. First they cancelled the wedding because their huge wedding party was causing a headache. About a year after that they broke up. I don't know the details, but my cousin felt like he a loser and changed her mind.

 

[aribell]

I was in the wedding party of two cancelled weddings. Both decisions made sense, I suppose, but neither had anything serious happen after the engagement that wasn't present before the engagement. I was recently thinking of how common this seems to be, since I know of a few others as well, but the situations where things appear to change suddenly without something like cheating are what seem befuddling.

ThickHair But I am glad you have moved through and past it.
Mai Tai So glad you didn't let that bad experience darken your future.

 

[LucieLoo12]

My sister was engaged, dress bought and everything. They got a house in each other name, cars in each other names. They was together for 6 yrs. Well his mom was having financial problems and moved in with them . Her and my sister was getting into arguments, because it can only be one woman running the house. But his mama wanted to run it. Well he would take sides with the mama and not with my sister. She felt like they was ganging up on her....and well they broke off the engagement.She said he was a mama's boy and needed to grow up. That's why I would never never ever tie myself financially someone I am not married to.I don't care if we engaged, if I dont have your last name, it's not happening. She co signed on the truck and she had to make payments on it, while he was driving it and they wasn't even together . He messed up her credit and this was like 4 yrs ago and she is just now getting out the hole.

 

[missware2003]

I broke off an engagement in 2005, I knew that he loved me and would have probably given me the best life that I could possibly ask for......I also knew that I could not deal with some of the decisions that he made in regards to certain situations that we were in. We still keep in contact though. Bittersweet end.........

To this day......I still get angry about those decisions, calling it off was the best thing because I knew I would have dragged the marriage into the ground with the built up anger that I have.

 

[Ganjababy]

The first one I cancelled the wedding because I felt that I was too young to get married. I also felt that marrying someone like him would have limited my chances in life.

I cancelled the second wedding because the guy had 2 kids and I realised he planned to get custody of them after our marriage. I did not feel I was ready to be anyones stepmother.

I called the 3rd one off because his family hated my guts and made my life a misery and he was spineless and just never defended me, until it was too late.

I'm so glad I did not marry anyone of those people. I would have been divorced so many times.

 

[SurferBabe]

I broke off an engagement in 2005, I knew that he loved me and would have probably given me the best life that I could possibly ask for......I also knew that I could not deal with some of the decisions that he made in regards to certain situations that we were in. We still keep in contact though. Bittersweet end.........

To this day......I still get angry about those decisions, calling it off was the best thing because I knew I would have dragged the marriage into the ground with the built up anger that I have.

Wow, this sounds so much like my situation. I was engaged and broke it off recently. I'm still wondering if I made the right decision but I know that I need time and space to work on myself. It really pains me to know that I broke his heart but it just wasn't a good time for us to be together . There was a lot of anger on my part and I just hope that years from now I will feel like I made the right decision.

 

[Renewed1]

I've been engaged twice.

First time was when I was 18; he cheated and I ended it....thank goodness I was too young to get married.

The SECOND engagement happened in November 2005. The guy and I have been dating for 11 years (he was right after the above guy). When he purposed I think he did to defy his father, who for whatever reason, didn't approve of me. This wasn't the first time he and I got engaged and called it off. That was the first sign I should've left him alone.

I was ready to be done with singlehood and I just wanted to get married. So I went ahead and started planning the wedding. I put the deposit down for everything. He didn't give me a dime, heck I had to pick my own ring for him to buy (which I returned to him). I set the date everything.

His whole family thought he was serious about getting married. After he proposed he started to act the FOOL. He told me that he will leave me at the alter or he wouldn't show up to the wedding. For whatever reason, my pride, wouldn't let him get out of marrying me.

Well, I was already tired of him. I feel the guy should be just as excited as the woman when it comes to planning our marriage celebration! And he wasn't.

Three months before the nuptials, I prayed and asked God if me and the guy aren't supposed to be together----please remove him. A few days later, he went to my mother's house. He told her every negative thing he knew (and created some stuff) to have my mom MAKE ME cancel the wedding. My mom called me told me everything he said and told me it was God that she didn't beat the crap out of him; for insulting me in such a way. I'm sure I don't know everything he said to her.

I was already tired of him and I knew this was a sign from God for me to RUUUNNN!!

So I canceled the wedding. I had to go to his house a few weeks later (he was 29 and still lived at home with his parents) to pick up something of mine.

Would you believe that ninja, said we can go to the JOP to get married and wanted to do it right then and there??!!! Needless to say, I curse him out and went my way.

I'm so happy, I didn't marry him. The odd thing was, I wasn't even embarassed about the whole church knowing that we canceled the wedding. I was just happy to not be in a life long committment with him any longer.

 

[MrsMe]

Wow. I'm sorry about all your ordeals ladies. I know how hard it must be.

Sent from my PG86100 using LHCF

 

[missware2003]

Wow, this sounds so much like my situation. I was engaged and broke it off recently. I'm still wondering if I made the right decision but I know that I need time and space to work on myself. It really pains me to know that I broke his heart but it just wasn't a good time for us to be together . There was a lot of anger on my part and I just hope that years from now I will feel like I made the right decision.

Understanding will come with time....I broke my guys heart also....it killed me but I knew it wouldn't work. I gave myself a year or so to evaluate my goals, wants and needs and soon realized that I made the right decision.

 

[SurferBabe]

Understanding will come with time....I broke my guys heart also....it killed me but I knew it wouldn't work. I gave myself a year or so to evaluate my goals, wants and needs and soon realized that I made the right decision.

Well I just found out some information a few hours ago that sealed the deal for me. I made the right decision. Sometimes a person will come off as perfect to you when all is going well, but it is how they react when things get shaky that defines who they are. I know better now!

 

[preciouslove0x]

Well I just found out some information a few hours ago that sealed the deal for me. I made the right decision. Sometimes a person will come off as perfect to you when all is going well, but it is how they react when things get shaky that defines who they are. I know better now!

This! I think this is the BEST advice to give to a woman in a serious relationship. Single women should ALWAYS pay CLOSE attention to how tough situations are handled in their relationship.

 

[rabs77]

This is about a female friend of mine, she was actually a friend of a friend I had made when I first moved to the US. I was new to the group but we would hang out, go to the mall etc
I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at her wedding-Let's call her Anne. We went as far as going to select the bridesmaids dresses. Anne had dated her fiance for about 4 years, they met right after high school, they made a beautiful couple, did everything together. Well just around the time they got engaged she found this new (female) friend -call her Jane, that she started hanging with. They would stay out late, come home at odd hours of the morning-this was all feedback we got from her fiance, (I never met Jane-At ths point I had just got a new job and moved quite a distance so I wasnt available to hang the way we used to). Well it pissed the guy off enough that the wedding ended up cancelled, rumour had it that Jane was a lesbian and was messing with the soon to be bride. The guy ended up leaving and ended up marrying someone else and moving to Vegas.
It's been 10 years and Anne is still single and living on and off with Jane. We (the other friends in the group) have never been able to quite establish what Jane is to her (They apparently attend church and do travel missions together)

 

[Fine 4s]

I like this thread a lot...

It seems like my SO and I are getting to the point where hints are being dropped. First he tries to find out what kind of ring I want and yesterday he mentions how I'd be moving in with him shortly for example. We've been together 1 year unofficially.

Anyway, I want to know what are the discussions I should have that would give me some insight on whether to move forward or not. I'm so nervous about making a mistake!
I don't want to get as far as an engagement to bounce!

 

[ThickHair]

I like this thread a lot...

It seems like my SO and I are getting to the point where hints are being dropped. First he tries to find out what kind of ring I want and yesterday he mentions how I'd be moving in with him shortly for example. We've been together 1 year unofficially.

Anyway, I want to know what are the discussions I should have that would give me some insight on whether to move forward or not. I'm so nervous about making a mistake!
I don't want to get as far as an engagement to bounce!

MONEY MONEY MONEY, did I say Money? Then children.

 

[ThickHair]

It's been 10 years and Anne is still single and living on and off with Jane. We (the other friends in the group) have never been able to quite establish what Jane is to her (They apparently attend church and do travel missions together)

Anne is a confused lesbian. She would be more relaxed if she just came out of the closet and lived her life.

 

[MizAvalon]

This is a great thread. Thank you ladies for sharing.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

The first one, we didn't have a date only that it would be after I graduate from a professional doctoral program which was less than 2 years. After a series of tragedies, it was not meant to be. We knew each other for yearsss...

The second one felt like a movie, I had plans already to move 600 plus miles away and he was unable to move from his businesses that he own. We only knew each other a short time but wow I should have...