black woman with all the hair answers

[beawo]

Today I was over at my sister's place with another sister and a friend. I noticed her daughter's hair was broken at the nape and was discolored (brown instead of its usually black color) and asked her what happened. She said that her hair got that way because the hair dresser did not put relaxer all the way through her daughter's hair when she relaxed it. Then I said to her that is good. My sister replied that that was not the right way to do hair because you should put the relaxer all the way through each time its done, that is how she usually does it for her daughter. I told her no you shouldn't do it like that because it just overprocesses the hair. Well to cut it short she said if she doesn't do it like that her hair looks kinky at the ends, I told her that if its kinky at the ends that means it needs a cut. Well she totally disagreed and I left it at that. One of the other woman said that she finds that her hair is breaking at alot and then my "expert" sister said well its needs moisture (in her words meaning grease). I told her that she should be careful with the grease because it causes bulid up, well guess who once again had something to say - "hair expert". Hair expert adviced she should use anything she can get her hands onto (grease included) just to get it soft. I was so angry because this is a woman that hs got damaged looking hair and wears a wig to hide her hair because she says its too difficult to maintain it.
Anyway I told the other woman about this site because they were going on and on about black women not being able to grow long hair. One even asked if Ophrah was mixed because she has nice hair. These statements really annoyed me so in the end I just took my hair out and then one said I am going to have hair like that my the end of the year.

 

[lovechic]

I'm cracking up at the part about Oprah! That's sad!!!

 

[stacy]

I say, a picture is worth a thousand words. You do what you find out is best for your hair. As your hair thrives and grows, your relatives and aquaintances will begin asking you what you've been doing, including the so-called hair expert.

 

[Stormy]

Oh magod! The "Hair Expert" Obviously knows nothing about hair. I sure hope the other woman comes to this site, so she can see just how wrong she was.

Umph! Umph! Umph! Is Oprah mixed.

 

[webby]

This is hilarious. I know the type. Beawo, I try to look at the stylist's hair, her client's hair, listen the recommendations she makes and THEN decide whether or not I want to take a chance with her. If people are clinging to your sister's advice, it stands to reason that she and her friends have all become accustomed to poorly-trained stylists. That's too bad.

 

[goldensugar23]

Yeah..it is sad.Some of us are misinformed when it somes to our hair.My mother(who has beautiful hair)is always being accused of having a weave.Her hair is thick and shiny,with great length.

One day because of getting tired of the little " indirect weave comments" she wrote a newsletter on how to correctly take care of relaxed hair..and passed it out to her job and church members!

Sometimes you have to spread the word around.I find myself telling people about this website quite often.Just to let them know anyone can get healthy hair..you just have to know how..thats all.

 

[eboniwoman]

Yah know I think we all know some women like this. I am 24 and my aunt used to take care of my hair whenever I came out to Michigan for the summer. She went to cosmotology school back in 1987 and she now thinks she knows everything about hair. SHe has no hairline and her hair is super short. I mean like unhealthy short. SHe wears micro braids for like 5 months and then takes them out and then proceeds to get them in again like the day after she has taken the old ones out. I try to tell her that she needs to properly take care of her hair but she doesn't wanna listen because "she is the one that went to school". I told her that cosmo school TEACHES YOU HOW TO STYLE AND PRIMP AND FRY YOUR HAIR....THEY DON'T TEACH YOU HOW TO REALLY TAKE CARE OF YOUR HAIR.

This erks me because she stares at my hair alot and tells me that I have good genes from my father...but in reality I just take care of it point blank.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Yah know I think we all know some women like this. I am 24 and my aunt used to take care of my hair whenever I came out to Michigan for the summer. She went to cosmotology school back in 1987 and she now thinks she knows everything about hair. SHe has no hairline and her hair is super short. I mean like unhealthy short. SHe wears micro braids for like 5 months and then takes them out and then proceeds to get them in again like the day after she has taken the old ones out. I try to tell her that she needs to properly take care of her hair but she doesn't wanna listen because "she is the one that went to school". I told her that cosmo school TEACHES YOU HOW TO STYLE AND PRIMP AND FRY YOUR HAIR....THEY DON'T TEACH YOU HOW TO REALLY TAKE CARE OF YOUR HAIR.

This erks me because she stares at my hair alot and tells me that I have good genes from my father...but in reality I just take care of it point blank.

I this erks me too. I tell people "you have NO idea how much TLC I had to do, how many changes I had to make in my hair care routine, how many things I had to unlearn....Puleeze my hair is like this because of ME dangit!"

 

[so1913]

I'm cracking up at the part about Oprah! That's sad!!!

Me too! LOL!

 

[Tanelions]

I'm sorry to hear this Beawo,

Even if one believes that things should be done a certain way. One should come to the point and think, "This is not working, has not worked in the past".
Or maybe say, " Let me inquire from this person, they have to know something since their hair is pretty and healthy". But I think sometimes traditions, media hype/non media hype and pride continue to justify someones set ways. esp. when it comes to 4a/4b's. IMO.

Before, I have never taken care of natural hair. When I was young my mother did that.Before I began the seventh grade I had a jerri, then before 9th grade a relaxer.

The reason I came upon this site is because I needed tips on my daughters hair 4a. Everyone I asked be it on the job or family would give me similar answers, "grease it good and brush it good"

After exp. with my products on her hair. I came to realize this is not working.
Then LHCF taught me about the co wash, cow method. natural oils, esp. combs(k cutter ), etc. Shoot, looking for tips for my daughter, I was also picking up tips for my relaxed head too. I was a bit skeptic at first but the result spoke for itself.

There are many people out there that do know about natural and relaxed hair care. I just know a few personally, but thank goodness I discovered LHCF :notworthy.
Hey your hair speaks for itself. Eventually I believe your sister will come around, one question at a time. But it may just take her some time. HTH

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

MAN, doesn't that just frustrate you when you are trying to communicate what to do and you feel like they are not receiving it well. I have that issue too, i guess cause i was trying to 'save' my whole family's hair, but i realized they aren't interested. so i will lay off and worry about my hair...sooner or later they'll come back and ask for advice.
Commenting on the 'hair expert'...I too used to relax my whole hair when i was younger. Her 'frizzy' ends are due to the fact that her hair is fryed and overprocessed...and the only way to get rid of those frizzy-overdried ends is to cut them off. And once you get rid of the overprocessed hair...and you stop relaxing the ends...she won't have that frizzy-ends problem anymore. This was the cycle that i was trapped in and the reason why I couldn't get my hair to grow.

 

[asummertyme]

most of our people just dont know..i only learned thru research via the internet..and i really searched for a long time and i did tons of research...alotta AA people in poor neigborhoods dont have internet access..and would not even know about these sites unless someone told them..I really feel bad..i just wish there was a way to get to these women so they can teach thier children and family's..but then again..there is alotta ego's to deal with and women tend to get catty...i wish someone would have taught me yrs ago how to care for my hair..

 

[mscounselor]

I have a similar issue and it was hard to deal with since she is my best friend. She told me I wash my hair like a white person since I washed it every week. I was like, how many times do you wash...she told me like every two weeks or so. I was like OMG. She said only white people wash frequently. I told her go ahead and believe what she wants but when my hair tells me it needs to be washed I will. She never was able to grow her hair in a relaxer and eventually went natural. She still claims washing is bad.
Long story short, when I found this site I became the unofficial product inspector and told her about her stuff. She couldn't believe it and thanked me. In the end, I'm helping her out with her natural hair. They will need help all the time, trust me. She went and blow dried, pressed, AND flat ironed her hair. I almost dropped the phone..*sigh**
Pick your battles.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yep , let the results speak for themselves.

I used to try to tell my mom and sister about good health care, and what I have been learning on this site and in AA hair books, and they just look at me like I'm crazy. Now...they've started saying: "hmm...your hair has grown" or "your hair looks really nice"...

They'll see. Watch...when my hair is bra-strap length and blowing in the wind, they'll come and ask me what I'm doing. LOL* I won't even have to volunteer info. They'll come to ME!!

 

[MissYocairis]

I noticed her daughter's hair was broken at the nape and was discolored (brown instead of its usually black color) and asked her what happened. She said that her hair got that way because the hair dresser did not put relaxer all the way through her daughter's hair when she relaxed it. Then I said to her that is good. My sister replied that that was not the right way to do hair because you should put the relaxer all the way through each time its done, that is how she usually does it for her daughter. I told her no you shouldn't do it like that because it just overprocesses the hair. Well to cut it short she said if she doesn't do it like that her hair looks kinky at the ends, I told her that if its kinky at the ends that means it needs a cut. Well she totally disagreed and I left it at that. .

This is the kind of ignorance that really, really saddens me because she is ruining her daughter's hair. If she wants to ruin her own hair, fine....but, she is ruining her daughter's hair and teaching her daughter all wrong and her daughter is going to grow up hating her hair. I hate to see/hear instances like these. It saddens me so. And what kind of country teaching is she following thinking that healthy, shiny, beautiful black hair has to be "mixed" hair? Geesh.

 

[MizAvalon]

most of our people just dont know..i only learned thru research via the internet..and i really searched for a long time and i did tons of research...alotta AA people in poor neigborhoods dont have internet access..and would not even know about these sites unless someone told them..I really feel bad..i just wish there was a way to get to these women so they can teach thier children and family's..but then again..there is alotta ego's to deal with and women tend to get catty...i wish someone would have taught me yrs ago how to care for my hair..

This is exactly right. Most lower class women simply don't have access to the proper information.

 

[MissYocairis]

This is exactly right. Most lower class women simply don't have access to the proper information.

IMHO, it has nothing to do with class. If "class" were the issue, how would that account for Blacks of other nationalities who have migrated to this country and are "working class" or lower and, yet, have wonderful hair practices? Same with Black families living below the poverty line and, yet, have a wonderful legacy of beautiful hair based on time-tested hair secrets...(i.e. sulfur 8, glovers, black castor oil, pine tar, etc.). How would we explain black women who are from middle-class families and are haunted by broken off, dry, over-processed hair? It's got nothing to do with class. It has everything to do with perspective.

I am grateful for the day when my paradigm shifted and I no longer viewed my stylist as the "GOD" of hair. When that day came, her techniques no longer appeared to me to be "gospel". If someone doesn't have a computer, that doesn't mean they cannot research at the library. It also doesn't mean they cannot put two and two together and see that "this ain't working" and try something new.

 

[bludacious]

People who seem to know it all are normally the people who knows nothing!