naturalmanenyc
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http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2013/04/10/beware-the-man-with-an-ulterior-motive/
Beware The Man With An Ulterior Motive
April 10, 2013 by Andthatswhyyouresingle
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Name: BB
:
Comment: Okay, so I have been dating this guy for about a month and a half. After two weeks of talking every day and three dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed, so I guess I should say my boyfriend. We are a lot a like and we always have fun when we are together. He is always a gentleman. He opens doors for me, walks me to my front door at the end of the date, and always pays. We were friends in high school, and when I asked where he thought we would be if I hadn’t changed schools at the end of our junior year, his answer without hesitation: We’d be married. He talks about us having children and grandchildren. We haven’t had sex because he said he wanted to build on our friendship from high school first. We do kiss, and there is plenty of chemistry between us.
Everything was going really well until my birthday. I will say that for one of our dates before my birthday, he showed up two hours late. He said that he tried a different way to get to my house from his parents’ house, and he got lost for about twenty minutes. He apologized, and I accepted along with explaining that his showing up late wasn’t acceptable because an ex of mine would make plans and then never show up. Okay, back to the day of my birthday. He called and wished me happy birthday just after midnight, which was very sweet. We made plans for him to join my family and I for dinner. He called about two hours before dinner and said he was on his way, but never showed. He called me five days later, but didn’t offer an explanation as to why he didn’t show.
Then he stopped calling and texting for two weeks. He texted me yesterday and said he felt lost. I asked him why, and he said his family just lost his childhood home. Then he told me that he had given up his apartment, before we started dating, in order to pay his parents’ bills. The reason he gave up his apartment is because it became really expensive for him to pay the bills at both places, so he started living out of his car. His job is about two hours from where his parents lived. He said that he was sorry for not talking to me, but he wanted to figure out how he was feeling about everything before telling me what was going on.
While I understand that he definitely could have handled the situation better, I don’t think that anything that has happened should mean the end of our relationship. My mom and sisters think his behavior has been horrible, and that I deserve better.
My question: Should his actions (being two hours late one time, not showing up another) speak louder than everything else? I need outside perspective.
Age: 29
City: Raleigh
State: North Carolina
I don’t think that anything that has happened should mean the end of our relationship.
You mean, other than the fact that he’s been living out of his car?
You seem to want to press on regardless of what’s going on in his life. That doesn’t really set a great tone for a relationship. What this all boils down to is that he can’t give you what you want. End scene. Lights are dimming. You don’t have to go home, but ya can’t stay here.
As I have said dozens and dozens of times: beware the man who commits too soon. 3 dates, no sex, and he wants to be your boyfriend? Red Flag. I’ll take a wild stab and suggest that he very well might have been trying to line up a place to live because of his financial situation. I know. I’m so suspicious!
Regardless of what his modus operandi might be, the facts remains that this guy has already shown you that he’s unreliable and unstable in various ways. Yet, despite the obvious tell-tale signs that something is amiss, you still want this guy to be your boyfriend. All you appear to be concerned about is whether or not you and this man have a relationship. You don’t care that he’s lost, you don’t care that he’s homeless. What is consuming your thoughts is whether or not you have someone to call #omigahboyfriend.
What you’re asking me, in a nutshell, is if it’s okay for you to disregard the fact that this guy bailed on your birthday and didn’t call you for a week, then called, then fell off the face of the earth. My answer is: No. No it’s not okay that you look past that. The rest of the stuff is what you should ignore, as it means nothing. This guy rushed you into a relationship, probably for a reason other than because he truly cared.Now he’s backing out.
We haven’t had sex because he said he wanted to build on our friendship from high school first. We do kiss, and there is plenty of chemistry between us.
Adorable! I just want to pinch his cheeks and eat him up with a spoon! But, yeah. No. I’m thinking that amazeballs chemistry is in your head.
I will say this again. Any man that commits to a woman before they have sex and after so little time is suspect. Maybe you forced his hand some way. I don’t know. What I know is that someone that eager to solidify a relationship has an ulterior motive.
Beware The Man With An Ulterior Motive
April 10, 2013 by Andthatswhyyouresingle
Tweet
Name: BB
:
Comment: Okay, so I have been dating this guy for about a month and a half. After two weeks of talking every day and three dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed, so I guess I should say my boyfriend. We are a lot a like and we always have fun when we are together. He is always a gentleman. He opens doors for me, walks me to my front door at the end of the date, and always pays. We were friends in high school, and when I asked where he thought we would be if I hadn’t changed schools at the end of our junior year, his answer without hesitation: We’d be married. He talks about us having children and grandchildren. We haven’t had sex because he said he wanted to build on our friendship from high school first. We do kiss, and there is plenty of chemistry between us.
Everything was going really well until my birthday. I will say that for one of our dates before my birthday, he showed up two hours late. He said that he tried a different way to get to my house from his parents’ house, and he got lost for about twenty minutes. He apologized, and I accepted along with explaining that his showing up late wasn’t acceptable because an ex of mine would make plans and then never show up. Okay, back to the day of my birthday. He called and wished me happy birthday just after midnight, which was very sweet. We made plans for him to join my family and I for dinner. He called about two hours before dinner and said he was on his way, but never showed. He called me five days later, but didn’t offer an explanation as to why he didn’t show.
Then he stopped calling and texting for two weeks. He texted me yesterday and said he felt lost. I asked him why, and he said his family just lost his childhood home. Then he told me that he had given up his apartment, before we started dating, in order to pay his parents’ bills. The reason he gave up his apartment is because it became really expensive for him to pay the bills at both places, so he started living out of his car. His job is about two hours from where his parents lived. He said that he was sorry for not talking to me, but he wanted to figure out how he was feeling about everything before telling me what was going on.
While I understand that he definitely could have handled the situation better, I don’t think that anything that has happened should mean the end of our relationship. My mom and sisters think his behavior has been horrible, and that I deserve better.
My question: Should his actions (being two hours late one time, not showing up another) speak louder than everything else? I need outside perspective.
Age: 29
City: Raleigh
State: North Carolina
I don’t think that anything that has happened should mean the end of our relationship.
You mean, other than the fact that he’s been living out of his car?
You seem to want to press on regardless of what’s going on in his life. That doesn’t really set a great tone for a relationship. What this all boils down to is that he can’t give you what you want. End scene. Lights are dimming. You don’t have to go home, but ya can’t stay here.
As I have said dozens and dozens of times: beware the man who commits too soon. 3 dates, no sex, and he wants to be your boyfriend? Red Flag. I’ll take a wild stab and suggest that he very well might have been trying to line up a place to live because of his financial situation. I know. I’m so suspicious!
Regardless of what his modus operandi might be, the facts remains that this guy has already shown you that he’s unreliable and unstable in various ways. Yet, despite the obvious tell-tale signs that something is amiss, you still want this guy to be your boyfriend. All you appear to be concerned about is whether or not you and this man have a relationship. You don’t care that he’s lost, you don’t care that he’s homeless. What is consuming your thoughts is whether or not you have someone to call #omigahboyfriend.
What you’re asking me, in a nutshell, is if it’s okay for you to disregard the fact that this guy bailed on your birthday and didn’t call you for a week, then called, then fell off the face of the earth. My answer is: No. No it’s not okay that you look past that. The rest of the stuff is what you should ignore, as it means nothing. This guy rushed you into a relationship, probably for a reason other than because he truly cared.Now he’s backing out.
We haven’t had sex because he said he wanted to build on our friendship from high school first. We do kiss, and there is plenty of chemistry between us.
Adorable! I just want to pinch his cheeks and eat him up with a spoon! But, yeah. No. I’m thinking that amazeballs chemistry is in your head.
I will say this again. Any man that commits to a woman before they have sex and after so little time is suspect. Maybe you forced his hand some way. I don’t know. What I know is that someone that eager to solidify a relationship has an ulterior motive.
