Best Advice For Ladies Dating

[blackmaven]

There is so much in this world going on women seem to dumb crap. I have never ever seen in my life nowadays. We are left thinking,Why did she do that? I had certain standards of rules that I followed while dating. What are some of your rules ladies?

My rules

Job

Intelligent

Must be able to speak the English language(no ebonics ghetto slang)

Use protection

No kids(Did not want baby mama drama)

Sharing a man is futile

No prison records.

Get to know man before giving up goody

 

[locabouthair]

date more than one guy!!!

Now I am not saying that anyone should sleep with more than person, I am just saying get to know more than one guy.

Don't think about where things will go or have expectations. That was my mistake Just look at it as you two are going out to have a good time. just enjoy their company and dont focus on what will come out of it.

I have learned these two things within the last couple of months.

I hope Bunny77 comes in and gives advice. She gives really good advice when it comes to dating/relationships.

 

[BAP28]

ditto..you summed up the way i feel about dating as well..

my #1 thing is LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WORTH AND WHAT YOU DESERVE AND DONT DESERVE

date more than one guy!!!

Now I am not saying that anyone should sleep with more than person, I am just saying get to know more than one guy.

Don't think about where things will go or have expectations. That was my mistake Just look at it as you two are going out to have a good time. just enjoy their company and dont focus on what will come out of it.

I have learned these two things within the last couple of months.

I hope Bunny77 comes in and gives advice. She gives really good advice when it comes to dating/relationships.

 

[MzLady78]

date more than one guy!!!

Now I am not saying that anyone should sleep with more than person, I am just saying get to know more than one guy.

Don't think about where things will go or have expectations. That was my mistake Just look at it as you two are going out to have a good time. just enjoy their company and dont focus on what will come out of it.

I have learned these two things within the last couple of months.

I hope Bunny77 comes in and gives advice. She gives really good advice when it comes to dating/relationships.

Yeah, she does.

I'm always checking to see if she gave some input!

And I agree with the dating more than one although it seems like finding just one decent guy to date is a real challenge, let alone a couple, LOL.

 

[MizAvalon]

I agree with what you ladies have said. One thing I would like to add that seems simple, but it's amazing how many ladies don't demand this from men. If you're "dating" a man, make sure that he actually DATES you!! None of this "chilling at the crib" bull. Seriously, if you are out of high school and still doing this, then you are NOT dating.

MizAvalon's definition of a DATE:

1. Gentleman calls me at least several days in advance to make plans with me.

2.He arrives to pick me up(though you can meet at the location).

3. We go out and have a social outing at a public place.

4. Gentleman takes me home, walks me to my door, and says goodnight.

If we're not doing the above, then we're not dating. Sitting on the couch watching tv when I just met you 2 weeks ago is not dating. Seriously ladies, make these men COURT YOU!!!

 

[DKO]

Here is my two cents - PLEASE do not become a victim of the "hope factor". Meaning if you are dating a man and any of the following words come out of your mouth: if he would just....everything would be great if only he would....if he would just stop...why can't he just.... PLEASE really analyze if this is a man you should invest time with. When you say those types of phrases (especially when you constantly compliain to your girlfriend and utter those phrases) it means you are in the hope factor. You're hoping for him to change and be different than what behavior he is currently exhibiting. Remember - what you see is what you get. If he isn't coming correct...he needs not come at you at all.

DO NOT settle for less than what you know deep down inside you deserve!

 

[klb120475]

Keep em coming ladies.

I'm taking notes....

 

[MzLady78]

I agree with what you ladies have said. One thing I would like to add that seems simple, but it's amazing how many ladies don't demand this from men. If you're "dating" a man, make sure that he actually DATES you!! None of this "chilling at the crib" bull. Seriously, if you are out of high school and still doing this, then you are NOT dating.

MizAvalon's definition of a DATE:

1. Gentleman calls me at least several days in advance to make plans with me.

2.He arrives to pick me up(though you can meet at the location).

3. We go out and have a social outing at a public place.

4. Gentleman takes me home, walks me to my door, and says goodnight.

If we're not doing the above, then we're not dating. Sitting on the couch watching tv when I just met you 2 weeks ago is not dating. Seriously ladies, make these men COURT YOU!!!

Yes, yes, yes!!!!

Remember the ex bf's cousin that was trying to kick it to me? This is exactly what he was trying to get me do.

Umm, try again bruh!!!

 

[blackmaven]

If that man gives you a time to pick you up for your date comes late no call. Greet him at the door with some hair rollers and gown. I guess we will have to try this another day be serious ladies.

 

[MzLady78]

Here is my two cents - PLEASE do not become a victim of the "hope factor". Meaning if you are dating a man and any of the following words come out of your mouth: if he would just....everything would be great if only he would....if he would just stop...why can't he just.... PLEASE really analyze if this is a man you should invest time with. When you say those types of phrases (especially when you constantly compliain to your girlfriend and utter those phrases) it means you are in the hope factor. You're hoping for him to change and be different than what behavior he is currently exhibiting. Remember - what you see is what you get. If he isn't coming correct...he needs not come at you at all.

DO NOT settle for less than what you know deep down inside you deserve!

Oooh, guilty, LOL. Never again!

Great tips, ladies!!!

 

[DKO]

My favorite saying is this: This is the Superbowl, if he ain't coming to play and win then don't get in the game.

If you're going to get one.....go get the best one you can.

Also, I strongly feel it's not my job to tell a man how/what his role is as a man. Sorry if you grew up a mamma's boy or w/ your grandma etc... But as a grown man you then need to find a mentor or some other male figure that you can talk to and figure it out. So many men have NO clue what their role is and how to be a man or leader. I wish a man would try and lean on me.

Men have 1 main duty in life: work. Women have the children, work, take care of home. If you meet a man especially in his 30s and he still doesn't have it together...you need to ask him what the h*$% has he been doing for the past 10, 15 years? If he is struggling w/ his current job and not making enough...then he needs to work two jobs. Don't let a man get over on you by playing the "life is tough" " it's hard for a black man" "I'm doing the best I can" garbage with you. If I can and have worked two jobs to handle business....he can too.

 

[MizAvalon]

Yes, yes, yes!!!!

Remember the ex bf's cousin that was trying to kick it to me? This is exactly what he was trying to get me do.

Umm, try again bruh!!!

That mess gets on my nerves!! These spoiled, lazy men don't want to properly court a woman but they sure want everything else that goes along with a relationship. GTFOOHWTBS!!!

 

[glamazon386]

I agree with what you ladies have said. One thing I would like to add that seems simple, but it's amazing how many ladies don't demand this from men. If you're "dating" a man, make sure that he actually DATES you!! None of this "chilling at the crib" bull. Seriously, if you are out of high school and still doing this, then you are NOT dating.

MizAvalon's definition of a DATE:

1. Gentleman calls me at least several days in advance to make plans with me.

2.He arrives to pick me up(though you can meet at the location).

3. We go out and have a social outing at a public place.

4. Gentleman takes me home, walks me to my door, and says goodnight.

If we're not doing the above, then we're not dating. Sitting on the couch watching tv when I just met you 2 weeks ago is not dating. Seriously ladies, make these men COURT YOU!!!

So true!!! Coming over is not dating.

 

[chocolate01]

If that man gives you a time to pick you up for your date comes late no call. Greet him at the door with some hair rollers and gown. I guess we will have to try this another day be serious ladies.

I love this! Great thread.

 

[Kiadodie]

That mess gets on my nerves!! These spoiled, lazy men don't want to properly court a woman but they sure want everything else that goes along with a relationship. GTFOOHWTBS!!!

YOu know...they ARE lazy, and spoiled as hell and do not want to work AT ALL. I'm a challenge.....I keep it that way, BUT I'm left alone, all by myself, but the men I meet do not work to get me...at least the ones I want don't.

I always hear that you should date a guy that likes YOU more than you like him....the thing is, I know what i want, and like and I feel like that would be settling.erplexed

 

[SkinnyMocah]

Men get SO offended when I tell them they can't come to my house! Oh no no no... you don't get to come to my house and plop your butt on my couch until I KNOW you. Oh, and don't let me tell them our first date can't be at his house. I recently had a gentleman tell me I was being overly sensitive about the subject and I needed to relax some of my rules. I said that if wanting to meet him in a public place in broad daylight more than once before I am trapped at his HOME in S.Atlanta with him and his roomates is being sensitive, then I'll be that. That he would even ASK and then get MAD set off so many flags I saw red for weeks!

For me in general:

* Must be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead. I am a lady and I expect to be treated like one.

* Must be employed. He doesnt need to run a Fortune 500 co, in fact PLEASE don't be that important. Just go to work every day and like what you do, or make it work and be upwardly mobile if it's not gonna work. I don't wanna hear any whining about how 'the man is keeping you down'. No sir.

* Must be drug and disease free. That means no smokers or tobacco chewers. it's like kissing an ashtray. I also don't date heavy drinkers. I can see going out on Friday for one or two but if you come home M-Thurs and the first thing you do is make a hard liquor drink, nuh uh.

* Absolutely no drama. If you have a crazy ex who sometimes accidentally calls and hangs up 47 times a day, or you have a child with a woman who drives by screaming and throwing things at your car and cuttin eyes at whomever you're with, or if your "other chic" feels the need to call me about you, that falls under the definition of drama and I am not having it. I'm going to be bringing nothing of the sort to the table.

* Meet me where I am. I have a place to live, a vehicle, a job and I have been to school. If you don't have the above, or you cant talk about anything other than cars and hip hop, it's not gon' work.

*Must. Court. Me. I'm not your buddy or your pal I'm a potential mate. I am special. Treat me as such.

* If I have to beg plead cry scream ask you to do what's right, sorry you are Mr Right for some other chick. Like Dance4days, I will not d*ck sit. If you dont know how to act like a sane rational human being while we're getting to know each other I can't help you realize that.

* Must be whole. Im not a therapist. I'm going to make sure my mind game is tight... I'm happy and well adjusted. If you're still pining for your ex, or cry yourself to sleep at night hugging her pillow, or spend an hour of dinner angrily telling me about her and her issues and all she did, I'ma need you to first see a therapist and then make your way back around to see if i am still available for your crazy behind.

* Must understand that I'm a virgin and while we will have fun, sex is not a given. You will find out EARLY that I am a virgin and I plan to remain so for the forseeable future. That is your guilt free OUT. TAKE IT if you need it, don't feel obligated to 'see if you can handle it'. You know good and well if you can't and its irresponsible to keep going but pressure me on every date to have sex with you. I'm 33. If i was gonna change my mind, Id have done it by now.

Other than that, I think I am pretty reasonable.

 

[Kiadodie]

Men get SO offended when I tell them they can't come to my house! Oh no no no... you don't get to come to my house and plop your butt on my couch until I KNOW you. Oh, and don't let me tell them our first date can't be at his house. I recently had a gentleman tell me I was being overly sensitive about the subject and I needed to relax some of my rules. I said that if wanting to meet him in a public place in broad daylight more than once before I am trapped at his HOME in S.Atlanta with him and his roomates is being sensitive, then I'll be that. That he would even ASK and then get MAD set off so many flags I saw red for weeks!

For me in general:

* Must be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead. I am a lady and I expect to be treated like one.

* Must be employed. He doesnt need to run a Fortune 500 co, in fact PLEASE don't be that important. Just go to work every day and like what you do, or make it work and be upwardly mobile if it's not gonna work. I don't wanna hear any whining about how 'the man is keeping you down'. No sir.

* Must be drug and disease free. That means no smokers or tobacco chewers. it's like kissing an ashtray. I also don't date heavy drinkers. I can see going out on Friday for one or two but if you come home M-Thurs and the first thing you do is make a hard liquor drink, nuh uh.

* Absolutely no drama. If you have a crazy ex who sometimes accidentally calls and hangs up 47 times a day, or you have a child with a woman who drives by screaming and throwing things at your car and cuttin eyes at whomever you're with, or if your "other chic" feels the need to call me about you, that falls under the definition of drama and I am not having it. I'm going to be bringing nothing of the sort to the table.

* Meet me where I am. I have a place to live, a vehicle, a job and I have been to school. If you don't have the above, or you cant talk about anything other than cars and hip hop, it's not gon' work.

*Must. Court. Me. I'm not your buddy or your pal I'm a potential mate. I am special. Treat me as such.

* If I have to beg plead cry scream ask you to do what's right, sorry you are Mr Right for some other chick. Like Dance4days, I will not d*ck sit. If you dont know how to act like a sane rational human being while we're getting to know each other I can't help you realize that.

* Must be whole. Im not a therapist. I'm going to make sure my mind game is tight... I'm happy and well adjusted. If you're still pining for your ex, or cry yourself to sleep at night hugging her pillow, or spend an hour of dinner angrily telling me about her and her issues and all she did, I'ma need you to first see a therapist and then make your way back around to see if i am still available for your crazy behind.

* Must understand that I'm a virgin and while we will have fun, sex is not a given. You will find out EARLY that I am a virgin and I plan to remain so for the forseeable future. That is your guilt free OUT. TAKE IT if you need it, don't feel obligated to 'see if you can handle it'. You know good and well if you can't and its irresponsible to keep going but pressure me on every date to have sex with you. I'm 33. If i was gonna change my mind, Id have done it by now.

Other than that, I think I am pretty reasonable.

GIrl...I can say one thing..you DO know what you want, . The bolded..I feel ya on! These tired men w/ all these issues and here I am playing psychologist .

 

[MzLady78]

Men get SO offended when I tell them they can't come to my house! Oh no no no... you don't get to come to my house and plop your butt on my couch until I KNOW you. Oh, and don't let me tell them our first date can't be at his house. I recently had a gentleman tell me I was being overly sensitive about the subject and I needed to relax some of my rules. I said that if wanting to meet him in a public place in broad daylight more than once before I am trapped at his HOME in S.Atlanta with him and his roomates is being sensitive, then I'll be that. That he would even ASK and then get MAD set off so many flags I saw red for weeks!

For me in general:

* Must be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead. I am a lady and I expect to be treated like one.

* Must be employed. He doesnt need to run a Fortune 500 co, in fact PLEASE don't be that important. Just go to work every day and like what you do, or make it work and be upwardly mobile if it's not gonna work. I don't wanna hear any whining about how 'the man is keeping you down'. No sir.

* Must be drug and disease free. That means no smokers or tobacco chewers. it's like kissing an ashtray. I also don't date heavy drinkers. I can see going out on Friday for one or two but if you come home M-Thurs and the first thing you do is make a hard liquor drink, nuh uh.

* Absolutely no drama. If you have a crazy ex who sometimes accidentally calls and hangs up 47 times a day, or you have a child with a woman who drives by screaming and throwing things at your car and cuttin eyes at whomever you're with, or if your "other chic" feels the need to call me about you, that falls under the definition of drama and I am not having it. I'm going to be bringing nothing of the sort to the table.

* Meet me where I am. I have a place to live, a vehicle, a job and I have been to school. If you don't have the above, or you cant talk about anything other than cars and hip hop, it's not gon' work.

*Must. Court. Me. I'm not your buddy or your pal I'm a potential mate. I am special. Treat me as such.

* If I have to beg plead cry scream ask you to do what's right, sorry you are Mr Right for some other chick. Like Dance4days, I will not d*ck sit. If you dont know how to act like a sane rational human being while we're getting to know each other I can't help you realize that.

* Must be whole. Im not a therapist. I'm going to make sure my mind game is tight... I'm happy and well adjusted. If you're still pining for your ex, or cry yourself to sleep at night hugging her pillow, or spend an hour of dinner angrily telling me about her and her issues and all she did, I'ma need you to first see a therapist and then make your way back around to see if i am still available for your crazy behind.

* Must understand that I'm a virgin and while we will have fun, sex is not a given. You will find out EARLY that I am a virgin and I plan to remain so for the forseeable future. That is your guilt free OUT. TAKE IT if you need it, don't feel obligated to 'see if you can handle it'. You know good and well if you can't and its irresponsible to keep going but pressure me on every date to have sex with you. I'm 33. If i was gonna change my mind, Id have done it by now.

Other than that, I think I am pretty reasonable.

Love it!!!!!

 

[SkinnyMocah]

GIrl...I can say one thing..you DO know what you want, . The bolded..I feel ya on! These tired men w/ all these issues and here I am playing psychologist .

I decided a looooooooong time ago that no man was gonna keep me up talking till 1,2,4 am talking about his issues making me think that we're getting close and ish, and then he takes some other girl to dinner and a movie. No.Sir. DrPhil.com. Go there, get some help.

 

[honeycomb719]

I agree with what you ladies have said. One thing I would like to add that seems simple, but it's amazing how many ladies don't demand this from men. If you're "dating" a man, make sure that he actually DATES you!! None of this "chilling at the crib" bull. Seriously, if you are out of high school and still doing this, then you are NOT dating.

MizAvalon's definition of a DATE:

1. Gentleman calls me at least several days in advance to make plans with me.

2.He arrives to pick me up(though you can meet at the location).

3. We go out and have a social outing at a public place.

4. Gentleman takes me home, walks me to my door, and says goodnight.

If we're not doing the above, then we're not dating. Sitting on the couch watching tv when I just met you 2 weeks ago is not dating. Seriously ladies, make these men COURT YOU!!!

You aint NEVA lied there girl....I dropped quite a few guys cause they didnt understand this...

 

[honeycomb719]

Here is my two cents - PLEASE do not become a victim of the "hope factor". Meaning if you are dating a man and any of the following words come out of your mouth: if he would just....everything would be great if only he would....if he would just stop...why can't he just.... PLEASE really analyze if this is a man you should invest time with. When you say those types of phrases (especially when you constantly compliain to your girlfriend and utter those phrases) it means you are in the hope factor. You're hoping for him to change and be different than what behavior he is currently exhibiting. Remember - what you see is what you get. If he isn't coming correct...he needs not come at you at all.

DO NOT settle for less than what you know deep down inside you deserve!

PREACH!!!!!

 

[LaFaraona]

I am taking note...

 

[dreamer26]

Great post and responses

Know who you are and what you want. How will you know if he's Mr. Right when you don't know what's right for you.

Communicate: Listen to what he's saying. Find out how much he love his mother. If a man do not love and respect their mother, then changes are he won't love and respect you. (there are some exceptions)

Patience: Be patient when dating, just because he has good hair, and a job and no arrest record does not mean he's your husband. Take time to get to know the person you're dating, his likes and dislikes, his ups and downs, his goals and dreams, his religion preferances if any.

Sex: I would say obstain til marriage for those that agree do that but for those that don't agree, at least wait until you know he's special and has a chance to be the one. Giving up your stuff on the 1st and 2nd dates, doesn't tell a man you're the one. It tells him you're horny and easy.

Respect yourself: However you treat yourself is how others will treat you, male and female. Have pride and respect about yourself. When a man leaves your presence give him more to think about other than your booty. Stimulate both intellect and loins

Listen: If you have someone that really loves you and care about you and they tell you he's not the one or you need to leave him alone, or wait before marrying him. PLEASE LISTEN, sometimes others can see what love has blined you to.

I'll stop there.

HAPPY DATING.

 

[jwhitley6]

Great post and responses

Know who you are and what you want. How will you know if he's Mr. Right when you don't know what's right for you.

Communicate: Listen to what he's saying. Find out how much he love his mother. If a man do not love and respect their mother, then changes are he won't love and respect you. (there are some exceptions)

Patience: Be patient when dating, just because he has good hair, and a job and no arrest record does not mean he's your husband. Take time to get to know the person you're dating, his likes and dislikes, his ups and downs, his goals and dreams, his religion preferances if any.

Sex: I would say obstain til marriage for those that agree do that but for those that don't agree, at least wait until you know he's special and has a chance to be the one. Giving up your stuff on the 1st and 2nd dates, doesn't tell a man you're the one. It tells him you're horny and easy.

Respect yourself: However you treat yourself is how others will treat you, male and female. Have pride and respect about yourself. When a man leaves your presence give him more to think about other than your booty. Stimulate both intellect and loins

Listen: If you have someone that really loves you and care about you and they tell you he's not the one or you need to leave him alone, or wait before marrying him. PLEASE LISTEN, sometimes others can see what love has blined you to.

I'll stop there.

HAPPY DATING.

So true, so true!

 

[MissJ]

I really need this thread.

I've invited a guy over to my place before, because I didn't want him to go broke spending money on me. It wasn't the first date or anything but still kind of early. I think I have a bleeding heart, and I need to stop the hemorrhaging.

 

[sapphire74]

Bumping for more respones.....Very interesting ladies, just what I needed to hear or read! Please keep the advice coming. Thanks.

 

[whitneysimone]

oooh i love this threat

 

[Covergirl5906]

date more than one guy!!!

Now I am not saying that anyone should sleep with more than person, I am just saying get to know more than one guy.

Don't think about where things will go or have expectations. That was my mistake Just look at it as you two are going out to have a good time. just enjoy their company and dont focus on what will come out of it.

I have learned these two things within the last couple of months.

I hope Bunny77 comes in and gives advice. She gives really good advice when it comes to dating/relationships.

I TOTALLY AGREE

 

[Covergirl5906]

I agree with what you ladies have said. One thing I would like to add that seems simple, but it's amazing how many ladies don't demand this from men. If you're "dating" a man, make sure that he actually DATES you!! None of this "chilling at the crib" bull. Seriously, if you are out of high school and still doing this, then you are NOT dating.

MizAvalon's definition of a DATE:

1. Gentleman calls me at least several days in advance to make plans with me.

2.He arrives to pick me up(though you can meet at the location).

3. We go out and have a social outing at a public place.

4. Gentleman takes me home, walks me to my door, and says goodnight.

If we're not doing the above, then we're not dating. Sitting on the couch watching tv when I just met you 2 weeks ago is not dating. Seriously ladies, make these men COURT YOU!!!

THIS IS THE TRUTH

 

[audacious1]

This is a great thread.

I pretty much have followed the same rules that have been posted EXCEPT for the dating more than one guy. It's a personal issue, but I feel like a traitor or disloyal if I date more than one guy, especially if I really like him.

But thats neither here or there since I'm not in the playing field. *shrug*