Being Lonely without love interest or being in a lonely marriage? What is worse?

Which is worse?

  • Being 100% single with no dating prospects and feeling alone

    Votes: 14 10.1%

  • Being married but still feeling alone due to cold relationship

    Votes: 80 57.6%

  • Both equally suck.

    Votes: 45 32.4%
  • Total voters
    139
  • Poll closed .
levette

levette

Well-Known Member
Just curious about 2 different scenarios that plagues a lot of women in this day and time. Being single without a reliable mate to date and also not having any children or being married but still feeling alone because you don't have a non-existence relationship based on predictability, child, but no effort to improve things, knowing the person will never change for the better or you are simply incompatible.
I have seen and known women in both circumstances.
 
Being 100% single with no dating prospects is better to me...At least the person is drama free and can come and go as she pleases....but being single does not always mean that the person feels alone. Some ladies are content in their singlehood.
 
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In a lonely marriage is worse! That is like making a commitment to perpetually having a carrot dangled in your face that you will never eat.
 
PPGbubbles said:
At least if you are lonely in a marriage you can have companionship.
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How? I would think the, "companionship," would be equivalent to a slow death. Ever go out and see a couple on a date where they are just existing...? It even makes you the observer uncomfortable. I dated a narc that made me feel lonely all of the time minus sex. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
 
Single vs married no sex any day. But if I don't have a full social life and things going on then both would suck equally as bad. I'm not meant to be a hermit

There is nothing that says you will still have companionship in a marriage with no sex. I have several friends going thru this now and they all describe it as varying degrees of hell and extreme loneliness

One is Asian no sex for 5 years. Early 30's they just coexist in this giant house. She texts when his food is ready they have separate bedrooms now. They fake it for his work or family obligations. Very religious no divorce on either side. She finally broke down in tears during a visit with her parents when they were getting on her about no kids. Told them what he'll her life really is. Good thing is they were supportive and found the no sex thing isolation unacceptable and her supporting her in getting a divorce (she also recently lost her job)

Another married 5 no sex for 4. DH didn't tell her he suffers from mental illness before they were married. His Meds he went on give him zero sex drive and irritable most of the time.
 
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Both equally suck.

I don't mind being single once I have a good group of friends that I can spend quality time with and of course my family. However being single, alone and feeling undesirable.... no.

Being alone in a marriage sounds boring. I'm way to social for that mess. I'm extroverted in the sense that I get energy from being around people in a highly social setting. I would not survive in either situation.
 
Lucie said:
How? I would think the, "companionship," would be equivalent to a slow death. Ever go out and see a couple on a date where they are just existing...? It even makes you the observer uncomfortable. I dated a narc that made me feel lonely all of the time minus sex. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Click to expand...

This is nothing but the truth
 
The marriage would definitely suck! That's a life long commitment you made with someone who wants to act stank now? If they choose to remain distant there's only so much you can do to change their actions...but if they remain that way your options are to put up with it or divorce...lose/lose situation. My best friend is in a marriage where her husband ignores her and acts cold. Have you ever had a bad roommate situation? It sucks but that's what it's like for her. She said her stomach is in knots whenever he comes home. No thank ya! #Teamsingle4life vs #teammarried&alone...wouldn't wish that on anyone. At least if i'm single I'm not stuck.
 
At least things could change for the better if you are single. If you are married and resigned to the situation, before you know it you are 80 and regretting your life in your lifeless marriage. Seen it with an old woman. She cried when she told me. I was just a passing stranger but I never forgot her and her sense of loss and sadness and regrets...
 
That's why a forever marriage isn't a guarantee. Ideally yes, but if you are unhappy, you should be able to leave. People change and/or grow apart or heck married the wrong person! Ish happens. I fault social pressures against separation or divorce as part of the reasons people feel stuck. Marriage is an end goal for lots of folks.
 
I rather be single. I remember dating a guy who was vindictive, selfish and overbearing. I felt unhappy at times and would rather be alone then to spend time with him, even though we were in a relationship!! Imagine had I married him. Whooooo!
 
sweetvi said:
I rather be single. I remember dating a guy who was vindictive, selfish and overbearing. I felt unhappy at times and would rather be alone then to spend time with him, even though we were in a relationship!! Imagine had I married him. Whooooo!
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What is his name? He sounds familiar. lol
Been there.
 
I'd stay alone gladly rather than be in a perpetually unhappy marriage. I love being able to do what I want. And single doesn't equal lonely.:yep:
 
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Ganjababy said:
At least things could change for the better if you are single. If you are married and resigned to the situation, before you know it you are 80 and regretting your life in your lifeless marriage. Seen it with an old woman. She cried when she told me. I was just a passing stranger but I never forgot her and her sense of loss and sadness and regrets...
Click to expand...


This made my stomach hurt... Idk why. :cry: I can't.
 
I haven't felt lonely since I've been single but was terribly lonely the last few years of my marriage. It was horrible.
 
Ganjababy said:
At least things could change for the better if you are single. If you are married and resigned to the situation, before you know it you are 80 and regretting your life in your lifeless marriage. Seen it with an old woman. She cried when she told me. I was just a passing stranger but I never forgot her and her sense of loss and sadness and regrets...
Click to expand...

That is depressing makes you ponder...
 
Lucie said:
How? I would think the, "companionship," would be equivalent to a slow death. Ever go out and see a couple on a date where they are just existing...? It even makes you the observer uncomfortable. I dated a narc that made me feel lonely all of the time minus sex. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Click to expand...

I figure there is a reason the two married. They still have each other and if they can come to an understanding they wouldn't be lonely anymore.

I think being alone and lonely is worse because that loneliness can cause you to alienate your self and that to me would be a slow death.

But the beauty of all this is perspective. I just think we view the problem from a different lens
 
Kindheart said:
You re also stuck with a person who doesn't give you anything . Nah ,I ll vote single with no love interst,atleast you can travel and have complete freedom.
Click to expand...

Single with no love interest is one thing, but single and lonely sounds like the ultimate depression. I envision someone like that not wanting to travel crying themselves to sleep each night
 
I believe being married and lonely is MUCH worse. When single there is an optimism and hope that you will find the right mate, when married it is a massive sign that there are major issues to be resolved which may still end up in an un salvageable marriage.

I have witnessed 2 close relatives in the married and lonely and they are pretty much married and separated and have been so for years. What is sad I think is that because of how dragged out it's getting the two have no love or a realistic prospect of what they want from a relationship, both dudes sleep out and have relationships outside and the wives have emotional relationships with others all the time.

Life can be messy especially if you let it.
 
I think both are equally bad. Just because you are single doesn't mean you have prospects or the hope of finding someone and just because you are married doesn't mean you are doomed to stay in a bad relationship. Being lonely is awful no matter what state you find yourself in.
 
hothair said:
I believe being married and lonely is MUCH worse. When single there is an optimism and hope that you will find the right mate, when married it is a massive sign that there are major issues to be resolved which may still end up in an un salvageable marriage. I have witnessed 2 close relatives in the married and lonely and they are pretty much married and separated and have been so for years. What is sad I think is that because of how dragged out it's getting the two have no love or a realistic prospect of what they want from a relationship, both dudes sleep out and have relationships outside and the wives have emotional relationships with others all the time. Life can be messy especially if you let it.
Click to expand...

Relationships are just hard
 
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