Being Hit On By Men That KNOW You Have A SO

[Everything Zen]

Am I the one that finds this to be highly unattractive?


Let me preface this with my bad habit of giving my info out to a ton of people mostly because I am a musician and 99.9% of the time it works out just fine.

Now I just met this guy at the library while I'm trying to study and he comes over on his own and we start talking about music and he's trying to get his rap group together and . I show him my work and we have a great discussion. He asked for my info so we could talk music. I told him "just so you know I have a boyfriend." He says "Oh cool- I'm not trying to do anything... " So we talk music, music, music- I don't find him that attractive on the surface, he talks music but he doesn't have plans, places he performs, etc. not to mention I'm trying to get into grad school for my PhD in neuroscience (meaning music is my life BUT education is HIGHLY important to me!!!!) he has nothing to include. So he says he'll call later. I left and then he calls talking about "feelings", "having stuff in common" and "possibilities" and "I wish I had met you first..." What happened to it was all about the music?! Now even if I did find you attractive you lose some major cool points when you act so disrespectful. Even my current SO was crazy about me before we dated when we were both single and he was COMPLETELY respectful of my dating status as I was in a relationship and he was single the whole time before we were together. He pounced like a **** as soon as the word got out that we split but before that no way. I have other friends who are absolutely respectful when I'm in relationships and all "hey babe" when I'm not. It's called honor.

I'm way too laid back and "sweet" that I can befriend 99.9% of the population and I can talk with people from MOST walks of life. So I'm singing the praises of my love for my man and this dude is just clueless. He was okay to talk to- but it's not like he blew me over with his charm, good looks, and blinding intelligence!

Keep digging that hole buddy!

 

[Everything Zen]

RANT:

I am so tired of being hit on by shiftless, uneducated black men!!!

I'm humoring this fool but now I'm pissed! I thought he was a slightly overweight, soft-spoken, polite security guard that's always at the library.
The minute I walk up in there with my hair freshly relaxed and wearing contacts, he comes over with this little "scheme" to steal me away from my boyfriend. How Pathetic.

THIS IDIOT not only failed to remember me as the quiet, minding-my-own-business, thick black glasses wearing hair pinned up in PS girl all these past months, lied to me about just wanting to talk about music and then all this other mess comes out.

He's got a kid and baby momma drama. (Strike 1)
He's been in jail a few times. erplexed (Strike 2)
He's an ex gangster disciple who occasionally visits his boys on the corner. (Strike 3)
He's been shot seven times (He struck out a long time ago)

Maybe he said that last bit bc some OF these chicken-head idiots think that's "gangsta" or something.

He didn't understand why I thought it was morally wrong for people to sell drugs in the neighborhood. He s-l-o-w-l-y came around to sort of understanding. He doesn't know how to use a computer and wants me to help him get an email address. His little "rap group" is called "'Dem Hood Boyz" and he says wearing your pants hanging off your a** is all about image (he was wearing his security guard uniform whenever I saw him)

Yet he thinks that after 1 conversation WE HAVE SUCH A CONNECTION...

This fool wanted to invite me over to "watch a movie and kick it". He'll be lucky if I ever step foot in the library again.

No one can ever accuse me of not be an equal opportunist unless I'm an elitist for thinking we're not on the same level. I'm too damn nice- everyone thinks I'm such a sweetheart. I am on the outside
but I run into these type of immature "boyz" all-the-time... What's sad is he doesn't see that I would NEVER consider dating the immature, ignorant train wreck that he described.

The black men that I am compatible with and attracted to are always chasing other races.

Oh the hell well:
Call me a bourgeoisie elitist self-hating black woman if ya like, but I'll stick with the college educated, childless, upwardly mobile, law-abiding white men who don't attract bullets that are constantly beating down my door.

I am so pissed off!!!
Lord Jesus! I need to pray...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I'm sooo with you on being sick of the shiftless, uneducated, scatter-brained, still impressionable over the age of 25, lazy, ignorant, facetious, narcissistic, bi-polar and in denial, crafty, selfish, child-in-a-grown-man's body, counterfiet negros. There are sooo many of them, I wish I could net em all and throw them in the Atlantic. Aaah, just the thought.

I think I need to go pray too girl.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

OMG, we are >>>>>>>>>>>>>>right here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< on this. He thinks he's slick with this help-him-get-an-email-addy scheme.

Any guy who tries to kick it to me when I've SAID I'm taken is not only revealing how trife HE is, but also insinuating that *I* am as trifling as him.

 

[Odontyouwish]

It's disrespectful and annoying. They think that if they "spit a little game" they can have you.

Why would I leave a 3 degree having, own house having, car owning, working Black man for a dude who lives in his mom's house, will always ask me to come pick him up, and has baby mama drama, and thinks college is for nerds?

I will never forget leaving a comedy show at my college and this guy had HIS FRIEND come tell me that he wanted to talk to me [strike 1] and because I was in a good mood, I turned to him, and said I was married [this was a lie, but I have ring on that finger to fool people] and he nonchalantly flashed his left hand at me and said, "Me, too" [strike 2] and smiled! He was ugly so he wouldn't have gotten to talk to me if he was single or not [strike 3] I was so taken aback that I just walked away without saying anything.

 

[Everything Zen]

I'm so pissed though bc I gave him my number bc I seriously thought he wanted to talk music. I wonder what I should do? He doesn't know where I live or anything. I am seriously considering getting it blocked but I am running out of places to study in public! I was livid earlier when I woke up this morning but now I'm just wondering that if I calmly state my disapproval, and always have something to do and he'll go away. I can't believe he thinks I'm going to just come hang out with him while he guards a church tonight!

He asked me what time I got up in the morning. I said 6:30 he was all shocked and horrified. He announced that he gets up at noon. I laughed in his face. How childish! I'm sorry but I haven't regularly slept beyond 7 or the latest 8... EVER! Get your grown a** up!!!

 

[Everything Zen]

OMG, we are >>>>>>>>>>>>>>right here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< on this. He thinks he's slick with this help-him-get-an-email-addy scheme.

Any guy who tries to kick it to me when I've SAID I'm taken is not only revealing how trife HE is, but also insinuating that *I* am as trifling as him.

I couldn't have said it better!

 

[Everything Zen]

LOL sad true story.

I was at a bar last year with a group including one of my closest black male friends (one of the other chasers). This drunk old white guy ends up hanging with our group and he looks at the two of us and goes. You two should date. Why aren't you together?

I turned around and said "Because we both don't date black people."

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

Is it me, or is it some MEN and their so called "Spit Game" is getting more and more immature?

 

[Everything Zen]

^^^ Nope I think it's because the women have become easier and easier.

 

[syze6]

I have a big problem with a man knowing I'm married and trying to hit on me.

My co-worker asked me to breakfast, talking about how no one has to know. He goes into the you don't know what your huuby does spill like I'm 19 years old.

I told him "God holds me accountable for MY actions regardless of HIS". "I didn't get married to play games or cheat". He tells me to stay married long enough and I will see what he's talking about. I told him I will no longer communicate with him.

He was married before and is divorced, I can see what part he played in it.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

I have a big problem with a man knowing I'm married and trying to hit on me.

My co-worker asked me to breakfast, talking about how no one has to know. He goes into the you don't know what your huuby does spill like I'm 19 years old.

I told him "God holds me accountable for MY actions regardless of HIS". "I didn't get married to play games or cheat". He tells me to stay married long enough and I will see what he's talking about. I told him I will no longer communicate with him.

He was married before and is divorced, I can see what part he played in it.

OMG he is a jerk, just because he is a dog, don't make all men dogs, and he trying to run that game on you, wow some of these men need help.

 

[JustKiya]

Because they know that there are more than enough trifiling women out there for whom having an SO/DH is no obstacle to a lil numnum on the side - and the only way he'll find out if upstanding, intelligent, outwardly appearing to have it all together you is actually a ho inside by trying to sweet talk the ho out.

Yeah, it's real insulting. But it works too often for it to be worth them stopping. That's the really sad part - there are women out there encouraging this behaviour.

 

[skatergurljubulee]

What a mess. I don't even know what to say to that! lol

 

[Everything Zen]

I think I might have gotten rid of him. He called yesterday and I immediately hung up and just texted that I couldn't talk I was busy. He goes "Cool, call me later when you get home."

Of course I didn't call nor will I ever call. He doesn't get it. Why would I call a guy who has already disrespected me by lying to get my number and ignoring the fact that I said I was taken? You are not my man and I am not calling some random dude like I was single.

Negro please...

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I think I might have gotten rid of him. He called yesterday and I immediately hung up and just texted that I couldn't talk I was busy. He goes "Cool, call me later when you get home."

Of course I didn't call nor will I ever call. He doesn't get it. Why would I call a guy who has already disrespected me by lying to get my number and ignoring the fact that I said I was taken? You are not my man and I am not calling some random dude like I was single.

Negro please...

Couldn't you just text him and tell him to lose your number and not call back again.

He apparently thinks it's still okay to call you back. Maybe that's why he's not getting it.

Tell him what you're telling us--you feel disrespected and since he's ignored the fact that you're taken, then you don't want to deal with him anymore.

You have to be straight-forward with some folks.

Some are too dense to read between the lines.

 

[CandiceC]

Give him a weekend to try that mess on someone else. He'll be out of your hair in no time.

 

[Everything Zen]

Couldn't you just text him and tell him to lose your number and not call back again.

He apparently thinks it's still okay to call you back. Maybe that's why he's not getting it.

Tell him what you're telling us--you feel disrespected and since he's ignored the fact that you're taken, then you don't want to deal with him anymore.

You have to be straight-forward with some folks.

Some are too dense to read between the lines.

I'd rather tell him instead of text. Make it plain and make sure he understands. I don't want to have him texting me back. I might get his number blocked but again I don't want to go to the library anymore bc of him and other men there. My problem is I'm too nice but now I'm running out of places to go!

 

[Blessed_Angel]

I think I might have gotten rid of him. He called yesterday and I immediately hung up and just texted that I couldn't talk I was busy. He goes "Cool, call me later when you get home."

Of course I didn't call nor will I ever call. He doesn't get it. Why would I call a guy who has already disrespected me by lying to get my number and ignoring the fact that I said I was taken? You are not my man and I am not calling some random dude like I was single.

Negro please...

That's so grimy of him to lie...ugh. No one likes to be decieved.

I'd rather tell him instead of text. Make it plain and make sure he understands. I don't want to have him texting me back. I might get his number blocked but again I don't want to go to the library anymore bc of him and other men there. My problem is I'm too nice but now I'm running out of places to go!

Is there another library that you could go to? And being too nice will almost always be taken the wrong way by men. That's why I have to constantly remind myself to not be so nice. Others take it as being naive; even if you're not. Sometimes being nice is a bad thing....unfortunately

Here's what being nice got me:

The UPS guy realized that since I'm home during the day (I'm a SAHM), he can ring my bell to get in the building and deliver his packages. I didn't mind at all. So one day we chat talking about nothing; while my food is cooking. And he talk about how good it smells and all. So, I offered him a plate after he said he didn't eat. I gave him some food in a paper plate and sent him on his way.

The next time he saw me I was with DH (who he knew about sine DH opens the door for him sometimes when we had a package), and he yells "thank you" and DH is looking at me like who's that. I was like, I don't know. I just ignored the fool. He was had the nerve to "thank me" in front of my husband! See, I don't cheat on my husband, and he trusts me; and I want to keep it that way. And I don't want him to have a reason not to trust me; especially since I am home all day and "I could be doing anything".

So, one day he ring my bell, and he knows DH isn't home during the day; but this day was a holiday. And this fool asks me if I'm alright (I had just woken a few minutes ago). I said "yeah", and put my finger to my mouth to say "shush" cause I don't want DH to think we cool like that, cause we ain't! Then he ask me if I need anything. What could he possibly get for me? Why would I want HIM to get something for me?

So, the next time I saw him alone, I told him that my hubby was home at the time and he was wondering why you was asking me all that stuff. I told that out of respect for DH and my marriage, I'd prefer if we keep conversation to a minimum. Cause I'm home all day with the baby, and I don't want him to think anything; especially since NOTHING's gonna happen! He said alright, and sounded disappointed. I don't care. No one is worth ruining my marriage over.

 

[Everything Zen]

That's so grimy of him to lie...ugh. No one likes to be decieved.



Is there another library that you could go to? And being too nice will almost always be taken the wrong way by men. That's why I have to constantly remind myself to not be so nice. Others take it as being naive; even if you're not. Sometimes being nice is a bad thing....unfortunately

Here's what being nice got me:

The UPS guy realized that since I'm home during the day (I'm a SAHM), he can ring my bell to get in the building and deliver his packages. I didn't mind at all. So one day we chat talking about nothing; while my food is cooking. And he talk about how good it smells and all. So, I offered him a plate after he said he didn't eat. I gave him some food in a paper plate and sent him on his way.

The next time he saw me I was with DH (who he knew about sine DH opens the door for him sometimes when we had a package), and he yells "thank you" and DH is looking at me like who's that. I was like, I don't know. I just ignored the fool. He was had the nerve to "thank me" in front of my husband! See, I don't cheat on my husband, and he trusts me; and I want to keep it that way. And I don't want him to have a reason not to trust me; especially since I am home all day and "I could be doing anything".

So, one day he ring my bell, and he knows DH isn't home during the day; but this day was a holiday. And this fool asks me if I'm alright (I had just woken a few minutes ago). I said "yeah", and put my finger to my mouth to say "shush" cause I don't want DH to think we cool like that, cause we ain't! Then he ask me if I need anything. What could he possibly get for me? Why would I want HIM to get something for me?

So, the next time I saw him alone, I told him that my hubby was home at the time and he was wondering why you was asking me all that stuff. I told that out of respect for DH and my marriage, I'd prefer if we keep conversation to a minimum. Cause I'm home all day with the baby, and I don't want him to think anything; especially since NOTHING's gonna happen! He said alright, and sounded disappointed. I don't care. No one is worth ruining my marriage over.

Sooooo sad...

Other libraries don't have wifi and I want to use my macbook. You're right, I've got to learn to curb it without being a complete b****.

 

[Blessed_Angel]

Sooooo sad...

Other libraries don't have wifi and I want to use my macbook. You're right, I've got to learn to curb it without being a complete b****.

Yes, that balance is important. I've learned the hard way that that's the best to deal with them.

So you gonna call the guy and tell him not to call you anymore. Or just tell him if he calls you back?

 

[Everything Zen]

Yes, that balance is important. I've learned the hard way that that's the best to deal with them.

So you gonna call the guy and tell him not to call you anymore. Or just tell him if he calls you back?

Just tell him if he calls back. I can already see thta he's one of those type of guys that expects the girl to call him back, etc.

Sorry buddy- Don't hold your breath... Well go on and hold it. One less loser in the world.

 

[darlingdiva]

OMG, we are >>>>>>>>>>>>>>right here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< on this. He thinks he's slick with this help-him-get-an-email-addy scheme.

Any guy who tries to kick it to me when I've SAID I'm taken is not only revealing how trife HE is, but also insinuating that *I* am as trifling as him.

It's so true!!! The line that ALWAYS kills me is: are you happy? Why is this one of the first things to leave a guy's mouth when he finds out that you're in a relationship?

What, do you expect me to say no and give you the okay to move right on in? I don't think so!

 

[MD_Lady]

I have a big problem with a man knowing I'm married and trying to hit on me.

My co-worker asked me to breakfast, talking about how no one has to know. He goes into the you don't know what your huuby does spill like I'm 19 years old.

I told him "God holds me accountable for MY actions regardless of HIS". "I didn't get married to play games or cheat". He tells me to stay married long enough and I will see what he's talking about. I told him I will no longer communicate with him.

He was married before and is divorced, I can see what part he played in it.

:hardslapnot literally, of course ) You handled that VERY well (...much better than I would have ).

 

[MD_Lady]

That's just creepy, OP. When I saw the title, I thought you were talking more along the lines of implied interest (you know how there are times when you get the feeling that someone is attracted to you, even if they don't flat out say it). That dude was very bold and very disrespectful.

 

[Carrie A]

RANT:

Call me a bourgeoisie elitist black woman if ya like, :

I'm callin' you that.................Good for you.

I'm laughing at the part about inviting you over to kick it at the crib as a date. Somebody started a thread about how dudes were trying to pull that mess off as the first date.