Being Approachable by Men

I think that following your interest can also be a way to meet men.Take a local cooking class orphotography.focus on you and being happy.The more your focused on your happiness the more your exude confidence and smile naturally.

Now with that being said<i think the advice given are on target.you need to challenge yourself,step out of comfort zone and speak.Go out for a drink it might be a restaurant sit at the bar sip your drink ,talk to bartender about anything laugh giggle enjoy yourself. I love to people watch so entertain yourself .A few things will happen The other people will join bartender conversation and perhaps continue convo with you. you might make a friend in bartender they can tell you who and what to watch for.
bartender might be inclined to watch out for you then and on the next occasion.
Good luck
 
I also wanted to say I have a coworker that is looking to find a man,however if you saw her you would think she was 20 at the most. She is 35,She wears the same blue fleece shirt jeans n sneakers to work everyday.She has a "butch" type hair cut much like a guy.She doesn't pluck her eyebrows so there is a unibrow.

This woman is very kind,and has the potential to being very pretty. But she wonders why men don't approach her.

I think part of being approachable is exuding femininity.
 
tash85 said:
I'm not an approachable kind of person at all. Ive been approached by more men telling me to "smile" than asking for my number

I've got mean mugging down to an art - but not intentionally! Looking miserable runs in the family but Im really a nice person if people do approach me

Cons - most men are too scared to approach me as they think the answer will be a flat no or a dirty look
Pros - I tend to only get confident, strong and determined men approach me so thats even better!
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Girl, the ugly or thuggish ones always are telling me to smile,lol. I wanna be like" I'm not smiling cause I want your ugly *** to leave me alone". I mean mug intentionally cause men in NYC take smiles and friendliness the way damn way. I think you're doing something right though cause the confident ones approach you which is what all we ladies want!
 
onyxdreams said:
I also wanted to say I have a coworker that is looking to find a man,however if you saw her you would think she was 20 at the most. She is 35,She wears the same blue fleece shirt jeans n sneakers to work everyday.She has a "butch" type hair cut much like a guy.She doesn't pluck her eyebrows so there is a unibrow.

This woman is very kind,and has the potential to being very pretty. But she wonders why men don't approach her.

I think part of being approachable is exuding femininity.
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Agreed, but being feminine can be very subtle with some and bolder with others so its all relative. Maybe you can help her if she asked you. She can do the tomboy thing and have a feminine edge to it.
 
Agreed, But she hasn't asked so I'm keeping my mouth shut.I don't know her that well, so all I do is listen.

I think effort in her case would work wonders to bring her out.
 
I am the same way. Either some men don't want to approach me because they are shy as well, and some will stare from afar. Or others, just don't because I 'look mean', as they say. Most also tell me to smile, but once they start chatting with me, they see I'm nice. And to make matters worse, if I'm not in heels and makeup, they think I'm a child. Many times I've heard them refer to me as the younger sister, or teen. :nono:



Short cute story: A friend of mine said her single friend rented a nice hotel in her downtown area for one full week. She bought cute outfits for everyday of that week. Everyday while in the hotel, she went down into the lounge/lobby area and sat at the bar hoping to meet someone. On her last two days there, she met a nice rich man who is now her husband.:yep: She never told him until later that she was a maid. :drunk:

I think I might do something similar. Not rent the room, but just go chill at a lounge at a hotel by myself and strike up convos during happy hour. I might take Steve's advice from Tough Love, and ask random men if they would ever date a girl named Helga. :lachen:
 
:blush: First of all, let me say there is nothing "special" about me. As a woman who is approched quite often by men of all races. Here is my take on the subject. I make it my goal to be friendly and nice to "Everyone" I meet (Men, Ladies, and children). Look everyone directly in the eyes, smile and speak; it doesn't cost anything. When you are beautiful on the inside in exudes through your pores. Men find that irresistible!
 
OP...although I don't have any advice for you I just wanted to say that I feel your pain.

I was talking to a BFF of mine last night and she stated that I must be turning down men who approach me. I told her that I never get approached! She doesn't believe me :ohwell: I told her I'd been approached like 2-3 times this year. The convo ended abruptly cuz she ended up getting another call, but I'm sure she's gonna bring it up again to me tonite (which is fine cuz I plan on asking her what she thinks my issue is! LOL! :lachen:)

Sometimes I wish I could be a fly on the wall and just observe MYSELF outside of my own skin...to see if its something "wrong" I'm doing (or perhaps its something I'm "not" doing enough of)...that is preventing me from meeting people of the opposite sex.

As for now, my "hunch" is that it's a combination of the following:

-Being VERY introverted/quiet, and shy when it comes to meeting new people

-Closed body language/demeanor

-Not being social enough (I'm not talking about being in the club, but being in social situations where I would meet people of the opposite sex. I moved to this city last year, and I haven't met one guy through any of the 6 females here that I talk to on a regular to "semi-regular" basis.) Not to mention I go out of town somewhat frequently, am scaling back on my "club nights out", yet haven't replaced that extra time with any other social activities (i.e., organizations, happy hour meetups, etc.) that would expose me to more people. When I'm here, I pretty much go to work and go home!

^Ok, not to hijack your thread OP....but I just wanted to say that I feel our reasons for not being approached are VERY similar, and again....I feel your pain. :yep:
 
Great advice ladies.

I have been on both sides of the spectrum. When I was younger, all the other girls have boyfriends and I got nothing.

What I've learned about what men find approachable is:

- They want to see you having fun, smiling, joking, not taking yourself too serious
- Confidence. Not conceited like you know you're the stuff but just very comfortable in your own skin.
- You have your negotiable and non-negotibles in order.
- I like to dress nice. Dressing nice, having hair nice, and makeup well done will always get you looks. Smiling and laughing will get you the number.
- If you like him and know he is single, make eye contact and laugh at his jokes. Ask him questions about himself. If he's single and interested, he'll make the move.

I get approached in alot of different settings. Work, school, mall, family friends, church, church friends, partys, lounges, dont really do the club thing but it work out for my sister. Recently I've been giving off that "I've taken" vibe so I get more stares then conversation.
 
zzirvingj said:
OP...although I don't have any advice for you I just wanted to say that I feel your pain.

I was talking to a BFF of mine last night and she stated that I must be turning down men who approach me. I told her that I never get approached! She doesn't believe me :ohwell: I told her I'd been approached like 2-3 times this year. The convo ended abruptly cuz she ended up getting another call, but I'm sure she's gonna bring it up again to me tonite (which is fine cuz I plan on asking her what she thinks my issue is! LOL! :lachen:)

Sometimes I wish I could be a fly on the wall and just observe MYSELF outside of my own skin...to see if its something "wrong" I'm doing (or perhaps its something I'm "not" doing enough of)...that is preventing me from meeting people of the opposite sex.

As for now, my "hunch" is that it's a combination of the following:

-Being VERY introverted/quiet, and shy when it comes to meeting new people

-Closed body language/demeanor

-Not being social enough (I'm not talking about being in the club, but being in social situations where I would meet people of the opposite sex. I moved to this city last year, and I haven't met one guy through any of the 6 females here that I talk to on a regular to "semi-regular" basis.) Not to mention I go out of town somewhat frequently, am scaling back on my "club nights out", yet haven't replaced that extra time with any other social activities (i.e., organizations, happy hour meetups, etc.) that would expose me to more people. When I'm here, I pretty much go to work and go home!

^Ok, not to hijack your thread OP....but I just wanted to say that I feel our reasons for not being approached are VERY similar, and again....I feel your pain. :yep:
Click to expand...

Yes, I am very much like you (except I never go to clubs...lol).

You didn't hijack at all. It's not MY thread. It's OUR thread (the girls who don't get approached thread!)
 
prettyfaceANB said:
Great advice ladies.

I have been on both sides of the spectrum. When I was younger, all the other girls have boyfriends and I got nothing.

What I've learned about what men find approachable is:

- They want to see you having fun, smiling, joking, not taking yourself too serious
- Confidence. Not conceited like you know you're the stuff but just very comfortable in your own skin.
- You have your negotiable and non-negotibles in order.
- I like to dress nice. Dressing nice, having hair nice, and makeup well done will always get you looks. Smiling and laughing will get you the number.
- If you like him and know he is single, make eye contact and laugh at his jokes. Ask him questions about himself. If he's single and interested, he'll make the move.

I get approached in alot of different settings. Work, school, mall, family friends, church, church friends, partys, lounges, dont really do the club thing but it work out for my sister. Recently I've been giving off that "I've taken" vibe so I get more stares then conversation.
Click to expand...

@green - Working on finding places for this. There are no "hims" apparently.

@purple - See, this is what I don't get. I do all of those things, too except lounges (no parties lately just b/c there haven't been any). But no approaching happens.

Hmm - maybe there is no reason. It's just some people have it - some people don't.
 
prettyfaceANB said:
If you like him and know he is single, make eye contact and laugh at his jokes. Ask him questions about himself. If he's single and interested, he'll make the move.
Click to expand...

This is part of my problem. I don't know if they are single so I tend to avoid a cute new face. By the time I've confirmed their singleness, I'm used to avoiding them.
 
hairlove said:
@green - Working on finding places for this. There are no "hims" apparently.

@purple - See, this is what I don't get. I do all of those things, too except lounges (no parties lately just b/c there haven't been any). But no approaching happens.

Hmm - maybe there is no reason. It's just some people have it - some people don't.
Click to expand...

Pretty Brown Eyes said:
This is part of my problem. I don't know if they are single so I tend to avoid a cute new face. By the time I've confirmed their singleness, I'm used to avoiding them.
Click to expand...

LHCF2009 said:
So how exactly will you know a guy is single? Do you just ask him straight out or wait for him to say something?
Click to expand...

About him being single:

He will let you know, trust me. He will either mention that he's girlfriend XYZ or he'll seem real suspect after the first phone conversation or someone will put him on blast. Dont worry about that initially. If he's taken, you'll find out.

If you think he's cute, be open and confident.

@hairlove - Yes, some people have it and some people dont but its not something that everybody can't get. Look, put on a sexy dress, do your hair and makeup, accessorize with some nice jewelry.

Stand in the mirror, fall in love with you, and go on the town or to a party with a girlfriend. Smile, be confident, know that you're desirable just because you're you. Watch for stares and sly looks. Also watch the haters LOL!

Its a great confidence booster and you'll begin to exude on the outside the beauty and confidence you develop on the inside.
 
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I get approached often. It's strange because I do not give off an approachable vibe AT ALL, I tend to mean mug, LOL.

What I have noticed is that most guys that already know me tend to develop interest after a while. I guess it's because you have to really get to be cool with me to see that sweet, nice, playful side.

I would like to branch out a little more, though. I go to the same 2 spots all time, which means I'm around the same people and that's extremely counterproductive.
 
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prettyfaceANB said:
About him being single:

He will let you know, trust me. He will either mention that he's girlfriend XYZ or he'll seem real suspect after the first phone conversation or someone will put him on blast. Dont worry about that initially. If he's taken, you'll find out.

If you think he's cute, be open and confident.

@hairlove - Yes, some people have it and some people dont but its not something that everybody can't get. Look, put on a sexy dress, do your hair and makeup, accessorize with some nice jewelry.

Stand in the mirror, fall in love with you,and go on the town or to a party with a girlfriend. Smile, be confident, know that you're desirable just because you're you. Watch for stares and sly looks. Also watch the haters LOL!

Its a great confidence booster and you'll begin to exude on the outside the beauty and confidence you develop on the inside.
Click to expand...

@ the black - About a year ago I saw a cute dude and made my way over to him. Turns out he knew my brother, so I used that to keep talking to him. I felt good and pretty, smiled, did the whole nine. However, I can tell the exact moment he figured I was interested. There was a shift in attitude and he started telling me all about his wife. He wasn't rude about it, but I felt like the biggest fool. Not a good feeling.:ohwell::nono:
 
inthepink said:
Do you mean over the course of the day? While out at a bar/club? In which situations are you getting approached?
Click to expand...

Doh, I completely forgot I posted here.
I know Inthepink hasn't been on since 6/2013 but I will answer anyways.

When I say approached it doesn't always mean they ask me out, sometimes they ask me out, sometimes it's just flirting. The place where they will ask you out is where they can sit /stand with you and talk, then work up the nerve to ask you out. Which would be a bar, club, theme park, sitting on a park bench, etc. Most guys won't do it on the fly, like walking past you down the street or when you are just zipping by them in the parking lot. Some do but I find it rare and awkward.

I was followed into my job once, a guy said he saw me walking and had to ask me out. I turned him down. Was shy I guess, because he was kinda hot. :lick::ohwell:

I get guys chatting me up even when I am with other guys. Don't know why really, it comes out of the blue and when I don't expect it.

A day ago my brother took me to the gun range and as we were leaving, a guy walking to his car stopped me and made a comment about my target with all the holes around the heart; and we started chatting. My brother later told his girlfriend that a guy was hitting on me even with his wife in the car waiting for him. :lol:

I moved to a new town in September and still no girlfriends to hang out with. It's been really frustrating. I have been working overtime a lot and have not gone out much. I was stood up by a flakey co-worker and ended up alone in a bar watching a live blues band and several guys hit on me. One got a little too fresh and I had to sneak out the side exit to escape.:spinning: That's the draw back of being alone, no girlfriend to run a buffer. Luckily, the bands guitarist's wife helped me slip out and watched me walk to my car. :grin: Girl power!!

I have been feeling really self conscious about hanging out alone, but 10 days with my brother and his new girlfriend, I WANT to go at it alone. No one rushing me to finish my meal, giving me indigestion. :nono:

Can't wait to get home and go out alone. That's if I have enough money to treat myself after this trip. :blush:

Today, I was walking around to the neighborhood garage sale and walked into a garage that had fishing poles and said hello to the guy standing in the garage, he had his back to me and he came over very friendly. I asked how the garage sale was going and he said he didn't know there was one. :blush: I walked into someone garage looking through his stuff and he was amused and chatted me up, told me he was just coming back from fishing and putting some things away. He had barrels and buckets of rain water in his drive way; he said he could give me. :lol: I told him I was eyeing his fishing poles. We briefly talked about the weather. I felt a bit awkward so I apologized and left, he said it was okay and seemed disappointed that I was leaving and wanted to continue chatting. He was kinda cute and had nice feet, walking around barefoot in his garage. I guess that should have been my first hint. :giggle:

FYI, mostly men at gun ranges and gun shows than women. Perfect place to meet a guy. I was at a gun show and asked out by one of the vendors the last time I was there. ;) Again, I was asking questions and he asked me if I was there with my husband and I blurted out I was looking to get a husband. He said, "REALLY maybe I can take you to dinner?" :lol:

So you never really know when you will run into someone. Now that the warmer weather is approaching you will have many opportunities to run into someone. It helps to be a bit outgoing, friendly, yet reserved and quiet at times and ask questions. Men seem to like that. :grin:

My problem is that I will subconsciously set up the perfect situation then get shy and scurry off when the guys start to assert themselves. Wish I knew how to get over that hurdle. :nono:
 
CurlyMoo said:
Doh, I completely forgot I posted here.
I know Inthepink hasn't been on since 6/2013 but I will answer anyways.

When I say approached it doesn't always mean they ask me out, sometimes they ask me out, sometimes it's just flirting. The place where they will ask you out is where they can sit /stand with you and talk, then work up the nerve to ask you out. Which would be a bar, club, theme park, sitting on a park bench, etc. Most guys won't do it on the fly, like walking past you down the street or when you are just zipping by them in the parking lot. Some do but I find it rare and awkward.

I was followed into my job once, a guy said he saw me walking and had to ask me out. I turned him down. Was shy I guess, because he was kinda hot. :lick::ohwell:

I get guys chatting me up even when I am with other guys. Don't know why really, it comes out of the blue and when I don't expect it.

A day ago my brother took me to the gun range and as we were leaving, a guy walking to his car stopped me and made a comment about my target with all the holes around the heart; and we started chatting. My brother later told his girlfriend that a guy was hitting on me even with his wife in the car waiting for him. :lol:

I moved to a new town in September and still no girlfriends to hang out with. It's been really frustrating. I have been working overtime a lot and have not gone out much. I was stood up by a flakey co-worker and ended up alone in a bar watching a live blues band and several guys hit on me. One got a little too fresh and I had to sneak out the side exit to escape.:spinning: That's the draw back of being alone, no girlfriend to run a buffer. Luckily, the bands guitarist's wife helped me slip out and watched me walk to my car. :grin: Girl power!!

I have been feeling really self conscious about hanging out alone, but 10 days with my brother and his new girlfriend, I WANT to go at it alone. No one rushing me to finish my meal, giving me indigestion. :nono:

Can't wait to get home and go out alone. That's if I have enough money to treat myself after this trip. :blush:

Today, I was walking around to the neighborhood garage sale and walked into a garage that had fishing poles and said hello to the guy standing in the garage, he had his back to me and he came over very friendly. I asked how the garage sale was going and he said he didn't know there was one. :blush: I walked into someone garage looking through his stuff and he was amused and chatted me up, told me he was just coming back from fishing and putting some things away. He had barrels and buckets of rain water in his drive way; he said he could give me. :lol: I told him I was eyeing his fishing poles. We briefly talked about the weather. I felt a bit awkward so I apologized and left, he said it was okay and seemed disappointed that I was leaving and wanted to continue chatting. He was kinda cute and had nice feet, walking around barefoot in his garage. I guess that should have been my first hint. :giggle:

FYI, mostly men at gun ranges and gun shows than women. Perfect place to meet a guy. I was at a gun show and asked out by one of the vendors the last time I was there. ;) Again, I was asking questions and he asked me if I was there with my husband and I blurted out I was looking to get a husband. He said, "REALLY maybe I can take you to dinner?" :lol:

So you never really know when you will run into someone. Now that the warmer weather is approaching you will have many opportunities to run into someone. It helps to be a bit outgoing, friendly, yet reserved and quiet at times and ask questions. Men seem to like that. :grin:

My problem is that I will subconsciously set up the perfect situation then get shy and scurry off when the guys start to assert themselves. Wish I knew how to get over that hurdle. :nono:
Click to expand...


Where do you live?
 
I think one could first ask themselves if one is approachable in general. Do people in the street stop and ask you for directions while you're out and about? I guess it also depends where one lives (since it's not every city that revolves around public transport or situations that would encourage a lot of pedestrians out and about) but I tend to think that people flock to those who look approachable in general, could be a question or comment from someone in the supermarket, at a gas station, etc. If one isn't approached at all, I tend to believe that our overall demeanor is something we could work on (if we found this to be problem).

I get asked crap left and right from strangers, DH hardly never does. I tell him that I wouldn't approach him either, he walks too fast, doesn't make eye contact as he passes people, when he stands his arms are crossed over his chest, his body language is just isn't inviting. I notice people leave me alone if I'm looking down at my cellphone or wearing headphones. I don't think one necessarily needs to smile 24/7 to be approachable, in my experience it's more in our body language. Good posture and and a general sense of awareness gets me enough attention from strangers.
 
Being friendly helps alot. I am secretly an introvert and I am known to make friends easily if i'm out and about alone and want company. When I'm in a mood to talk I get approached more than when I'm in default mode and my introvertness takes over.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using LHCF
 
Also, I wear flowers and bright shiny hair ornaments in my hair often. I think that may be a sign that I am approachable. Last Halloween I wore a bright peach and orange flower in my hair and people would not let me alone. Especially the children, even had a pint sized stalker at the haunted house. :look::grin::lol:
 
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