Be Honest: If you were dating a guy

F

FemmeFatale

Well-Known Member
lets say for a few months and your birthday or a holiday (Christmas or Vday) came up and you got nothing (let's say no gift or card but a text) would you write him off? Why or why not?
 
Yes, I would write him off. I don't appreciate my time being wasted with someone who does not think highly enough of me to show me that he cares with something thoughtful. I am not asking/expecting for diamonds but dating someone for a few months and to receive NADA, ZILCH, ZIPPO?! Good day sir.
 
i wouldn't be expecting a lot from someone i was seeing for 2-3 months but i would want -something-! it could be as small as a funny birthday card. a text is impersonal and takes no effort... so yeah i guess i would write him off.
 
I don't know about writing him off per say. But he wouldn't be someone I would take seriously. A text is so impersonal. Especially if it's my birthday. I might go have dinner with him or chat from time to time, but I would know he probably wasn't someone I would have any type of future with.
 
I don't know. That's a tough one, and whats a couple of months, 3 months? 6months? For 3 months and under I wouldn't expect a gift. I don't think that's really enough to know someone to be buying them gifts. I would personally feel uncomfortable taking a gift from someone I really didn't know like that. I would rather he take me out to dinner, buy me a card, or spend the day together or something. I would want him to at least acknowledge it. For 6 months and after, I definitely want a gift.
 
If a man really likes you I would think he'd get you a card or take you to dinner or something. But if it's just casual or buddies, I would let it stay at that.
 
I'll be honest and admit that the guy would stay in the friend zone. There's no way I'd look at him romantically after that.
 
FemmeFatale said:
lets say for a few months and your birthday or a holiday (Christmas or Vday) came up and you got nothing (let's say no gift or card but a text) would you write him off? Why or why not?
Click to expand...

That is a big red flag on how he feels about your relationship and how it is going. I know that it will not go anywhere.
 
Yes. I actually just had to do that last week. Christmas and Valentines Day went unchecked. I'm not big on gifts but he didn't even bring it up. My birthday was last week. I am a birthday person (It's the most important day to me). I did not get a present and he never told me happy birthday. We are no longer together, and I don't even consider him my friend anymore. That cut me deep.
 
That would be a deal breaker. He could go to the grocery store and buy a non romantic card and a bouquet of inexpensive flowers.
 
It would be a dealbreaker for me because the fact that he doesn't care about my feelings OR how I look at him would be a problem. I wouldn't care what the present was--it could be a card--because it's not about that but I would be really personally insulted that he didn't care enough to even...pretend. Like, I would feel like he was either letting me know he doesn't care what I think about him or he was daring me to say something about it. And then I'd probably get mad that I had to be subjected to such awkwardness and go in on him :look:
 
InchHighPrivateEye said:
It would be a dealbreaker for me because the fact that he doesn't care about my feelings OR how I look at him would be a problem. I wouldn't care what the present was--it could be a card--because it's not about that but I would be really personally insulted that he didn't care enough to even...pretend. Like, I would feel like he was either letting me know he doesn't care what I think about him or he was daring me to say something about it. And then I'd probably get mad that I had to be subjected to such awkwardness and go in on him :look:
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Why does it mean he doesn't care about your feelings?
 
Fine 4s said:
Why does it mean he doesn't care about your feelings?
Click to expand...

It doesn't necessarily mean that across the board, but that's how I would interpret it, just because in this scenario he doesn't even mention the occasion--and he knows about it. Like, I could understand if he didn't really know what to do--(i.e. should I get something nice or will that be too much? IDK! I'll just get a card and/or take her out). But if he knows that it's my birthday or a holiday or whatever and he just keeps it moving like it's a regular day, I would feel like he didn't care about what I think of him, like either he knows he has me or that he can take or leave me either way.

I'm kind of neurotic :look:, so maybe I think about things too much but I would expect somebody that really wanted me and didn't want me to get pissed and--since it's only been a few months-- dump him, to be concerned about the right thing to do. So, conversely, I would assume if he didn't do that he didn't care. And if, before that, I was under the impression that he did care about being with me, that would hurt my feelings.
 
What would happen if you/OP/ or anyone for that matter simply asked that he celebrate these occasions?
 
We would no longer hang out. I express excitement about my birthday happening, and if random people can be nice and treat me special for my birthday, then a man I'm dating better do SOMETHING: get me a silly card, take me on date, sooommething. Like InchHigh mentioned, I'd think um, he doesn't care what I think of him... because how he treats me in the early stages significantly impacts what I think of him as a person:yep: and a potential mate:yep:
Him not doing anything would say loudly and clearly that he's NOT very much into me. And I don't have time for that.
 
If I had told him what day my birthday was, and
If I told him I looked forward to celebrating it and feeling appreciated, and
If I had told him in no uncertain terms how much my birthday means to me...

and he did this this -> :ignore:

Then, yeah. My emotional needs are not important to him, or at a minimum, I'm not a priority for him. Politely direct him back to the friend zone.

Caveat: unless birthdays against his religion :look:
 
And I'm totally playing devil's advocate here but, if after letting him know he still didn't make the effort then perhaps I'd have to rethink things. But with no mention of how I feel about these things wouldn't make me leave but would def. hurt my feelings in some way. I don't think it automatically means he doesn't care....
 
I would dump em or use it for leverage in the future if he was giving and caring in more important areas. :look: ie: pay a bill or three, travel expenses, wash my car and fill up the tank regularly, take care of personal maintenance not sex but nails, hair, waxing = spa days, gives me money and pocket change regularly.

Some folks really hate the pressure that comes with man made holidays but hell my birthday is a personal nat'l holiday/celebration in my head. :lachen:
 
No. I don't really celebrate holidays/birthdays like most folks. And if I do, I certainly don't buy gifts. So if he got me something, I'd feel pressure to reciprocate.
 
Ummm when DH and I first started dating it was in April and my birthday is in May. I mentioned my birthday a few times and told him that I wasn't even really big on birthdays. But he still made sure to take me to dinner and get me something. :lol: If a dude likes you and wants to impress you he will do something for you to show that (within his budget :lol:).
 
FemmeFatale said:
lets say for a few months and your birthday or a holiday (Christmas or Vday) came up and you got nothing (let's say no gift or card but a text) would you write him off? Why or why not?
Click to expand...

we wouldve talked about it ahead of time cuz I'm one of those people who talks about their birthday like 2 months before hand

"omg what should i do for my bday this year? are you gonna be around for my bday"

I make arrangements in order to avoid any disappointment LOLOLOL
 
Im one of those people who celebrates my birthday. I dont have to do a lot, heck sometimes even just taking the day off is a great day, but yes I need acknowledgement. I would acknowledge his, so I would expect a guy who was courting me to do the same.
 
The Rules say to write him off if you don't get a romantic gift for holidays and birthdays. That means he's not serious about you.
 
After one month of dating my ex, I got black and white diamonds. If I don't get nothing at all.... How Chris Rock say it? The ****y dries right up. :look:
 
Yep, I'd drop him like a bag of dirt! I put up with a lot of BS when I was single, but now I wouldn't/don't expect diamonds and sky-writing, but I would appreciate more than a text if I were in a semi-serious hypothetical relationship.
 
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