ashamed of hair that's not even mine...

[femmemuscle]

i finally grew enough hair on this bald head of mine to change from braids/twists to weaves.

When i had my hair shaved off after a huge set-back, I always had dreams of wearing an afro kinky/curly type hair. I ordered Erena hair (natural curly) and AAMH afro kinky curly.

ladies, i can't believe how "prejudiced" i've become regarding our naps. When i installed the ERENA hair, i was very happy. it's a 3a/b texture. You know the type: soft brown, coily, bouncy. a big soft/curly afro. Which is not my hair color/texture

then i decided to go with my AAMH. on the track, it's gorgeous. it's more my hair type and color - a very dark brown/blackm, tight/curly and textured. Same afro style but different hair. i was mortified. I looked like Erica Badu when she wore that nappy wig in one of her shows.

The hair is a 3c/4a/4b type. nappy. and big. My beautician was ecstatic about it. But then again, she likes LOTS of hair. she'd be ecstatic if she saw a person walking around with two poodles on their head.

i don't know why, ladies..but i equated a big nappy fro with something dirty. when i looked in the mirror at home, i was thinking..i have to get this out IMMEIDIATELY!!

My boyfriend (who is white) says "it's just a bit more coilier than your last install - and a little bit bigger than the other hair". i couldn't go to the gym the next day, until he told me. "Your hair is fine, it's no different than any other natural style you've worn. So get to the gym, and hold your head up, you're beautiful!"

When i wear it pulled back, it's close to the head, and is a better match. The ERENA hair was not my texture/color so i had to wear it fluffed out to cover my own hair.

i can't believe my attitude about coarse hair. On other women, i think it's beautiful! but on me? i can only think of that damn pic of Erica Badu with the gold teeth.

 

[Platinum]

Uh oh...

 

[chebaby]

wow. ummm i dont know what to say. i would say its the same as women liking tiwsts on other naturals but not on themselves but its not the same. yea, i dont know what to say....

 

[isabella09]

Oh dear , this is not going to end nicely….

 

[SweetSpirit86]

Uh oh...

...waiting for it.

 

[poookie]

i can't believe my attitude about coarse hair. On other women, i think it's beautiful! but on me? i can only think of that damn pic of Erica Badu with the gold teeth.

coarse hair refers to the width of the hair strand, not the texture. people can be type 1 and have coarse hairs (i.e., people of asian descent)

i don't know why, ladies..but i equated a big nappy fro with something dirty. when i looked in the mirror at home, i was thinking..i have to get this out IMMEIDIATELY!!

other than that... all i have to say is that those probably weren't the greatest choice of words to describe hair. you're on a hair board. calling a type of hair undesirable, when a good portion of the members of the hair board have that type you just described, is pretty hurtful.

that is all.
:exits thread nicely, swangin' her beautiful type 4a (w/ a bit of 4b) new growth on the way:

 

[sikora]

So what grew out of your scalp when you shaved your hair? I'm just trying to identify the difference between your texture and the extensions you bought (the source of your shock/ discontent). Your own hair isn't coarse?

 

[CheLala13]

I don't think she's trying to say "OMG this hair texture is so BAD." She's just being honest about how mortified she was that she felt this way. It's like saying "I can't believe I feel...this and that way about a certain topic."

OP, while I cannot say I understand how you feel, at least you know that you aren't comfy with that textured weave! But at least you love your own hair.

 

[BellaLunie]

Okay I wanted to answer but I was scared. I agree with the OP. I have mostly 4a/b hair and I could never imagine rocking it in a "coarse" hairstyle. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and beauty is also subjective. Your bf sounds like a sweetheart

now let me high tale it out of here............

 

[Dee-Licious]

more folks than you know prolly agree with you


but this is still funnnn-nay

 

[DDTexlaxed]

How many people texturize to get the look you desire? I know I did. Honestly, I suffered from low self esteem when I was natural because I had no idea how to style it or care for it properly. Now I believe all textures are beautiful. It just takes time to adjust your thinking and learn how to be confident with what God gave you.

 

[MsBoinglicious]

i don't know why, ladies..but i equated a big nappy fro with something dirty.

First i would like to say you are very brave to post lol. I'm sure many people feel this way they just don't speak on it, in fear of being e-stoned!

What makes nappy hair beautiful on other woman but when you rock it, you equate it to something dirty? What makes it dirty on you and not other woman?

Is it because when you see woman with highly textured hair you see the beauty in it, but your scared that people won't see you/judge you in accordance on how you judge others (with that hair type)?

I'm sure it was just as beautiful as the other hair you had on and if your white boyfriend couldn't tell the difference then nobody probably could tell, (cause i'm sure he pays wayyyyy more attention to your detail than any stranger would).

 

[kblc06]

I'm sorry you feel that way, but I have to ask.....how have these ideas concerning coily, kinky been indoctrinated? In other words, what type of experiences have you had or have encountered from others that would lead you to feel this way about hair that so closely resembles your own? I'm not going to reprimand you because you feel this way (many people on this board thought the same way you do and still do), but perhaps understanding where these thoughts stem from will provide you with more insight

 

[PPGbubbles]

I appreciate your honesty!! I have been natural all my life and had to adjust to seeing my own hair (unpressed) in a natural state....thank you for sharring this...Because I know there are women out there who feel the same as you.

That is more reason why I believe the "transition" from realaxed to natural or even pressed to natural is as much a mental transition as it is a physical transition.

 

[Shananyganz]

Although I've never used either brand, I get your dislike on some level with the hair itself, I've bought hair before and it did not live up to what I expected. But if I am reading the post right, your dislike has nothing to do with the quality of the hair, but the appearance of the hair once installed; but you chose two different types of hair, to experiment maybe?

You admittedly said that the ERNEA hair is not your hair color/texture; the operative phrase in that sentence being "not your texture" cause color can come from a box. Real talk. Then you said that the AAMH is more your color and texture, but (forgive me if I misquote) you didn't like the appearance of it. If the AAMH is more your texture, are you afraid that your fro at full capacity, will look the same? I think it is safe to say, that it could very well look the same. So, was it the size of the AAMH fro that got you all out of sorts? Or just the "nappy fro" in general.

I'm not attacking, I truly want to understand, this kind of thinking comes from somewhere and is passed down as absolute; more importantly, you are not the ONLY one with those thoughts. But I digress, as I was saying, I would like to understand...but you know...the wording of the post tends to want to get in the way of my logic and understanding. I think its brave to admit our "prejudices" regarding (our own) natural hair; its not often spoken about; however, it DOES exist. My thing is, the delivery as it pertains to those prejudices. I think that comparing your image to "Erykah Badu with the gold teeth"; while illustrative, tends to sit sour for some; at least it does for me. Call me sensitive; it is what it is. I personally don't get into hair types, I try, but it's all over for me, but what I know for SURE is that the type I DO have is what I have..and the only way I can change it is to chemically do so..and I pass.

At the end of the day, you said what some think or better yet have already took action on.

To go back to the delivery, I think your boyfriend had a VERY well put observation; the AAMH hair was probably no different; just coiler...

-S-

 

[chebaby]

i can see not liking the brand of hair but saying you dont like hair that look like yours is odd to me.

 

[Odd One]

Idk what to say... but thank you for being honest femmemuscle1

 

[Theresamonet]

Re: ashamed of hair that's not even mine...n

i finally grew enough hair on this bald head of mine to change from braids/twists to weaves.

When i had my hair shaved off after a huge set-back, I always had dreams of wearing an afro kinky/curly type hair. I ordered Erena hair (natural curly) and AAMH afro kinky curly.

ladies, i can't believe how "prejudiced" i've become regarding our naps. When i installed the ERENA hair, i was very happy. it's a 3a/b texture. You know the type: soft brown, coily, bouncy. a big soft/curly afro. Which is not my hair color/texture

then i decided to go with my AAMH. on the track, it's gorgeous. it's more my hair type and color - a very dark brown/blackm, tight/curly and textured. Same afro style but different hair. i was mortified. I looked like Erica Badu when she wore that nappy wig in one of her shows.

The hair is a 3c/4a/4b type. nappy. and big. My beautician was ecstatic about it. But then again, she likes LOTS of hair. she'd be ecstatic if she saw a person walking around with two poodles on their head.

i don't know why, ladies..but i equated a big nappy fro with something dirty. when i looked in the mirror at home, i was thinking..i have to get this out IMMEIDIATELY!!

My boyfriend (who is white) says "it's just a bit more coilier than your last install - and a little bit bigger than the other hair". i couldn't go to the gym the next day, until he told me. "Your hair is fine, it's no different than any other natural style you've worn. So get to the gym, and hold your head up, you're beautiful!"

When i wear it pulled back, it's close to the head, and is a better match. The ERENA hair was not my texture/color so i had to wear it fluffed out to cover my own hair.

i can't believe my attitude about coarse hair. On other women, i think it's beautiful! but on me? i can only think of that damn pic of Erica Badu with the gold teeth.

Op, while I can't be mad at you for how you feel... I don't understand your rhyme or reason for posting this... were you expecting others to chime in about how they are disgusted by "nappy" 4a/b hair as well?

 

[KEWLKAT103]

more folks than you know prolly agree with you

I personally don't, but I agree and think the poster is being honest with how she feels.
I know a bunch of other ladies feel this way, otherwise we would see those big Badu afros more often.
I love my big naps, coils, kinks, whatever you want to call them, but everyone is not comfortable with theirs.
I don't really have any advice for you OP.

 

[Zsugar]

I don't know if this applies or not, but when I wore my natural hair for 6
years, out and about - I felt like I was in grade school again. I just couldn't
shake that dated, throwback feeling.

 

[JenBenCal]

As others have stated already, you're very brave to speak your mind and I'm glad that you did. I can't entirely relate to you--I'm not natural--but I do understand what it feels like to get an install that you're not comfortable with. For me, rocking an install period is difficult because I always feel ashamed that I'm "faking" it or something silly like that. I don't know if that had any resonance to the way you felt about the hair but, hopefully, you're learning to deal with the difference. Its a pretty drastic change when your hair goes from one way to an entirely different style (i.e. an install you've never had before). Maybe you had other ideas about what the install would be like? In any case, I hope you can come to terms with it because it sounds like you have people on your side, which is half the battle. Good luck!

 

[chelleypie810]

When I had weave it just didnt feel right, and thats with a normal straight hair weave..so I would say I understand even though it could have been worded a little different.

 

[Desarae]

wow...





just wow.

IDK What to say, maybe you should just leave the braids and weaves alone until you get "used to" your own hair, texture and all, and start seeing the beauty in it.

I couldn't imaging wearing a whole lot of any kind of hair on my head if I wasn't used to wearing my own hair first.

 

[JayAnn0513]

I think alot of us here like to thing we are enlightened when it comes to natural hair and seeing the beauty in all textures. But you dont see a bunch of 4a 4b weave install pics being posted do you? I can't judge you becase I don't know what my reaction would be if I got an install like yours. I'd like to think I love it, but hey you never know until it's sitting on your head.

 

[Theresamonet]

As others have stated already, you're very brave to speak your mind and I'm glad that you did. I can't entirely relate to you--I'm not natural--but I do understand what it feels like to get an install that you're not comfortable with. For me, rocking an install period is difficult because I always feel ashamed that I'm "faking" it or something silly like that. I don't know if that had any resonance to the way you felt about the hair but, hopefully, you're learning to deal with the difference. Its a pretty drastic change when your hair goes from one way to an entirely different style (i.e. an install you've never had before). Maybe you had other ideas about what the install would be like? In any case, I hope you can come to terms with it because it sounds like you have people on your side, which is half the battle. Good luck!

Uh... I think some of ya'll are trying to sugar coat what the Op was saying to make it a more comfortable situation. The point of the post is not that she got a bad weave. She is sharing with us (thanks, I guess) that she finds 4a/b hair--nappy hair as the op describes it, to be shameful and dirty. I don't know what we are to do with this info, but it is what it is. Let's not try to dress it up and make it prettier. It's an awful, ugly truth.

 

[kryolnapps]

equating "big nappy fro with something dirty" is a pretty strong ...and brutally honest statement. Ouch!! I know we as black people we can have issues with natural hair, especially when it doesn't look 'curly' and/or silky, but all I can say is wow!!! I hope you can find a way to get over this and see beauty in all hair textures.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I can see why some people might take offense to what OP said but seems like the majority of BW relax or straighten and the main reason is unhappiness with the appearance of the hair. Might because they feel it looks dirty. I dont relax but I do straighten not because i think it looks dirty natural, its just too puffy and I feel like Im a gawky 14 year old again with a big head lol.....
ETA: Oh and i totally forgot about the rest of the women who wear weaves and relax and most arent getting kinky weaves......

 

[Choclatcotton]

delete post

 

[claudia05]

Most black people feel that way about their natural texture. That's why most women relax and most men sport low fades. They don't have to be as honest as the OP. Actions speak louder than words...

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

We have been brainwashed to think only certain textures are worthy of praise. It takes a while to get deprogrammed to these thoughts. Don't be so harsh on yourself - at least you felt uneasy about these thoughts and noticed they are incorrect.