Are you ok with your SOs side piece?
- Thread starter Fine 4s
- Start date
FemmeCreole
Island Gyal
Have to admit the title really grabbed my attention!
Now as for the real question, that would depend on the state of the current relationship. I don't believe in forbidding adults from doing things especially choosing friends. My S/O had a life before me and I have to accept that.
However, if I observe that the relationship is more than platonic, coming from either side, him or her, best believe I will make my thoughts known and something will need to be done.
Now as for the real question, that would depend on the state of the current relationship. I don't believe in forbidding adults from doing things especially choosing friends. My S/O had a life before me and I have to accept that.
However, if I observe that the relationship is more than platonic, coming from either side, him or her, best believe I will make my thoughts known and something will need to be done.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
No, I would not be comfortable with female friends with whom he has been intimate
. I've never dealt with a situation like this but I know that if my man hung out with and/or spoke often to these women I would not be pleased at all. I couldn't do it. And yes, if it meant I would have to cut ties with past loves, I would in a heartbeat.
. I've never dealt with a situation like this but I know that if my man hung out with and/or spoke often to these women I would not be pleased at all. I couldn't do it. And yes, if it meant I would have to cut ties with past loves, I would in a heartbeat.
runwaydream
Well-Known Member
i would def not be comfortable with this. thats like asking for trouble. and i'd have to wonder about a guy who's slept with half of his female friends to begin with. not sure i'd want to date a guy like that.
EagleEyes85
Well-Known Member
My ex was like that and although I tried to be ok with it, it was a very slippery slope.
He would hang out with the friend then say they slipped and kiss but it wasnt a long kiss and it didnt mean anything.
Then he would say he hung out at her house all day laying in her bed while she got dressed in front of him.
erplexedWhether he was guilty of something or not he was playing with fire and it wasnt cool. My thing is if a man has the need to hang out with exes and females he slept with, he must have some reason for wanting to keep them around. But thats just my opinion. That same guy I broke up with now has a new gf and tries to keep me as his "friend" so now I know his game but its not happening.
Ms_Delikate
Well-Known Member
Not to derail the thread...but what could possibly have been his motive for telling you this...I think he was TRYING to make you uncomfortable with this info .
.My ex was like that and although I tried to be ok with it, it was a very slippery slope.
He would hang out with the friend then say they slipped and kiss but it wasnt a long kiss and it didnt mean anything.
Then he would say he hung out at her house all day laying in her bed while she got dressed in front of him.
Whether he was guilty of something or not he was playing with fire and it wasnt cool. My thing is if a man has the need to hang out with exes and females he slept with, he must have some reason for wanting to keep them around. But thats just my opinion. That same guy I broke up with now has a new gf and tries to keep me as his "friend" so now I know his game but its not happening.
EagleEyes85
Well-Known Member
Not to derail the thread...but what could possibly have been his motive for telling you this...I think he was TRYING to make you uncomfortable with this info
I think so too. He was always telling on himself and I couldnt understand why. He would say he was just trying to be honest, but I think it was to get a reaction outta me.
kaynewme
New Member
Depends. If they are invovled in a relationships...no harm. What's the extent of friendship...is it Bsing on Twitter or hanging out? Many factors come into play. You have to meet them...so they know he's taken. Some people are capable of having a strictly platonic relationship. While others......
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
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SummerSolstice
New Member
No. No. No!!!!
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
I'd question the man who would even expect me to be cool with him keeping females around whom he's already hit. That's no type of message to send to you. It seems like he wants you to be cool with it in case he decided to start sexin the females again, but have the built in alibi that they're friends in case you ever question it. You should also understand that the females that are his "friends" are probably already the type who get down like that and will be cordial to you while they're still screwing him. The only men I know who have enough nerve to attempt to do this with a straight face are stuck up dudes from Los Angeles who think they're hotter than they actually are, and the older man type to have 2 or 3 different families simultaneously. Perhaps there's more. 
LovelyLouboutin
Well-Known Member
I'm friends with my ex's. *kanye shrug*. One is married and one has a gf. We keep in contact and talk sporadically. We don't hang out often, if at all. I don't see a problem with it because I know the type of woman I am(I'm not a cheater and I will never be the other woman). If we talk it's usually "how are you/hows the new baby/how's work". Nothing major.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
It's because of this type of example that I'm struggling. I don't want to make generalizations, I don't want to be unreasonable and I don't want to end something or weaken a relationship with someone because of my own insecurities and no actual bad deed done. Would I be punishing him for his past and for potentially future deeds? That seems unfair.
Kindheart
Well-Known Member
why is he still in touch with them ?IS he one of those who just keep all numbers and contacts of women he had sex with ?I know some men are like that and are not be trusted ...one of my ex s is now married and stil email me from time to time ,once reminiscing about one of our encounters ......................
ps:your hair is beautiful
ps:your hair is beautiful
cutiepiesensei
New Member
Nah I'm not cool with it.....but then again that might be because his ex is a crazy person and was consistently calling him saying she still loves him blah blah blah.......after I made it clear to him that she OBVIOUSLY can't be just friends, he cut contact.
cutiepiesensei
New Member
Fine 4s lol it was in the beginning of our relationship. My BF is the super nice guy (the one that's friends with everybody, gets told he is actually TOO nice, and tries to see the good in people). He really wanted to maintain his friendship - I think it was because she kinda started going downhill after the breakup whereas he was doing much better and he felt partially guilty for it. He doesn't like being mean to people. It takes something really bad to push him over the edge (compared to my short temper) and he felt like everything was ok because he knew how to ignore it. I told him for a while that she was bad news, and he didn't want to listen. When it got to the point where she facebook messaged me about leaving "her" man alone, he got pissed that she started trying to contact me as well, set her straight, and cut her off completely. It did bother me that he didn't listen to me at first when I told him she was a crazy, but luckily since that incident happened he knows to trust my instincts 
Yeah, I don't mind.
There's a few women that we've talked about who he still friends with although they catch up infrequently. One that he never slept with, other that he did have a short relationship a long time ago.
I pick men very carefully in terms of traits. I can trust my SOs to handle business, and situations that may arise the way I handle mine. If I couldn't then I would feel a little different.
There's a few women that we've talked about who he still friends with although they catch up infrequently. One that he never slept with, other that he did have a short relationship a long time ago.
I pick men very carefully in terms of traits. I can trust my SOs to handle business, and situations that may arise the way I handle mine. If I couldn't then I would feel a little different.
Well I don't know your guy, but I'll speak from my perspective.
If you have no attraction for someone any more and its been like this for years then it doesn't feel like you are putting yourself in the line of temptation, or being vulnerable. When someone truly feels like "been there, done that" there's usually no way to come back.
I see women all the time trying to get back with a guy that ****ed them a few times and they cant. Even if they offer themselves up on a plate. Men are perfectly capable of sleeping with someone and not wanting to go back there. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, but they get on and wanna be friends.
The problem I see in some relationships is when a man says he has no attraction for a friend anymore, but he really does, it was a very recent partner or he's generally a cheater. Its easy to see that through interactions though, his behaviour and the way he talks about her.
Otherwise than those situations, I'm not worried. I can only speak for my men though. When talking about handling business I mean not hanging around with people you want to sleep with, or clearly want to sleep with you. If a woman starts to change her feelings and try to interfere, just shutting it down and being clear.
I have the benifit of also knowing my SO for a few years before we were together, so I know how he deals with these things and he would avoid any truly tempting situation like the plague. Same with my exes.
As long as its just one or two and I can sense nothing dodgy/attraction whatsover I'm not going to feel threatened.
If you have no attraction for someone any more and its been like this for years then it doesn't feel like you are putting yourself in the line of temptation, or being vulnerable. When someone truly feels like "been there, done that" there's usually no way to come back.
I see women all the time trying to get back with a guy that ****ed them a few times and they cant. Even if they offer themselves up on a plate. Men are perfectly capable of sleeping with someone and not wanting to go back there. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, but they get on and wanna be friends.
The problem I see in some relationships is when a man says he has no attraction for a friend anymore, but he really does
, it was a very recent partner or he's generally a cheater. Its easy to see that through interactions though, his behaviour and the way he talks about her. Otherwise than those situations, I'm not worried. I can only speak for my men though. When talking about handling business I mean not hanging around with people you want to sleep with, or clearly want to sleep with you. If a woman starts to change her feelings and try to interfere, just shutting it down and being clear.
I have the benifit of also knowing my SO for a few years before we were together, so I know how he deals with these things and he would avoid any truly tempting situation like the plague. Same with my exes.
As long as its just one or two and I can sense nothing dodgy/attraction whatsover I'm not going to feel threatened.
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
There is no way I would allow my SO to be friends with women he used to sleep with. Im yet to experience a situation that will allow me to be fine with such a thing.
In a relationship, I expect the same things I have to offer at the very least. I don't have male friends I used to sleep with if I have a SO and neither should he.
In a relationship, I expect the same things I have to offer at the very least. I don't have male friends I used to sleep with if I have a SO and neither should he.
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
OP this is a question I raised with a friend of mine. Her husband had slept with several of our high school classmates. Of course this was llooonnggg before they met, but he is still friends with ALL of them. I don't understand how she does it quite frankly. And it does bother her. Rightfully so. And this is no shade at all, but this is one reason I'm not a fan of dating people with several sexual partners in their past. I hate the thought that this chick could be hanging around in my face, at my house, eating my food, or just around my social circle in general knowing intimate things about the man I'm with. Plus I feel like those situations always leave lingering feelings on someone's part even if they have purportedly moved on. The average person still has SOME feelings about a person they had sex with.
But that's just ME. I know most people probably don't care.
But that's just ME. I know most people probably don't care.
tmhuggiebear
Well-Known Member
Nope. I couldn't do it. I made my SO cute ties with all of them. To this day it still bothers me when I think about it. I don't get how some women deal with it.
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