Are You a "Kept" woman........

[Ayeshia]

I actually feel your post but the bolded makes me wonder. I always wonder about women who have no problem bringing kids into this world, yet they feel more of an obligation to other people than to their own children. How do I look laying on my back to have these kids just to throw them in daycare and put them off on someone else (of course this doesn't apply to women who have to work or who don't have it like that to SAH)? I guess the only way to not waste her brainpower is by teaching material over and over that she already knows...

But I feel your mom and your post about other women. I actually agree with you too.

yes I agree with most of she said, but I agree with you about the obligation thing. something about me just doesnt feel right about giving my newborn/ toddler to a complete stranger to watch for half the day. They would know my child better than I would, and I dont want that ,if god willing that I have the option of being able to stay with my child those crucial years then thats what I will do. I KNOW that I will get the itch to work everyonce in a while, but hey work aint going nowhere.

 

[Mortons]

I actually feel your post but the bolded makes me wonder. I always wonder about women who have no problem bringing kids into this world, yet they feel more of an obligation to other people than to their own children. How do I look laying on my back to have these kids just to throw them in daycare and put them off on someone else (of course this doesn't apply to women who have to work or who don't have it like that to SAH)? I guess the only way to not waste her brainpower is by teaching material over and over that she already knows...

But I feel your mom and your post about other women. I actually agree with you too.

Point of Clarification: She doesnt have children.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

Well get your degree first and just see. You may be able to find a job that is flexible. You are still very young. I worked the first seven years of my marriage. I had my first daughter after 5 years of marriage so I worked the first two years of her life, then it just got too stressful and I was fortunate that I didn't "need" to work, plus I had so many other interests as well. If you know you need and want flexibility and are honest with yourself and your employer you may be able to get just what you desire or you may be able to work part-time or even have your own business. Anything is possible. Like I said, finish your degree first, then pursue what your heart desires.

I agree...get the degree and it may grant you flexibility that you desire... although I work...I can leave whenever I want if I need to be with my baby...(Thank God for that Ph.D.)

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Point of Clarification: She doesnt have children.

Ahhh okay, point taken. So I can't really expect her to have those feelings towards children. It's really easy to say what you ain't gon do when you don't have kids.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

yes I agree with most of she said, but I agree with you about the obligation thing. something about me just doesnt feel right about giving my newborn/ toddler to a complete stranger to watch for half the day. They would know my child better than I would, and I dont want that ,if god willing that I have the option of being able to stay with my child those crucial years then thats what I will do. I KNOW that I will get the itch to work everyonce in a while, but hey work aint going nowhere.

Yep. My sis had to put her newborn in daycare at 3 mos, because she HAD too. She was a full-time student and worked full-time. I felt so sorry for her. I felt sad for her and him.

 

[PinkPeony]

I guess I was for a little over a year ,I just couldn't enjoy it tough.
I'am not sure why.Maybe because we moved and I knew no one in my area so I had nothing to do plus add to this I don't have a drivers license so I had to wait for dh all day long.So yeah I guess those circumstances weren't ideal at all.
I think I wouldn't mind beeing a SAHM with my own stash of money and a close circle of friends tough.
Right know I love working tough,I just love to meet new interesting people everyday and to get this validation that I'm good at what I'am doing from someone else besides dh.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I guess I was for a little over a year ,I just couldn't enjoy it tough.
I'am not sure why.Maybe because we moved and I knew no one in my area so I had nothing to do plus add to this I don't have a drivers license so I had to wait for dh all day long.So yeah I guess those circumstances weren't ideal at all.
I think I wouldn't mind beeing a SAHM with my own stash of money and a close circle of friends tough.
Right know I love working tough,I just love to meet new interesting people everyday and to get this validation that I'm good at what I'am doing from someone else besides dh.

OT Ella your hair is looking GOOD!!! It's growiiiing!

 

[StrawberryQueen]

I guess I was for a little over a year ,I just couldn't enjoy it tough.
I'am not sure why.Maybe because we moved and I knew no one in my area so I had nothing to do plus add to this I don't have a drivers license so I had to wait for dh all day long.So yeah I guess those circumstances weren't ideal at all.
I think I wouldn't mind beeing a SAHM with my own stash of money and a close circle of friends tough.
Right know I love working tough,I just love to meet new interesting people everyday and to get this validation that I'm good at what I'am doing from someone else besides dh.

I don't have kids, but being a stay at home mom is hard. It's also easy to fall into the "trapped at home with the kids" mom. You really have to work out the right balance. Glad you're happy where you are.

Random question, what does Ella mean (the name)? It's so pretty!

 

[PinkPeony]

OT Ella your hair is looking GOOD!!! It's growiiiing!

Girl,now you're making me all emotional.TODAY was not a good hair day.
Thank you so much,you have no idea HOW good that just felt

 

[PinkPeony]

I don't have kids, but being a stay at home mom is hard. It's also easy to fall into the "trapped at home with the kids" mom. You really have to work out the right balance. Glad you're happy where you are.

Random question, what does Ella mean (the name)? It's so pretty!

I don't even have kids,that's why i hated it so much.I would have loved to have kids to take care of but no,it was just me,myself and I...blech!
Still don't have any even tough I feel the itch but mama needs to get a degree first.
It's kinda short for my real name since no english speaking person can pronounce it right,I officially(means at work or with friends) go as Ella in the states,I'am starting to like it.
My real name is in hebrew tough.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

I don't even have kids,that's why i hated it so much.I would have loved to have kids to take care of but no,it was just me,myself and I...blech!
Still don't have any even tough I feel the itch but mama needs to get a degree first.
It's kinda short for my real name since no english speaking person can pronounce it right,I officially(means at work or with friends) go as Ella in the states,I'am starting to like it.
My real name is in hebrew tough.

Oh I see, interesting. I didn't know you weren't American though. Or are you...

 

[PinkPeony]

Oh I see, interesting. I didn't know you weren't American though. Or are you...

Nope I'am German(and Mocambiquen/African)

 

[facets]

I guess I was for a little over a year ,I just couldn't enjoy it tough.
I'am not sure why.Maybe because we moved and I knew no one in my area so I had nothing to do plus add to this I don't have a drivers license so I had to wait for dh all day long.So yeah I guess those circumstances weren't ideal at all.
I think I wouldn't mind beeing a SAHM with my own stash of money and a close circle of friends tough.
Right know I love working tough,I just love to meet new interesting people everyday and to get this validation that I'm good at what I'am doing from someone else besides dh.

That's what happened to me for a while in Paris(I don't drive there), I felt like a pet cat. Sometimes, I'd take the metro & go shopping... Order lunch in sometimes... Go online... Watch awful french daytime TV and cheesy American reruns... Later, I was into MUA and swapping perfume etc. The idleness didn't last long tho' I got preg soon and was sick as a dog.

 

[JD's Mom]

This is a good thread. I am a SAHM ( have a 2 year old son) and I also have a home based business to supplement our household income. I work anywhere from 7-12 hours a week (mostly at night) from my computer. Being a SAHM is hard, and I never considered myself a "kept" woman (even before having my business). I have too much responsibiltiy. I have been at a conference the past 1 1/2 days, and you should see my house! You can tell that I haven't been home during the day. It made me realize how much I really do, and that it's just part of my daily routine.

It is a blessing to have a choice whether or not to work outside the home. Few women who are SAHMs can be considered kept women.

 

[nikkivale]

Yes that is what I mean!
Don't get me wrong I would love to have these things (well some of them), but I would also pride myself in having my 'own' (meaning education, finances, etc.) But I wouldn't be craz enough to turn it down either!

This thread is funny! i think about the same thing sometimes myself. I was talking to my brothers gf and she said it perfectly " I love that i'm educated, have a great position at my job but if some man told me he'd marry me and I wouldn't have to worry about working and doing this and that, i wouldn't mind taking it!

 

[PinkPeony]

That's what happened to me for a while in Paris(I don't drive there), I felt like a pet cat. Sometimes, I'd take the metro & go shopping... Order lunch in sometimes... Go online... Watch awful french daytime TV and cheesy American reruns... Later, I was into MUA and swapping perfume etc. The idleness didn't last long tho' I got preg soon and was sick as a dog.

Ditto.
What does MUA mean?
ot- how I'd love to be in paris right know

 

[facets]

Ditto.
What does MUA mean?
ot- how I'd love to be in paris right know

I miss Paris a lot sometimes too!

MUA is short for

http://www.makeupalley.com/

There are lots of diff message boards there but the layout is very..umm.. old school.
A lot of ppl there swap items through the mail and make little cutesy care packages, some w/extras(tea, books, trinkets, etc). It's time consuming but fun. I hung out in the fragrances section since that's my hangup...and I eventually started swapping. You get a token and review with each trade you make. New swappers usually have to send their end first, etc.

I also like that you can trade(or sometimes outright purchase w/ paypal..but that's kinda hush hush, we're not supposed to) for rare or discontinued perfumes/other items.. or things only sold in foreign countries.

I met some cool ppl there from everywhere.

There are also great product reviews. I wrote several fragrance reviews there myself.

 

[keke]

Not only for the case of divorcing but also if loved one dies.

Your post wasn't offensive at all. I know I've married a good man and I'm very optimistic about our future, but I think it would be naive of me to not get a degree a prepare myself for a future w/o a husband taking care of me, b/c even though it's a sore subject, you never know what might happen. I tell my friends this all the time. It might be unromantic to think about setting yourself up in case something happens, but it's a helluva lot better than being caught out their with kids to take care of and no formal education or skills to speak of. I think that's just common sense that too many people ignore. JMO.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

By kept do you mean not having to work, or not having to do anything? Some people look at SAHM's as being kept women, but when I think of being kept I think of nannies, maids, chefs, etc. Now that, I would take in a heartbeat! (Minus the nanny of course!)

That's what I always considered the true meaning.
To be kept in a state of lavishness to your liking, not to want for anything because you can have whatever you need/want. Basically it's a woman married to those "what you want dear is yours" type men.

A SAHM, is exactly that. A woman that chooses to raise her children from home, but it doesn't necessarily indicate that's she financially well off.

 

[redbone_412]

I'm a kept woman....kept at work, kept in debt, kept in family drama....yeah, its great being a kept woman

I'm in the same boat as you!

 

[tatiana]

Unless the meaning has change, being a "kept" woman has a negative meaning. A woman that is married either she stays at home or not is NOT a kept woman. Kept women are mistresses or a woman that is involved with a man for about 10 years or more with n number of children but the man won't married the woman.

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

I was not a kept woman, like breezy and hopeful, I had a SAHM lifestyle for 20 years. I LOVED being at available for all the school plays, being a homeroom mom, etc. Unfortunately, I recently went through a divorce. Whenever I can, I tell women, especially young ones, get your degree and your graduate degree.

With all the online programs, you can get a BS and an MBA online if you don't desire to leave home or a university is not in your area. .

I am fortunate enough that my husband pays periodic support.
(life-time support unless I remarry). I was lucky my ex could do it and I live in a state that after 20 years of marriage, it is almost the standard. Many women that are young don't prepare themselves just in case...

(For all the SAHM or women that are "kept", just prepare yourself if the lifestyle is not an option anymore...Hope I didn't offend anyone.

Always be prepared.

I am currently working on my degree. I don't HAVE to work but I like having my own money and a back up plan. I'm not thinking negative but smart.You never know I liked to be prepared. When and if things go wrong, A LOT of women are forced to stay because they depend on a man for finacial security.

It would be nice though.

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

Unless the meaning has change, being a "kept" woman has a negative meaning. A woman that is married either she stays at home or not is NOT a kept woman. Kept women are mistresses or a woman that is involved with a man for about 10 years or more with n number of children but the man won't married the woman.

OH.

 

[Shardonay11]

No, I'm not kept. No nannies, no cooks. I do get help with housekeeping though. I have a degree and worked outside the home in the past. I love my life. I have freedom, I feel respected and loved by my husband and children, I have my own excellent credit, access to the money I need. I have time to meet friends for lunch and workout at the gym. I take classes now and then. I go on field trips with my children, help out in the classroom from time to time, take my kids to all of their extra-curricular activities, help them with homework and most days I cook (or buy) dinner (sometimes hubby cooks or buys dinner). I love grocery shopping on Tuesday mornings. I like that if one of my children gets sick I can run up to the school and bring them home with no hassles. I wouldn't trade places with anyone in the world.

I would love to live like this. Do your thing

 

[pistachio]

I just about spit my coffee on my computer laughing at the thread title!!But honestly, I see nothing wrong with it so long as you can still support yourself. I'm working on a engineering degree, and can get work and support myself if need be even without being "kept".

 

[fletgee]

Hmmm............maybe I was.

I was completing my MBA. He had a double paper out of Perdue and was suma-cum. He was married and in the process of getting a divorce. Boyfriend was clocking a high 6 figure income.

He moved in with me. After his divorce we moved into a new 3 level town house in a gated community. A woman came in daily to maintain the house, food shop and cook. Fletgee is not "Suzie Domestica".

Every month when he was paid $5,000.00 was deposited into my personal checking account. This was for my (as he put it) "pantyhose and stuff". I also maintained our joint checking account. So I paid the bills and knew where the money was going.

When we parted (years later) it was sad experience for us both. It was not over drama or because our relationship had gone sour.

He paid off the town house and gave it to me free and clear.
He paid off his car (he got a new one every year) and gave it to me. The car was only 3 months old.

And that year ,when I came home from work on my birthday, there was a new creme on creme MB with a hugh red bow on it in the drive way.

I never considered myself "kept". It was the greates love affair of my life.

 

[sunnydaze]

Hmmm............maybe I was.

I was completing my MBA. He had a double paper out of Perdue and was suma-cum. He was married and in the process of getting a divorce. Boyfriend was clocking a high 6 figure income.

He moved in with me. After his divorce we moved into a new 3 level town house in a gated community. A woman came in daily to maintain the house, food shop and cook. Fletgee is not "Suzie Domestica".

Every month when he was paid $5,000.00 was deposited into my personal checking account. This was for my (as he put it) "pantyhose and stuff". I also maintained our joint checking account. So I paid the bills and knew where the money was going.

When we parted (years later) it was sad experience for us both. It was not over drama or because our relationship had gone sour.

He paid off the town house and gave it to me free and clear.
He paid off his car (he got a new one every year) and gave it to me. The car was only 3 months old.

And that year ,when I came home from work on my birthday, there was a new creme on creme MB with a hugh red bow on it in the drive way.

I never considered myself "kept". It was the greates love affair of my life.

Man...that's some story!....also..love your caption in your siggy

 

[lexi08]

Hmmm............maybe I was.

I was completing my MBA. He had a double paper out of Perdue and was suma-cum. He was married and in the process of getting a divorce. Boyfriend was clocking a high 6 figure income.

He moved in with me. After his divorce we moved into a new 3 level town house in a gated community. A woman came in daily to maintain the house, food shop and cook. Fletgee is not "Suzie Domestica".

Every month when he was paid $5,000.00 was deposited into my personal checking account. This was for my (as he put it) "pantyhose and stuff". I also maintained our joint checking account. So I paid the bills and knew where the money was going.

When we parted (years later) it was sad experience for us both. It was not over drama or because our relationship had gone sour.

He paid off the town house and gave it to me free and clear.
He paid off his car (he got a new one every year) and gave it to me. The car was only 3 months old.

And that year ,when I came home from work on my birthday, there was a new creme on creme MB with a hugh red bow on it in the drive way.

I never considered myself "kept". It was the greates love affair of my life.

Wow great story, awesome caption

 

[Ms Red]

Wow. Interesting story.

Hmmm............maybe I was.

I was completing my MBA. He had a double paper out of Perdue and was suma-cum. He was married and in the process of getting a divorce. Boyfriend was clocking a high 6 figure income.

He moved in with me. After his divorce we moved into a new 3 level town house in a gated community. A woman came in daily to maintain the house, food shop and cook. Fletgee is not "Suzie Domestica".

Every month when he was paid $5,000.00 was deposited into my personal checking account. This was for my (as he put it) "pantyhose and stuff". I also maintained our joint checking account. So I paid the bills and knew where the money was going.

When we parted (years later) it was sad experience for us both. It was not over drama or because our relationship had gone sour.

He paid off the town house and gave it to me free and clear.
He paid off his car (he got a new one every year) and gave it to me. The car was only 3 months old.

And that year ,when I came home from work on my birthday, there was a new creme on creme MB with a hugh red bow on it in the drive way.

I never considered myself "kept". It was the greates love affair of my life.

 

[fletgee]

fletgee tossing roses to..

sunnydaze

nikki1971

cupcake

Thank you, ladies.