Are You a "Kept" woman........
- Thread starter Proudpiscean
- Start date
Catina72
New Member
Heck no!! My best friend would say differently though
I am a stay at home mom and my DH not only works but works out of state. By not working I have the luxury to hop a plane and visit him every other month, the month I don't visit him, he visits home. It would be real tough to ask for days like that off so often. My son also loves the fact that I am home. Wasn't always like this but my DH is working it well. Dinner done by 4pm. Shoot, I'm digesting my chilli in my belly right now
I am a stay at home mom and my DH not only works but works out of state. By not working I have the luxury to hop a plane and visit him every other month, the month I don't visit him, he visits home. It would be real tough to ask for days like that off so often. My son also loves the fact that I am home. Wasn't always like this but my DH is working it well. Dinner done by 4pm. Shoot, I'm digesting my chilli in my belly right nowblueabyss333
New Member
So where are the kept woman at? 
We won't judge or tell.
We won't judge or tell.
blueabyss333
New Member
JLove74 said:I think rule 1 of being a kept woman is: discretion......so you may not get an answer to our question....
I figured that. I just wanted to stir the pot a lil.I was not a kept woman, like breezy and hopeful, I had a SAHM lifestyle for 20 years. I LOVED being at available for all the school plays, being a homeroom mom, etc. Unfortunately, I recently went through a divorce. Whenever I can, I tell women, especially young ones, get your degree and your graduate degree.
With all the online programs, you can get a BS and an MBA online if you don't desire to leave home or a university is not in your area. .
I am fortunate enough that my husband pays periodic support.
(life-time support unless I remarry). I was lucky my ex could do it and I live in a state that after 20 years of marriage, it is almost the standard. Many women that are young don't prepare themselves just in case...
(For all the SAHM or women that are "kept", just prepare yourself if the lifestyle is not an option anymore...Hope I didn't offend anyone.
With all the online programs, you can get a BS and an MBA online if you don't desire to leave home or a university is not in your area. .
I am fortunate enough that my husband pays periodic support.
(life-time support unless I remarry). I was lucky my ex could do it and I live in a state that after 20 years of marriage, it is almost the standard. Many women that are young don't prepare themselves just in case...
(For all the SAHM or women that are "kept", just prepare yourself if the lifestyle is not an option anymore...Hope I didn't offend anyone.
mermaid
Well-Known Member
HMPH!amr501 said:and if you are what is your M.O?......I have been pondering this lately (as I'm getting ready to go to work
I wish!
I don't care how it looks, how un-PC it is, NUTHIN'!
I want to be taken care of after all the care giving I've thanklessly done in my life!
MizaniMami
New Member
screambabygirl said:
Wow that was a powerful post! I agree.
I would love to be a SAHM, but a stay at home wife, I would probably be kinda bored.
But again, I will have a degree in 9 months.
breezy
New Member
screambabygirl said:
Your post wasn't offensive at all. I know I've married a good man and I'm very optimistic about our future, but I think it would be naive of me to not get a degree a prepare myself for a future w/o a husband taking care of me, b/c even though it's a sore subject, you never know what might happen. I tell my friends this all the time. It might be unromantic to think about setting yourself up in case something happens, but it's a helluva lot better than being caught out their with kids to take care of and no formal education or skills to speak of. I think that's just common sense that too many people ignore. JMO.
Blackbird77
Well-Known Member
How do women find men that enable them to be SAHM's? Because that's all my mom ever wanted and she has always had to work to help pay the bills. I look around and I see all these women who have the privilege of being home and be available for their families and I wonder how did they "luck out" like that? I always felt that it would be hard for a black woman to find a black man that has got it like that and can afford to keep his wife home. The ones that have the money to keep their wives home sometimes opt to marry white and keep them home but won't give a black woman that same privilege. Can you tell I've been pondering this one for some time now?
I'm kind of old-fashioned and feel that if I was married and had kids, I'd want to be home with them since I always wished my mom could have done so. I don't want to have to deal with pressures from work and then come home frazzled, have to fix dinner and keep my house clean and then snap at my kids because I don't feel like dealing with them. The SAHM's I know have been there to foster high self-esteem in their children and have the time and patience to deal with their daily issues. I'd want to do the same thing.
ETA: By the way, I'm working on my Masters so that I'd have the option of not working but can go to work if my spouse lost his job or something but can go back to being a SAHM or SAHW because I can.
I'm kind of old-fashioned and feel that if I was married and had kids, I'd want to be home with them since I always wished my mom could have done so. I don't want to have to deal with pressures from work and then come home frazzled, have to fix dinner and keep my house clean and then snap at my kids because I don't feel like dealing with them. The SAHM's I know have been there to foster high self-esteem in their children and have the time and patience to deal with their daily issues. I'd want to do the same thing.
ETA: By the way, I'm working on my Masters so that I'd have the option of not working but can go to work if my spouse lost his job or something but can go back to being a SAHM or SAHW because I can.
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Blossssom
New Member
I was once a "kept" woman and it was a JOY!
I didn't have to work! Had a nice car and lived in a nice neighborhood.
Man! That was the LIFE! New clothes; plenty of cash. I still have a lot of the money saved up he gave me.
Haha! I may have to get me another man like that. I'm sick of working!
I didn't have to work! Had a nice car and lived in a nice neighborhood.
Man! That was the LIFE! New clothes; plenty of cash. I still have a lot of the money saved up he gave me.
Haha! I may have to get me another man like that. I'm sick of working!
Laginappe
New Member
Blackbird77 said:
The key thing is to not think of being a SAHM as neccesarily a priviledge or being "lucky enough". For most SAHMs its a hard choice involving a lot of sacrifice. (And sometimes ridicule when you come up against non-likeminded folks). As for finding a man - its the same as with all issues. You have to seek a man who has the same beliefs about family and child-raising as you do. If both parents believe its important for their children to be raised "at home" then both parents will work hard towards that commitment.
I think its hard in general - regardless of race - to find men and women with this mindset. We're not geared towards sacrifice these days. You are "supposed" to have a baby and put it in day care by week six. Its just the norm.
Most of the "SAHM" families I know are black families. And most of them are not living the life that we supposed to be living. They live pretty modestly and have to be very frugal in terms of their budget. One couple lives in Nebraska even though their family lives in So. Calif. But they live there because they know that in order to live in So. Calif - they'd both have to work to sustain themselves. But their family stories read very similarly to the things posted on this thread. Great kids, less stressed mom and dad - and the overall security of knowing that there won't be any hesistation required if they need to go be with their child. There's a lot of peace in those families.
BrickbyBrick
Well-Known Member
I'm a kept woman....kept at work, kept in debt, kept in family drama....yeah, its great being a kept woman
breezy
New Member
Laginappe said:
I agree. Many of the SAHM's I know, myself included, have to sacrifice in order to stay at home with their children. My husband by no means makes enough money to give us a "lavish" lifestyle, but it was important to both of us that I be at home while our kids are young, so we decided to make certain sacrifices in order to do this. We can't afford nice vacations, a nicer car, or even our dream home right now, but to us it's more important to have me at home with the kids these first few years.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
hotshot said:
Exactly. You cannot be a kept woman without real money and you gotta stash that free money away. I would take the live-in housekeeper, masseuse and chauffeur any day.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Laginappe said:
Gosh darn it thats a real kept woman. I need a sugar daddy like that.
Blackbird77
Well-Known Member
Laginappe said:
The ones I know are black families, too. That's cool if people have to live within a budget as I wasn't thinking in terms of a SAHM living the easy life. I'm all about a SAHM being there for her children and husband a when they need her (not like June Cleaver, though). I always liked the idea of mom being home when I get off the school bus or picking me up from school even. I think SAHM's have one of the best jobs in the world. If a husband and wife think in terms of getting their family's basic needs met and are content with their lot in life, that's great. That's what I'm talking about.
There's a difference between SAHM's and lazy women who just don't want to work. You can tell when you go to their homes and it looks like a pack of wolves live there. So I'm not talking about SAHM's who marry men with high paying corporate jobs and such. Just women who marry men who are okay with at least trying the one income thing. The part that I highlighted in red is kind of what I'm talking about. It's the mindset. Be willing to give it a try and see if it works out. I know one black father who will do anything to keep his wife home and although he accepted a job two years ago as a high school vice-principal, he still does the things that kept his family going before he had the job(washing store windows for extra money). She's been home for almost 20 years now. I don't know about their debt-to-income ratio, though.
My idea of a kept woman is the socialite who wears furs and lives in an upscale furnished penthouse provided by her boyfriend/husband and doesn't have to lift a finger yet gets anything she wants when she wants it. Fancy cars, money in the bank, etc. She always has the best table at a members-only club and eats at the best restaurants. She can travel around the world anytime she wants.
Now for me, I can't wrap my mind around not having a job. I was raised to always have a job and that I was being lazy if I didn't. I'd feel like I'd need a job so that my spouse wouldn't feel like I married him so I could stay home. Somehow I don't feel this way about being a SAHM.
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Laginappe said:
Unfortunately, I disagee w/ this. Anytime you can wake up and not have to punch a clock or be on someone's schedule..that's a priviledge and I chose the words "lucky enough" in a previous post. IMO, lucky, fortunate, etc. the meaning is still the same.
Some families don't sacrifice to be a SAHM. It is like anything else, there are all different income brackets.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
Story said:I'm a kept woman....kept at work, kept in debt, kept in family drama....yeah, its great being a kept woman
Laginappe
New Member
screambabygirl said:
screambabygirl said:
You're right - SOME don't. But a lot do. Most of the families I know who've made this choice are making some hard core sacrifices. Like a family of 4 living on $30k in the heart of Los Angeles. If you ask them, on one hand they’d say it was a priviledge to be able to provide this life for their children. On the other – luck had nothing to do with it.
I only commented on your choice of words because it comes across as the women who live SAHM roles are lucky – as if it just happened to them. That they “lucked up†on finding a man willing to allow them to “not have to punch a clockâ€. (However they are very much on someone’s schedule!) The examples presented to me are contrary to that thought process.
I will give you this. In this day and age is it a blessing to be in a marriage where both spouses mesh on the subject of raising their children and maintaining their home. It is uncommon to find man and woman who insists on going the extra mile in order to provide this life for their children.
Laginappe said:
Well, I do think SAHM women are lucky not b/c of "lucked up in finding the man", but having the choice to not Punch a clock. That's all I meant. Perhaps my word choice was not clear.
I think the SAHM is also much more doable in different regions, (not Large cities like NYC,LA,DC etc.) it does make a difference.
I agree w/ you that finding a man and woman who insists on going the extra mile to provide for their children is a rarity.
Laginappe
New Member
screambabygirl said:
I get what you're saying. Its the issue of "luck, lucky, fortunate" that twerks a bit.
For me the folks who win the lottery are lucky. Took a chance and it paid off. The SAHM families I know don't fit that definition. They decided to do certain things - and do without a lot of other things so that they can live this life with their kids. One of my examples is a couple with two kids who lived in a single apt in LA for several years because that was the only way they could afford for one of them to be at home with their children at all times. Luck had nothing to do with their choices at all.
Agreed. It is easier to make the choice to go the SAH-route in certain areas vs others.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Wow this thread seems to have taken on a life of its own. I know I don't necessarily feel "lucky" to be a SAHM but I do feel very blessed. In the beginning, when I first stopped working it was hard, I had to pinch pennies but we still lived in a nice neighborhood and could afford private schools, so no we never "really" suffered because of the sacrifice of one salary. As I've gotten older I realize that my husband and I were cut from the same cloth, we have similiar dreams, work ethic, aspirations and we have always been crazy about each other.
One of the reasons I don't feel lucky either is because I knew I wanted to be a SAHM when I was maybe 11 years old or so. (I didn't just happen to become a SAHM, it was in my plan.) I watched my divorced mother struggle to take care of me and my little brother. But she did it, we lived in a decent home, always had food and clothes, the bills were always paid, there were no trifling men hanging out at our house. I admired her and always had a strong sense of confidence that I could do anything I wanted to do, watching her I knew that a woman could take care of her family alone or that a woman could be married and work. But what always intrigued me was that rare black mom who stayed at home. She was there at field trips. Their kids always seemed to be able to do the coolest things, many of the things my mom neither had the money or the time for.
In any case, for me, I also always knew I wanted to be educated and I was raised to pursue an education first, that was non-negotiable. But I also dreamed of being a SAHM just like some of the women here dream of being a lawyer or a doctor or an entrepreneur. For now being an SAHM is my career and I am good at it. I take so much pride in what I do. For me it is a beautiful life. I think it is also beautiful because I am loved and appreciated by the people that matter and I have no regrets: I finished college before I married, I had a successful career before I had children, I tried working with children and realized I did not like it. Like I said, no regrets. And now as the years have passed, I look forward to pursuing a second career of sorts, something fun and pleasurable that will bring me some of my own income and keep me growing and interesting.
I tell my daughters to pursue an education and a good career because the most important thing is to always have choices. Without a good education, you have far fewer choices. I tell them to marry for love first, to look for good qualities in a man like kindness, ambition and a strong work ethic, but that they cannot and should not count on being a SAHM because in a way it's like the stars have to all come in allignment for something like this to work out. Like Lag said for many being a SAHM is a big sacrifice. If I had to work I would in a heartbeat, if I needed to I would because I am capable and able and I would never want to put undo stress on my husband. But honestly this life we have created makes life easier for both of us and my being home is one of the reasons his career has soared. We are a blessed, fortunate, hard-working, ambitious family and I thank God every night for this life I live.
One of the reasons I don't feel lucky either is because I knew I wanted to be a SAHM when I was maybe 11 years old or so. (I didn't just happen to become a SAHM, it was in my plan.) I watched my divorced mother struggle to take care of me and my little brother. But she did it, we lived in a decent home, always had food and clothes, the bills were always paid, there were no trifling men hanging out at our house. I admired her and always had a strong sense of confidence that I could do anything I wanted to do, watching her I knew that a woman could take care of her family alone or that a woman could be married and work. But what always intrigued me was that rare black mom who stayed at home. She was there at field trips. Their kids always seemed to be able to do the coolest things, many of the things my mom neither had the money or the time for.
In any case, for me, I also always knew I wanted to be educated and I was raised to pursue an education first, that was non-negotiable. But I also dreamed of being a SAHM just like some of the women here dream of being a lawyer or a doctor or an entrepreneur. For now being an SAHM is my career and I am good at it. I take so much pride in what I do. For me it is a beautiful life. I think it is also beautiful because I am loved and appreciated by the people that matter and I have no regrets: I finished college before I married, I had a successful career before I had children, I tried working with children and realized I did not like it. Like I said, no regrets. And now as the years have passed, I look forward to pursuing a second career of sorts, something fun and pleasurable that will bring me some of my own income and keep me growing and interesting.
I tell my daughters to pursue an education and a good career because the most important thing is to always have choices. Without a good education, you have far fewer choices. I tell them to marry for love first, to look for good qualities in a man like kindness, ambition and a strong work ethic, but that they cannot and should not count on being a SAHM because in a way it's like the stars have to all come in allignment for something like this to work out. Like Lag said for many being a SAHM is a big sacrifice. If I had to work I would in a heartbeat, if I needed to I would because I am capable and able and I would never want to put undo stress on my husband. But honestly this life we have created makes life easier for both of us and my being home is one of the reasons his career has soared. We are a blessed, fortunate, hard-working, ambitious family and I thank God every night for this life I live.
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Proudpiscean
Well-Known Member
hopeful said:
LOL
this thread has taken on a life of it's own! Wow, you are very fortunate Hopeful! That's wonderful that you are getting to live your dream
I agree w/ everything Hopeful posted about SAHM. There is nothing better than having your child beam when you come to school and are there for his/her class parties, science fair projects, plays, school trips, etc.
Those are priceless memories that not everyone has the priveledge to enjoy.
I used the word "luck" "fortunate" to describe the ability to have this lifestyle, Hopeful used ..."stars being in alignment" ..the point of it all the same, it is a special "thing" (maybe that is better word choice) that sometimes just happens. Some people don't plan it, or search for it, or even think about it as choice as a child.
Let's not get caught up in the WORD CHOICE when the meaning is the same...
Those are priceless memories that not everyone has the priveledge to enjoy.
hopeful said:
I used the word "luck" "fortunate" to describe the ability to have this lifestyle, Hopeful used ..."stars being in alignment" ..the point of it all the same, it is a special "thing" (maybe that is better word choice) that sometimes just happens. Some people don't plan it, or search for it, or even think about it as choice as a child.
Let's not get caught up in the WORD CHOICE when the meaning is the same...
alexstin
Well-Known Member
I'm a SAHM and I do love being able to be there for my kids. I also homeschool so my day goes by pretty fast. I told DH there's only one thing I really want and that's a personal chef someday(he agreed because he knows I hate cooking). Other than that, I'm good.
I told DH there's only one thing I really want and that's a personal chef someday(he agreed because he knows I hate cooking). Other than that, I'm good.
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