Are You a "Kept" woman........

[SparklingFlame]

This is exactly what I do. We should start a club....but who would have time for the meetings

Exactly!!! Mine time is not my own!

 

[hopeful]

I agree w/ everything Hopeful posted about SAHM. There is nothing better than having your child beam when you come to school and are there for his/her class parties, science fair projects, plays, school trips, etc.

Those are priceless memories that not everyone has the priveledge to enjoy.

I used the word "luck" "fortunate" to describe the ability to have this lifestyle, Hopeful used ..."stars being in alignment" ..the point of it all the same, it is a special "thing" (maybe that is better word choice) that sometimes just happens. Some people don't plan it, or search for it, or even think about it as choice as a child.

Let's not get caught up in the WORD CHOICE when the meaning is the same...

I understand what you are saying. I am so used to my lifestyle that I sometimes forget that many do struggle. Most of the SAHMs I am around, black or white, are not struggling though. But like Lag said some do make big sacrifices. Most of the ladies I know drive nice cars, put their kids in whatever activities they want to and have no desire to punch anybody's clock. Most of us take at least two major vacations a year to Hawaii, Jamaica or somewhere like that. We buy designer purses and sunglasses, go out to dinner as much as we like. On top of that, most of us have sweet, hard-working husbands.

At the same time most of us work very hard every day and are often exhausted. Most of us have husbands who work very long hours and travel frequently for work so we often carry the family load alone and spend many days and nights without our spouses. Many of us also face great jealousy and mean-spiritedness from people who do not live our lives so the thing is sometimes people use the term "lucky" in a snarky, mean way. But I can tell when you use the term you mean it in a positive way, like you believe we are blessed and fortunate. Thank you, I think you sound like a very thoughtful person.

 

[sky_blu]

No, I'm not kept. No nannies, no cooks. I do get help with housekeeping though. I have a degree and worked outside the home in the past. I love my life. I have freedom, I feel respected and loved by my husband and children, I have my own excellent credit, access to the money I need. I have time to meet friends for lunch and workout at the gym. I take classes now and then. I go on field trips with my children, help out in the classroom from time to time, take my kids to all of their extra-curricular activities, help them with homework and most days I cook (or buy) dinner (sometimes hubby cooks or buys dinner). I love grocery shopping on Tuesday mornings. I like that if one of my children gets sick I can run up to the school and bring them home with no hassles. I wouldn't trade places with anyone in the world.

I wouldnt mind doing this. Im not but Im trying to be. Im still trying to get comfortable with being taken care of (financially).

 

[facets]

***dust, bumping oldie***

 

[NoNapNique]

It is a bit off-topic from being a "kept woman" but...

What's sad, is that alot of black men do not like the idea of black women staying home... They frown upon it, and are very defensive when the topic is brought up... At least never in MY life and personal dealings have I ever seen a black man who was gung-ho about it.

Black SAHMs is the kind of stuff you just *hear* about... Like on LHCF!

 

[facets]

It is a bit off-topic from being a "kept woman" but...

What's sad, is that alot of black men do not like the idea of black women staying home... They frown upon it, and are very defensive when the topic is brought up... At least never in MY life and personal dealings have I ever seen a black man who was gung-ho about it.

Black SAHMs is the kind of stuff you just *hear* about... Like on LHCF!

Maybe it's generational...my mom was a SAHM and when she went back to teaching for a while, my dad wanted her to quit and stay home again.

He also warned me against any man who was looking for a working(outisde the home) wife.

**
My brother is the new generation and we've gotten into arguments about it. Unless the kids are small he thinks women should be working too. Whatever.

Oh yeh, it's not just racial cos one of my brothers-in-law says the same thing.

 

[imstush]

hey, you can be kept and have your own.......just let it sit in a bank and collect the interest, Lol!

Seriously!

A few years back my mom had a friend who was a kept woman. She was in a relationship with a guy and when her job started interfereing with her time with him he asked her to quit. She did and he supported her for several years. She also made sure that all of the gifts and property he gave her were in her name and had him set up an investment portfolio so that she'd be secure once the relationship ended. Worked for her!

Smart woman...I have a coworker who was a kept woman....and dummy has nothing to show for it now.

Answering the OP

*sigh* I wish

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Yes, I am for the time being! No work for me at this moment in time!!!

 

[facets]

By kept do you mean not having to work, or not having to do anything? Some people look at SAHM's as being kept women, but when I think of being kept I think of nannies, maids, chefs, etc. Now that, I would take in a heartbeat! (Minus the nanny of course!)

I have to agree with most of this post. I'd feel kinda 'kept' if I had full-time household staff but for me this includes a full-time nanny.

A housecleaning once a week/every two weeks is not even close.

Until then, I'll feel very much a Working Woman, no matter what my idiot brother & jackazz brother-in-law have to say about SAHMs.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

It is a bit off-topic from being a "kept woman" but...

What's sad, is that alot of black men do not like the idea of black women staying home... They frown upon it, and are very defensive when the topic is brought up... At least never in MY life and personal dealings have I ever seen a black man who was gung-ho about it.

Black SAHMs is the kind of stuff you just *hear* about... Like on LHCF!

No I actually agree. When I first talked to my SO about staying at home he went "And do what? " It's not until (1. he grew up) I talked to him about exactly what a SAHM/W does and got the myth out of his head that all SAHM/W does all day is sit around a look pretty.

I have heard this from a lot of black men. A lot of black men are under the impression that a SAHM/W do nothing all day. I guess the media glamourizes SAHM/Win to a certain degree and have people who are not knowledgable about it thinking such.

 

[facets]

No I actually agree. When I first talked to my SO about staying at home he went "And do what? " It's not until (1. he grew up) I talked to him about exactly what a SAHM/W does and got the myth out of his head that all SAHM/W does all day is sit around a look pretty.

I have heard this from a lot of black men. A lot of black men are under the impression that a SAHM/W do nothing all day. I guess the media glamourizes SAHM/Win to a certain degree and have people who are not knowledgable about it thinking such.

The crazy thing is that my brother should know better since my mom was at home most of the time.

My own very non-PC feeling is that a lot of the younger gens of men are just trifling, womanish and have no intention of being the sole $$$ supporter/breadwinner.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

The crazy thing is that my brother should know better since my mom was at home most of the time.

My own very non-PC feeling is that a lot of the younger gens of men are just trifling, womanish and have no intention of being the sole $$$ supporter/breadwinner.

I honestly agree. And as I have said in another thread to you, it didn't start with this generation. They are nothing but a reflection of the older generation (their parents) and where they failed. It started somewhere. It is very easy to place a blame on the younger generation. But the old generation need to wake up and realize that some of this is their faults too. Where were they while these kids were forming these low morals?

But I honeslty do feel you. I think by the time my kids have grand-kids that marriage and SAHM/Wing will be almost extinct. Nowadays men have no sense of fatherhood and don't even care about taking care of theirs. No one is instilling in them to be the man of the household.

 

[Ayeshia]

No I actually agree. When I first talked to my SO about staying at home he went "And do what? " It's not until (1. he grew up) I talked to him about exactly what a SAHM/W does and got the myth out of his head that all SAHM/W does all day is sit around a look pretty.

I have heard this from a lot of black men. A lot of black men are under the impression that a SAHM/W do nothing all day. I guess the media glamourizes SAHM/Win to a certain degree and have people who are not knowledgable about it thinking such.

oh god me three I bought it up to this guy that I was on a date wiht last week. He asked me about my career plans and I told him the plan. However I told him that if I have children I would like to stay home the first 2-3 years and he looked at me like I was an alien. "Man I dont know about all that yo"

Now lets fast forward this to 2 of the yt boys I have been seeing...they are all for it. In fact one cut me off in the middle of explaining why i thought it was important to add his two cents in as to why he wants his wife at home with his children....and boy was he serious about it.

I would think that a man has a feeling of pride to know that he is the breadwinner of his family and is their backbone, but I guess not these days

 

[UmSumayyah]

Well Ayeshia, you just said you know of two, right? Cheer up. I'm married to one and so are many of the women I know. Any guy that's not with the plan should be allowed to keep on truckin'.

 

[facets]

Well Ayeshia, you just said you know of two, right? Cheer up. I'm married to one and so are many of the women I know. Any guy that's not with the plan should be allowed to keep on truckin'.

True! Good point, UmS. So am I.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

oh god me three I bought it up to this guy that I was on a date wiht last week. He asked me about my career plans and I told him the plan. However I told him that if I have children I would like to stay home the first 2-3 years and he looked at me like I was an alien. "Man I dont know about all that yo"

Now lets fast forward this to 2 of the yt boys I have been seeing...they are all for it. In fact one cut me off in the middle of explaining why i thought it was important to add his two cents in as to why he wants his wife at home with his children....and boy was he serious about it.

I would think that a man has a feeling of pride to know that he is the breadwinner of his family and is their backbone, but I guess not these days

At the first bolded, I think you are dating my SO! He still isn't 100% about it. I think he only said that he was to make me shut-up.

As for the yt guys, I never dated any but I can see what you are saying as very true. Maybe it has to do with the fact that a lot of their moms were SAHM/W? It just seem as a whole (my opinions) that yt men respect their women more than young black men nowadays anyways. Not saying the choice of SAHM/Wing has anything to do with respect, but I hope you see the correlation.

I wonder why it is like that though.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

I really wonder too. I guess black men have been conditioned to see black women in a certain way (as a workhorse as well as wife and mother/mammy) because so many black women have to literally work themselves to death because:

1) The women that have raised them have had no man/support system to help them, so they work 5 jobs and take classes and raise kids, so that's what the children grow up thinking is normal

2) Even in a stable 2 parent/income household, mom and dad have to break their backs to make ends meet because it's so hard out there. So then again, kids grow up thinking both parties need to be on the grind regardless is one is pulling in a million or ten thousand.

3)They really think it's for white folks, b/c either so few black women stay home or the've internalized the media image.

I wanna stay home too, whether it's a SAHM or W.

 

[facets]

oh god me three I bought it up to this guy that I was on a date wiht last week. He asked me about my career plans and I told him the plan. However I told him that if I have children I would like to stay home the first 2-3 years and he looked at me like I was an alien. "Man I dont know about all that yo"

Now lets fast forward this to 2 of the yt boys I have been seeing...they are all for it. In fact one cut me off in the middle of explaining why i thought it was important to add his two cents in as to why he wants his wife at home with his children....and boy was he serious about it.

I would think that a man has a feeling of pride to know that he is the breadwinner of his family and is their backbone, but I guess not these days

You're nicer than i am, that would be a big NEXT!

If we can't stay home with our kids then forget about being 'kept'. Sheesh, What happened?!! I know ppl had problems back in the 'good old days' too but it's nice to have choices.

It seems like things have swung to another extreme.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I really wonder too. I guess black men have been conditioned to see black women in a certain way (as a workhorse as well as wife and mother/mammy) because so many black women have to literally work themselves to death because:

1) The women that have raised them have had no man/support system to help them, so they work 5 jobs and take classes and raise kids, so that's what the children grow up thinking is normal

2) Even in a stable 2 parent/income household, mom and dad have to break their backs to make ends meet because it's so hard out there. So then again, kids grow up thinking both parties need to be on the grind regardless is one is pulling in a million or ten thousand.

3)They really think it's for white folks, b/c either so few black women stay home or the've internalized the media image.

I wanna stay home too, whether it's a SAHM or W.

Ding ding ding! You got it!!

I will admit I used to think SAHW/Ming wasn't for black people. I grew up in a single mom house and my mom struggled. I grew up thinking it was 'right' for you to struggle. That everybody HAD to. It wasn't a choice, it was just a way of life to me. Stupid as that sounds, that's how I thought and I honestly think a lot of black men feel this way. I really do. Like if you "ain't on the grind" then it's not right.

Then people would try and make me feel bad about wanting to be a SAHM/W by saying stuff like "I am independent, and I would NEVER be dependent on no man." Yah, sure, given the opportunity that a man will take care of you, what woman wouldn't, so needless to say I disregard those statements. Most time it comes from women who 1. don't have a man or 2. don't have a man that is capable of taking care of them. I think it is an honor to stay at home and take care of your kids.

 

[facets]

I honestly agree. And as I have said in another thread to you, it didn't start with this generation. They are nothing but a reflection of the older generation (their parents) and where they failed. It started somewhere. It is very easy to place a blame on the younger generation. But the old generation need to wake up and realize that some of this is their faults too. Where were they while these kids were forming these low morals?

But I honeslty do feel you. I think by the time my kids have grand-kids that marriage and SAHM/Wing will be almost extinct. Nowadays men have no sense of fatherhood and don't even care about taking care of theirs. No one is instilling in them to be the man of the household.

Hopefully the pendulum will move more to the center. I think that *having* to do either(be at home or at work -"or else") w/out freedom of choice is problematic.

 

[facets]

Ding ding ding! You got it!!

I will admit I used to think SAHW/Ming wasn't for black people. I grew up in a single mom house and my mom struggled. I grew up thinking it was 'right' for you to struggle. That everybody HAD to. It wasn't a choice, it was just a way of life to me. Stupid as that sounds, that's how I thought and I honestly think a lot of black men feel this way. I really do. Like if you "ain't on the grind" then it's not right.

Then people would try and make me feel bad about wanting to be a SAHM/W by saying stuff like "I am independent, and I would NEVER be dependent on no man." Yah, sure, given the opportunity that a man will take care of you, what woman wouldn't, so needless to say I disregard those statements. Most time it comes from women who 1. don't have a man or 2. don't have a man that is capable of taking care of them. I think it is an honor to stay at home and take care of your kids.

Wow, this is one of my aunts to a T.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

Ding ding ding! You got it!!

I will admit I used to think SAHW/Ming wasn't for black people. I grew up in a single mom house and my mom struggled. I grew up thinking it was 'right' for you to struggle. That everybody HAD to. It wasn't a choice, it was just a way of life to me. Stupid as that sounds, that's how I thought and I honestly think a lot of black men feel this way. I really do. Like if you "ain't on the grind" then it's not right.

Then people would try and make me feel bad about wanting to be a SAHM/W by saying stuff like "I am independent, and I would NEVER be dependent on no man." Yah, sure, given the opportunity that a man will take care of you, what woman wouldn't, so needless to say I disregard those statements. Most time it comes from women who 1. don't have a man or 2. don't have a man that is capable of taking care of them. I think it is an honor to stay at home and take care of your kids.

Girl nothing you said was stupid. I just wrapped my mind around it about a year ago.

Gosh I hate it when folks try to make you feel bad/useless when you wanna stay home. Like taking care of the house, kids and HUSBAND is less important than breaking you neck to go to work for some white man? They can kiss my booty with that "I'm independent" crap.

 

[Ayeshia]

At the first bolded, I think you are dating my SO! He still isn't 100% about it. I think he only said that he was to make me shut-up.

As for the yt guys, I never dated any but I can see what you are saying as very true. Maybe it has to do with the fact that a lot of their moms were SAHM/W? It just seem as a whole (my opinions) that yt men respect their women more than young black men nowadays anyways. Not saying the choice of SAHM/Wing has anything to do with respect, but I hope you see the correlation.

I wonder why it is like that though.

Is his name Brandon? Naw but seriously every black guy so far has had some type of gripe with it, and it SUCKS. And you would think that of all people black men would break their necks and try to defy these negative stereotypes about them not providing for their family. Sh*t if I was a black man I would But alas most of these guys are young and their focus is so out of wack its pathetic.

As far as the yt guys, one of them said that his mom was a workaholic a growing up and he wished that she was around more. He said that there wasnt a need for her to really work because his dad is a chiropractor and has his own practice. So he would like for his wife to fulfill that role that he missed growing up, and if she doesnt want to be a SAHM than most likely he wont marry her Mind you this is a 22 year old guy Brandon...ummmm 28

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Is his name Brandon? Naw but seriously every black guy so far has had some type of gripe with it, and it SUCKS. And you would think that of all people black men would break their necks and try to defy these negative stereotypes about them not providing for their family. Sh*t if I was a black man I would But alas most of these guys are young and their focus is so out of wack its pathetic.

As far as the yt guys, one of them said that his mom was a workaholic a growing up and he wished that she was around more. He said that there wasnt a need for her to really work because his dad is a chiropractor and has his own practice. So he would like for his wife to fulfill that role that he missed growing up, and if she doesnt want to be a SAHM than most likely he wont marry her Mind you this is a 22 year old guy Brandon...ummmm 28

Damn....

I'm kind of sad for our daughters. I can only hope black men get they ish together.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

Damn....

I'm kind of sad for our daughters. I can only hope black men get they ish together.

Lord I hope so, I really REALLY hope so. Honestly.

 

[Mortons]

Take offense to the statement that women who say they dont want to be dependant on a man, have a man who cant take care of them. My father can more than take care of us and my mother, but she wanted to work anyway. She is doing what she was called to do, and not every woman is called to stay at home. I also have a teacher whose husband is a MILLIONAIRE, yet she refuses to stay home because 1. she has a lot of brainpower that she feels she should not waste (her words) and 2. She would go crazy sitting around the house all day. (again her words). Please dont discount women who go out and make an honest living as well.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

Take offense to the statement that women who say they dont want to be dependant on a man, have a man who cant take care of them. My father can more than take care of us and my mother, but she wanted to work anyway. She is doing what she was called to do, and not every woman is called to stay at home. I also have a teacher whose husband is a MILLIONAIRE, yet she refuses to stay home because 1. she has a lot of brainpower that she feels she should not waste (her words) and 2. She would go crazy sitting around the house all day. (again her words). Please dont discount women who go out and make an honest living as well.

No one is? Why are you looking for things to be offended about? We are specifically talking about our experiences, not trying to discount others. It is possible to do that.

I hope this thread isn't going to turn into the "who doesn't want kids until they're 30" and have folks blowing it up because of imagined offenses.

I'm sorry you're offended, but this is how I feel? I don't know what you want from us really-to not talk about how we feel and what we want for ourselves so that no one gets their feelings hurt?

My mom works because SHE wants to so that my Dad can stay home with my brother and sister 5 days a week. She's also taking classes too so she can get a raise and make it so my Dad can retire. Yay mommy! But I can say that that particular situation is not for me, alright?

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Take offense to the statement that women who say they dont want to be dependant on a man, have a man who cant take care of them. My father can more than take care of us and my mother, but she wanted to work anyway. She is doing what she was called to do, and not every woman is called to stay at home. I also have a teacher whose husband is a MILLIONAIRE, yet she refuses to stay home because 1. she has a lot of brainpower that she feels she should not waste (her words) and 2. She would go crazy sitting around the house all day. (again her words). Please dont discount women who go out and make an honest living as well.

I actually feel your post but the bolded makes me wonder. I always wonder about women who have no problem bringing kids into this world, yet they feel more of an obligation to other people than to their own children. How do I look laying on my back to have these kids just to throw them in daycare and put them off on someone else (of course this doesn't apply to women who have to work or who don't have it like that to SAH)? I guess the only way to not waste her brainpower is by teaching material over and over that she already knows...

But I feel your mom and your post about other women. I actually agree with you too.

 

[Ayeshia]

Take offense to the statement that women who say they dont want to be dependant on a man, have a man who cant take care of them. My father can more than take care of us and my mother, but she wanted to work anyway. She is doing what she was called to do, and not every woman is called to stay at home. I also have a teacher whose husband is a MILLIONAIRE, yet she refuses to stay home because 1. she has a lot of brainpower that she feels she should not waste (her words) and 2. She would go crazy sitting around the house all day. (again her words). Please dont discount women who go out and make an honest living as well.

no one was talking down about women who choose not to stay home...if thats the case half of us would be dogging our own mothers. I do not plan to be a SAHM for my entire time as a mother. When they go to school thats when I go back to work, but I may not ya never know. But you cant front, i think it is awesome to have the option of working or not working when your family dynamics and finances are on point. I want to work because I want to not because I have to.

 

[Mortons]

No one is? Why are you looking for things to be offended about? We are specifically talking about our experiences, not trying to discount others. It is possible to do that.

I hope this thread isn't going to turn into the "who doesn't want kids until they're 30" and have folks blowing it up because of imagined offenses.

I'm sorry you're offended, but this is how I feel? I don't know what you want from us really-to not talk about how we feel and what we want for ourselves so that no one gets their feelings hurt?

My mom works because SHE wants to so that my Dad can stay home with my brother and sister 5 days a week. She's also taking classes too so she can get a raise and make it so my Dad can retire. Yay mommy! But I can say that that particular situation is not for me, alright?

I love you so I'll be nice I was just letting it be known that people should not discount women who want to work, even though they do not have to. Its cool for it to be your opinion, it wont cause me to loose sleep at night. I just disagree.