Are religious beliefs a "Deal Breaker" for you?

[PopLife]

Would you still date someone who doesn't have the same religious beliefs as you but you guys are compatible in pretty much every other area? Does belonging to different denominations (Baptist, Mormon, Catholic, etc...) make a difference to you as well? Please share your thoughts and experiences...

 

[Bunny77]

Would you still date someone who doesn't have the same religious beliefs as you but you guys are compatible in pretty much every other area? Does belonging to different denominations (Baptist, Mormon, Catholic, etc...) make a difference to you as well? Please share your thoughts and experiences...

I would not date an atheist or agnostic. I have no issue with atheists or agnostics, but I just don't think we'd click romantically.

As for denominations, that really doesn't make a difference. I'd also consider someone from another Abrahamic faith as well.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Would you still date someone who doesn't have the same religious beliefs as you but you guys are compatible in pretty much every other area? Does belonging to different denominations (Baptist, Mormon, Catholic, etc...) make a difference to you as well? Please share your thoughts and experiences...

As long as the faith isn't contradictory to my own faith then I can hang. So, for instance, Dutch Chocolate is Jewish. I never thought I would date a Jewish man. But, given that Judaism is the root of Christianity AND that he doesn't think I'm a wackjob for believing in Jesus Christ, I'm cool with it.

(This is huge for me. I never would've said this even a couple of years ago.)

Amazingly, I don't think I could be with a Catholic or Mormon since their brands of Christianity are so different from my own Protestant beliefs.

 

[Makenzie]

Definite deal breaker.

 

[PopLife]

I would not date an atheist or agnostic. I have no issue with atheists or agnostics, but I just don't think we'd click romantically.

As for denominations, that really doesn't make a difference. I'd also consider someone from another Abrahamic faith as well.

As long as the faith isn't contradictory to my own faith then I can hang. So, for instance, Dutch Chocolate is Jewish. I never thought I would date a Jewish man. But, given that Judaism is the root of Christianity AND that he doesn't think I'm a wackjob for believing in Jesus Christ, I'm cool with it.

(This is huge for me. I never would've said this even a couple of years ago.)

Amazingly, I don't think I could be with a Catholic or Mormon since their brands of Christianity are so different from my own Protestant beliefs.

I see...so what if he was of a "New Age" faith that encompasses/embraces all religious beliefs... a belief in God or "higher being"?

 

[MizAvalon]

Yes, they can be. Anyone who is extremely religious would never be a good match for me.

 

[BGT]

If it's someone I'm hoping to get serious with (marry) then yes. I want to be with a man who shares the same beliefs as I do. If it's just someone I'm talking to, then no. I was talking for a while to a guy who is an atheist and I'm Christian. We agree to disagree. We respect each other's opinion and don't try to change the other person's mind.

 

[Duchesse]

I agree with Bunny, no atheists or agnostics for me at all. Tried that before...I'm not down with the mocking of any religions period...and that's been my experience with these persons. I'm nondenom Christian, and would prefer someone with similar beliefs.

 

[cheetarah1980]

If your faith directs the way you live your life then it should definitely be a deal breaker. It is for me. I'm a non-denominational Christian. I would not seriously date a man who is not a believing (and practicing) Christian (denomination doesn't matter) or Jew.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

We MUST agree on basic biblical principles (i.e. The Gospel). If not, no go.

 

[DayStar]

I tell myself it wouldnt, but religious beliefs hindered my dating life for awhile. I am currently with someone of my own faith and I am the happiest.

 

[Bunny77]

I see...so what if he was of a "New Age" faith that encompasses/embraces all religious beliefs... a belief in God or "higher being"?

Uh oh, you done started something...

Actually, I dated a man who grew up Catholic, but considered himself a non-denominational Christian with an appreciation of "New Age" beliefs. Okay, fine... BUT, at least with the type of "New Age" beliefs he had, we were extremely incompatible.

It really had nothing to do with a religious clash, but I realized through him that I couldn't get down with men who didn't believe in personal responsibility, a basic sense of accountability and hard work. I guess those tenets usually go hand-in-hand with Protestantism... but many "New Age" groups seem to have a flimsy foundation that emphasizes focusing on one's "feelings."

The problem is, one's feelings could change day by day, and they also fail to take into account one's commitment to someone else or to one's union. I realized that this man could one day decide that he had "evolved" to no longer feel fulfilled in his relationship with me, and therefore was going to walk out and walk away from whatever responsibility he had to me and our children.

I find that many New Age religions cultivate a sense of narcissism and selfishness, or attract people who already have a strong degree of such traits. This is NOT true of everyone and this is just MY opinion, but my experiences have led me to feel this way.

So, long story short... no, I wouldn't entertain a relationship with someone who had New Age beliefs.

 

[zenith]

It sure is.

One of the reasons why my last relationship ended.

I need to be with someone who helps me grow spiritually and he wasn't doing it.
I did try numerous times to get him to do bible study, going to church, prayer time with me but you could tell he was just doing it because i asked and not because he wanted to.

After a while, he became a turn off.

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

Can't do it....I don't think we would/could understand each other. Also there would be an issue with trying to raise kids.

If I marry, he will have to be a Christian.

I once knew a guy who was marrying a girl, she was a Christian, he was an atheist....a very staunch one I made add.

I asked him how he and his FW were going to deal with that. He said " I'll just go to church and lie....she wants the kids to be raised in church, so I'll fake it...until science catches up and proves that all this religion stuff is just crap!!"

I am a Christian, I do pray that eventually he comes to Christ, but I would hate for anyone to feel like they have to suffer in silence like that.

It would be like a ticking time bomb. I think with anything...you need to be compatible...not necessarily 100%, but compatible on most issues, if you're gonna marry.

I can't imagine marrying someone who has such disdain for something I cherish and love so much.

 

[Enyo]

Of course (shock, shock). I can't deal with most things that aren't based on reason and logic. I've met some people that are very spiritual, and that's cool. But overall, dogma/religion of any kind being an influence on my mate or our relationship is a no-no.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Can't do it....I don't think we would/could understand each other. Also there would be an issue with trying to raise kids.

If I marry, he will have to be a Christian.

I once knew a guy who was marrying a girl, she was a Christian, he was an atheist....a very staunch one I made add.

I asked him how he and his FW were going to deal with that. He said " I'll just go to church and lie....she wants the kids to be raised in church, so I'll fake it...until science catches up and proves that all this religion stuff is just crap!!"
I am a Christian, I do pray that eventually he comes to Christ, but I would hate for anyone to feel like they have to suffer in silence like that.

It would be like a ticking time bomb. I think with anything...you need to be compatible...not necessarily 100%, but compatible on most issues, if you're gonna marry.

I can't imagine marrying someone who has such disdain for something I cherish and love so much.

@ the bolded. That is horrible. Why would he go so far as to deceive his FW and kids?

OP- Absolute deal breaker. I was married to someone not interested in Christ and it lead to a whole dimension of my life that I couldn't share with him. It was very frustrating.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I will not date anyone not of the same faith. Period.

 

[weaveadiva]

I agree with Bunny, no atheists or agnostics for me at all. Tried that before...I'm not down with the mocking of any religions period...and that's been my experience with these persons.

i'm sorry to hear you had that experience

not all atheists/agnostics mock religions. it doesn't mean they can't respect them, they simply don't subscribe to them

 

[Enyo]

not all atheists/agnostics mock religions. it doesn't mean they can't respect them, they simply don't subscribe to them

That's true, but many of us do. I know it's wrong, but some things do look ludicrous when you're an outsider looking in. I sometimes make fun of the things I used to do and wonder how in the world I rationalized it. I can tolerate cultural/liturgical religious activities, meaning you don't get deep into dogma or scripture, etc. A few weekly services, a bris, an Eid party, Bat/Bar Mitzvah, a confirmation - I'm cool with all that. In some cases, I may even enjoy myself! But I can't tolerate people trying to bring mythology into things where it just doesn't belong.

When I'm dealing with Christians it's the worst for me because Biblical/Christian history and literature is compulsory in my major (about 5 classes alone that involve just those things) so I actually have more knowledge than people realize. But mine is more academic while theirs...isn't. For me it's just interesting stuff I learned in school, but for them it's attached to serious emotions. I just don't like being around people that I can't speak freely to. School and education is my life, and it's hard not to be able to share what I'm learning with people that I'm around a lot/close to.

 

[kmn1980]

i'm sorry to hear you had that experience

not all atheists/agnostics mock religions. it doesn't mean they can't respect them, they simply don't subscribe to them

True dat...

I'll take it anotha' futha'...

More often than not, the people who claim to subscribe to said religions mock that religion themselves by not being faithful to its tenets.

I'm jus' sayin'....

 

[Enyo]

True dat...

I'll take it anotha' futha'...

More often than not, the people who claim to subscribe to said religions mock that religion themselves by not being faithful to its tenets.

I'm jus' sayin'....

Hmm, interesting viewpoint.

I believe people are mocking their faith when they are heavily devoted to it and don't study it with any depth. If I had a nickle for every time I've taught I've "educated" a theist on something.

*steps to the side*

 

[Theo]

My current boo isn't a Christian and I am. He believes in God, but not in Christ and doesn't practice any religion. His father is agnostic, and his mother is a Christian. I'm a Christian and PK, and so.... yeah.

I'm a little bit conflicted as far as what to do. Honestly he's the best guy I've ever dated. We click. My parents are a lot more understanding about it than I ever thought they would be, so no pressure there. I just don't think I could get married to him, because I want to raise my children as Christians, and I want them to benefit from having a Christian father leading the home the way that I did.

Sigh.

 

[HoneyA]

I will no longer be dating anyone who is affiliated with any religion and acts like they are holding onto some secret they want to share or anyone who is fanatic about any belief system in any way shape or form. So yeah, deal breaker...

 

[anon123]

Yes, they can be. Anyone who is extremely religious would never be a good match for me.

Same here. I am not religious. I could date a person who had some supernatural beliefs, but not a hard-core practicing religious person. I especially wouldn't want that kind of strong indoctrination of any children I might have.

 

[ambergirl]

I can't hang with superior, dogmatic, holier then thou behavior from anybody and I find that in atheists, Christians, Muslims, New Agers, Buddhists, Jews,....everybody....to me it's more a personality trait then the religion as there are plenty of people with all of these religiouis beliefs (or non beliefs) who are cool.

My personal preference is for non-religious but humanistic/spiritual types who believe in the possibility of something greater then mankind....not necessarily a deity or God though.

 

[Glib Gurl]

I once knew a guy who was marrying a girl, she was a Christian, he was an atheist....a very staunch one I made add.

I asked him how he and his FW were going to deal with that. He said " I'll just go to church and lie....she wants the kids to be raised in church, so I'll fake it...until science catches up and proves that all this religion stuff is just crap!!"

One of my old bosses was in that situation. She got married back in the 70s and thought that here DH had converted to Catholicism (because he went through the process, they got married in the church, etc.) Well, the day after the wedding he says to her, "I'm an athiest. I'm never setting foot in a church again." Also, in spite of the fact that she told him when they got engaged that she wanted three children, he decided to get a vasectomy . . . without telling her

Do you know they stayed married for 20 years!??!?! Thankfully she got out, got remarried and is now enjoying life as a "grandmother" (her new husband has grown children).

These are white folks, btw

 

[Glib Gurl]

I will not date anyone not of the same faith. Period.

Not to be funny, but I'm wondering if/how this has limited your dating life? (This is not just directed at you JNSQ, but everyone who feels similarly.)

I can't hang with superior, dogmatic, holier then thou behavior from anybody and I find that in atheists, Christians, Muslims, New Agers, Buddhists, Jews,....everybody....to me it's more a personality trait then the religion as there are plenty of people with all of these religiouis beliefs (or non beliefs) who are cool.

@ the bold. These same folks would act the same way about their political parties, social clubs, etc. They just happen to chose religion as the thing to be judgmental about . . .

 

[JustKiya]

Differing faiths aren't a deal breaker for me, at all. I'm not down with religious indoctrination of children, so being married to someone of a different faith just makes that easier, as they will automatically be exposed to more than one religion.

 

[Enyo]

Same here. I am not religious. I could date a person who had some supernatural beliefs, but not a hard-core practicing religious person. I especially wouldn't want that kind of strong indoctrination of any children I might have.

I never thought about indoctrination of children. Yipes! I don't want kids, but I agree that would be a problem for me. How are you gonna tell my kids I'm going to hell?

 

[PopLife]

So for the people who said that it's a deal breaker for them, do you require your mate to be on the same spiritual level as you? Meaning have as much knowledge about your faith as you or practice it to the same degree (i.e., church attendance, prayer life, volunteering/serving on boards, etc..)?

I'm really on the fence with this issue...maybe because of my experiences with dealing with people "supposedly" of the same faith as me in the past.